MORE
I'm glad that damn deer you did shoot, While hunting for ducks in the Saguenay, A senile old hunter named Cotter Gentlemen can shoot grouse from today; A nearsighted bird-hunter, Jack, There once was a hunter named Babbitt Said a hunter from Kennebec, Maine, Sir Cromwell Excelsior Gooding, He turned every stump, rock and clod, An Oregonian who lives in Zig Zag Said a very class-conscious old pheasant, A buxom young lady named Lunt Asked Mimi, a gorgeous young dame, People have come a long way: The youth, as our diagram shows, A fly was hit smack in the eye, "Hunting for Bambi" show's got the goods, They breed pheasants, both hens and cocks, Three hunters were hunting for deer, Ancient Sparta was really a droll spot, Britain only won one gold medal; I've been very good this fortnight. But all of the athletes did well; But Susie O'Neill is the star. There were many others of note; A Russian gymnast on the beam I've been watching the World Champions Games; The diving this year was a yawn; The girls, I admit, were damn cute. Some swimsuits do not cover much The World Championships are here! To those darlings the media flatters; If your honest in sport, it just seems, The Olympics are exciting and regal, He soars through the air with the greatest of ease; The Romanians must think we're all fools, You'd think with the name Erki Nool, One girl had a massive surprise Thus blinded, she fell on her nose, The Olympians voiced their reliance All Olympians now are steroidal, The Olympic games are a blast To Olympic Gold, crooks found the key: The judging this year was abysmal. "Could too! Why I gave it an eight! In short sprints or in long marathons, Michelle on the ice fell down -- SPLAT! Poor Michelle has been once again bested The Olympics, mundane and diffuse, With three months before the big show, A man in Atlanta named Spenser The Olympic contestants were keen, The Premier on the stage at Torino In Albertville mid all the snow, In the opening speech at Sarajevo, Olympic-dot-com's website menu These athletes, so brave, strong, and bold, This venue's been hailed as 'erotics'; The winner of this new event "In the whole world," Aussies have vented, Nadia is giving folks fits. (Nadia Comeneche)
The Olympic Torch has gone past; (dated 9/11/00 for Sidney Olympics)
Did SLOC bribe those guys? (Salt Lake City bribed Olympic Committee 1998)
In Sydney on opening night, At the 2010 Games held in Rome, In the opening speech at Salt Lake,
But I bet it was tough as a boot!
I once cried (Oh brother!)
When they shot Bambi's mother,
But now for the hunter I root!
--- Kaylin Brandon
An Englishman suffered sheer agony,
Sitting out on a lake
Making sounds like a drake
But in French, to embarrassed to baguenay.
--- Hugh Oliver 37b
Observed a nude gurl by the water.
When he asked, "Are you game?"
She said "Yes," without shame,
So he raised up his rifle and shot her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2955
They could not shoot grouse yesterday.
What was the reason?
Grouse were not in season,
So that lice can shoot grice from today.
--- Tony Burrell
Was eager to fill his game sack.
When the dog wagged its tail,
He took it for quail --
And came home with the dog on his back!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9801
Who had a most dangerous habit.
He climbed over a fence
With his gun cocked and hence,
Is survived by his wife and a rabbit.
--- Observer
"From liquor I have to refrain.
When I swallow a jigger,
I miss with the trigger,
Again and again and again.
--- Joseph S Newman
Inventor of hats draped with hooding,
Disrobed every Monday
And hunted till Sunday,
For puds he could shoot for a pudding.
--- Travis Brasell
And probed every hole with his prod.
But finding no puds
And having no duds,
Sir Gooding, instead, shot a wad.
--- Travis Brasell
Set out on a hunt for a stag.
But alas! And Oh No!
All he found was a doe,
Which, of course, what he could not bag.
--- William K Alsop Jr
"To be shot at is not at all pleasant.
But I'd much rather hear
Guns of Prince, Duke, or peer
Than that of a low, vulgar peasant!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was fond of the chase and the hunt;
She shot little quails
While hunting for males
And put up a very good front.
