A statue of stone that was nuder While you've got Bess in the stall There was a young chappie named Freddie, Young Freddie stopped screwing his bear After years of screwing the bear, Freddie's bear, whose surname was Ursus, On a crankshaft a madam named Frank I came up with a clever invention, There once was a man named Schlagel; A horny young fellow named Barm His father, denied intercourse, While shopping a fellow named Gore, I dated a woman named Mabel Dirty Old Bob from Vancouver Inventive ideas were sporadic In the dark a young fellow named River, He's gone. I'll examine the bole. You think this manoeuvre is trash? There was a young pervert from Coll, A homely man named Mr. Tate Then off to town went Mr. Tate; My practical experience is small; Apart from the come-to-bed eyes, Flawless skin and long golden curled hair, I've never as het, had a grind Dear David, Sheeps-R-Us must caution, Time to get me a life His habits were worse than debatable; Alone now with Wendy from Wembley; A horny old priest from St Paul's My sanity may be debatable, There once was a man from Moscow, It's incomprehensible how
This is file dcl
Now Peter, you've gone to excess, A goofy guy, name of Pierre, A guy who went down to the mall -- "Lights. Camera. Action!" Oh no! There once was a man named Nate, Have you met my inflatable wife? An inflatable woman is great, There once was a girl named Kate; The fastidious Mr O'Grady The women have mate trouble too; My Klein bottle sheep's inflatable! My inflatable latex Lolita! And if that Lolita don't keep A pirate had buried some treasure; Although not a month yet, I know; Bestiality's wisdom's debatable, Consider the humiliation The newest of blow-up doll mannikins At a sex shop in Colchester, Lionel I'll tell you a story quite droll, There was a young lady named Rose, She was seen by her cousin named Anne, So avoiding the crude and sadistic, They soon told the Duchess of Fyfe, It was tried by the great Mrs. Biddle, It was tried by the dancer, DiBasle, It was tried by the Duchess of Porter, (leman - lover)
Thus writes Lady Vanderbilt-Horsett, Soon in Paris, on the Boulevard Salique, Artificial insemination Nymphomaniacal Anna (Ipana - brand of toothpaste)
An equestrian boyfriend of Anna On her stone in the burial ground
Caught the eye of the noble King Tudor.
It looked like a whore of his
But was lacking an orifice,
So he drilled out a hole and he screwed her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0739
For milking, why don't you install
An enema hose
That sucks but not blows?
This should allay your shortfall.
--- Anon
Who liked to have sex with his teddy.
Poor teddy's fluff
Was all covered with stuff,
But it's true they are still going steady.
--- Prof
As the old thing was starting to wear.
Many years of hard puffing
And much overstuffing
Was more than the poor bear could bear.
--- C M
Its front started in showing wear.
Fred assessed damage wrought,
Put the bear on the cot,
And went fucking the bear's derriere.
--- Prof
Shouted out some barefaced bear curses.
Then he started to cough;
Both bollocks fell off.
(Are there any more ursuline verses?)
--- Prof
Tied cunts to each rod for a prank.
Then she lined up the men
Who to fuck had a yen,
And she fucked them by turning a crank.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1855
Because of scholastic intention:
A urinal trough
That gets a man off;
It's been stopped by the school's intervention.
--- Aussie Owl
Who got desperate, had sex with a Bagel.
He thought, "It might please,
If I add lox and cream cheese,
And wank while I read the Philly's label."
--- Anon
Was miffed by his date who lacked charm.
He was more than annoyed
By her crotch null and void,
So he buggered the pit in her arm.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1832
Eyed his young son's hobby-horse.
He soon got more splintery --
His wife got more wintery --
His son sued them both for divorce.
--- Tutta Gioia
Saw manikins dressed in a store.
Their attire was improper
Which aroused the old shopper,
So he fucked three or four on the floor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1863
Whose chest was as flat as a table.
Her puss was too loose,
So I had to schuss
My load in her really deep navel.
--- Possum TP9802
Had a very special manuever.
If he didn't get fucked,
He made sure he got sucked,
By flicking the switch on his Hoover.
--- Peter Stowmarket
For Scientist Gus, the sex addict.
He keenly devised
And installed 'twixt the thighs
Of his wife, a taut new vulva-matic.
--- Anon
A fuck to his wife did deliver.
But after he came,
He said it's the same
As fucking a piece of warm liver.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1894
Yes, here is that useful knot hole,
At just the right height.
I think that I might
Insert into that now, my pole.
--- Anon
But think lads, it costs you no cash;
A woodie in wood,
Can be pretty good,
While dreaming about Lesley Ashe.
--- Anon
Who kept an inflatable doll.
When he wanted to grind her,
He straddled behind her,
And rammed it home, bollocks and all.
--- Anon
All the time brags he's found a new mate.
Others tease him to death,
Saying "Just save your breath --
You'll need it to blow up your date!"
--- Anon
With that there date he did inflate.
She did not talk much,
And she sure had such
A lot of food left on her plate.
--- Anon
I practically haven't any at all.
I have read a great deal,
On which body parts to feel.
But have only tried my blow-up doll.
--- Anon
The buttocks, the snatch and the thighs,
The knockers and nips
And the ruby-red lips,
Of what else should a lady comprise?
--- Peter Wilkins
That flows down her shoulder to there.
Yes, your dream can come true;
It's all up to you,
Just blow 'til you fill her with air.
--- Carol
With a blow-up type doll of that kind;
For there's naught to compare,
Dear, with your golden hair
And your cute and curvaceous behind.
