I'm glad that damn deer you did shoot,
But I bet it was tough as a boot!
I once cried (Oh brother!)
When they shot Bambi's mother,
But now for the hunter I root!
--- Kaylin Brandon

While hunting for ducks in the Saguenay,
An Englishman suffered sheer agony,
Sitting out on a lake
Making sounds like a drake
But in French, to embarrassed to baguenay.
--- Hugh Oliver 37b

A senile old hunter named Cotter
Observed a nude gurl by the water.
When he asked, "Are you game?"
She said "Yes," without shame,
So he raised up his rifle and shot her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2955

Gentlemen can shoot grouse from today;
They could not shoot grouse yesterday.
What was the reason?
Grouse were not in season,
So that lice can shoot grice from today.
--- Tony Burrell

A nearsighted bird-hunter, Jack,
Was eager to fill his game sack.
When the dog wagged its tail,
He took it for quail --
And came home with the dog on his back!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9801

There once was a hunter named Babbitt
Who had a most dangerous habit.
He climbed over a fence
With his gun cocked and hence,
Is survived by his wife and a rabbit.
--- Observer

Said a hunter from Kennebec, Maine,
"From liquor I have to refrain.
When I swallow a jigger,
I miss with the trigger,
Again and again and again.
--- Joseph S Newman

Sir Cromwell Excelsior Gooding,
Inventor of hats draped with hooding,
Disrobed every Monday
And hunted till Sunday,
For puds he could shoot for a pudding.
--- Travis Brasell

He turned every stump, rock and clod,
And probed every hole with his prod.
But finding no puds
And having no duds,
Sir Gooding, instead, shot a wad.
--- Travis Brasell

An Oregonian who lives in Zig Zag
Set out on a hunt for a stag.
But alas! And Oh No!
All he found was a doe,
Which, of course, what he could not bag.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Said a very class-conscious old pheasant,
"To be shot at is not at all pleasant.
But I'd much rather hear
Guns of Prince, Duke, or peer
Than that of a low, vulgar peasant!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A buxom young lady named Lunt
Was fond of the chase and the hunt;
She shot little quails
While hunting for males
And put up a very good front.
--- Lims Unlimited

Asked Mimi, a gorgeous young dame,
"What passions set your heart aflame?"
Said rich Mister Bunting,
"I'm quite fond of hunting",
Responded young Mimi, "I'm game!"
--- Anon

People have come a long way:
They are now making dishes of clay;
They slaughter a doe
With arrow and bow,
And eat it outdoors on a tray.
--- Lims Unlimited

The youth, as our diagram shows,
Got out to wage war upon crows,
But by grevous bad luck,
He knocked over a duck,
For which he'd to pay through the nose.
--- Anon

A fly was hit smack in the eye,
On a sharpshooter's very first try,
Which wasn't so hot,
Because he had shot
At another one sitting nearby.
--- Limber Limericks

"Hunting for Bambi" show's got the goods,
With six gals butt-naked in the woods;
We can't wait to shoot
Or give them a root...
As we strap the little dears to our hoods.
--- David Miller

They breed pheasants, both hens and cocks,
But they're not allowed to breed fox
For hunting by princes;
The thought brings on winces.
Royal huntsmen deserve to catch pox!
--- Tony Burrell

Three hunters were hunting for deer,
One spring not a long way from here.
They followed some tracks
And argued the facts
Of what kind of dear they were near.
--- Mad Zeno

Ancient Sparta was really a droll spot,
Where both sexes went naked a whole lot.
Yes, the coeds were brave
At the Games but it gave
All the boys a leg up in the pole vault.
--- Don Moore P0900

Britain only won one gold medal;
Our athletes seem to back pedal.
But we don't take drugs
And our girls are not thugs,
So at least that part's on the level.
--- Tony Burrell

I've been very good this fortnight.
(The Commonwealth Games, what a sight)
I've not boasted once
Though your teams we did trounce,
For gloating is never quite right!
--- Archie