--- Lims Unlimited
"What passions set your heart aflame?"
Said rich Mister Bunting,
"I'm quite fond of hunting",
Responded young Mimi, "I'm game!"
--- Anon
They are now making dishes of clay;
They slaughter a doe
With arrow and bow,
And eat it outdoors on a tray.
--- Lims Unlimited
Got out to wage war upon crows,
But by grevous bad luck,
He knocked over a duck,
For which he'd to pay through the nose.
--- Anon
On a sharpshooter's very first try,
Which wasn't so hot,
Because he had shot
At another one sitting nearby.
--- Limber Limericks
With six gals butt-naked in the woods;
We can't wait to shoot
Or give them a root...
As we strap the little dears to our hoods.
--- David Miller
But they're not allowed to breed fox
For hunting by princes;
The thought brings on winces.
Royal huntsmen deserve to catch pox!
--- Tony Burrell
One spring not a long way from here.
They followed some tracks
And argued the facts
Of what kind of dear they were near.
--- Mad Zeno
Where both sexes went naked a whole lot.
Yes, the coeds were brave
At the Games but it gave
All the boys a leg up in the pole vault.
--- Don Moore P0900
Our athletes seem to back pedal.
But we don't take drugs
And our girls are not thugs,
So at least that part's on the level.
--- Tony Burrell
(The Commonwealth Games, what a sight)
I've not boasted once
Though your teams we did trounce,
For gloating is never quite right!
--- Archie
Just making the teams was quite swell.
They gave of their best,
Whether first or the rest
And even the cyclist who fell!
--- Archie
With swimming she went very far.
Her ten medals gold
Is a tale to be told,
And all here Down Under went "Rah!"
--- Archie
Squash play which had an "Elgar Note".
Relay swimmers in kilts,
Weightlifters, wow, built!
A Canadian diver got my vote!
--- Archie
Was trying to win gold for his team.
But during the splits,
He sat on his bits,
And splattered his trousers with cream.
--- SFA
I think the secret's in the names.
If your -ov or -sky,
You're in the first three,
Without talent, training, or brains.
--- Tony Burrell
I know, 'cause I watched it 'til dawn.
Twists, flips, pikes and more --
But it was a bore,
Because all the swimsuits stayed on!
--- Marlene Lewis
They got me to wheeze like a brute.
So young and carefree --
From what I could see,
Imprinted behind their swimsuit.
--- SFA
While others hid, legs, arms and such.
Still, they were all tight
And seemed to invite
My fingers to just have a touch.
--- Marlene Lewis
Don't mind! I'l just give one more cheer
For those muscle-bound thugs,
Who do it on drugs,
And make 'bout a million each year.
--- Tony Burrell
Now winning is just all that matters.
The other two cheers
Are for the old dears
Whos integrity isn't in tatters.
--- Tony Burrell
You're having impossible dreams.
The guys with the cash
Are leading the dash,
And you are left in the slipstreams.
--- Tony Burrell
This is file cul
While the events are all perfectly legal.
I just hope the Brits,
Will add to the glitz
By sending over Eddie the Eagle.
--- J V
His movements are graceful and certain to please.
But on landing he stumbles
And over he tumbles;
Going head-over-heels on his skis.
--- J V
And they keep on eating ampoules.
The weights they can lift,
But given short shrift,
Some cash overrules all the rules!
--- Archie
The guy'd be some kind of a fool.
But he's a real athlete,
A champion decathlete,
Which proves that names don't always rule.
--- Tony Burrell
While doing the floor exercise.
She stood on her hands,
Inverting her glands,
And brought more than tears to her eyes.
--- SFA
But got tens for her limber pose.
The judges all smiled;
The crowd, it went wild!
She stepped on her boobs with her toes.
--- Marlene Lewis
On drugs which had made them all giants.
Without trace of odium
Place on the podium,
Went to the "Best Pharma-Science".
