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Cartoons have appeal universal, George Carlin is really a wit Georgie Gobel's a very fine lad, There was a comedian named Gobel If Gracie Allen were the last of her sex, (originally Gracie Fields, British music hall singer)
There once was a brilliant showman, There once was a comic - Jack Benny - I once met this little green man -- When Letterman's acting on cam, As a comic he's surely no failure. Caught up in the old TV whirl, The comedian named Milton Berle, A comedian known as an Old Soak, There is an old comic named Murray, A comic who came from the Azores, Orson Bean, raconteur and buffoon, The comics who go on TV, A comedienne named Roseanne Barr A grumpy old bullfrog named Dwight, (Senor Wences - ventriloquist on Ed Sullivan TV show)
There once was a man, Steven Wright -- Suzie Wong and her sister looked tight. If the Stooges were six, t'would be Moe Moe, Hollywood has been torn asunder It is said that old Wally Cox They asked Rogers, "How do you do My island Eden, Gilligan. I think we finally know why The Minnow is stuck on an island; Ginger's alone with the Skipper, The Captain and Gilligan, too, Poor Gilligan's in water so hot! (Bob Denver played Gilligan is busted for pot possession)
Then you have Thurston Howell What about the silly professor, Take the beautiful Mary Ann; Pity the poor first mate; So now that Gilligan's back, Just sit back and you'll hear a tale Ors who with their passengers landed Now Gilligan and Mary Anne Gilligan, Skip, and Professor... Old Marv has been roundly defiled. Marv Albert is in court today. For one month we now have to wait Proceedings have come to an end. Old Marv says he'll never confess The plaintiff, Roy surely will press: Poor Marv must have really been smitten, "Though," Marv Albert said, "I've a cute Bod, "Well it sure was no kid's game, it's true." New York's Marv Albert was bored; Once Marv Albert announced off the cuff, When he has one too many highballs, She said, "First it sounded inviting, NBC showed small sportsmanship Marv Albert set the sports world agog. Said the shrink to poor Marv, "Take a seat. Now Mike Tyson, and Marv Albert before, This Tuesday finds Marv in the court While listening to Radio Three, When turning on BBC2 While listening to Radio Two, When "Dittoheads" listen to Rush, While listening to Radio Four, We "watched" football! And baseball! And more! A prominent Harvey named Paul Paul Harvey, a likeable guy,
Though the violence may be controversial.
But I'd never scorn
That Foghorn Leghorn...
Aat least they're one-up on commercials.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With his seven words that give censors a fit.
They are shit, mother fucker,
Piss and cock sucker,
And don't forget cunt, fuck and tit.
--- Anon
The pride of his mother and dad;
The songs that he sings
Play on the heart strings
He deserves the success he has had.
--- W L S Limerick Book 1937
Who claimed he was stalwart and noble,
But the quips from his lips
Were but bufffalo chips,
For he knew how to fib and to throw bull.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2597
And I were the last of mine,
I'd ease my tool,
By fucking a mule,
Or maybe a porcupine.
--- L0648
'Groucho Marx' was his famous COGNOMEN.
There wasn't a finer
Source of one-liner;
At wit he was never a slow man.
--- Eva Amata
Who struggled to save every penny.
Asked his friends through their grins,
"Don't you pay for your sin's?"
In surprise Jack replied, "I haven't any!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8205
He'd a mishap with paint-spraying can.
Partner Ollie said, "Yes!
Another fine mess
You have now got us into", to Stan
--- H Myers
Some people do not give a damn.
While he tells his jokes,
Most of the folks
Would rather have Big Ass Whole Ham.
--- Tom Patton P9504
His sharp wit will quite quickly impale ya.
He does three shows a night
And his future is bright,
While the costumes he wears will regale ya.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0112
He often cross-dressed as a girl.
He looked bad in a dress
With his makeup a mess,
But the audience loved Milton Berle.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805
Went to bed with the set's wardrobe girl.
And before her young eyes,
He revealed his full size,
Though it took half an hour to unfurl.
--- Robert Birch P9911
Fell flat when he told a new joke.
He said "What can I do?
Good script writers are few;
I'll write mine and I'll stick to coke.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who speaks all his lines in a hurry.
His jokes are grade nil;
Everyone's had their fill.
His career's at a stage he should worry.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Did his act and received some applause.
Sad to say, I recall,
He did not please them all;
He's afraid to be seen out of doors.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was arrested for trying to moon
Her Majesty's Piper
While attached to a viper
He found in the wilds of Gaboon.
--- Cyber Geezer
From pressing anxiety free,
Don't need to hear laughter --
It's all dubbed in after,
They laugh as they pocket their fee.
--- Paul Jennings
Crabbed her crotch, so her rep she did mar.
I thought it was funny
And right on the money,
But some thought she took it too far.
--- Anon
Slept in a box every night,
Was kissed by a princess,
Became Senor Wences,
And croaked, with his mouth shut, "S'Alright!"
--- Vertech Limerick Contest
No, that wasn't him.
--- Anon A
They seduced Stephen Wright one hot night.
He resisted just one,
But a pair? Too much fun!
So you see, two Wongs can make a Wright!
--- Kirk Miller
And if Santa were tired, he'd say "Ho Ho",
And if Mr. Stallone
Went around with a clone,
They'd drive us all nuts yelling "Yo Yo!"
--- Ed Randolph
By a film of pirates and plunder.
The 3 Stooges are stars
Getting drunk in rough bars;
It's a story of thud and blunder.
--- Tom Patton P0203
Had an asshole as good as a box.
I've heard those who tried it,
Could never deny it,
Ask Brando, the silly old fox.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It? All that humor so scatheing and new?"
"No trick being drole,
When you have the whole
Government working for you!"
--- TuttaGioia
But first, removing every man.
