The fans of Intelligent Design
Were the work of some genius divine.
But to judge from the state
Of the human prostate,
Their "designer" was out of his mind.
--- Anon

Evangelical scientists say,
"It's God pushing things down all day;
So Newton's gravity
Is mass depravity...
Not our 'Intelligent Falling' away."
--- David Miller Q

Asked the petrified School Board of Kansas:
I wonder why everyone slams us?
The answer it seemed,
As from space it was beamed:
When God gave out brains, we were banned thus.
--- Science Creative Quart

The School Board wants Kansas to be
Prepared for the comming century.
It will teach evolution
Without any dilution,
By junk science born in theology.
--- Dr Limerick 02-14-01

I'm perplexed by the person who delves
In "Creation as Science," and shelves
Facts of every degree."
Don't folks like this see
The monkeys they make of themselves?
--- Jerry Nordal P0306

A monkey sprang down from a tree
And angrily cursed Charles D.
"I hold with the Bible,"
He cried. "It's libel
That man descended from me!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8808

There was an old Bishop whose fall
From Grace, involved some pure gall.
Or so it behooved,
'Til the Kansas Board proved
That he hadn't descended at all.
--- Dennis M Hammes

Said Dorothy, SAT Score Plus B,
"With Creationists I must agree,
But on closer inspection
I must make this correction:
God made them out of mud, but not me!"
--- Albin Chaplin

Said Dorothy, in SAT-shock, "Oh balls!
I don't think we're in Kansas at all.
Scientific Creation
Screwed up my vocation;
It's beautician, not Princeton, next fall.
--- Arthur Deex P0001

Said Dorothy, in mid-test, "Oh crap!
The science I learned has a gap.
Out here in the sticks
With the born-again hicks,
Church and State have a vast overlap."
--- Arthur Deex P0001

The test gave poor Dorothy the blahs.
It uncovered her weakness and flaws
"Fuck you SAT
Plus biology;
I'm going back to the land of OZ."
--- Tom Patton P0001

Dorothy said, "My choice is MIT,
If I score on this damn SAT.
I know physics and math
And can plot a bar graph --
So who needs to know biology?"
--- William N Nesbit P0001

Said Dorothy, "I've a lot of confusion
About Mitochondrial Eve's contribution
To our genes long ago,
For in Kansas, you know,
Pseudo-science replaced evolution."
--- Arthur Deex P0001

Said Dorothy, "I now have no doubt
That my SAT score is a rout!
I haven't a clue, see,
About Australopithecus afarensis Lucy
For in Kansas, Evolution is out."
--- Arthur Deex P0001

Said Darwin, "Speaking hypothetically,
Evolution's a theory. Theoretically,
Survival of the fit's
Quite obvious, you twits,
Unless you're defective genetically."
--- Lynn Mostafa

Evolution, a science superb,
The nut of creation in blurb,
To conquest, you'd stoop,
To primordial soup,
And good Southern Baptist disturb. (oxymoron? - McW)
--- Chris Papa

A careful biologist, Paley,
Would wander the countryside daily.
One morning he found
A small watch on the ground;
"That proves it!" he said, skipping gaily.
--- Anon

A teacher in high school named Scopes
Dismayed bible-bangers and Popes
By teaching that Man
An Orangutan;
His trial predates modern-day soaps.
--- Irving Superior P8810

The dispute the creationists begot,
Has been eased by a compromise, somewhat.
The issue's resolved
That some folks evolved,
But some, evidently, did not.
--- Steve Holst

Teach the kids evolution today
Or creationist theory, hooray!
Despite all the chatter
It does not really matter.
They forget all that stuff anyway.
--- A N Wilkins P8810

I assure you, the last thing you're liable
To hear is me quoting the Bible.
The Bible, not "Science"
Has too much reliance
On systems remarkably tribal.
--- John Miller

Dawkins sits in the dark by himself,
Pondering the books on the shelf.
Scratch his head though he might
There's no evidence in site,
That a watch can possibly build itself.
--- Anon

