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To Spain's Santillana del Mar From Darwin's 'The Descent of Man,' An option one time man did seize There once was a caveman named Ig Evolution's a theory, my dear, I hope to discover a genus A troglodyte heard of Club Med. A fellow from Cardiff assails A cave man was dragging a maid Most bestial cavemen were farces; I've researched my own family tree; Long ago a big male chimpanzee He deciphered his DNA code, For a very large part of prehistory, While Darrow and Bryan are sparrin' -- I ponder the ages to be, We can trace man's descent from the monkey; Sneered a dyslexic deist named Phogg, The cave man is passe, For homework my daughter must see There was an old man with a beard, Long ago when Earth started to harden "We all come from apes!" some guy swears. The first upright bipedal mammalian Though Archie will give you a jape, A young schoolboy who lives near the fens, Cried a comely young cave girl named Doris, From aeons of natural selection, Homo sapiens may not respect us A caveman named Agar Ageel I looked up in my family tree; There was an eccentric old gent The 'Origin of Species' states He took shelter with his entire clan. There once was a napper of stone, There once was a group named Oasis, The Neaderthal lived in a cave, Atavistic behavior is boring. The ape-man Pithecanthropus erectus, Oh come all and take a good gander Evolving has worked cleverly; Charles Darwin was slow to direct us (one consonant changes condor to condom - McW)
As males, I contend it affects us, 'Tis written in the ancient runes We humans would not be the same, Evolution is really a loop; Said a monk, as he swung by his tail, Living things are programmed and obsexed. The primitive Pithecanthropus erectus, "One assumes," said a man named Carruthers, Evolution, from what I have seen, The people from whom I've descended, A famed biochemist from Thrace Early man didn't survive But you may be right, my dear Pan; The arrogant Pithecanthropus erectus, The great ape was chewing a fern; Two researchers who never would quit, In Niffelheim 'twere cold and snows; Proposals of marriage of yore; Who says humans must be the last Little by little degree, A primitive humanoid, Ag, A primitive humanoid, Ak, A primitive humanoid, Ath, A primitive humanoid, Ave, A primitive humanoid, Dee,
Come tourists fro near and afar,
To gawk at old art
Some rendered in part
With carbon, and boarshit, and tar.
--- Dick Menkes
A sequel, 'The ascent of Man.'
The Atom Bomb -- BOOM
And up up we zoom.
Sub titled, 'The Ass End Of Man.'
--- Irving Superior P8810
To live on the ground, if you please.
From the progress he's made,
And the talents displayed,
It is time to go back to the trees.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2788
Whose club was incredibly big;
But the girls had no word
For a tool so absurd,
So they dubbed it a "thingumajig."
--- Mark Levy P0204
That explains why we have eye and ear,
Why we have upright walk
And why we can talk --
Big tits and appendix aren't clear.
--- Arthur Deex P8810a
Of man with gargantuan penis;
In the faith humankind,
Will not be confined,
With twig sized proportional weenis.
--- Anon
(Yes, they had them back then, it is said.)
But he thought that it meant.
Bring your club when you went
To more easily bop some broad's head.
--- Don Moore P0203
Darwin's theory and tells how it fails,
"Don't believe all those japes
That we're children of apes --
My ancestors," he said, "come from Wales."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8810
Around in a cool mossy glade,
And he said, "All my life
I have feared a young wife,
A fear that will now be allayed."
--- Limber Limericks
They typically tried to make passes
At large carnivores,
Who would bone them like whores,
And they'd die of tyrannosore-arses.
It's impressive, I'm sure you'll agree.
The chart, though immense,
Will, with effort, condense:
"From Cheetah to Tarzan to me."
--- Arthur Deex
Spied a female and screwed her with glee.
It's good no disfuncion
Curtailed their conjunction,
For their fun led to my pedigree.
--- Julia Strawn P8810
And here's what the diagram showed:
If it changed one scintilla,
He'd have been a gorilla
And the jungle would be his abode.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Where babies came from was a mystery;
Till a Cro-Magnon virgin
Whose hormones were surgin',
Had Neanderthal kids. End of mystery.
--- John E Mayhood P0203
Their famous court battle -- Charles Darwin
Who watched from above
Gave Adam a shove
And said with a drawl, "Ah guess Ah win."
--- Irving Superior P8810
When humans at last cease to be.
Will some sad primate
Then degenerate
Into something like you and like me?
--- Anon
Like us they are horny and spunky,
And compared to the French,
Who are known for their stench,
The monkeys don't smell all that funky.
--- Anon
"People don't come from apes or some frog;
So trust me you must;
My argument's just:
Genus homo's created by Dog."
--- Armand Singer
And no one is disfrait.
He has no drag
With maid or hag
In this enlightened day.
--- Lims Unlimited
If she can do her pedigree.
Which is truly unfair,
Other kids think she's square,
'Cause there's branches in our family tree.
--- John Miller 0261
Who said: "When our species appeared,
We at first took the shape
Of a primitive ape,
But then gradually re-engineered.
--- Richard Long
Was the time that the first farms were startin'.
B.C. Brown all aglow
Plants his crops in a row.
Too bad it was just a rock garden.
--- Tom Patton P0203
"No, it's Adam and Eve!" one declares.
But I am no fool,
And I learned at my school,
We descended of course, from four bears.
--- Don Moore P0306
Just might have been Episcopalian.
He was Bruce and not Adam
I'm so sorry, madam;
Our gene pool's main source is Australian.
--- Arthur Deex P0408
We won't let the riddle escape;
Your enigma is solved
Where mankind evolved:
A gregarious anthropoid ape.
--- Anon
Was fitted with strong contact lens.
