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The doll had a lecherous yen, A plant down in North Carolina The prick of a fellow named Chase Roto-Rooter man Mose I passed out quite early last night; Now Sandy's (for those who don't know) For those of you who think I'm sick, I've never as yet had a grind There was a cunt painter, Geraint, Intrepid inventor Von Gluck The girlfriend of Mike from Vancouver I know it sounds lewd and obscene, There was a young lady of Guelph A fortune awaits the bold man There once was a man from Schenectady An affectionate young farmer whose tractor There was a young fellow named Bert In a whorehouse in central Rangoon, Ein inventor fur Telefunken, The man from Racine now has found There once was a man from Vancouver, There once was a Jew from New York, It seems that we need a new axiom When John saw his girl, Miss O'Dare, On the Sabbath, while feeling quite mellow, Lady Dalrymple's gardener's free, Said Scrunch, "Well I simply refuse A lonely old fellow named Spence A dim witted old man from Vancouver I know all the ladies will scoff There once was a fellow named Dieter, The finished design ain't fantastic. Said the sculptor who carved in Belgrade, One button on my masturbator A fat old inventor, McCaudle, An old engineer named McCawdel An inventor of genius named Moore, To an elegant lad of Duluth, There was an inventor named Perkin A fortnight ago I had Jean, There was a young farm boy named Mort, Appliances, cupboards, and tables It's down on the farm I have been; Because of its suction design, A nasty old fellow called Mark The head of the hospital, jocular, Inventive, ingenious young Clyde Poor Peter a few bucks would spend, A man of persuasion, monastic, A horny old priest from Saint Greer My mailing list, mostly monastic, A Mad Scientist built, I recall, Deeply placed by this love-machine's maker, Now Jed was an old country bumpkin, There was an old madam distressed A horny young man from the shore, A rubber doll's all very well But let us look on the bright side; There are other advantages, dear, But there's nowhere safe to poke her, An affluent man we'll call Gates Concerning those dolls made of plastic, There was an old pervert named Jack A lascivious scientist called Rex A frustrated bachelor in Britain What about dolls made of plastic? There once was a man from Boothbay
Unfullfilled by her honeykins when
He hadn't the mass
To please the young lass;
An issue beyond Barbies ken.
--- Hugh Clary
Makes a pink plastic bird's-nest vagina.
It fits worn out trulls,
Fairies, geese, and sea gulls,
And they use them for soup in red China.
--- Grand Prix Lim 360 G2175
Got hard while his girl friend said Grace.
So he tried for a fuck,
But got stuck in the duck
And blew stuffing all over the place.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1840
Thought he'd hook up his dick to the hose.
But the switch was on muck
Instead of on suck,
The shit blew clear out through his nose.
--- Joe Long
I woke up with such a big fright.
I looked down in shock,
For there, on my cock,
Was Sandy, with lips wrapped on tight.
--- Lightbulb
A partner who'll never say no.
She'll "quench my thirst"
If I blow her first.
Ask Sandy, my sythetic ho'.
--- Lightbulb
Go buy one, you can take your pick
From Mandy or Claire,
But please do beware:
She'll blow if you give her a prick.
--- Lightbulb
With a blow-up type doll of that kind;
For there's naught to compare,
Dear, with your golden hair
And your cute and curvaceous behind.
--- Anon
Who pondered his paint bucket quaint.
Then he said, "I declare
That the cunts came from there."
So he blew in his bucket of paint.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1859
Proceeded with skill and great pluck
To make females ersatz
With replaceable twats
That were cheaper and easy to fuck.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1914
Was worried his mum wouldn't approve her.
So she offed with a Yank
Leaving poor Mike to wank,
And to comfort himself with a Hoover.
--- Par Svensson
But I'm in love with my washing machine.
When she cycles to rinse,
I feel like a prince;
And my dick has a soft, Downy sheen.
--- Anon
Who would daily assemble herself:
Rubber tits, a glass eye,
A blonde wig all awry,
And her cunt which she kept on the shelf.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2139
Who knows how this business to plan:
He will step out in front
With a foam rubber cunt,
Which will sell in a vacuum-sealed can.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1277
Whose urges were strangly directed. He
Once screwed a toy bear
Which had lost all his hair:
An action which utterly wrecked Teddy!
--- CeeJay
Became his libido extractor,
Climbed onto her block
And shoved in his cock,
And fucked her so hard that he cracked her.
--- Vaughn Fritts
Whose wife wore her bedclothes to flirt.
So it turned out one day
When his wife was away,
He successfully fucked her nightshirt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1837
The harlots were slimy by noon.
One man who was slick
Got a much better kick
By fucking the half-filled spittoon.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2922
Who vas alles mit schnappes getrunken,
Assembled en Wien
Ein gefucken machine,
Dat macht his ganz wiener gershrunken.
--- J Beauregard Pepys P8211
His updated machine of renown,
With computerized chips.
Now the customer flips;
When his pecker goes up, it goes down.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8604
Who tried to get head from a Hoover.
He kicked up the speed,
And started to bleed --
And that was the end of his tuber.
--- KRBM T9712
Who fashioned a cunt out of pork.
He said, "I can't eat it,
But I can't hardly beat it
For greasing the end of my dork."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With guys having sex with a vacuum.
If your Hoover you're lusting,
It's not for nut busting,
'Tis a vortex - 'twill eat 'em - then sack 'em!
--- Anon
Remove her fake ass, tits and hair,
He went into a shock
As he pulled out his cock
And he fucked all the stuff in the chair.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0740
The Christian made a snatch out of Jello.
He used lime and strawberry
But he left out the cherry;
He was not an adventurous fellow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Since her ladyship's passing, still he
Claims soreness of penis;
The reason thus seen is
That one hole in the old oaken tree.