--- Peter Wilkins
Your inflatable ewe's distortion;
Is just your bad aim
And we think your claim,
Has been blown out of all proportion.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
And elude this everyday strife.
My destiny calls --
So I'll get up the balls
To divorce my inflatable wife!
--- Writerman
His temper was horrid and hate-able.
One love had this man:
His wife, Mary Ann;
And she was both dumb and inflatable.
--- Beelzebub
I'm feeling excitedly trembly;
All fingers and thumbs
I admit, for she comes
In a flat-pack for easy assembly.
--- Peter Wilkins
Had bought two inflatable dolls.
His cock was so loaded,
The first one exploded,
And blew off his prick and his balls.
--- David Miller
And some may think me undatable.
It could be I'm crazy,
And a little bit lazy,
But I prefer my women inflatable!
--- Wildman
Who used to own sheep and a sow,
But when he went to war,
He liked legs of four,
So he bought an inflatable cow!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It got in my attic, I vow;
For looking as daft as
A brush in the rafters,
I found an inflatable cow!
--- Peter Wilkins
In order the girls to impress.
But a blow up cow doll,
As a sex toy! That's droll.
Please send the suppliers address.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Filled his doll with way too much air.
It should be noted
That when she exploded,
It ended their sleazy affair.
--- Don Shaw TP9802
Bought a sex toy (inflatable doll).
Along came a cop;
Stuck a pin in her -- POP!
And then said, "You're busted!" Thats all.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bob's been caught en flagrante with Flo,
His inflatable doll,
But he's now on a roll,
And can't stop; he can't even go slow.
--- Anon
Who couldn't manage a hot date.
So he wangled the bucks,
For inflatable fucks,
And purchased a girl in a crate.
--- Matt King
She's truly the love of my life!
She fucks like a pup
If you keep her pumped up,
And remind her that you've got a knife.
--- Writerman a
No worry of babies or AIDs.
If you get too elated,
And she gets deflated,
You can patch things up with duct tape!
--- Wildman
Some said she was the perfect date.
Unrolled on the table,
It read on her label,
For a good time, inflate and fellate.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Could not find a wife in all Haiti.
Bad smell or bad skin,
Or whiskers on skin,
So he bought an inflatable lady
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
It makes them so sad and so blue,
And none of them can
Find inflatable man.
So a dildo will just have to do.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
And from what I've found, quite datable;
But blow-up with care;
It needs zero volume air,
And screwing it's non-orientable.
--- David Miller Q
Old I am, but she makes life much sweetah,
With her short, pleated skirt,
And her unbuttoned shirt,
And three holes to delight my old peetah!
--- Allen Wolverton Q
Your interest, then why don't you leap
To Google, and crawl
Through the huge results haul,
And find an inflatable sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
He'd dig up the chest at his leisure.
Then open the lid,
Where his blow-up doll hid,
And there on the beach take his pleasure!
--- Anon
My libido's churning below.
I could just get handy
And blow up doll Sandy,
Or get a cheap, stick figured ho'.
--- Anon
And when lacking a lover who's dateable,
And feeling the urge
His scrotum to purge,
Horny Hugh likes to woo his inflatable.
--- David Miller Q
Of teachers of sex education,
When requested to speak,
Must display their technique,
With some doll that requires inflation.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Have a Vac-U-Jack pump in their fannikins;
You just grease fore and aft
To add size to your shaft,
Or other assorted shenannikins.
--- Anon
Bought a blow-up doll make of vinyl.
But she soon suffered wear,
Which he had to repair,
And the part he repaired was vaginal.
--- Paul Westwood P9607a
Of a young necrophiliac, Cole.
Though too moral to kill,
He still got his thrill,
Having sex with a flat blow-up doll.
--- Anon
Who'd occasionally straddle a hose,
And parade about, squirting,
And spouting and spurting,
Pretending she pissed like her beaux.
--- L1331
Who improved the original plan.
Said she, "My dear Rose,
In this lowly old hose,
Are all the best parts of a man."
--- L1332
She frigged in a manner artistic.
At the height of her pleasure
She turned up the pressure,
And cried, "Ain't it grand and realistic!"
--- L1333
And her crony, the alderman's wife.
And they found it so pleasing,
And tickling and teasing,
They washed men right out of their life.
--- L1334
And she said to her husband, "Go fiddle!
Here's double the fun,
And you get three in one--
A ducking, a douche, and a diddle."
--- L1335
Whose cunt was just made for a nozzle.
She said, "I admit
It's an elegant fit,
But of course it won't do for the arse 'ole."
--- L1336
And passed on by her to her daughter,
Who said, "With a leman
You're fearful of semen,
But a fuck's as effective with water."
--- L1337
Who invented the Lonely-Maid Corset,
"I thought all vicarious
Fucking precarious.
I was wrong. It's a whiz. I endorse it."
--- L1338
You could purchase (complet avec talic,
Pour soixante francs cinq)
A short hose and tank,
And they called it Le Fuckeur Hydraulique.
--- L1339
Some say will replace fornication;
But perish the day
When the old-fashioned way
Can't supply kids enough for the nation!
--- Grand Prix Lim 670 G1671
In the dark tried to stuff a banana!
But she found, with distress
(And considerable mess),
She was using a tube of Ipana!
--- Vassar W Smith P9607 a
Drove her up to his ranch in Montana,
Where she went to the shed
And enjoyed "Mr. Ed"...
(I think that she's now in Nirvana!)
--- Vassar W Smith P9607 a
Was inscribed this small truth, profound:
"She have made it past twenty
And enjoyed life a-plenty,
If she'd only quit horsing around!"
--- Vassar W Smith P9607 a