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A cuisinier known as Pierre,
Renowned for hot sperm camembert,
Would sell it in glasses
Or, just for young lasses,
Ensconced in a chocolate eclair.
--- Anon

A bachelor named Fibber McGee
Said, "Marriage is never for me.
Instead I will wank
For sperm to the bank.
And for that I'll get a big fee."
--- Anon

A sperm donor noted, "The gist
Of donation is all in the wrist.
With the proper technique,
If I donate each week,
I'll be making cash hand over fist."
--- Jerry Nordal P0301

While cuddled up under a blanket
With donors of sperm, you can rank it
A much easier task,
Than in labs, with a flask.
However it's harder to bank it!
--- Prof M-G T9712

A member of Mensa, indeed,
Wished to generously share of his seed.
So he played with his toy
Like a good little boy,
And satisfied everyone's need.
--- Theo M Heller P9608

The husband, unzipping his fly,
Told his wife, "I must leave now, goodbye.
Although it sounds dumb,
The bank said to come;
That's the Mensa Sperm Bank, it's run dry."
--- Theo M Heller P9608 a

To join Mensa's Sperm Bank sound fine.
In fact the whole idea's divine.
If I had a smathering,
A blond would be gathering,
I'd certainly be first in line.
--- Theo M Heller P9608

It wasn't a great big deal, was it,
For Mensans to come out of the closet.
And now when we yank it,
We just go and bank it.
It's such fun to make a deposit.
--- Theo M Heller P9608

There once was a man known as Frank
Who invented a new way to wank.
Every time that he shot,
It went straight in a pot,
Which he stored in the local sperm bank.
--- Anon

At the sperm bank, turnout was light,
So the manager said, "This ain't right!
We'll run ads on TV
And these peckers can see
Our new slot for deposits at night."
--- Con Moore P9208a

I have no sperm I can donate, I fear;
What little I have I hold dear.
I hold out each day
For the United Way;
And I gave at the office last year.
--- John Miller 0143 A

So there I was in the sperm bank,
Exhausted from cranking my shank.
When sweet nursey said,
"I'll give you some head!"
But all of the proceeds she drank.
--- Randog

As long as you've lost your deposit,
Just mount her inside the broom closet.
The pleasure attained
Cannot be explained,
Through limerick verses or was it?
--- Randog

The sperm bank says you're overdrawn.
No longer will they take your spawn.
You now can shoot blanks,
While whacking your plank.
Your tally of tadpoles is gone.
--- Kriss Kraft

An entrepreneurial Yank
Sought donations to aid his sperm bank.
He achieved all his aims
During Yankee home games,
And that's why he's called Ballpark Frank.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

At the sperm bank, a lady named Gore
Used her wiles to attract many more.
When she raised up her dress
With ingenious finesse,
The depositors came by the score.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2088

When a lady asked old Doc McMozzit
For a child, he arrived at this posit:
"To the sperm bank we'll go."
But the lady said no;
She would much prefer direct deposit.
--- Albin Chaplin A

Remarked a young fellow named Frankis,
"A wonderful thing a blood bank is.
I likewise affirm
The banking of sperm,
When you think of how wasteful a wank is."
--- Paul Westwood P9607a

An ascetic parochial graduate
Made a vow that he never would masturbate.
But his glans grew so firm
And so loaded with sperm,
That a glance was enough to ejaculate.
--- G2694

The chick was impressed by my yacht,
So I figured I'd ravish her twat.
But I got so excited,
I found love unrequited,
When I shot a great lot on her slot.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Darjeeling,
Whom we'd often hear yelling and screaming.
He'd lay on his back
With a clamp on his sack;
He'd squirt semen all over the ceiling.
--- Anon

Judy cuddled my hot chimichanga
While I took a last hit from the bonga,
And I woulda got lucky
If it weren't for the yucky
White mess that I shot on her thonga.
--- Anon

Disposable condoms? Not me!
No need 'cause conception would be
Nothing but immaculate.
I always ejaculate
As soon as she sits on my knee!
--- H Myers T9801

At parties, a man so deranged,
Eyes wide at the sight of the dames,
Would whip it out fast
And with a huge blast,
Leave the hostess one hell of a stain.
--- Bob Zmuda

Deranged men oft sense an emergency
To whip it out fast with great urgency.
So, that's why at parties,
Like those thrown at Marty's,
I'm never without my detergents, see?
--- Travis Brasell

My parties are boring and lame,
For I am a shy little dame.
Now, don't get excited
'Cause you're not invited
To mess up my floor with bad aim.
--- Marlene Lewis

Look at that blonde over there!
Will you just look at that pair!
With legs to her chin,
Just let me get in!
Ooops! I'd better change underwear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Tom was a man of the night,
Whose pecker was pure dynamite.
If you mess with his fuse,
He's blast off your shoes,
Then he'd blow himself clear out of sight.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

A man, with a whore quite appealing,
Pulled it out, and his spout hit the ceiling.
Out of bed he did hop
Before it could drop;
Said the whore, "That's ok, it's congealing."
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Chad
Who dreamed that he was a shad.
He dreamed that he spawned
And when morning light dawned,
He saw on the sheets that he had.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

My pants are so tight that they grips;
I struggle and tug at these zips,
To release what I've got
For your spot that's so hot.
And I ... damn! Down my leg it now drips.
--- Anon

A sturdy young man from Penzance
Laid both of this hands on his lance,
And pumped with great vigor
Till grown ever bigger,
It fouled the whole front of his pants.
--- Armand E Singer 103

"Oh don't," said Amanda, "befuddle.
Can't you just give me a cuddle?
A virgin I be
And too young for you... gee;
What a nasty wet glutinous puddle."
--- Anon

