The sight of her curvaceous bod,
Brought stirrings deep in my hot rod.
Turning purplish in hue
It then started to spew,
White juice from my testicle pod.
--- Anon

The sight of her curvaceous bod
Stirred not Gearhard's poor flaccid rod.
A deep bluish hue,
His balls screamed, "For you
To come, Jon, requires acts of God!"
--- Anon

For boys like to frolic, have fun,
Blithe spirits in rain as in sun.
But when down comes the rain,
The rsponse is the same--
It's "Anoraks on!" and "Aw, Mum!"
--- Jon Pendrous

The spirit that's blithe when it rains
Down spunk causing silk bedsheet stains,
Belongs to the gal
Whose carnal canal
Brings girth to that shaft of blue veins.
--- RanDog

Ignoring this insult most hollow
That in wanking al fresco, I'd wallow,
Is the reason she's glad
When a spunk shower she's had,
'Cause she know then she won't have to swallow?
--- Jon Pendrous

With jism descending like rain,
She wished to avoid a bad stain.
Out popped her umbrella
And she said, "Big fella,
I'm not Liza's damn Spanish plain."
--- RanDog

I declare that my sperm are all numbered,
Up to X to the power of ten hundred.
If I gave them all names,
It would spoil all their games;
They prefer to come out unencumbered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An impotent person of Pekin
Discovered his ballocks were leakin',
Which reduced the amount
Of his seminal count,
From millions to hardly worth speakin'.
--- Hugh Oliver A045AA

A lady went out with young Bert
But he couldn't get under her skirt.
He said, "Do you fear
A prick? She said, "Dear,
It isn't the prick -- it's the squirt!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0044

A swivel-hipped babe said, "I've found
Willie has the best love pole around...
But a lay with him? Frightful!
When you count on a night full,
His wad is all shot in one round!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 121

There was a young lad who, in truth,
Was a most seminiferous youth.
When he went out with whores,
Spunk would ooze from his pores,
Leaving odors that needed no sleuth.
--- G2221

I knew a man named Kim Doyle;
He knew about seeds, plants and soil.
He wanted to plant
Seeds in my pants;
That's not gardening according to Hoyle!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

A fellow of endless virility,
If given the proper facility,
Can beget more damn brats
Than a cat house has cats...
A questionable sort of ability.
--- Grand Prix Lim 240 A

In a place that was high up remote,
Spermatozoa were cast out afloat.
Climaxed from a hummer,
The spunk of a cummer,
Slip slide, dribble down in the throat.
--- Goin2later

There was a young man from Hallowing,
Whose tool kept on growing and growing.
He said, "Oh my dear,
The reason is clear.
It's all of the seed I've been sowing."
--- Anon

Yeah, yore right about eatin' soul food;
An' I shore ain't a'tryin' to be crude,
But when she does bend,
Don't go near dat end,
'Cause sumthin's sure goin' ta be spewed!
--- Anon

There once was a chef, Mr Ross,
Screwed liver when he wanted to "toss."
It was served to a guest,
Who ate it with zest,
And said the best part was the sauce.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

There was a young girl whose acoustical
Acuity matched her statistical
Ingenuity: from
The faint squish of come
She could tell the sperm-count of a testicle.
--- G2669

That nympho, my neighbor's wife Gail,
Is forever at me for tail.
Half the kids that girl's had
Should be calling me dad--
Those sperm that I shoot never fail.
--- G1662

Some girls are resistant to frolics,
And care not a jot for hydraulics,
In which case a tissue
Can soak up the issue,
Relieving the ache in one's bollocks.
--- Peter Wilkins

Near 20%, I would guess,
Like those who to Lesbos profess;
A few who are married
Or otherwise harried,
And those who object to the mess.
--- Peter Wilkins

But that still leaves 80%.
Who voice no distress or dissent,
And eagerly frolic
With both one's hydraulic
And sensitive parts until spent.
--- Peter Wilkins

Depends what lurks in one's jocks;
For those which need padding with socks,
A singular tissue
Absorbs the whole issue,
While others, like me, need a box.
--- Peter Wilkins

A guy known as Roger the Dodger,
A handyman cowboy and bodger,
Goes plastering walls
With the goo from his balls,
Which he spreads with the end of his todger.
--- Anon

A fearless young spermatozoa,
Remarked to an ovum, "Helloa!
We'd make a cute foetus,
But I fear she'd mistreat us,
By the smell of the place, she's a whoah.
--- L0984

The much maligned wet spot is meant
To be, so please, ladies down't vent
And cause lots of strife;
It's just part of life.
With his piece a man's incontinent.
--- Archie

Though other positions are sweet,
The "Missionary" cannot be beat;
For after the boff,
One can always roll off,
And avoid all the mess on the sheet.
--- Peter Wilkins

Then drift into glorious deep,
Contented and satisfied sleep;
And not care a fig
If one snores like a pig,
Or the duvet is piled in a heap.
--- Peter Wilkins

In researching miscegenation,
This black girl made this observation,
"When off goes the light,
There's no black or white,
Excepting your ejaculation."
--- Irving Superior P8911a

I agree of the causal connection
That started with someone's erection.
(At least in most cases,
Now sperm comes in cases,
For women to make their selection).
--- Anon

On the Brown Line before Charing Cross,
A trollop my knob did accost.
My cum she did guide
Over her blouse. When espied,
"Hail Britannica" now was embossed!
--- Randog

There was a young man of Cape Town
Who acquired European renown
By sucking his come
From his bugger-boy's bum,
Swallowing it, and keeping it down!
--- G0942

So moral and righteous was Field,
To temptation he never would yield.
Sometime later in life
He procured him a wife,
But he found that his sperm had congealed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2044