--- John E Mayhood P0409
Anthropoidal or Neanderthoidal.
Bun-fixated groupies
Will shell out the rupees,
To ball what they call bi-spheroidal.
--- Jem P0409
And politics things of the past.
But what are they cooking
While we are not looking;
Out of sight they can really move fast.
--- Archie
A steroid they sell for a fee.
It lets athletes perform
At double the norm,
And it can't be detected in pee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
One high diver's prospects, so dismal,
He railed at the judges,
"You ignorant drudges
Could not even rank a baptismal!"
--- Marlene Lewis
One point 'cause the baby was late,
And half for the priest
Whose cassock was creased,
And half because mom had no mate!"
--- Marlene Lewis
The world's fastest, most high up , or strong,
Are the three most content
In their Athens event,
With Olympic gold, silver, and bronze.
--- Anon
And it seem like for days she just sat
And pondered the cold,
The fall and lost gold.
And wished that her nose wasn't flat.
--- Travis Brasell
By young Sarah, a teen; who'd have guess it?
Now her sponsors, no doubt,
Are beginning to shout,
"We want back our millions invested!"
--- Hans
Promote values close to the obtuse.
Sportsmanship's put on hold
In the quest for the gold,
And the jocks tested for their drug use.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203
Olympians have a new woe;
In Utah they're balling
'Cause nothing is falling,
Except Marty's pants -- but not snow!
--- Anon
Was just like a moron but denser.
At night after dark,
Built a wall 'round the park,
Then said, "I'm an Olympic fencer."
--- Tom Patton P9609
The finest we ever have seen.
Their motto, we're told,
Was "GO FOR THE GOLD!"
But all of them went for the GREEN.
--- Al Chaplin P9609a
Shook hands and then kissed a bambino;
He read, "Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh." His aide yelled, "Oh No!
That's the Olympic logo, you're fino!"
--- Arthur Deex
Monsieur Mitterand said, "Oh oh -- oh oh,
Oh--excuse my faux pas,
For just now I saw
I've been reading zee Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P9203
The Yugoslav premier said, "Oh-oh!
Oh! Oh-Oh.." -- but quit
When his aide said, "You twit!
You've just read the Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P8403
Has posted a fabulous venue:
A brand new admission
In sports competition
'Tween women who'll stretch their twat's sinew.
--- Travis Brasell
Are listed as both young and old;
They'll make some fast dashes
To stretch out their gashes;
The twat that's stretched most gets the gold.
--- Travis Brasell
It's wetter than female aquatics.
There's been a report
That this stretching sport
Is classed as Olympic 'atwatics'.
--- Travis Brasell
Is a virgin from lower East Trent.
Her twat's measured girth,
From Sydney to Perth,
Gives Aussies a mammoth pink tent.
--- Travis Brasell
"Ain't too much that we Aussies invented.
But now in swelter-
Ing heat, there's a shelter.
We're not pleased, but we are now cunt-tented.
--- Cyber Wizard
She's taking conservative's hits --
Her sex antics attacked,
They'd like to bring back
Her demeanor before she had tits.
--- John K Roberts P9303
To see it was great, a real blast.
Police sirens ringing,
Waltzing Matilda we're singing.
The games are approaching real fast.
--- Alex Milway
Find out how much their money buys.
I'm told all the time
That it won't cost a dime.
Just who has been telling these lies.
--- Marlene
The mayor started his speech, "G'Diy Mite,
Oh oh OH oh oh TWO oh-oh OH."
Moaned his Aide de Camp, "Whoa!
You just read the logo and dite."
--- Arthur Deex P2006
Ten gold went to Merck, Sharpe and Dohme;
Six silver to Pfizer,
While on the bronze riser,
Eight medals for Frosst to take home.
--- John E Mayhood P0409
The mayor made a terrible mistake;
Saying, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh"
While his aide moaned, "Oh no!
You've just read the logo, you flake!"
--- Arthur Deex P0201
MORE