I once met this little green man
On a flight from the States to Japan.
"Prane make sick. Prease excuse.
Me, I read Dr. Seuss,
And I not much rike green eggs and ham."
--- Pandora

If the stuff in your stomach's askew,
And you think you are going to spew,
Buck up and don't mind,
Or you just might find
That everyone barfs just like you.
--- Anon

There once was a man with the flu,
Who didn't know what he should do.
He'd sniff and he'd blow
Big chunks from his nose,
And constantly barfed in the loo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I had chicken dinner in Price;
I guess I ate way too much rice.
My tummy's so sad --
Was my chicken bad?
Not too bad -- I only barfed twice!
--- Marlene Lewis

As Mr. Smith bit into the fritter,
He noticed a remnant of critter;
Feeling a big urge
His belly to purge,
He hung his head atop the shitter.
--- Toolman

Bazooka Barf is, I agree,
An expression as fine as can be.
I'll think of it next
When diaphragm's flexed
In spasms from too much TV.
--- H Welchel

An impolite lady named Welch
Remarked of an earth-shaking belch:
"Well, I knew all along
'Twas a poop headed wrong,
But either is damned hard to squelch."
--- Grand Prix Lim 856 G1479

Wept Nell to the sarge, "I'm no pickup.
I've been stranded out here by a stickup."
As they bounced down the trail
In his jeep, she turned pale,
And moaned, "Sir, shall I crap, come, or hiccup?"
--- G0894

There was a young lady, aged ten,
Already a master of zen.
A meal she would scarf
And then she would barf
In order to eat it again.
--- Neal Wilgus P8209

The bulimic stag party awhirl,
With revelers trying to hurl.
And the crowning event,
Of an evening thus spent,
Was a cake coming out of a girl.
--- Bob Giandomenico

A pencil-thin model, Athenia,
Who suffered from severe anemia,
Was forced to confess
Her size 4 slacks and dress
She owed to the art of bulimia.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9506

This is file cnm

There once was a fellow called Gus,
Whose burp caused a hell of a fuss.
The spices he ate,
Let gas dissipate
As it rose up the esophagus.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

I'm vomiting, puking away;
Disgusting, what else I can say?
I'm trying to hunch
And keep down my lunch,
'Cause my stomach's completely astray.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Mountain roads left him somewhat aghast;
Poor Eddie was getting sick fast.
He threw up in his cap,
And a bit in his lap,
Making scouting a thing of the past.
--- Sal R

There was a young lady of Rye,
Who said, with a wink in her eye:
"When a tunnel they bore
From France to this shore,
Goodbye, little basin, goodbye."
--- P8209

In Dunedin, a beer-drinking student
Drank more than was actually prudent.
The eager young scarfie (college students in Dunedin, NZ)
Was soon feeling barfy,
Digestible contents protrudent.
--- Rory Ewins

On the decks of cruise ships where they tread,
All the passengers wished they were dead.
Even most of the crew
Are puking up too.
Looks like things are coming to a head.
--- Tom Patton

A professor both prim and pedantic
Had behaved in a manner most frantic.
He leaned on the rail
In the teeth of a gale,
And contributed to the Atlantic.
--- John J Holden P8209

A store keeper down in La Grange
Has habits some people find strange.
You'll pay him five dollars,
Which he promptly swallers.
He'll presently cough up your change.
--- Don Boen P8301

There was a young man from Dubuque,
Whose liver was the cause of rebuke.
Said the doc to him, "Son,
I know it's not fun,
But that's why each morning you puke."
--- Edwin J Weinstein

Considering her career, athletic,
Her extra pounds were pathetic.
To shed all this weight,
Everything that she ate
Was either diuretic or emetic.
--- Norm Brust

In musical matters aesthetic,
Today's raucous noise quite frenetic,
So much scorn deserves,
It withers my nerves
And leaves me with feelings EMETIC.
--- Chris Papa

