A cuisinier known as Pierre, A bachelor named Fibber McGee A sperm donor noted, "The gist While cuddled up under a blanket A member of Mensa, indeed, The husband, unzipping his fly, To join Mensa's Sperm Bank sound fine. It wasn't a great big deal, was it, There once was a man known as Frank At the sperm bank, turnout was light, I have no sperm I can donate, I fear; So there I was in the sperm bank, As long as you've lost your deposit, The sperm bank says you're overdrawn. An entrepreneurial Yank At the sperm bank, a lady named Gore When a lady asked old Doc McMozzit Remarked a young fellow named Frankis, An ascetic parochial graduate The chick was impressed by my yacht, There once was a man from Darjeeling, Judy cuddled my hot chimichanga Disposable condoms? Not me! At parties, a man so deranged, Deranged men oft sense an emergency My parties are boring and lame, Look at that blonde over there! Tom was a man of the night, A man, with a whore quite appealing, There once was a fellow named Chad My pants are so tight that they grips; A sturdy young man from Penzance "Oh don't," said Amanda, "befuddle.
This is file dem
Dear Dudesdead, I'm knowing this feeling; I started in bed as romancing A fellow named George from West Wheeling He was rapt as she slowly undressed A man like an ancient Greek god Theree was a young man who goaded A bargaining fellow named Sid While screwing a friendly young sister, Brother Cubby 'twas I whom you missed. That girl'd be quite wrong to kvetch Did you ever read "Portnoy's Complaint"? Last evening while watching the Telly, Katie fondled my hard rutabaga, Two sisters I court in east Mummox Oh Deb, as you posingly stand, A young Juliet of St. Louis Thighs parted, her pinky flesh beckoned, There once was a girl named Kim, A passionate lady named Hughes There was a young fellow named Dwight, What slender young lad now enchants There was a young lover named Thor The gunslinging cowboy of old There was a pop artist named Bart An impatient young man of Key West, My sweetie and I, seeking fun, It gives my ego a boost, The lady that I love to hug, "It's great, honey, you let me toss While down on her knees in a daze, The last time I visited Asia, If many porn movies you watch, Young Jerry waggled his worm
Renowned for hot sperm camembert,
Would sell it in glasses
Or, just for young lasses,
Ensconced in a chocolate eclair.
--- Anon
Said, "Marriage is never for me.
Instead I will wank
For sperm to the bank.
And for that I'll get a big fee."
--- Anon
Of donation is all in the wrist.
With the proper technique,
If I donate each week,
I'll be making cash hand over fist."
--- Jerry Nordal P0301
With donors of sperm, you can rank it
A much easier task,
Than in labs, with a flask.
However it's harder to bank it!
--- Prof M-G T9712
Wished to generously share of his seed.
So he played with his toy
Like a good little boy,
And satisfied everyone's need.
--- Theo M Heller P9608
Told his wife, "I must leave now, goodbye.
Although it sounds dumb,
The bank said to come;
That's the Mensa Sperm Bank, it's run dry."
--- Theo M Heller P9608 a
In fact the whole idea's divine.
If I had a smathering,
A blond would be gathering,
I'd certainly be first in line.
--- Theo M Heller P9608
For Mensans to come out of the closet.
And now when we yank it,
We just go and bank it.
It's such fun to make a deposit.
--- Theo M Heller P9608
Who invented a new way to wank.
Every time that he shot,
It went straight in a pot,
Which he stored in the local sperm bank.
--- Anon
So the manager said, "This ain't right!
We'll run ads on TV
And these peckers can see
Our new slot for deposits at night."
--- Con Moore P9208a
What little I have I hold dear.
I hold out each day
For the United Way;
And I gave at the office last year.
--- John Miller 0143 A
Exhausted from cranking my shank.
When sweet nursey said,
"I'll give you some head!"
But all of the proceeds she drank.
--- Randog
Just mount her inside the broom closet.
The pleasure attained
Cannot be explained,
Through limerick verses or was it?
--- Randog
No longer will they take your spawn.
You now can shoot blanks,
While whacking your plank.
Your tally of tadpoles is gone.
--- Kriss Kraft
Sought donations to aid his sperm bank.
He achieved all his aims
During Yankee home games,
And that's why he's called Ballpark Frank.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Used her wiles to attract many more.
When she raised up her dress
With ingenious finesse,
The depositors came by the score.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2088
For a child, he arrived at this posit:
"To the sperm bank we'll go."
But the lady said no;
She would much prefer direct deposit.
--- Albin Chaplin A
"A wonderful thing a blood bank is.
I likewise affirm
The banking of sperm,
When you think of how wasteful a wank is."
--- Paul Westwood P9607a
Made a vow that he never would masturbate.
But his glans grew so firm
And so loaded with sperm,
That a glance was enough to ejaculate.
--- G2694
So I figured I'd ravish her twat.
But I got so excited,
I found love unrequited,
When I shot a great lot on her slot.
--- Anon
Whom we'd often hear yelling and screaming.
He'd lay on his back
With a clamp on his sack;
He'd squirt semen all over the ceiling.
--- Anon
While I took a last hit from the bonga,
And I woulda got lucky
If it weren't for the yucky
White mess that I shot on her thonga.
--- Anon
No need 'cause conception would be
Nothing but immaculate.
I always ejaculate
As soon as she sits on my knee!
--- H Myers T9801
Eyes wide at the sight of the dames,
Would whip it out fast
And with a huge blast,
Leave the hostess one hell of a stain.
--- Bob Zmuda
To whip it out fast with great urgency.
So, that's why at parties,
Like those thrown at Marty's,
I'm never without my detergents, see?
