The sight of her curvaceous bod, The sight of her curvaceous bod For boys like to frolic, have fun, The spirit that's blithe when it rains Ignoring this insult most hollow With jism descending like rain, I declare that my sperm are all numbered, An impotent person of Pekin A lady went out with young Bert A swivel-hipped babe said, "I've found There was a young lad who, in truth, I knew a man named Kim Doyle; A fellow of endless virility, In a place that was high up remote, There was a young man from Hallowing, Yeah, yore right about eatin' soul food; There once was a chef, Mr Ross, There was a young girl whose acoustical That nympho, my neighbor's wife Gail, Some girls are resistant to frolics, Near 20%, I would guess, But that still leaves 80%. Depends what lurks in one's jocks; A guy known as Roger the Dodger, A fearless young spermatozoa, The much maligned wet spot is meant Though other positions are sweet, Then drift into glorious deep, In researching miscegenation, I agree of the causal connection On the Brown Line before Charing Cross, There was a young man of Cape Town So moral and righteous was Field,
This is file dfm
John Miller, according to most, A drip who delights in low vices Every year I attend a square dance, There was a young couple named Chisholm The furbearing hold of Suzanne A Scotsman once made self-abuse Said a thoughtful young fellow from Vale, There was a young lady tres chic There once lived a man named McCourt; A lovely young Jew, name of Donna, Dispensing his "dew" by the door, Screamed the sizzling siren of Keeling, A Washington page boy named Bennet A madam who ran a bordello, Young Joe has a problem or two; An unhappy young musical fellow If the seed of Man, gushing unchecked, On top of the whore, poor blind Pelly, There once was a man named Sir Rick There once was a fellow from Wheeling A cold women's libber named Alice There once was a young man from Seattle, A strange young chap from Calcutta "You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor, A fat poxy whore from New Dehli Once a man that was named Jarrett Scott, There was a young pansy named Scraggs I saved semen in a jar, which my girl hated, A pubescent young man of Spokane Pity the spermatozoa! Said a teacher-researcher named Blount, There once was a man from Belgravia, A hillbilly from West Virginia, A surly and pessimist Druid,
Brought stirrings deep in my hot rod.
Turning purplish in hue
It then started to spew,
White juice from my testicle pod.
--- Anon
Stirred not Gearhard's poor flaccid rod.
A deep bluish hue,
His balls screamed, "For you
To come, Jon, requires acts of God!"
--- Anon
Blithe spirits in rain as in sun.
But when down comes the rain,
The rsponse is the same--
It's "Anoraks on!" and "Aw, Mum!"
--- Jon Pendrous
Down spunk causing silk bedsheet stains,
Belongs to the gal
Whose carnal canal
Brings girth to that shaft of blue veins.
--- RanDog
That in wanking al fresco, I'd wallow,
Is the reason she's glad
When a spunk shower she's had,
'Cause she know then she won't have to swallow?
--- Jon Pendrous
She wished to avoid a bad stain.
Out popped her umbrella
And she said, "Big fella,
I'm not Liza's damn Spanish plain."
--- RanDog
Up to X to the power of ten hundred.
If I gave them all names,
It would spoil all their games;
They prefer to come out unencumbered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Discovered his ballocks were leakin',
Which reduced the amount
Of his seminal count,
From millions to hardly worth speakin'.
--- Hugh Oliver A045AA
But he couldn't get under her skirt.
He said, "Do you fear
A prick? She said, "Dear,
It isn't the prick -- it's the squirt!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0044
Willie has the best love pole around...
But a lay with him? Frightful!
When you count on a night full,
His wad is all shot in one round!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 121
Was a most seminiferous youth.
When he went out with whores,
Spunk would ooze from his pores,
Leaving odors that needed no sleuth.
--- G2221
He knew about seeds, plants and soil.
He wanted to plant
Seeds in my pants;
That's not gardening according to Hoyle!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
If given the proper facility,
Can beget more damn brats
Than a cat house has cats...
A questionable sort of ability.
--- Grand Prix Lim 240 A
Spermatozoa were cast out afloat.
Climaxed from a hummer,
The spunk of a cummer,
Slip slide, dribble down in the throat.
--- Goin2later
Whose tool kept on growing and growing.
He said, "Oh my dear,
The reason is clear.
It's all of the seed I've been sowing."
--- Anon
An' I shore ain't a'tryin' to be crude,
But when she does bend,
Don't go near dat end,
'Cause sumthin's sure goin' ta be spewed!
--- Anon
Screwed liver when he wanted to "toss."
It was served to a guest,
Who ate it with zest,
And said the best part was the sauce.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Acuity matched her statistical
Ingenuity: from
The faint squish of come
She could tell the sperm-count of a testicle.
--- G2669
Is forever at me for tail.
Half the kids that girl's had
Should be calling me dad--
Those sperm that I shoot never fail.
--- G1662
And care not a jot for hydraulics,
In which case a tissue
Can soak up the issue,
Relieving the ache in one's bollocks.
--- Peter Wilkins
Like those who to Lesbos profess;
A few who are married
Or otherwise harried,
And those who object to the mess.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who voice no distress or dissent,
And eagerly frolic
With both one's hydraulic
And sensitive parts until spent.
--- Peter Wilkins
For those which need padding with socks,
A singular tissue
Absorbs the whole issue,
While others, like me, need a box.
--- Peter Wilkins
A handyman cowboy and bodger,
Goes plastering walls
With the goo from his balls,
Which he spreads with the end of his todger.
--- Anon
Remarked to an ovum, "Helloa!
We'd make a cute foetus,
But I fear she'd mistreat us,
By the smell of the place, she's a whoah.