But all of the athletes did well;
Just making the teams was quite swell.
They gave of their best,
Whether first or the rest
And even the cyclist who fell!
--- Archie

But Susie O'Neill is the star.
With swimming she went very far.
Her ten medals gold
Is a tale to be told,
And all here Down Under went "Rah!"
--- Archie

There were many others of note;
Squash play which had an "Elgar Note".
Relay swimmers in kilts,
Weightlifters, wow, built!
A Canadian diver got my vote!
--- Archie

A Russian gymnast on the beam
Was trying to win gold for his team.
But during the splits,
He sat on his bits,
And splattered his trousers with cream.
--- SFA

I've been watching the World Champions Games;
I think the secret's in the names.
If your -ov or -sky,
You're in the first three,
Without talent, training, or brains.
--- Tony Burrell

The diving this year was a yawn;
I know, 'cause I watched it 'til dawn.
Twists, flips, pikes and more --
But it was a bore,
Because all the swimsuits stayed on!
--- Marlene Lewis

The girls, I admit, were damn cute.
They got me to wheeze like a brute.
So young and carefree --
From what I could see,
Imprinted behind their swimsuit.
--- SFA

Some swimsuits do not cover much
While others hid, legs, arms and such.
Still, they were all tight
And seemed to invite
My fingers to just have a touch.
--- Marlene Lewis

The World Championships are here!
Don't mind! I'l just give one more cheer
For those muscle-bound thugs,
Who do it on drugs,
And make 'bout a million each year.
--- Tony Burrell

To those darlings the media flatters;
Now winning is just all that matters.
The other two cheers
Are for the old dears
Whos integrity isn't in tatters.
--- Tony Burrell

If your honest in sport, it just seems,
You're having impossible dreams.
The guys with the cash
Are leading the dash,
And you are left in the slipstreams.
--- Tony Burrell

This is file cul

The Olympics are exciting and regal,
While the events are all perfectly legal.
I just hope the Brits,
Will add to the glitz
By sending over Eddie the Eagle.
--- J V

He soars through the air with the greatest of ease;
His movements are graceful and certain to please.
But on landing he stumbles
And over he tumbles;
Going head-over-heels on his skis.
--- J V

The Romanians must think we're all fools,
And they keep on eating ampoules.
The weights they can lift,
But given short shrift,
Some cash overrules all the rules!
--- Archie

You'd think with the name Erki Nool,
The guy'd be some kind of a fool.
But he's a real athlete,
A champion decathlete,
Which proves that names don't always rule.
--- Tony Burrell

One girl had a massive surprise
While doing the floor exercise.
She stood on her hands,
Inverting her glands,
And brought more than tears to her eyes.
--- SFA

Thus blinded, she fell on her nose,
But got tens for her limber pose.
The judges all smiled;
The crowd, it went wild!
She stepped on her boobs with her toes.
--- Marlene Lewis

The Olympians voiced their reliance
On drugs which had made them all giants.
Without trace of odium
Place on the podium,
Went to the "Best Pharma-Science".
--- John E Mayhood P0409

All Olympians now are steroidal,
Anthropoidal or Neanderthoidal.
Bun-fixated groupies
Will shell out the rupees,
To ball what they call bi-spheroidal.
--- Jem P0409

The Olympic games are a blast
And politics things of the past.
But what are they cooking
While we are not looking;
Out of sight they can really move fast.
--- Archie

To Olympic Gold, crooks found the key:
A steroid they sell for a fee.
It lets athletes perform
At double the norm,
And it can't be detected in pee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

The judging this year was abysmal.
One high diver's prospects, so dismal,
He railed at the judges,
"You ignorant drudges
Could not even rank a baptismal!"
--- Marlene Lewis

"Could too! Why I gave it an eight!
One point 'cause the baby was late,
And half for the priest
Whose cassock was creased,
And half because mom had no mate!"
--- Marlene Lewis

In short sprints or in long marathons,
The world's fastest, most high up , or strong,
Are the three most content
In their Athens event,
With Olympic gold, silver, and bronze.
--- Anon

