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He's got semi-cylindrical toys. "I'm accustomed", said aging Miss Tudor, A young couple loved to pitch woo A lollipop maker named Hans A young nymphomaniac named Brock For men who no more have erects, Her husband's an old pussy paster, There was an old maid named McCall, (newel post - bottom large post of a bannister)
There was a young man bade defiance A willing young girl in Marin The puppeteer's helper, Miss Tuppet, There was a young nympho called Jean Said an angry young bride down in Dover: I know a young lady called Melly (must have been on spin cycle - McW)
Farewell to the dear days of Genesis. A candid young lady named Tudor An itchy-crotched dolly of Ryde, A lady from down Amarillo Said a horny old Texan named Lawler, The doll it looks just like Wayne Newton! Old Grendel, a kind of afreet, (afreet - evil monster or djinn in Arab mythology)
There once was a fellow named Blake; Of all the fierce feminine wails, When the drunk hears wails of the BANSHEE, I've heard of that old banshee cry, A bullied young schoolboy named Fred, Although I respect your profession, Religion that's fat, long and wide, So write her a Holy-Roll script, And when she is spastically jointed, His future health now depends When the rainbow appeared high in the sky, There once was a fellow named Blake; People thought old Alhazred a loon; There was a young lady called Emily He feared she would breed a facsimile: An aspiring young demon named Mel The Welshman Llewellyn ap Morgan The Grim Reaper drives a black hearse. A magician whose name was Pierre, The Lamia got madder and madder, One who would mate with a snake'll The Grecian myth of the Lamia, It doesn't take too long to grasp, The other night while in my bed, They will want you as their next meal; Reeking of decaying meat, This monkey's paw? Miss, stay your purse, But she pooh-poohed the gent as a wimp; From the pyramid when we exhume Pickman used models exotic, An antre's a cavern or cave. 'Twas once on a midnight so dreary From above me I heard a faint scraping, "Nice doggy", I croaked at the muzzle. Distinctly I now can remember Right at the edge of my vision, My newly pierced nose kept on aching From flower-box to window it leapt, The monster realized its mistake. A raven, all flustered and flapping, The raven, of course, had been pecking My grave-raider whelp wasn't smarter When safety was threatened, the raven I knew that my luck had worn thin She said, Virge, my dull zombie slave, It happens when I close my eyes,
Which can emulate apes, men or boys;
And he says, with some wit,
"Here's my personal fit;
I don't mind if you make lots of noise!"
--- Anon
To the burgular who finally screwed her,
"To carrots and candles
And john-plunger handles,
So you, sir, are just an intruder."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
In an Indian birch-bark canoe.
At the height of one straddle,
He inserted his paddle,
And she cried, "It feels better than you!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Fulfilled every young lady's wants.
He made candy so slick
With a head red and thick,
And he flavored it just like a schwantz.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0824
Devised something she called Instant Jock.
With its power so mighty,
It singed off her nightie,
And turned her tits green from the shock!
--- Grand Prix Lim 044 G2093
The implant inflates them for sex.
Tied left leg or right
Or under belt tight,
Or pointing at w(h)om(b) he selects.
--- Irving Superior P8705
But now he refuses to taste her.
Her wrinkled twat smells
Much more than high hell,
Now she uses a large turkey baster.
--- Bawdy Bard
Who liked her men handsome and tall.
She could even make do
With a finger or two,
Or a newel post out in the hall.
--- G2162
To the vaunted advances of science.
His manhood he'd lost
Because of whore frost.
So he fucked with a plastic appliance.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2113
Viewed her drunken friend's cock with chagrin.
Said she, "That much booze
Cancels out any screws.
Would you please poke your forefinger in."
--- G0127
Was madly in love with a puppet.
So she said, "Puppeteer,
Can you pull some strings dear,
And instruct my young puppet to up it?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1911
Who invented a screwing machine.
As she tested its stroke,
A piston ring broke,
And it rammed the end up through her spleen.
--- Anon
"Now your minuteman spasm is over!
Well, I'm still in heat,
So go down to the street,
And bring me some big guy--or Rover.
--- Grand Prix Lim 765 G0566
Who spent most her time watching telly.
Sometimes she was seen
Using the washing machine
Orgasmicly bumping her belly.
--- P Copeman
We do these things now by synthesis.
And who would not rather
Have a test tube for father,
That a homo in loco parenthesis.
--- Conrad Aiken
Remarked to the chap who'd just screwed her,
"After dildoes, vibrators,
And cunt exhilarators,
The real thing feels like an intruder."
--- G2223
Finds it terribly hard to decide
Between using a candle,
And old bicycle handle,
Or a man with a twenty-inch clyde.
--- G2198
Had sex with a rusty old Brillo.
She ruined her clit
And can't even sit,
Unless she is using a pillow.
--- Bob Leclerc a
"I'll try anythang hot or holler,
From big Mason jar,
To tailpipe on a car,
To a stovepipe or a horse collar!"
--- Observer
It doesn't send the juices shootin'
Round my body parts,
Or else touching's an art.
Do I need lessons? Darn tootin'!!
--- Anon
Slaughtered warriors each day for his meat.
Though he relished the brains
And the nuts of the Danes,
He ate all but the hands and the feet.
--- A N Wilkins P8710
Of trapezohedrons he spake;
But his soul was possessed.
The moral: "Don't mess
With Azathoth, for goodness sake!"
--- Daniel Snyder
The worst, the dread BANSHEE entails.
A howl fraught with fears,
So stuff both your ears,
'Tis sound that is fatal to males.
--- Chris Papa
Thinking it someone he might fanshee,
He'd better stop short
For another snort;
Her interest's only necromanshee.
--- Daniel Ford
But never knew where, when, or why.
Now I am aware
It may cause a scare,
Announcing that soon, one will die.