--- Travis Brasell
For I am a shy little dame.
Now, don't get excited
'Cause you're not invited
To mess up my floor with bad aim.
--- Marlene Lewis
Will you just look at that pair!
With legs to her chin,
Just let me get in!
Ooops! I'd better change underwear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose pecker was pure dynamite.
If you mess with his fuse,
He's blast off your shoes,
Then he'd blow himself clear out of sight.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Pulled it out, and his spout hit the ceiling.
Out of bed he did hop
Before it could drop;
Said the whore, "That's ok, it's congealing."
--- Anon
Who dreamed that he was a shad.
He dreamed that he spawned
And when morning light dawned,
He saw on the sheets that he had.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
I struggle and tug at these zips,
To release what I've got
For your spot that's so hot.
And I ... damn! Down my leg it now drips.
--- Anon
Laid both of this hands on his lance,
And pumped with great vigor
Till grown ever bigger,
It fouled the whole front of his pants.
--- Armand E Singer 103
Can't you just give me a cuddle?
A virgin I be
And too young for you... gee;
What a nasty wet glutinous puddle."
--- Anon
Just finished respraying my ceiling.
I know who to blame;
It was that Jeanie dame,
Who sent me a pic of her kneeling.
--- Anon
Which led to the humping and prancing.
I shot at her belly
but missed -- hit the telly.
And spent the night watching 'Come Dancing.'
--- Anon
Professed to lack sexual feeling,
Until a sweety named Franz
Played around with his glans
And George shot a hole in the ceiling.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
And swelled at the sight of her breast.
She reached for the toy,
Which she hoped to enjoy,
And into his jockies he messed.
--- Steve Andersen P0001
Blocked a girl from the door with his cod.
She grabbed it and shook it,
And said, "Golly! Lookit!"
As his essence flew out of his rod.
--- G2137
A traveler whose prick exploded.
Said he, to this day,
He meant but to play;
He didn't know it was loaded.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Was pricing a girl in Madrid.
After setting a fee,
She said "Come with me."
He replied, "It's too late; I just did!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1902
I picked up a terrible blister.
She called it God's will,
But she wouldn't keep still.
I prodded, she squirmed and I missed her
--- Anon
(I knew not you'd tell, once you'd kissed!)
But it's just your luck,
That you didn't pluck --
Otherwise you'd have been Sisterchrissed.
--- Anon
Or think you a hair-trigger wretch,
'Cause you're good for three strokes
On all subsequent pokes.
Most chicks would think you're a great ketch.
--- Scott C
The kid there wasn't no saint.
When he got the feeling,
His spunk hit the ceiling...
At my age that's something I cain't.
--- Anon
Some fella gave Nellie some wellie.
At the height of her cries,
He emerged from her thighs
And proceeded to dump on her belly.
--- Anon
While I finished the last of the kega.
And I nearly got in
To her vertical grin,
But most of it shot on her lega.
--- Anon
Accused me of being a lummox,
Because my dick strayed
And errantly sprayed
A gallon of jizz on their stomachs.
--- Travis Brasell
I feel a pulse throb in my gland.
Please act more demurely;
I've come prematurely,
And got goo all over my hand.
--- Anon
On a balcony stood, acting screwy.
Her Romeo climbed
But he wasn't well timed,
And when halfway up, off he went--blooey!
--- L0093
With lushness I wouldn't have reckoned.
I imbibed of this fount.
I started to mount.
God damnit! She come a poor second.
--- SFA
Who hung around boys in the gym.
One day she was missed
And she got really pissed,
So she slugged the hell out of him.
--- Anon
Once cornered a lad and did choose
To recline on his lap,
But it caused a mishap
For she found that he had a short fuse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0208
With whom I had once spent the night.
While rigid with lust,
He forcefully thrust
And carelessly shot out the light.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
With his scent, and most deeply implants
His cock in your twat,
Where I would have got
Had I not shot my load on your pants.
--- Hugh Clary
Who was very impatient to score.
He neglected to aim,
As abruptly he came.
You can still see the spots on the floor.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Kept his weapon exposed in the cold.
It went off so quick,
It made all the girls sick,
And blued his own pistol, I'm told.
--- Anon
Who said, "Feeling up Sue wasn't smart.
Getting Susie in heat
Stirred my urgin' so neat,
That I popped off before I could start.
--- Grand Prix Lim 337
When he first put his tool to the test,
Was impelled by such speed
To get on with the deed,
That he came before getting undressed.
--- Hugh Oliver AO35A
Forgot 'bout my hair-trigger gun.
With her hand 'neath my vest,
She froze in her quest;
"Oh Goodness! Just look what you've done!"
--- Allen Wolverton
When like a bald eagle, I roost
While departing your nest,
Over crags of your breasts,
I first burst, then your face I leave juiced.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Likes coffee, my favorite drug.
When I fill her cup,
At me she looks up,
With my spoonful of cream in her mug.
--- Cyber Wizard
Myself off like that," whispered Ross.
"So I wrote this ditty
In praise of the pretti-
Est face that I've e'er come across."
--- Tiddy Ogg
A young heathen girl silently prays
Before being anointed,
Then not left dissapointed
For he's spread semen over her face.
--- Anon
I had an adorable geisha
Girl tending to me
With such gusto and glee,
That I jizmed all over her fascia.
--- Peter Wilkins
It seems gals like juice from the crotch
Sprayed over their face.
At least in my case,
This claim I'm afraid I must scotch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And splattered Melissa with sperm.
His sticky deposit
She wanted, because it
Was good as her regular perm.
--- Peter Wilkins