The older lady too.
Just leave those two
As young as when the show began.
--- Irving Superior P9411
Their three-hour tour went awry.
The Skipper's a nipper
And Gilligan's a tripper;
That crew had one helluva ride.
--- Gearhart
The Skipper is going to cry and
Little Buddy's in jail;
He's held without bail,
Here on Gilligan's Highland.
--- Les Stewart
Though Sir Howell and the Prof want to dip her.
"The Professor is wise,
But I like Skipper's size,
And Howell can't go quite past his zipper."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Both lived in that grass hut for two;
But Ginger, the redhead,
Nor Mary Ann gave head;
Is what the professor thought true?
--- Anon
Avoiding substance abuse is not
So easy while
Your marooned on an isle.
That's why he was caught using pot.
--- Puff Adder
And his goofy wife cheek by jowl.
If he's so rich,
Why'd he marry that witch?
He should cover her face with a towel.
--- Puff Adder
A sort of father confessor,
With useless inventions
And silly pretensions;
Your chances with him were much lesser.
--- Puff Adder
This is file cum
Of her I was never a fan.
The same goes for Ginger;
Their virtue not injured.
It had to be hard on the man.
--- Puff Adder
All those years without a date.
His emotions held back.
He'd never attack;
He was just resigned to his fate.
--- Puff Adder
They ought to cut him some slack.
They busted his ass
With ten grams of grass.
It's not like he was shooting smack.
--- Puff Adder
Of a fateful trip in a swale.
The tiny ship tossed
By the seas would be lost,
If not for the courageous sail-
--- Jon Gearhart
Out on a small isle and were stranded
For ages and ages
Through antics outrageous,
All caught by our cameras, candid.
--- Jon Gearhart
Sometimes wandered off 'crossed the sand;
While Ginger and Skipper
Fought o'er the Big Dipper,
The Professor held in his hand.
--- Jon Gearhart
The Millionaire's wife? I detest her!
But oh, just one night
Under the moonlight,
I'd make Mary Anne scream out "Yes Sir!"
--- Bob Muychacha
It has been a while since he smiled.
But before he wed,
I heard his wife said,
"I'm yours once your teeth have been filed."
--- Frank
'Not Guilty' is what he did say.
His lawyer, Roy Black,
Is far from a hack.
Some blood he will draw, not just pay.
--- Frank Fazed
Till the judge tells poor Marv his fate.
I'd venture a guess,
He'll not shout out "Yessssssssss!"
His network might show him the gate.
--- Frank Fazed
We all know which way Marv does bend.
From his guilty plea,
We've now come to see,
He's starting a new fashion trend.
--- Frank Fazed
To tearing or blotting her dress.
To avoid total waste,
He said, "Here, have a taste."
She refused, but Marv answered, "Yessssss!"
--- Frank Fazed
'Just why were you out of your dress?
Marv's taste may be bent,
But did you consent?'
Then Marv will blurt out with a "Yesssssssss!"
--- Frank Fazed
With his hot little horny sex kitten.
But I'll bet that the guy
From now on is twice shy,
Though it's she who has been once bitten.
--- MrMalo
This season I'll not get the nod
Nor the pleasure to see
My name on a marque
Being broadcasting's Marquis de Sade."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9711
Said one witness. "Marv Albert I knew
Enjoyed being kinky
In longerie slinky.
I backed out when he said, 'Bites on you!'"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9711
It had been much too long since he'd scored.
But a hotel room tryst
Surely gives a new twist
To the "Albert Achievement Award".
--- KJ
"Since the world now knows I like sex rough;
My fiancee, Heather,
Has questions if whether
My just Falkiner will be enough."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9711
It's then Marv Albert's libido calls.
That's when he feels svelte
In his garter belt,
With pink panties covering his balls.
--- Tom Patton P9711
In her bed with friend Marv, exciting.
On second thought
What if I'm caught
While he's front instead of back biting?"
--- Tom Patton P9711
On learning of Albert's unzip.
Their action reported,
His job was aborted.
Post headline: "MARV GETS PINK SLIP".
--- Tom Patton P9711
His mind snapped and his brain slipped a cog.
He started to bark,
His teeth made a mark.
It's always news when man bites a dog.
--- Tom Patton P9710a
Your problem is easily beat.
Post hypnotic suggestion
You'll learn in one session.
The back ain't the part that you eat!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Both in boxing and foreplay galore,
Have come to be burned
When they sadly learned,
It's not with the teeth that you score.
--- Frank Spectre
To offer his only retort:
I was not upon her.
She backed up, Your Honor,
I have nothing more to report.
--- Anon
I thought "This just isn't for me."
It was something by Brecht
Which I didn't expect.
So I popped out for a Christopher Lee.
--- Kevin Hale Q
I thought: "They need something brand new.
Something witty and funny,
That doesn't cost money.
Why not Sorry I Haven't A Clue?."
--- Kevin Hale Q
Jimmy Young said: "My wig is askew."
I heard a cat's wail,
Then a hammer and nail,
And a terrible slurping of glue.
--- Kevin Hale Q
They all tell each other to hush.
Though his "facts" are absurd,
They absorb every word,
'Cause their brains must have turned into mush.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
I suddenly heard Lord Haw-Haw.
He appears every day
To present Down Your Way --
Makes you wonder who did win the war!
--- Kevin Hale Q
Orphan Annie! Soap operas galore!
And that Fibber Magee!
Then along came TV.
Gosh. It looked a lot better before.
--- William N Nesbit P9812
Was admired and respected by all,
Till one "Rest Of The Story"
Got graphic and gory;
He now rings a bell in a mall.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Daily pushed us to give Schwinn a try.
Till one day, who knows why,
He was caught in a lie,
And turned his 'good day' to 'good bye'
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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