--- Maggie
He prayed before going to bed,
That his bullies would die,
And his Lord did comply,
For, the very next day they were dead.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507
I have a contrary impression.
The girl is not stricken
By a lack of dickin',
But rather demonic possession.
--- H Welchel
No doubt, is what she needs inside.
I propose mine --
I know it's divine,
When Great God Almighty, is cried!
--- H Welchel
Her catacombs then I may rip.
Through sacred transgression,
I'll take her confession,
Then witness her tremble and drip.
--- H Welchel
And gushing from where I just pointed,
I'll libate my phallus
With wine from a chalice,
Proclaiming her fully annointed.
--- H Welchel
On how this relationship ends.
It's all kind of scary,
And things could get hairy,
'Cause demons are his ghoul's best friends.
--- Marlene Lewis
Natives bowed, and gave a loud cry.
The chief said with a moan,
(Heard the news on the phone.)
Go home! A disaster is nigh!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Of trapezohedron he spake;
But his soul got possessed.
The moral? Don't mess
With evil, for goodness sake!
--- Daniel Snyder
This is file dbl
His life ended terribly soon.
His quest for dark knowledge
Went far beyond college.
He was eaten by a demon, at noon.
--- Jim Goldfrank
Who was not understood by her femily.
She acted so rummily,
The head of the fummily
Had her crossed by a greyhound from Wembley.
--- G1229
Bring utter disgrace on the fimily!
So he read her a homily
In front of the fomily--
And the Devil flew out of the chimily!
--- G1230
Thought his future looked perfectly swell,
When he heard Satan say,
"We've a role you can play;
Break a leg, son, and go give 'em Hell."
--- Cyber Geezer
Mere glanced at Myfnwy the Gorgon.
Her beauty and grace
Caused the smile on his face
And his petrified ossified organ.
--- Peter Wilkins
I can't decide which is worse --
His hood or his gloves;
Or just what he loves:
On weekends, to dress like a nurse.
--- Marlene Lewis
He ended his life on a dare;
His death was profound,
For no body was found,
He just vanished into thin air.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010
As he squeezed her kidneys and bladder.
He wanted his blood,
But he'd understood
In the end 'twas her opponent who adder.
--- Kitten
Have to learn to kiss cloacal.
If you've no time
To learn such sublime
Techniques, you may Lamia make ill.
--- Daniel Ford
Borrowed from Mesopotamia,
Caused deaths to bereave.
If you also grieve,
I can't believe any would blame ya.
--- Daniel Ford
That if you're in lamia's clasp,
Though breasts you may see,
You'll ultimately
Be finished by a fierce piece of asp.
--- Chris Papa
I watched 'Return of the Living Dead'.
The zombie-fied remains
Had a feast of live brains,
Taken straight from the live victims head.
--- Nik Synytyskyy
Ripping you with their teeth of steel.
They'll feast on your flesh,
So trembling and fresh,
And won't even bother to kill.
--- Nik Synytyskyy
They all view you as a treat
For their gum-rotted bumps;
No hands, just the stumps;
Furious of your living heart-beat.
--- Funny Bone
For the novelty comes with a curse:
Whatever you wish
Tends to turn to a bish,
And your better becomes quite your worse.
--- Anon
Bared her soul to the segment of chimp;
Now awaits in her room
Inescapable doom,
At the hands of an ape with a limp.
--- Anon
A mummy, he's mute we presume.
But you'll know when one's coming,
By listening for humming;
He doesn't know words, just the tomb.
--- Anon
Well-versed in matters necrotic.
They're burrowing still
Out under Copp's Hill
And all who know are psychotic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To enter, you'll have to be brave.
An ogre resides
In its somber insides.
You'll be cantering into your grave.
--- David Morin
As I pondered my eyesight so bleary,
I was buried in dirt,
And my broken neck hurt.
Thought I, "This is not very cheery."
--- Virge
So my mind leapt to thoughts of escaping.
Then the scraping drew near
And my sight became clear,
As I stared into maws, read and gaping.
--- Virge
It tilted its head at this puzzle.
"A bone that can speak?"
It sniffed at my cheek,
And gave an inquisitive nuzzle.
--- Virge
That pain as it burned like an ember.
The rabid mutt bit,
With skill, I'll admit,
Its teeth through my large nasal member.
--- Virge
I noticed my corporal division.
My corpse was there, only
The shoulders looked lonely,
I guess from a cleaver incision.
--- Virge
As up to the house we were making.
With each canine bound,
In drool I was drowned.
This nightmare held no hope of waking.
--- Virge
Then from sink down to where the cur slept.
Bounced by this pooch-wonder,
My nose tore asunder.
I plopped in the sink suds and wept.
--- Virge
Its mental ball rang for cheek steak.
So up sprang the mutt
To chew up my nut.
But finally, my lucky break...
--- Virge
At one of the windows was tapping.
If ravens are clever,
This one lacked endeavour;
It at the closed window was rapping.
--- Virge
My corpse, which explained the blood flecking
Its claws and its thighs.
Now taste for my eyes,
Drew it near to the house, window-checking.
--- Virge
And could be described as a slow starter.
Forgoing his steak,
He decided to make
The raven my unwilling martyr.
--- Virge
Took flight to the nearest high haven.
It croaked at the hound;
The dumb dog ran 'round,
And snarled at its new prey, so craven.
--- Virge
When Sica came wandering in.
You see, I'm the tool
Of Sica the cruel.
She slammed me head first in her bin.
--- Virge
That's just not the way to behave.
Play fair! You undead!
When I cut off your head,
You're supposed to stay down in your grave.
--- Virge
My brain will start telling me lies.
Things under the bed
My ankles will shred;
The monsters are all quite life-size.
--- Anon
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