Now while in his classes,
Without using his glasses,
He can see the Homo sapiens.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"I was raped by a male brontosaurus."
Her mother said, "Pshaw!
I'd blame either your paw
Or that Homo erectus called Horace."
--- Arthur Deex P9703
It's there to be seen in reflection;
To me nothing's clearer,
When faced with a mirror,
I'm the pinnacle of perfection.
--- Anon
But we women have guile to protect us;
With the wink of an eye
We can transmogrify
Homo sap. into Homo erectus.
--- J Mayhood P9703 A
Cried out with historical zeal:
"I'm the first man alive
Who can go for a drive,
Because I've invented the wheel."
--- Charles Barsotti
I was shocked as ever could be.
There's no variations
In my past relations.
All were lazy and dumb, just like me.
--- Jerry Mendelson TP9804
Who boasted his ancient descent.
In fact you could trace
From the cast of his face,
How far back his pedigree went.
--- J R Johnson P0505
That Man to Ape (not Eve) relates.
Whose sons are we?
Brings up Premise Three --
From bitches Man originates.
--- Irving Superior P8810
This is file cpm
A nomadic life he did not plan.
He was not prone to roam
From his one room cave home.
He was not a MEANDERTHAL man.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Who lived in a cave all alone;
He wanted a bride,
But couldn't decide:
Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon?
--- Rosy Bouche P9803a
Whose eyebrows met on their faces.
When asked why this was,
They said it's because
We come from Neanderthal races.
--- Richard Long
And used cold glacial melt for a lave.
He wore both hide and hair
Of the Ice Age cave bear,
And never did bother to shave.
--- Cephas Harte
You're not a Neanderthal, roaring
And waving your arm,
Like some jerk bent on harm.
You're most likely to set me to snoring.
--- Mimi
Has many offspring to dissect us.
With them, might is right,
And if we can't fight,
There's nothing to make them respect us.
--- Arthur Guiterman
At this curious archaic Neander-
thal, Not on the stream
Of true moderns, 'twould seem,
But a backward and stagnant meander.
--- C Loring Brace P9704
Two eyes for stereoscopy;
At the end of each wrist,
A most inticate fist,
And two legs, so much better than three.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To the condor's uncertain prospectus.
Consonation mutation
Means reincarnation
As accessory to Homo erectus.
--- Emily
And it pains me if I should sound sexist.
We must take a stand.
Our ancestry's not bland.
We're from Pithecanthropus Erectus
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
That man has evolved from baboons.
He learned how to shave
And live in a cave,
Hairy legs covered by PANTALOONS.
--- Chris Papa
Or even be left in the game,
Except mating done,
For pleasure and fun,
And dressed up in Eros' fair name.
--- Chris Papa
It's only ourselves that we dupe.
There's no point in skirting
The fact I'm reverting,
Straight back to primordial soup.
--- Richard Long
To the little monks, female and male:
"From your offspring, my dears,
In not too many years,
May evolve a professor at Yale."
--- Anon A
First survival, then love, kids come next.
They continue our line;
Deter species decline.
Brains, brawn, culture, footnotes the main text.
--- Esther Koch P0204
With whom the ethnologists connect us,
Defended his own
By cudgel and stone.
Why isn't he here to protect us?
--- Arthur Guiterman
"That among human sisters and brothers
With their various shapes,
Some descended from apes
More recently than did some others."
--- A N Wilkins P8810
Does not necessarily mean,
We get better per se:
There's a chance that one day
We'll evolve into what we have been!
--- Anon
Their lunacy's truly extended;
There's a knot I can see,
Up my family tree,
Where it seems that all sanity ended.
--- Cap'n Bean P0306
Claims people take up too much space,
So now he is thinking
Of working on shrinking
Mankind to a half-pint sized race.
--- Armand E Singer 906
Due to high IQ with which to strive.
It was BO, the stink,
That made carnivores think
Twice 'fore eating him or his wive.
--- Sam Shaffe P8810
I should get out more when I can.
'Twould require better clothes
But for now I shall close, with
Respectfully yours, Stone Age Man.
--- Anon
Whose traits, through inheritance, affect us,
Was sure it was good
To grab all he could,
Like some of those whose morals deject us.
--- Arthur Guiterman
His thoughts made his visage seem stern.
They say, "Way back when,
We evolved into men."
So where did they take the wrong turn?
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Traced their family tree, they admit,
So far in the past,
They discovered at last,
Their ancestors climbing in it.
--- A N Wilkins
For our sins some say Jesus rose.
And Australopithecus
Had tales quite mythic; us
Moderns will have to suppose.
--- Anon
A dragging by hair through the door.
It was "Vidi Vici"
With guttural "Veni"
With courtship considered a bore.
--- Irving Superior P9711
To evolve? Evolution's not fast.
I'm sure we will see
Eventually
A creature more smart and whole-assed.
--- Sam Shaffe P8810
The first man came down out of the tree.
And what revolution
Brought this evolution?
More likely, his wife had to pee.
--- MrMalo
Went hunting, a tiger to bag.
After eating his meat,
One of them was replete,
And went off to look for a shag.
--- TuttaGioia
Was very much taken aback,
'Cause the Marquis de Sade
Had not yet been made,
When his mate gave his prick a great whack.
--- TuttaGioia
Was the very first osteopath.
But he never got paid,
The bills never made,
'Cause they hadn't invented the math.
--- TuttaGioia
Thought, "I think what I want, is concave...
Or is it convex?
I know I want sex!
I wonder if other shapes they've.
--- TuttaGioia a
Was searching her crack for a flea.
The flea went for a ride
Right up inside,
'Cause it jumped on her finger, you see.
--- TuttaGioia
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