--- Ulla
To pay whores good money for screws.
I go more for knotholes
Than twenty-buck twatholes,
And spend what I save on bad booze.
--- G2196
Had an orgasm highly intense,
When he thrusted his pole
In the fur-covered hole
Of a large, rubber doll that he rents.
--- Cap'n Bean
Once tried to have sex with a Hoover.
He lost all of his pride
To the vacuum inside,
And now he's not much of a lo(o)ver.
--- Alex Haydon P0402
At this alternative to a good boff.
There are love dolls so pretty
With a switch on each titty:
One turns her on and one's off.
--- Dirruk
Who wished his sex life to be sweeter.
So he fashioned a whore
Out of scrap wood and straw,
From a plan he once saw on 'Blue Peter'.
--- Ben
He should have used sticky-back plastic
And old cardboard tubes
And fashioned her boobs
From rubber and knicker elastic.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As he fucked with the statue he made,
"Though at times I may garble,
I have not lost my marble,
I've just fallen in love with my trade.
--- Albin Chaplin
This is file ddl
Allows you to come-off much later.
Supposing you pass
A cute little ass,
The button...and no need to date her.
--- Irving Superior P9304
Complained: "The girls fiddle and dawdle."
So he hid in his lab
Where he hoisted his flab
Aboard a mechanical model.
--- G2163
Said women would fiddle and dawdle.
So two days out of three
In his lab he would be,
Where he screwed a mechanical model.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1883
Made himself a mechanical whore.
But he failed when he wooed her;
She unscrewed as he screwed her,
And her clit clattered onto the floor.
--- Anon
The vagina was hot and uncouth.
So he took to his bed
Mush melons instead,
And so spent the best part of his youth.
--- Keith MacMillan A066B
Who perfected a mechanized merkin:
Wholly inflatable, (To be perfectly blunt,)
With vagina dilatable, (It don't beat a cunt, But...)
It sure as hell beats all this jerkin'!
--- G2182
And Maurine, Claudine, and Irene;
I also had Brad
Do something quite bad;
Connect us to a milking machine.
--- David Miller
And Mort was the curious sort.
He inserted his thing
In a milking machine,
Not knowing 'twas set for a quart.
--- Anon
Are entities whereupon fables
Of love have their start,
But love's work of art
Is mastered with skills in the stables.
--- Travis Brasell
I'm loving the thing I have seen.
And with some good luck,
I'll get a good fuck
From the shiny new milking machine.
--- Archie
That milking machine for my kine
Will meet the demand
Of guys who will stand
Like Archie, for days in a line.
--- Travis Brasell
Would wander around after dark,
Getting his kicks
Doing perverted tricks,
With nude statuettes in the park.
--- Michael Horgan
Was approached by a harlot, monocular.
He rejected as crass
Her proposal for ass,
Till she offered him intercourse ocular.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9704
Perfected a Mechanical Bride;
Without fear or compunctions
It performed all sex functions,
While a permanent virgin besides.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2107
To purchase FACSIMILE friend,
Who never was spastic
And though made of plastic,
Could satisfy him in the end.
--- Chris Papa
Has a sex life, unreal and fantastic.
Though he kept himself chaste
Cultivating a taste
For inflatable ladies of plastic.
--- Frank Chethik P8703
Bought plastic vaginas last year.
When asked about wrappings,
He said, "Cool the trappings,
I think that I'll eat them right here!"
--- David Miller
A female of inflated plastic
Whose bosom swells swell
But what makes her sell,
A pelvis of flexing elastic.
--- Irving Superior P8705
A computerized foam-rubber doll;
Actuators pnuematic
Sometimes got erratic;
Guys found they could not uninstall!
--- Allen Wolverton
Is a button for joy -- an earth-shaker;
If you're this long or bigger,
You'll certainly trigger
Her spring-loaded orgasm faker!
--- Allen Wolverton
Who, lacking a girl, took a pumpkin.
He's scoop out a hole,
Just right for his pole,
And give that old pumpkin a humpkin.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From business depressed like the rest.
It was sad and pathetic,
Till he used girls sythetic,
With their pussies replaced on request.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1847
Worked as a clerk in the store.
As he fucked a ripe melon,
The cops called him felon.
And "Why can't I come back for more."
--- Rio
When alone in the night with no belle.
But it's not quite the same
When she won't scream your name,
Or make known her joy with a yell.
--- C M
You get no remarks that are snide,
Like "Over already?"
Or "I'll say when ready!"
Or "Hey Romeo, sure it's inside?"
--- Tutta Gioia
She won't run around, never fear --
And dolls such as these
Won't give you a disease --'
Just don't nibble too hard on her ear!
--- Kaylin Brandon
And if it should be you're a smoker,
She may go POP!
When you light up,
But it's true that you'll never provoke her.
--- Karen
Once researched mechanical dates.
But now some blonde cootcher
Has ruined my future.
The cyber-sex dolls will be late.
--- Anon
Do they come in a guise that's scholastic?
A mistress with cane
To better my brain,
And a syllabus really quite drastic?
--- C M
Who had a thing for his Shop-Vac.
When he stuck in his knob
For his daily blow job,
It sucked off his dick for a snack.
--- Hungarian
Built a SIMULACRUM female for sex,
But this female was virtual:
Just lift up her skirt you'll
Find just pixels fill up her spandex.
--- Eva Amata
Met a virgin -- was thoroughly smitten.
She promised next day
With her pussy he could play;
What she meant was her six week old kitten.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308
Their smell when brand new is fantastic.
The ones that you blow
Can be tied in a bow,
Which is good if your willy's elastic.
--- Jayne
Who had sex in unusual ways.
He would stick it in a tire
And light it on fire;
His orgasm would smoulder all day.
--- Jeffrey Beeton
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