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Life, life: a concoction of bits Amazing, these tiny small strings; And to eagles their wings on a ledge As the lizard crawled up from the slime, We've all grown to fill in some niche, Three sausages, the menu read, A primate in search of a lover, As results sometimes seem quite contrary, When God made the world in its prime, There once was an irascible ass "Evolution," observed Mr. Baer, Said a protozoan, "Oh shoot! Man's term on this earth cannot last -- On the steep slopes of Mount Delacorte, I often have flies on my fly; A dino once said to his friend, Genesis in primordial soup, Contemplation of eon's mutation, Years and years to the four-legged mouse, The correct variation the ape, Finally homo erectus evolved, The field of biology's ruled The previous critters before us, Cue the Miracle: Granite resolving All the glory of nature explored, An MIT man who loved Darwin, A fun-loving lady named Kate With Darwin's "The Descent of Man" (see following alternate last lines)
If white and not red is her can; As a youngster Charles Darwin collected Then, discarding all circumlocution, You can hardly believe the sensation From the pulpits priests thundered objection All the Press and both Houses were furious In the streets every unlettered peasant Unabashed by such childish effusions This sermon I'm going to preach, Charles Darwin climbed on to The Beagle, The next day they had lifeboat drill; Their passage was terribly slow, The crew got so desperate and died, By this time they'd reached the Galapagos, Those governing us are so tedious, Observed Darwin, "The mammals increased Charles Darwin knew whereof he spoke, After Cambridge, on H.M.S. Beagle, It was probably far too ambitions The Flat-Earther's President said that, The Galapagos Islands the place, Sweet mystery of life all around, A theory that's based on inspection, Excitement that made his heart race, "The Origin of Species" is written, My fingers are extremely long; I think now I'll have to agree Young Darwin, he found him a turtle, He'd been asked for his source of affection I'm Darwin, I had an erection At long last the enigma is solved; There once was a young man named Darwin It was probably far too ambitious On Darwin's "The Descent of Man," With "also must whiten our can," And so as each century passes, On the voyage of the "Beagle", the scribe A bard from the Lago di Como,
And molecules throwing small fits.
They jockey for favor
And sometimes they waiver,
And fall by the wayside -- the pits!
--- Matthew Montchalin
To birds -- they give them their wings.
And lions -- their claws
And dogs -- their four paws,
And scaly fish -- flippers and things.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And the color and shape of a hedge.
And to chocolate flavor
That we all can savor,
And that awful smell of stewed veg.
--- Michelle
He said, "In a few eons of time,
With some serious groomin'
I might be a human;
I might even learn how to rhyme."
--- Ann Gasser P8811
Unless there's a DNA glitch.
In that case we change;
Perhaps extending our range,
But more often, face down in a ditch.
--- Science Creative Quart
But I got two, so I said,
"I'm sorry, I think
There is a missing link."
The Times sent down their Science Ed.
--- Irving Superior P8810
Had a fling with a curator's mother;
And the progeny, Joe,
When grown up had to know,
"Is it true that I'm my keeper's brother?"
--- William N Nesbit
Can the Primary Purpose miscarry?
Did Nature intend
To produce in the end
A Socrates or a Bill Perry?
--- A N Wilkins P8810
Like begat like every time.
But then to temp fate
He commanded: MUTATE --
And that's why we're not all green slime.
--- Arthur Deex P8810a
Who came on to any available lass.
But by group affirmation,
To stop his procreation,
All said, on these genes, we will pass.
--- Science Creative Quart
"Labored ages with exquisite care,
Leaving no raveled threads,
To perfect a few heads.
The others are covered with hair."
--- A N Wilkins P8810a
For this life I don't give a hoot!
No adventure, no flex,
No war, and no sex.
Let us split, first, and then evolute!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8810
By the cockroach he will be surpassed.
To much credence he places
And his future he bases
On improbable tales from the past.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8810
The antelope play and cavort.
Through Darwinian projection
And natural selection,
The left legs are normally short.
--- VOL 7
And NO, I will not tell you why.
But my rapid erection
Means natural selection;
If they are too slow then they die!
--- Anon
"For our life I think this is the end.
Evolution it's called,
But I think it has stalled,
Unless there's a monkey to send."
--- Bob Birch P9809
Molecules midst the goop start to group;
Troupe of one-cell creatures,
Simplistic in features,
Starting point of the great nincompoop.
--- Joel D Ash P0507
Slow migration to frog population;
Polliwog seeking land,
Innovation on sand,
Grand backbone of a snake, our relation.
--- Joel D Ash P0507
Different branch than a louse or a grouse;
Gray titmouse not a mammal,
No path for a camel,
Wrong way to the human White House.
--- Joel D Ash P0507
Standing upright upon the landscape;
Chimpanzees down from trees,
Sporting right pedigrees,
To become Superman with a cape.
--- Joel D Ash P0507
The Neanderthal man thus involved;
Early caveman resplendent,
His modern descendent,
By science and God both absolved.
--- Joel D Ash P0507
By those who in Darwin are schooled,
And fie on the fellow
Who fails to find mellow,
The essays of Steven Jay Gould.
--- Norm Storer
The Bronto and Tyrannosaurus;
Before that in time,
The tadpoles who climb
From out of the slime, to bore us.
--- Irving Superior P9311
To a spherical planet revolving;
Stray lightning bolts knife;
A brightening jolts life;
Through a lyrical Man, it's evolving.
--- Jerry Nordal P0306
The tortoise just can't be ignored;
A bird wing and beak,
Subtle change in physique,
The enhancements mutations afford.