--- L0984
To be, so please, ladies down't vent
And cause lots of strife;
It's just part of life.
With his piece a man's incontinent.
--- Archie
The "Missionary" cannot be beat;
For after the boff,
One can always roll off,
And avoid all the mess on the sheet.
--- Peter Wilkins
Contented and satisfied sleep;
And not care a fig
If one snores like a pig,
Or the duvet is piled in a heap.
--- Peter Wilkins
This black girl made this observation,
"When off goes the light,
There's no black or white,
Excepting your ejaculation."
--- Irving Superior P8911a
That started with someone's erection.
(At least in most cases,
Now sperm comes in cases,
For women to make their selection).
--- Anon
A trollop my knob did accost.
My cum she did guide
Over her blouse. When espied,
"Hail Britannica" now was embossed!
--- Randog
Who acquired European renown
By sucking his come
From his bugger-boy's bum,
Swallowing it, and keeping it down!
--- G0942
To temptation he never would yield.
Sometime later in life
He procured him a wife,
But he found that his sperm had congealed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2044
Is pale, 'bout the shade of a ghost;
He sits in his kitchen
Just jerkin' and twitchin'
And trying to squirt cream on his toast.
--- Travis Brasell
Spent a hectic weekend with the Rices.
In a state of elation
He performed masturbation,
And dribbled his sperm on the ices.
--- G1516
Women lust for us guys in tight pants;
So when it's all over,
We screw in the clover;
Last Friday I drowned fifty ants.
--- Mark Levy P9611a
Whose wedded life ended in schism.
When she pulled on her glove,
She found that her love
Had playfully filled it with gism.
--- G2293
Has been poked at by many a man.
But the wads of hot semen
Shot in her by he-men
Are one and all flushed down the can.
--- G1659a
Pay off by collecting the juice,
And selling the slop
To a bakery shop
As filling for 'charlotte russe'.
--- G2202
"I'm saving my sperm in a pail.
When cloning gets banned,
I'll get the stuff canned,
And put it up promptly for sale."
--- Barry Becker
Who kept her hair shining and sleek
By rubbing it nightly
With stuff that she lightly
Jacked off from her beau of the week.
--- G2102
Jacking off was his favorite sport.
Right up his nose
He'd insert his own hose;
It was his own semen he'd snort.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Felt a bout of fatigue come upon her.
So she lay on the floor
By the synagogue door,
And woke up with a heavy dew on her!
--- oOOo
Menachem looked down at the floor,
And saw that his wanking
Was hooking and shanking
And covering Donna with spoor.
--- Randog
"It's your fault, the way I am feeling!
Can you blame me for bitching
With my twat fairly twitching,
And you shooting at flies on the ceiling?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 708
Began pounding his pecker and when it
Started to cream,
He deflected the stream,
And creamed every man in the senate.
--- Michael Weinstein P8502
Put cum in her pineapple jello,
For the rich sexy taste,
And not wanting to waste,
That greasy kid stuff from a fellow.
--- G1489
He ejaculates jizm like glue.
It sets hard as cement
So no girls will consent
To his pleas for a suck or a screw.
--- Anon
Complained as he fiddled his cello
That its rumbling vibration
Impaired copulation,
For what he comes now, is lime Jello.
--- G2009
All managed to live, and connect,
We'd be clear up to here
In new brats every year...
Praise Allah they don't take effect!
--- Grand Prix Lim 34
Begins to eject all his jelly;
Says she, "Try it lower
And just a bit slower --
You spilling your come on my belly.
--- Armand E Singer 503
Who could perform an amazing trick.
He'd paint on the walls
By holding his balls,
And pointing the end of his dick.
--- Jennifer W T9801
Who fondled his cock with great feeling.
On the knob of his cock
Came a fly for a walk,
And he plastered the fly on the ceiling.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0640
Kept hubby's spent sperm in a chalice --
Not just for effect,
Much less through respect:
She'd spit in it, out of pure malice.
--- Armand E Singer 556
Who disposed of semen in a kettle.
When his mum came at three,
And made herself tea,
She said, "Darling, you've tested my mettle!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Played with himself in the gutter.
A lady passing by
Got spunk in her eye
And thought is was Reece's best butter.
--- Phil Johnstone
"Go down on my dick even faster!"
Along came a nun
To spoil all the fun,
And his wad of come flew right past her.
--- Jersey City
Was really incredibly smelly.
The reason was clear,
Her men used to smear
The come from their tools on her belly.
--- Anon
Replaced his old dick with a twat.
But when he changed his mind,
He's downhearted to find
Instead of semen, he shot snot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who jacked off into waterproof bags.
He made lots of money
By calling it honey,
And selling in retail to fags.
--- Anon
It now has curdled and separated.
Looks like fat on the top,
And the rest is just slop,
Which smells like it has stagnated.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When nocturnal emissions began,
Being ever so clean
(Though he thought it obscene)
Would just swallow his pride like a man.
--- Keith MacMillan A121B
His life leads him lower and lower.
With fear in his belly,
He swims through the jelly,
But seldom increases the score.
--- L0983
"There's a problem I have to surmount;
It's not to count sperm,
Oh no, I affirm,
It's to teach the young sperm how to count."
--- Armand E Singer 701a
Found guilty of indecent behavior.
He would grab little girls
And rub spunk in their curls,
Insisting that "Spunk makes 'em wavier!"
--- G2338a
Said he'd rather splash on ya' than in 'ya!
With his semen acidic,
Claimed one angry critic,
It felt like his liquid would skin 'ya!
--- DButt
A defeatist, if only he knew it,
Said, "The world's on the skids,
And I think having kids,
Is a waste of good seminal fluid."
--- L1410