I can't use this new word "EMETIC", it
Violates my rules of etiquette,
For thinking of vomiting
Keeps me from commenting.
Maybe my stomach's too delicate.
--- Gary Hallock

The fusion of cultures SYNCRETIC
May appear in ways dietetic.
And then those who do
Partake of Voodoo
Are surprised by effects emetic.
--- Daniel Ford

An unlucky playboy named Steve
Had only one trick up his sleeve.
Girls were sweet-talked and fed
In his rotating bed...
And that's when they gave him the heave.
--- Arthur Deex P8209

A serials clerk from Dubuque
Was usally cool as a cuke,
But unanswered claims
Stoked up her flames
Till she cried, "I am going to puke!"
--- P8209

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat.
But puss was no sailor,
He came back paler,
Sporting a GREEN fur coat.
--- Funfax Limericks

Though hopes for peace in Ireland fade,
A joint public announcement is made.
"When you're out walking,
Beware of green hawking
That follows the St. Pat's parade.
--- Tom Patton P9601

On one point, an agreement was seen:
Both allowed that the barf was obscene.
But detente was soon dead
When the IRA said,
"We can't censure the wearing o'green."
--- William N Nesbit P9601

In a new Dago restaurant with Tanya,
I gorged like a hungry piranha.
But I caught Salmonella
From some bad Mozzarella,
And later said "Hasta lasagna."
--- Hugh Clary

A sailor who seemed debonair
Performed all his tasks with a flair.
You must understand:
This worked well on land --
At sea, he threw up -- MAL DE MER.
--- R J Winkler P8406

There was a young woman named Gail,
Who fancied she'd go for a sail.
Well, she boarded the yacht,
But she stayed in her cot,
'Cept when she hung over the rail.
--- Anon

While sailing across the Pacific,
The troops thought the trip was terrific.
But when hurricane waves
Made them wish for their graves,
The upchucked -- to make it specific.
--- R J Winkler P8406

The goo dropped down in the canoe
Then crawled off to hide in his shoe.
So, now he has booties
Clear up his patooties.
He should take more care with his spew.
--- Anon

A Domino's owner named Hughes,
Was known for unorthodox views.
SPAM topping, he guessed,
Would be one of the best,
Till a customer barfed on his shoes.

(Domino's - a pizza franchise)
--- Bob Roberds

A juggler there was of St. Neats,
Who threw eggs up as one of his feats,
But do what he can,
He can't beat the man
Who throws up whatever he eats.
--- P8207

There was a young man of Verona,
Who smoked a Cortona Corona,
Till he turned very green
And be heaved, well I mean
Like the whale that had dined upon Jonah.
--- P8209

While hugging the porcelain throne,
And startled by smell of cologne,
I opened my eye
And saw, floating high,
A tampon, blonde hair, and a bone.
--- Anon

Called a boatman at Charing Cross Pier,
"If you'll just hop aboard, I can steer
Thrice and back to the Tower
In less than an hour,
Though it's certain to make you feel queer."
--- P8209

There was a young man of Siam,
Who was violently sick in a tram.
His neighbors objected
To what he ejected,
And a man in the corner said, "Damn!"
--- P8209

There was a young girl from Mobile,
Who went up in a great Ferris Wheel.
When halfway around,
She looked down at the ground;
And it cost her a two-dollar meal.
--- Ethel Watts Mumford P8311

There was a young fellow on Bimini
Who chartered a yacht for three women he
Intended to trick.
But the swells made him sick.
An ambitious young cad but no seaman he.
--- P8209

A honeymoon bride named of Brown
Complained on board ship with a frown:
"I'm feeling real queasy,
So dear, take it easy --
No sex till the ocean calms down."
--- Armand E Singer 313

A man who liked minuscule spaces,
Diminutive, small, little places,
Has been seen to vomit
Through one tiny grommet
Without leaving nauseous traces.
--- Anon

The other day, sick to my soul,
Spent an hour with head down the bowl.
But all I spewed up,
Would fill a tea cup,
And looked like liquidified coal.
--- Anon