This is file dem

Dear Dudesdead, I'm knowing this feeling;
Just finished respraying my ceiling.
I know who to blame;
It was that Jeanie dame,
Who sent me a pic of her kneeling.
--- Anon

I started in bed as romancing
Which led to the humping and prancing.
I shot at her belly
but missed -- hit the telly.
And spent the night watching 'Come Dancing.'
--- Anon

A fellow named George from West Wheeling
Professed to lack sexual feeling,
Until a sweety named Franz
Played around with his glans
And George shot a hole in the ceiling.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

He was rapt as she slowly undressed
And swelled at the sight of her breast.
She reached for the toy,
Which she hoped to enjoy,
And into his jockies he messed.
--- Steve Andersen P0001

A man like an ancient Greek god
Blocked a girl from the door with his cod.
She grabbed it and shook it,
And said, "Golly! Lookit!"
As his essence flew out of his rod.
--- G2137

Theree was a young man who goaded
A traveler whose prick exploded.
Said he, to this day,
He meant but to play;
He didn't know it was loaded.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

A bargaining fellow named Sid
Was pricing a girl in Madrid.
After setting a fee,
She said "Come with me."
He replied, "It's too late; I just did!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1902

While screwing a friendly young sister,
I picked up a terrible blister.
She called it God's will,
But she wouldn't keep still.
I prodded, she squirmed and I missed her
--- Anon

Brother Cubby 'twas I whom you missed.
(I knew not you'd tell, once you'd kissed!)
But it's just your luck,
That you didn't pluck --
Otherwise you'd have been Sisterchrissed.
--- Anon

That girl'd be quite wrong to kvetch
Or think you a hair-trigger wretch,
'Cause you're good for three strokes
On all subsequent pokes.
Most chicks would think you're a great ketch.
--- Scott C

Did you ever read "Portnoy's Complaint"?
The kid there wasn't no saint.
When he got the feeling,
His spunk hit the ceiling...
At my age that's something I cain't.
--- Anon

Last evening while watching the Telly,
Some fella gave Nellie some wellie.
At the height of her cries,
He emerged from her thighs
And proceeded to dump on her belly.
--- Anon

Katie fondled my hard rutabaga,
While I finished the last of the kega.
And I nearly got in
To her vertical grin,
But most of it shot on her lega.
--- Anon

Two sisters I court in east Mummox
Accused me of being a lummox,
Because my dick strayed
And errantly sprayed
A gallon of jizz on their stomachs.
--- Travis Brasell

Oh Deb, as you posingly stand,
I feel a pulse throb in my gland.
Please act more demurely;
I've come prematurely,
And got goo all over my hand.
--- Anon

A young Juliet of St. Louis
On a balcony stood, acting screwy.
Her Romeo climbed
But he wasn't well timed,
And when halfway up, off he went--blooey!
--- L0093

Thighs parted, her pinky flesh beckoned,
With lushness I wouldn't have reckoned.
I imbibed of this fount.
I started to mount.
God damnit! She come a poor second.
--- SFA

There once was a girl named Kim,
Who hung around boys in the gym.
One day she was missed
And she got really pissed,
So she slugged the hell out of him.
--- Anon

A passionate lady named Hughes
Once cornered a lad and did choose
To recline on his lap,
But it caused a mishap
For she found that he had a short fuse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0208

There was a young fellow named Dwight,
With whom I had once spent the night.
While rigid with lust,
He forcefully thrust
And carelessly shot out the light.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

What slender young lad now enchants
With his scent, and most deeply implants
His cock in your twat,
Where I would have got
Had I not shot my load on your pants.
--- Hugh Clary

There was a young lover named Thor
Who was very impatient to score.
He neglected to aim,
As abruptly he came.
You can still see the spots on the floor.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

The gunslinging cowboy of old
Kept his weapon exposed in the cold.
It went off so quick,
It made all the girls sick,
And blued his own pistol, I'm told.
--- Anon

There was a pop artist named Bart
Who said, "Feeling up Sue wasn't smart.
Getting Susie in heat
Stirred my urgin' so neat,
That I popped off before I could start.
--- Grand Prix Lim 337

An impatient young man of Key West,
When he first put his tool to the test,
Was impelled by such speed
To get on with the deed,
That he came before getting undressed.
--- Hugh Oliver AO35A

My sweetie and I, seeking fun,
Forgot 'bout my hair-trigger gun.
With her hand 'neath my vest,
She froze in her quest;
"Oh Goodness! Just look what you've done!"
--- Allen Wolverton

It gives my ego a boost,
When like a bald eagle, I roost
While departing your nest,
Over crags of your breasts,
I first burst, then your face I leave juiced.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The lady that I love to hug,
Likes coffee, my favorite drug.
When I fill her cup,
At me she looks up,
With my spoonful of cream in her mug.
--- Cyber Wizard

"It's great, honey, you let me toss
Myself off like that," whispered Ross.
"So I wrote this ditty
In praise of the pretti-
Est face that I've e'er come across."
--- Tiddy Ogg

While down on her knees in a daze,
A young heathen girl silently prays
Before being anointed,
Then not left dissapointed
For he's spread semen over her face.
--- Anon

The last time I visited Asia,
I had an adorable geisha
Girl tending to me
With such gusto and glee,
That I jizmed all over her fascia.
--- Peter Wilkins

If many porn movies you watch,
It seems gals like juice from the crotch
Sprayed over their face.
At least in my case,
This claim I'm afraid I must scotch.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Young Jerry waggled his worm
And splattered Melissa with sperm.
His sticky deposit
She wanted, because it
Was good as her regular perm.
--- Peter Wilkins


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