MORE
If I had a million or two, On guilt let's declare moratorium For years I've been paying Hef money, When J-Lo and Ben named the day, When J-Lo and Ben named the day, When J-Lo and Ben named the day, We went to a show with Ken Dodd. Ken Smith designed a 'Home Page' Old Lillian Disney has died; To probe Miss Lillian Russell, I've a question to ask you, Miss Russell, Linda Lovelace, we learned, had just died; Linda Lovelace, a housewife docile, When traveling abroad with Kate Adie, Silent Marcel Marceau at one time I have a tiny prediction A puppet named Mortimer Snerd, Nicolette Larson is dead; A hooker who worked in Brazil, That fat butch lesbo, Rosie O'Donnell, Of these shooting stars that you mention, I enjoy shooting stars as do you. A star in the old music halls A dumb TV addict named Joe A carnie attraction named Brent Cleopatra (as done by Talluhlah) (Boola Boola is the Yale college song)
An inscrutable hostess named Guinan (Texas Guinan - 1920's speakeasy owner)
The rope walker walked with trepidation; Tom Thumb, he was ever so small -- Tongue in cheek, they cried, "Foul, child abuse!" The ventriloquist had a good dummy, The editor of National Review A beach babe named Yasmine Bleeth Sam had found his soul mate in fair Alice; Marcia's a horny young bitch; Here's the story of a lovely lady There once was a family named Brady; "Screwing Brady girls," said my friend Farrell, The Bradys had a neighbor named Stan, When Greg moved up into the attic, Marcia Brady, whose features were flawless, Now Mike was a good architect, If Mike Brady would have been thinking, The kids' bathroom toilet is missing; While mowing the Astroturf lawn, I hate the whole damned Brady Bunch, At a party for only the Bunch, Is Alice a bulldyke or what? There once was a woman named Brady, Jan Brady, the least of the lasses, The Brady girls, taking a chance Said Mike Brady, while stroking his phallus, At Sue Olsen's first tryout, she panicked Soon an oversexed neighbor named Peg, That squeaky-clean family, the Bradys (Toast Point had a Brady web page)
When Peter and Greg pick on Bobby, While pressing her bell-bottomed jeans, There was a young woman called Wheen; We all love a young woman called Wheen; I take my hat off to Frank Bough. In my car with the great Murray Walker, A bouncy page three girl named Sam A radio producer named Perkins Rumpole's disheveled, rumpled TOUSLE (Rumpole of the Baily, TV show)
After that Portia and Rumpole both went At an orgy with Sir Jimmy Savile,
I'd live me a life much like Hugh.
H. Hefner, that is.
I'd make it my biz
To see how much spunk I could spew.
--- H Welchel
And visit Hugh Hefner's Emporium.
In addition to bunnies
And all kinds of fun, he's
Installed a new masturbatorium.
--- Norm Storer
And not for cartoons, though they're funny.
The penile conniptions
From Payboy subscriptions,
Got me obsessed with boffing a bunny.
--- Irish
We all wished they'd both go away.
Because, don't you see,
We want to be free
Of stories of these two making hay.
--- Alan England
The tabloids cheered Hip Hip Hooray!
When the whole deal fell through,
They didn't feel blue,
Since there's so much more gossip to say.
--- Philip
They had already decided to pay
Nowt to the spouse
And don't mention the house,
The pre-nup agreement did say.
--- Sundeep Malhotra
The usherette said: "Oh my God!
He'll go on for years,
And he's bound to sing Tears.
When he finishes, give us a prod!"
--- Kevin Hale Q
On which limericks are all the rage.
Some may offend;
On you 'twill depend;
So be forewarned before you engage.
--- Ken Smith
Both Donald and Goofy just cried.
And Minnie and Mickey
Are both feeling icky
Like something is missing inside.
--- Elsid Elspeth
Dr. Long thrust a pin through her bustle.
He got a sprained wrist,
And a mouthful of fist,
For the bustle turned out to be muscle.