Michelle on the ice fell down -- SPLAT!
And it seem like for days she just sat
And pondered the cold,
The fall and lost gold.
And wished that her nose wasn't flat.
--- Travis Brasell

Poor Michelle has been once again bested
By young Sarah, a teen; who'd have guess it?
Now her sponsors, no doubt,
Are beginning to shout,
"We want back our millions invested!"
--- Hans

The Olympics, mundane and diffuse,
Promote values close to the obtuse.
Sportsmanship's put on hold
In the quest for the gold,
And the jocks tested for their drug use.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203

With three months before the big show,
Olympians have a new woe;
In Utah they're balling
'Cause nothing is falling,
Except Marty's pants -- but not snow!
--- Anon

A man in Atlanta named Spenser
Was just like a moron but denser.
At night after dark,
Built a wall 'round the park,
Then said, "I'm an Olympic fencer."
--- Tom Patton P9609

The Olympic contestants were keen,
The finest we ever have seen.
Their motto, we're told,
But all of them went for the GREEN.
--- Al Chaplin P9609a

The Premier on the stage at Torino
Shook hands and then kissed a bambino;
He read, "Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh." His aide yelled, "Oh No!
That's the Olympic logo, you're fino!"
--- Arthur Deex

In Albertville mid all the snow,
Monsieur Mitterand said, "Oh oh -- oh oh,
Oh--excuse my faux pas,
For just now I saw
I've been reading zee Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P9203

In the opening speech at Sarajevo,
The Yugoslav premier said, "Oh-oh!
Oh! Oh-Oh.." -- but quit
When his aide said, "You twit!
You've just read the Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P8403

Olympic-dot-com's website menu
Has posted a fabulous venue:
A brand new admission
In sports competition
'Tween women who'll stretch their twat's sinew.
--- Travis Brasell

These athletes, so brave, strong, and bold,
Are listed as both young and old;
They'll make some fast dashes
To stretch out their gashes;
The twat that's stretched most gets the gold.
--- Travis Brasell

This venue's been hailed as 'erotics';
It's wetter than female aquatics.
There's been a report
That this stretching sport
Is classed as Olympic 'atwatics'.
--- Travis Brasell

The winner of this new event
Is a virgin from lower East Trent.
Her twat's measured girth,
From Sydney to Perth,
Gives Aussies a mammoth pink tent.
--- Travis Brasell

"In the whole world," Aussies have vented,
"Ain't too much that we Aussies invented.
But now in swelter-
Ing heat, there's a shelter.
We're not pleased, but we are now cunt-tented.
--- Cyber Wizard

Nadia is giving folks fits.
She's taking conservative's hits --
Her sex antics attacked,
They'd like to bring back
Her demeanor before she had tits.

(Nadia Comeneche)
--- John K Roberts P9303

The Olympic Torch has gone past;
To see it was great, a real blast.
Police sirens ringing,
Waltzing Matilda we're singing.
The games are approaching real fast.

(dated 9/11/00 for Sidney Olympics)
--- Alex Milway

Did SLOC bribe those guys?
Find out how much their money buys.
I'm told all the time
That it won't cost a dime.
Just who has been telling these lies.

(Salt Lake City bribed Olympic Committee 1998)
--- Marlene

In Sydney on opening night,
The mayor started his speech, "G'Diy Mite,
Oh oh OH oh oh TWO oh-oh OH."
Moaned his Aide de Camp, "Whoa!
You just read the logo and dite."
--- Arthur Deex P2006

At the 2010 Games held in Rome,
Ten gold went to Merck, Sharpe and Dohme;
Six silver to Pfizer,
While on the bronze riser,
Eight medals for Frosst to take home.
--- John E Mayhood P0409

In the opening speech at Salt Lake,
The mayor made a terrible mistake;
Saying, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh"
While his aide moaned, "Oh no!
You've just read the logo, you flake!"
--- Arthur Deex P0201