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The fans of Intelligent Design Evangelical scientists say, Asked the petrified School Board of Kansas: The School Board wants Kansas to be I'm perplexed by the person who delves A monkey sprang down from a tree There was an old Bishop whose fall Said Dorothy, SAT Score Plus B, Said Dorothy, in SAT-shock, "Oh balls! Said Dorothy, in mid-test, "Oh crap! The test gave poor Dorothy the blahs. Dorothy said, "My choice is MIT, Said Dorothy, "I've a lot of confusion Said Dorothy, "I now have no doubt Said Darwin, "Speaking hypothetically, Evolution, a science superb, A careful biologist, Paley, A teacher in high school named Scopes The dispute the creationists begot, Teach the kids evolution today I assure you, the last thing you're liable Dawkins sits in the dark by himself, I once met this little green man If the stuff in your stomach's askew, There once was a man with the flu, I had chicken dinner in Price; As Mr. Smith bit into the fritter, Bazooka Barf is, I agree, An impolite lady named Welch Wept Nell to the sarge, "I'm no pickup. There was a young lady, aged ten, The bulimic stag party awhirl, A pencil-thin model, Athenia, There once was a fellow called Gus, I'm vomiting, puking away; Mountain roads left him somewhat aghast; There was a young lady of Rye, In Dunedin, a beer-drinking student On the decks of cruise ships where they tread, A professor both prim and pedantic A store keeper down in La Grange There was a young man from Dubuque, Considering her career, athletic, In musical matters aesthetic, I can't use this new word "EMETIC", it The fusion of cultures SYNCRETIC An unlucky playboy named Steve A serials clerk from Dubuque The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea Though hopes for peace in Ireland fade, On one point, an agreement was seen: In a new Dago restaurant with Tanya, A sailor who seemed debonair There was a young woman named Gail, While sailing across the Pacific, The goo dropped down in the canoe A Domino's owner named Hughes, (Domino's - a pizza franchise)
A juggler there was of St. Neats, There was a young man of Verona, While hugging the porcelain throne, Called a boatman at Charing Cross Pier, There was a young man of Siam, There was a young girl from Mobile, There was a young fellow on Bimini A honeymoon bride named of Brown A man who liked minuscule spaces, The other day, sick to my soul,
Were the work of some genius divine.
But to judge from the state
Of the human prostate,
Their "designer" was out of his mind.
--- Anon
"It's God pushing things down all day;
So Newton's gravity
Is mass depravity...
Not our 'Intelligent Falling' away."
--- David Miller Q
I wonder why everyone slams us?
The answer it seemed,
As from space it was beamed:
When God gave out brains, we were banned thus.
--- Science Creative Quart
Prepared for the comming century.
It will teach evolution
Without any dilution,
By junk science born in theology.
--- Dr Limerick 02-14-01
In "Creation as Science," and shelves
Facts of every degree."
Don't folks like this see
The monkeys they make of themselves?
--- Jerry Nordal P0306
And angrily cursed Charles D.
"I hold with the Bible,"
He cried. "It's libel
That man descended from me!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8808
From Grace, involved some pure gall.
Or so it behooved,
'Til the Kansas Board proved
That he hadn't descended at all.
--- Dennis M Hammes
"With Creationists I must agree,
But on closer inspection
I must make this correction:
God made them out of mud, but not me!"
--- Albin Chaplin
I don't think we're in Kansas at all.
Scientific Creation
Screwed up my vocation;
It's beautician, not Princeton, next fall.
--- Arthur Deex P0001
The science I learned has a gap.
Out here in the sticks
With the born-again hicks,
Church and State have a vast overlap."
--- Arthur Deex P0001
It uncovered her weakness and flaws
"Fuck you SAT
Plus biology;
I'm going back to the land of OZ."
--- Tom Patton P0001
If I score on this damn SAT.
I know physics and math
And can plot a bar graph --
So who needs to know biology?"
--- William N Nesbit P0001
About Mitochondrial Eve's contribution
To our genes long ago,
For in Kansas, you know,
Pseudo-science replaced evolution."
--- Arthur Deex P0001
That my SAT score is a rout!
I haven't a clue, see,
About Australopithecus afarensis Lucy
For in Kansas, Evolution is out."
--- Arthur Deex P0001
Evolution's a theory. Theoretically,
Survival of the fit's
Quite obvious, you twits,
Unless you're defective genetically."
--- Lynn Mostafa
The nut of creation in blurb,
To conquest, you'd stoop,
To primordial soup,
And good Southern Baptist disturb. (oxymoron? - McW)
--- Chris Papa
Would wander the countryside daily.
One morning he found
A small watch on the ground;
"That proves it!" he said, skipping gaily.
--- Anon
Dismayed bible-bangers and Popes
By teaching that Man
An Orangutan;
His trial predates modern-day soaps.
--- Irving Superior P8810
Has been eased by a compromise, somewhat.
The issue's resolved
That some folks evolved,
But some, evidently, did not.
--- Steve Holst
Or creationist theory, hooray!
Despite all the chatter
It does not really matter.