--- Anon
Is all that development muscle?
Or can that enormity
Be a deformity--
For instance an out-of-place bustle?
--- Anon
Was that what made John Dean decide
To out his amigo,
Deep Throat -- alter ego --
And if so, what did she have to hide.
--- Dr Limerick 05-01-02
Was coerced to perform feats wide GLOSSAL.
Then she led all the chicks
As the Queen of Porn Flicks;
Enjoyed short career, but colossal.
--- Chris Papa
She told me her background was shady.
She said, "I'm the love child
Of the late Oscar Wilde,
And someone called Rosie O'Grady."
--- Bill Wall
Was a victim of Paris street-crime.
His terror still lingers.
Hoods stamped on his fingers
Leaving footprints on the hands of mime.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9509
That Matt Perry's painkiller addiction
Will effect his career --
I'm being sincere --
And lead to a serious conviction.
--- Julie Wiskirchen
Who used to be frequently heard
On every TV,
For all men to see,
Where he played the part of a nerd.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Some fluids built up in her head.
Her Lotta Love cover
Is all that's left over.
Why couldn't they drain it instead?
--- Elsie Elspeth
Charged each "John" by the length of his quill.
Richard Simmons caused a crisis;
She computed her prices,
And gave him 50 cents from her till.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
Is a disgrace to things classed as faunal.
She has a few mil dough,
And a four-inch thick dildo,
So her mate's twat is wide as a tunnel!
--- Ward Hardman
I must not have paid close attention;
I must have looked down
While pissing on the ground;
Are these stars you named your invention?
--- Anon
Allow me to propose one or two:
Ricki Lake, Howard Stern,
Geraldo I'd burn.
I know Chuck Heston would approve.
--- Anon
Was too bruised to take curtain calls.
Fired from a gun, nightly,
She didn't land lightly,
But left nasty marks on the walls.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Never mastered the dial, and so
The poor sonofabitch
Just sang 'long with Mitch,
Though he wanted the Steve Allen Show.
--- Robt Thompson G0099
Stood tall in the back of his tent;
As he swallowed his sword,
He was praising the Lord,
But nobody knew what it meant.
--- Cap'n Bean P0401
Was so ludicrous (she did a hula)
All the critics turned pale
In New Haven (near Yale)
And (unanimous) called, "Boo-la! Boo-la!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
Was accustomed to winin' and dinin'.
One night, though, she failed;
Overdosed on real ale,
And she soon tried to fit the whole stein in.
--- Actaeon
He was under the mildest sedation.
As he ascended the ladder,
He'd not emptied his bladder,
And was liable to get liquidation!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Not more than a few inches tall.
"Can you see," someone cried,
"Where's he gone?" Tom replied,
"Just mind where you're treading, that's all!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Though for Mary Kay they had no use.
He was one lucky kid.
While on top of his id,
LeTourneau turned him all ways but loose.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
Working from a gas tank in its tummy.
It could say "ABC,"
As its boss drank some tea,
But neither was good at gin rummy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had a problem and knew not what to do.
His volcabulary
Was super and scary
But he didn't know how to say "Screw".
--- Neal Wilgus P8205
Is known for her breasts and her teeth.
Are the drug charges valid?
Do they make her grow palid
And cause her to shake like a leaf?
--- Julie Wiskirchen
This is file cwm
Daily drank from her twat, like a chalice.
And his favorite mixture
From that feminine fixture?
Blood and semen, stirred twice with his phallus.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She got Mike alone in a ditch
And started to scratch
At her clean-shaven snatch.
And said, "Gee Mike, it don't even itch."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose sexual past is so shady.
She's mothered three girls,
The youngest with curls,
And now copulates with Mike Brady!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Two trollops, a whore and a lady.
One trollop would suck,
The other would fuck,
While the whore tongued the lady named Sadie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Is quite like shooting fish in a barrel.
I liked Marsha and Jan,
Cindy made me a fan.