This is file dfm

John Miller, according to most,
Is pale, 'bout the shade of a ghost;
He sits in his kitchen
Just jerkin' and twitchin'
And trying to squirt cream on his toast.
--- Travis Brasell

A drip who delights in low vices
Spent a hectic weekend with the Rices.
In a state of elation
He performed masturbation,
And dribbled his sperm on the ices.
--- G1516

Every year I attend a square dance,
Women lust for us guys in tight pants;
So when it's all over,
We screw in the clover;
Last Friday I drowned fifty ants.
--- Mark Levy P9611a

There was a young couple named Chisholm
Whose wedded life ended in schism.
When she pulled on her glove,
She found that her love
Had playfully filled it with gism.
--- G2293

The furbearing hold of Suzanne
Has been poked at by many a man.
But the wads of hot semen
Shot in her by he-men
Are one and all flushed down the can.
--- G1659a

A Scotsman once made self-abuse
Pay off by collecting the juice,
And selling the slop
To a bakery shop
As filling for 'charlotte russe'.
--- G2202

Said a thoughtful young fellow from Vale,
"I'm saving my sperm in a pail.
When cloning gets banned,
I'll get the stuff canned,
And put it up promptly for sale."
--- Barry Becker

There was a young lady tres chic
Who kept her hair shining and sleek
By rubbing it nightly
With stuff that she lightly
Jacked off from her beau of the week.
--- G2102

There once lived a man named McCourt;
Jacking off was his favorite sport.
Right up his nose
He'd insert his own hose;
It was his own semen he'd snort.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A lovely young Jew, name of Donna,
Felt a bout of fatigue come upon her.
So she lay on the floor
By the synagogue door,
And woke up with a heavy dew on her!
--- oOOo

Dispensing his "dew" by the door,
Menachem looked down at the floor,
And saw that his wanking
Was hooking and shanking
And covering Donna with spoor.
--- Randog

Screamed the sizzling siren of Keeling,
"It's your fault, the way I am feeling!
Can you blame me for bitching
With my twat fairly twitching,
And you shooting at flies on the ceiling?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 708

A Washington page boy named Bennet
Began pounding his pecker and when it
Started to cream,
He deflected the stream,
And creamed every man in the senate.
--- Michael Weinstein P8502

A madam who ran a bordello,
Put cum in her pineapple jello,
For the rich sexy taste,
And not wanting to waste,
That greasy kid stuff from a fellow.
--- G1489

Young Joe has a problem or two;
He ejaculates jizm like glue.
It sets hard as cement
So no girls will consent
To his pleas for a suck or a screw.
--- Anon

An unhappy young musical fellow
Complained as he fiddled his cello
That its rumbling vibration
Impaired copulation,
For what he comes now, is lime Jello.
--- G2009

If the seed of Man, gushing unchecked,
All managed to live, and connect,
We'd be clear up to here
In new brats every year...
Praise Allah they don't take effect!
--- Grand Prix Lim 34

On top of the whore, poor blind Pelly,
Begins to eject all his jelly;
Says she, "Try it lower
And just a bit slower --
You spilling your come on my belly.
--- Armand E Singer 503

There once was a man named Sir Rick
Who could perform an amazing trick.
He'd paint on the walls
By holding his balls,
And pointing the end of his dick.
--- Jennifer W T9801

There once was a fellow from Wheeling
Who fondled his cock with great feeling.
On the knob of his cock
Came a fly for a walk,
And he plastered the fly on the ceiling.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0640

A cold women's libber named Alice
Kept hubby's spent sperm in a chalice --
Not just for effect,
Much less through respect:
She'd spit in it, out of pure malice.
--- Armand E Singer 556

There once was a young man from Seattle,
Who disposed of semen in a kettle.
When his mum came at three,
And made herself tea,
She said, "Darling, you've tested my mettle!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A strange young chap from Calcutta
Played with himself in the gutter.
A lady passing by
Got spunk in her eye
And thought is was Reece's best butter.
--- Phil Johnstone

"You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor,
"Go down on my dick even faster!"
Along came a nun
To spoil all the fun,
And his wad of come flew right past her.
--- Jersey City

A fat poxy whore from New Dehli
Was really incredibly smelly.
The reason was clear,
Her men used to smear
The come from their tools on her belly.
--- Anon

Once a man that was named Jarrett Scott,
Replaced his old dick with a twat.
But when he changed his mind,
He's downhearted to find
Instead of semen, he shot snot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young pansy named Scraggs
Who jacked off into waterproof bags.
He made lots of money
By calling it honey,
And selling in retail to fags.
--- Anon

I saved semen in a jar, which my girl hated,
It now has curdled and separated.
Looks like fat on the top,
And the rest is just slop,
Which smells like it has stagnated.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A pubescent young man of Spokane
When nocturnal emissions began,
Being ever so clean
(Though he thought it obscene)
Would just swallow his pride like a man.
--- Keith MacMillan A121B

Pity the spermatozoa!
His life leads him lower and lower.
With fear in his belly,
He swims through the jelly,
But seldom increases the score.
--- L0983

Said a teacher-researcher named Blount,
"There's a problem I have to surmount;
It's not to count sperm,
Oh no, I affirm,
It's to teach the young sperm how to count."
--- Armand E Singer 701a

There once was a man from Belgravia,
Found guilty of indecent behavior.
He would grab little girls
And rub spunk in their curls,
Insisting that "Spunk makes 'em wavier!"
--- G2338a

A hillbilly from West Virginia,
Said he'd rather splash on ya' than in 'ya!
With his semen acidic,
Claimed one angry critic,
It felt like his liquid would skin 'ya!
--- DButt

A surly and pessimist Druid,
A defeatist, if only he knew it,
Said, "The world's on the skids,
And I think having kids,
Is a waste of good seminal fluid."
--- L1410