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The locals in old SLC (Salt Lake City, 2002) The jerks who all jacked up the price (tax on booze benifits schools)
When Igor was putting the shot He's bent now, and that's not so bad. There's no one around here, just me! While everyone else here may watch But Trav, you should watch the pole vaulting, The long jump I happened to watch; An athlete's attempt to pole vault I once watched the Widow Kate Quince They tumble and balance and jump, 'Tis said, not a drop has been wasted She gobbled and slurped and then swallowed; The rest of the world has no hopes. She only had one chance at gold; At the opening ceremony the Greek With the world on a very short fuse, Some naysayers, scoffers and cynics Though his pole was stuck in the groove, He thought it would make him a star A nut-jar would not be so bad, A fellow named Fan got in trouble, The umpire said it was cool, Then the umpire said, "That is true, The whole match has been long at a halt, As it turned out, a teammate had tried And the moral of this sorry day? Whether 38, 40 or more, The change in the ball size was fine, The strength of the American team, A table tennis player named Skinner There once was a leader of pong, I glue up my paddle each day, The spin that the players impart, When Han Xiao was only age eight, I endeavored to learn how to loop; Table tennis is a lot of fun, He asked nicely, "Was that in or out?" Because of incredible spin, Perhaps I should try some new grips, The change nearly brought down the walls, The rules of our game have been changed; After serves can no longer be hidden, A prudish ping-ponger named Fay, I think that I shall never see, We have been friends for many years. PING PONG, a game of skill quick, At table tennis, also known as ping pong, I know I must be wrong, The master of ping and of pong, There once were two pusher classed A, Ping Pong is a sport for your life, Did the ball being served touch the net? I know a slow blocker from Texas, There was a big looper from Astor, When facing inordinate spin, I thought that I'd try antispin, In ping-pong there exists spins galore; A fat lazy slob took up running, Every day he would run till he dropped, Yes, he kept up his pace like a winner. A runner at a marathon meet In his penthouse, tres chic and snobby, A transvestite runner from Wichita A broad jumper, hoping to sweep, A year-seven pupil from Catton, (areas around Norfolk)
A promiscuous sprinter named Wright
To miss the Olympics did feel.
The bars there are troubled,
And beer prices doubled.
It serves the creeps right, so says me.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of their food and drinks, are not nice.
We locals stay in,
Ignoring such sin,
When we know the schools get a slice.
--- Marty
And giving it all that he's got.
With one mighty yell,
He threw it to hell,
But twisted his balls in a knot.
--- SFA
They say that his lover is glad,
When he stuffs them in.
Vladimir gives a grin,
Screaming, "Igor! Kinks just drive me mad!"
--- Marlene Lewis
I wonder where everyone be?
Maybe out on the town,
Or just sitting down,
On their butts watching games from Sydney.
--- Anon
Olympics, I'd rather just botch
Another good pair
Of jeans that I wear
By rubbing the bulge in my crotch.
--- Anon
As done by young Cynthia Baulting.
When she leaps up high
To straddle my thigh,
I judge, with her action's no faulting.
--- Anon
The athlete would totally botch.
Her leap in the pit
Fell ass-over-tit,
Emerging with sand in her crotch.
--- Anon
Was stopped when he had to default
For planting his pole
Inside the wrong hole,
Committing indecent assault.
--- SFA
Leap over two creeks and a fence,
To slide herself under
My stallion named Thunder,
Who's whinnied non-stop ever since!
--- Travis Brasell
But in locker rooms they then all clump
Together in packs,
And splatter the cracks
Of the judge, an ugly old frump!
--- Marlene Lewis
In getting that ugly frump pasted.
What they couldn't fit
Went under each tit.
Then what was left over, she tasted.
--- SFA
Their nubile young bodies she followed
On to the gym mat.
Performance fell flat
When in all their juices she wallowed.
--- Marlene Lewis
The U. S. athletes know the ropes.
Both Walgreens and Eckerds
Set Olympic records,
For having undetectable dopes.
--- Tom Patton P0409
A baby, eleven years old...
The coach saw her plight
And asked, "You all right?"
She answered him: "Shit no! I'm cold!"
--- Anon
President mounted the dais to speak.
He first read, "Oh Oh Oh,"
Then continued, "Oh Oh."
Sneered his aide, "That's the logo, you geek!"
--- Arthur Deex P0408
At least so it seems from present clues,
Olympic tradition
Can go to perdition.
Does it matter who may win or lose?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0604
Might say that the Winter Olympics
Is aimed at fanatics
Of buff babes in spandex,
On the tube, yet! Much better than skin flicks.
--- Dr Limerick 02-11-02
His score he still thought to improve.
He wriggled and bounced.
The judges announced
Default 'cause he tried the wrong move.
--- Marlene Lewis
When sailing clear over the bar.
But then the poor chap
Did have a mishap,
And he carries his nuts in a jar.
--- SFA
Except once again the guy had
To try jumping higher.
Alas! He's no flier --
This time he lost his hanging chad.
--- Marlene Lewis
When his paddle developed a bubble.
And he said, I've no spare;
I'll just go over there,
And reglue my old sheet on the double.
--- D Elliot
But coach Seemiller said, "Your a fool!
For it's written right there, ya
Can't leave the play area,
And that is a hard and fast rule."
--- D Elliot
But this is a courtesy glue.
I'm changing my mind,
And he'll just have to find
A spare bat, or his playing is through."
--- D Elliot
So then Fan reaches into his vault,
Well, his bag, that's to say,
Grabs a bat; "So let's play!"
And the umpire yells: "You default!"
--- D Elliot
To loan Fan a bat, but he'd sighed,
Saying, "It's not the same,
It'll throw off my game."