--- Joel D Ash
Believed the evolutionist's jargon.
Along came God's truth,
And he thought he had goofed.
Traditions of men are no bargain.
--- M Pacell (Imbecile?)
And a pongo were able to mate.
The result of her sins
Was quadruplets, not twins -
A chimp, two baboons, one primate.
--- Arthur Deex P8408
A horrible rumor began.
An ape in a tree
Is now you or me.
So therefore your spouse you should scan.
--- Irving Superior
If sideways she eats a banan-;
Not hair on his chest but a tan;
Excessive her deoderan-;
She screws like an orang-utan.
--- Irving Superior
Lots of birds of the types now protected,
Spiders, beetles and bugs,
Daddy-long-legs and slugs...
While his normal school work was neglected.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
He faced up to the final solution,
That the shape of Mankind
Is decreed and defined
By the principles of evolution.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
That was caused by the first publication
Of his 'Origins'--Why?
Well, it seemed to imply
That the monkey was Man's close relation.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
To the doctrine of Nature's selection,
And it's said there were some
Who were so overcome
They forgot to take up a collection.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
This is file cqm
And condemned his assertions as spurious.
He was snubbed at his club
And thrown out of a pub --
A circumstance known to the curious.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
Would indulge in some gesture unpleasant,
With perhaps a short mime
Of an ape's breeding time--
Provided no ladies were present.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
And amused by such vulgar allusions,
Darwin said, with a smile:
'Mankind's critical style
Merely serves to confirm my conclusions.'
--- T L McCarthy P9501
Some states now forbid one to teach.
To find what you're missin'
Just come here and listen,
And let's all stand up for free speech.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(In those days that wasn't illegal,)
To welcome him there
Came a drop from the air:
"Oh, Bugger!" he said, "Damn that seagull.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Leapt over the side with a will.
But Charles missed the boat,
Hauled out by his coat,
He emerged, with his mouth full of krill.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And rations were getting quite low;
While sailing off Riga
They were far too meagre,
And no-one had spare flesh to show.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Committing a mass suicide,
Except for one bloke,
Who, like Charles, liked a joke,
But the sad ones jumped over the side.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whereon Charles and buddy did clap-agos,
"I spy turtle soup,"
Cries Charles, "Come on group!"
The first one there gets every scrap-agos.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Their arguments mostly egregious.
They claim they're so wise,
While telling such lies...
The origin, thus, of the specious.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Thus producing a high type of beast
When the primate was bred."
Somehow Charles never said
Whether he meant the ape or the priest.
--- A N Wilkins P8810a
He wasn't just making a joke.
But apes in the tree
Looking down on D.C.,
Protest we can't be their kinfolk.
--- Evelyn Bogen A
He examined a bald-headed eagle,
And discovered the reason
Why, even in season,
It never could mate with a seagull.
--- T L McCarthy P9501
Of the doughtier long-ago fishes
To crawl from the seas
And walk among trees,
But the outcome was fairly propitious.
--- David Morin
"We'd fall off if the world wasn't flat;
Our theory's been tested;
On Sunday God rested.
Earth's a Klein bottle, on which he sat."
--- Q
The H.M.S. Beagle as base;
A rare strip of flora,
A new type of fauna,
Charles Darwin the sleuth on the case.
--- Joel D Ash
Small clues that are there to be found;
Observing a finch,
Grasping meaning no cinch,
Anthropologists can't be hidebound.
--- Joel D Ash
Grand concept of natural selection;
The fittest survive,
Better species all thrive,
The collection of proof takes reflection.
--- Joel D Ash
A willingness to face disgrace;
Evolution onslaughts,
So sure of his thoughts,
Revolution the world must embrace.
--- Joel D Ash
Theologians and doubters not smitten;
A storm of debate,
Darwin finally proved great,
"The Descent of Man" lauded in Britain.
--- Joel D Ash
My toes are fantastically strong.
Am I really me
Or a damn chimpanzee?
Just hope old Darwin was not wrong.
--- Tony Burrell
That Darwin knew my family tree.
I cannot escape
From Great Uncle Ape,
Since Life's made a monkey of me.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Fell in love with it, called the beast Myrtle.
And then off he goes
To the Galapagos,
And Myrtle the turtle was furtled.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For his Emma, and without objection,
Charles Darwin replied,
With a wink in his eye,
'Twas for him just a natural selection.
--- AsSumut
Of several square inches cross-section.
So I set out to screw
Every Duchess I knew,
In the interests of Natural Selection.
--- David Halliday
In the past though confusion revolved
Around that town down under.
We no longer need wonder,
Darwin wasn't conceived, he evolved.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102
Who spent five years tossed to the far wind.
Wrote a book for his peers
After twenty short years,
And now he's as pop as George Carlin.
--- Science Creative Quart
Of the doughtier long-ago fishes
To crawl from the seas
And walk among trees,
But the outcome was fairly propitious.
--- Anon
From treetops each orangutan
On reaching below,
Less hair we must grow.
And also must whiten our can.
--- Irving Superior
The Indian troubles began.
And what's wrong with red?
The Chinese then said,
While blacks offered shadings of tan.
--- Irving Superior
Distinctive in color each ass is.
"Mine's better than yours,"
Accounting for wars
And also the phrase "kicking asses."
--- Irving Superior
Cautioned Darwin, "They'll claim you imbibe.
You'll find society
Never will set you free,
From long, endless years of diatribe."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
A smelly Tibetan from Gomo,
Two faggots from Florence,
Another from Lawrence --
In this they're alike: genus Homo.
--- Armand E Singer 474
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