But I especially loved nailing Carol!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A pathetic excuse for a man.
The horny old putz
Liked fondling the butts,
Of Marcia and Cindy and Jan!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Mike and Carol gave poor Greg some static.
But they finally gave in
And Greg started to grin;
Autoerotic would became automatic!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Every week, on the show, would enthrall us.
Then in dreams took top billing,
Where, bra-less and thrilling,
She'd always be willing to ball us!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But he had trouble getting erect,
Until Marcia implored
His dick unexplored,
And gave a good suck on his peck!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm sure that he could have been sinking
His well-polished phallus
To the hilt into Alice,
Had he not been scared of Cindy finking.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There is no commode there for pissing.
So the kids must, of course,
Use that damn plaster horse,
And Alice must keep the thing glistening.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Greg worked up a raging hard-on.
He ran into the kitchen,
And despite Carol's bitchin',
Boffed Alice until it was gone!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And I have quite a nasty wee hunch
That when Sam sees Alice,
She fondles his phallus,
Then goes down on Carol for lunch!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Mike said, "Carol, I've got a hunch,
That Peter and Jan
Are making out in the can!
Alice! What did you put in the punch!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She can nail a 40-foot putt.
She can kick Tyson's ass,
Land a 50-pound bass,
While a dildo is stuck up her butt!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who pretended to be a fine lady.
Her hands knew no toil,
But she loved Wesson oil;
Carol Brady's a lady quite shady!
--- Lynn
Once had vision no pilot surpasses -
But not being too hot,
Had to stroke her own twat,
Which she did 'til she needed those glasses!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Got into the Brady boys' pants.
Soon one, then the other
Was mounting a brother,
And now they're their own children's aunts!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Though I bear my wife, Carol, no malice,
Since I've boinked all her daughters
I'm testing the waters:
A threesome with Peter and Alice."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When a voice barked "I doubt that she can act,"
But was soon taking heart
When he said "Blow this part,
And you're Cindy - to hell with the Mann Act!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Started flashing Mike Brady some leg.
The old gal was so loose,
She also tried to seduce
Bobby and Peter and Greg!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Were sent to us straight out of Hades.
Their suburban palace
And housekeeper, Alice,
All serve to make Toast Point a fraidy.
--- Jonathon G
They beat him 'til his head turns knobby.
They bugger him raw.
When he told Maw and Paw,
They said every boy needs a hobby.
--- Jonathon G
Marcia, she primps and she preens.
And Jan, with a Uzi
And nary a "'Scuse me!"
Plots Marcia's fate...smithereens!
--- Artie the Troll
So with-it she couldn't be seen.
Her feminine blinkers
Promoted real stinkers,
Like Dame Ethyl Smyth and Doreen.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of the wireless, she's truly the queen.
It's not clear what she's doing,
When your listening, not viewing,
But we hope that it's nothing obscene.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's terribly easy to scoff,
But that man is a whizz;
He certainly is!
Ain't he great! Ain't he grand! Switch him off!
--- Bill Wall
He suddenly let loose a corker.
'Twas the first of a batch
In the pits at Brands Hatch.
He did the same thing in Majorca.
--- Bill Wall
Said: "For clothing, I don't give a damn."
To be totally bare,
She shaved off her hair,
And now she's the King of Siam.
--- Bill Wall
Has a passion for eating raw gherkins.
He'd munch them while dreaming
Of a naked Jan Leeming,
Which played hell with his internal workin's.
--- Bill Wall
Despite urgins and pleadings spousal,
Was to some charming;
Even disarming,
Though seldom reached heights of arousal.
--- Daniel Ford
To a little pub they loved to frequent.
Ate corned beef and carrot,
Well washed down with claret,
Then flew first class all the way to Tashkent.
--- Anon
His track suit began to unravel.
He said, "Don't make a fuss,"
And fashioned a truss
Out of cement -- two parts sand, three parts gravel.
--- Bill Wall
MORE