But the umpire thought Fan had lied.
--- D Elliot
Any time that you go out to play,
Always have a spare racket
Tucked into your jacket,
To keep angry umpires at bay.
--- D Elliot
I'm a ball, without which there's no score.
There's no racket I envy,
Nor a net that offends me,
So my bounce you will surely adore.
--- Phil Sorensen
But a win at 11-to-9?
An old guy like me
Can't change easily.
Let's see, is it your serve or mine?
--- John Blois
Heterodoxical creme de la creme,
Wins come with more ease;
Many names are Chinese,
But that's the Ammerican dream.
--- Kent Davault
Was known as a ferocious spinner.
When he hit it just right,
It would circle in flight,
And come down some time after dinner.
--- John Dichiaro
Who said, "Games are ll points long."
The players retort,
Those games are too short!
And 5 out of 9 just seems wrong.
--- Aaron Avery
In a very precise, exact way.
As I watch the sponge dry,
I sniff glue 'til I'm high.
I often forget to go play.
--- D Elliot
This is file ctl
Requires their opponents be smart.
For the physics involved
Aren't easily solved,
And winning takes both brains and heart.
--- Aaron Avery
I whupped him eleven games straight.
But as soon as he grew,
To a height, 4 foot 2,
He jumped up and slammed shut the gate.
--- Jon Vos
I became the best one in my group.
When from out of the crop
Came a guy who could chop,
And into the net my shots droop.
--- Kirk Stempert
Especially if your game is won.
But you are liable to cry
Or give a loud sigh
When you lose eleven to none.
--- Paul L Lawrence
In ping pong, there's no need to shout.
John McEnroe
Would have trouble, you know,
'Cause in our sport, he carries no clout.
--- Aaron Avery
Our players are often quite thin.
It's hard to get fat
Running this way and that,
After balls being hit by Ma Lin!
--- Aaron Avery
Or speed glue or no-sponge or pips.
It occurred to me then,
That it's all among friends,
So who cares how low my rating dips?
--- Kirk Stimpert
From shouting that echoed the halls.
But the new rules, I said,
Should be welcomed instead,
Because who wouldn't want bigger balls?
--- Craig Krum
Bigger balls and the serves rearranged.
Play the game to eleven,
Four games out of seven.
Those rulemakers must be deranged!
--- D Elliot
Will serve hiders still try what's forbidden?
Will the players be cool
With the new service rule?
Just who do we think that we're kiddin'?
--- Berndt Mann
Thought she and doubles ix-nay,
Since once she had heard
Admittedly absurd,
Mixed doubles was called four-play.
--- D Elliot
A bat that fits me to a T.
I've spent money aplenty,
And tried more than twenty;
Perhaps it's not the bat but it's me.
--- Si Wasserman
Together we shared sorrows and cheers.
But we're opponents today.
I hope your luck goes away,
And you leave with a bucket of tears.
--- Paul L Lawrence
It too's felt the trademark's short lick;
For all that I knew,
The white orb that flew,
Was merely a sport, generic.
--- Chris Papa
She was good and surprisingly strong.
Forehand, slice and spin,
She would get them all in;
I wish she had stayed in Hong Kong!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I cannot love Ping-pong;
I cannot sing
In praise of ping;
I have no song for pong.
--- Punch 1902, Vol 122, p56 a
Played anti and pips that were long.
His opponents with dread
And faces of red,
Hit all shots too short or too long.
--- Kent Davault
Who would push without missing all day.
They played for a while
In their usual style,
And finished the following May.
--- Russ Walker
Your husband, your child, or your wife.
You pick up a paddle
And stop all that prattle.
Get rid of your stress and your strife.
--- Michael Charney
The player receiving cried "Let!"
The call was contested
And loudly protested.
Is Ping Pong so serious? You bet!
--- Craig Krum
Whose control game has been known to vex us.
It's notable yet,
That each edge and net
Falls his way and in the end wrecks us.
--- Alan Williams
Who spun the ball harder and faster.
He must make amends
To all of his friends,
Or suffer a social disaster.
--- Michael Charney
And trying one's hardest to win,
Unleash your best chop,
As you watch the ball drop,
And then do it over again.
--- Russel Dubois
To see if it would help me win.
I found that my hits
Gave other guys fits,
Yet somehow it felt like a sin.
--- Kirk Stimpert
Topspin, underspin, and there's more...
Loops and chops,
Smashes and blocks,
Ping-pong is never a bore!
--- Marius Wechsler
Whether raining or snowing or sunning.
His sole inspiration
Was infatuation
For one whose complexion was stunning.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And he swore he could never be stopped.
Though he toned up in haste,
Muscles under his waist,
Still his gut over his belt-buckle flopped.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Running daily he'd surely get thinner.
But he found to his gloom
He continued to bloom
From the increasing size of his dinner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Thought the record would surely be beat.
What a terrible shame
When the guy pulled up lame;
It was the agony of defeat!
--- Tom Patton P0209
Brother Jack has found a new hobby.
Down his new laundry chute,
He throws his bandicoot,
And then races the cunt to the lobby.
--- David Miller
Put on a large plump lady's bra.
Through many a lap,
He had minimal flap,
But evoked a resounding guffaw!
--- M B Spitzler P8308
His track meet, collapsed in a heap.
An insomniac, he
And his coach will agree,
Was much plagued by a great slack of leap.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0504
While carring her relay-team's baton,
Tripped and fell on it,
Then made up a sonnet:
The funniest thing ever I've sat on.
--- Anon
Could have fled from the soldiers all night,
But they barracked her speed
(And her, too) for you need
To be chaste to be chased into flight.
--- David A Brooks Q
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