They forget all that stuff anyway.
--- A N Wilkins P8810
To hear is me quoting the Bible.
The Bible, not "Science"
Has too much reliance
On systems remarkably tribal.
--- John Miller
Pondering the books on the shelf.
Scratch his head though he might
There's no evidence in site,
That a watch can possibly build itself.
--- Anon
On a flight from the States to Japan.
"Prane make sick. Prease excuse.
Me, I read Dr. Seuss,
And I not much rike green eggs and ham."
--- Pandora
And you think you are going to spew,
Buck up and don't mind,
Or you just might find
That everyone barfs just like you.
--- Anon
Who didn't know what he should do.
He'd sniff and he'd blow
Big chunks from his nose,
And constantly barfed in the loo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I guess I ate way too much rice.
My tummy's so sad --
Was my chicken bad?
Not too bad -- I only barfed twice!
--- Marlene Lewis
He noticed a remnant of critter;
Feeling a big urge
His belly to purge,
He hung his head atop the shitter.
--- Toolman
An expression as fine as can be.
I'll think of it next
When diaphragm's flexed
In spasms from too much TV.
--- H Welchel
Remarked of an earth-shaking belch:
"Well, I knew all along
'Twas a poop headed wrong,
But either is damned hard to squelch."
--- Grand Prix Lim 856 G1479
I've been stranded out here by a stickup."
As they bounced down the trail
In his jeep, she turned pale,
And moaned, "Sir, shall I crap, come, or hiccup?"
--- G0894
Already a master of zen.
A meal she would scarf
And then she would barf
In order to eat it again.
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
With revelers trying to hurl.
And the crowning event,
Of an evening thus spent,
Was a cake coming out of a girl.
--- Bob Giandomenico
Who suffered from severe anemia,
Was forced to confess
Her size 4 slacks and dress
She owed to the art of bulimia.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9506
This is file cnm
Whose burp caused a hell of a fuss.
The spices he ate,
Let gas dissipate
As it rose up the esophagus.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Disgusting, what else I can say?
I'm trying to hunch
And keep down my lunch,
'Cause my stomach's completely astray.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Poor Eddie was getting sick fast.
He threw up in his cap,
And a bit in his lap,
Making scouting a thing of the past.
--- Sal R
Who said, with a wink in her eye:
"When a tunnel they bore
From France to this shore,
Goodbye, little basin, goodbye."
--- P8209
Drank more than was actually prudent.
The eager young scarfie (college students in Dunedin, NZ)
Was soon feeling barfy,
Digestible contents protrudent.
--- Rory Ewins
All the passengers wished they were dead.
Even most of the crew
Are puking up too.
Looks like things are coming to a head.
--- Tom Patton
Had behaved in a manner most frantic.
He leaned on the rail
In the teeth of a gale,
And contributed to the Atlantic.
--- John J Holden P8209
Has habits some people find strange.
You'll pay him five dollars,
Which he promptly swallers.
He'll presently cough up your change.
--- Don Boen P8301
Whose liver was the cause of rebuke.
Said the doc to him, "Son,
I know it's not fun,
But that's why each morning you puke."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Her extra pounds were pathetic.
To shed all this weight,
Everything that she ate
Was either diuretic or emetic.
--- Norm Brust
Today's raucous noise quite frenetic,
So much scorn deserves,
It withers my nerves
And leaves me with feelings EMETIC.
--- Chris Papa
Violates my rules of etiquette,
For thinking of vomiting
Keeps me from commenting.
Maybe my stomach's too delicate.
--- Gary Hallock
May appear in ways dietetic.
And then those who do
Partake of Voodoo
Are surprised by effects emetic.
--- Daniel Ford
Had only one trick up his sleeve.
Girls were sweet-talked and fed
In his rotating bed...
And that's when they gave him the heave.
--- Arthur Deex P8209
Was usally cool as a cuke,
But unanswered claims
Stoked up her flames
Till she cried, "I am going to puke!"
--- P8209
In a beautiful pea-green boat.
But puss was no sailor,
He came back paler,
Sporting a GREEN fur coat.
--- Funfax Limericks
A joint public announcement is made.
"When you're out walking,
Beware of green hawking
That follows the St. Pat's parade.
--- Tom Patton P9601
Both allowed that the barf was obscene.
But detente was soon dead
When the IRA said,
"We can't censure the wearing o'green."
--- William N Nesbit P9601
I gorged like a hungry piranha.
But I caught Salmonella
From some bad Mozzarella,
And later said "Hasta lasagna."
--- Hugh Clary
Performed all his tasks with a flair.
You must understand:
This worked well on land --
At sea, he threw up -- MAL DE MER.
--- R J Winkler P8406
Who fancied she'd go for a sail.
Well, she boarded the yacht,
But she stayed in her cot,
'Cept when she hung over the rail.
--- Anon
The troops thought the trip was terrific.
But when hurricane waves
Made them wish for their graves,
The upchucked -- to make it specific.
--- R J Winkler P8406
Then crawled off to hide in his shoe.
So, now he has booties
Clear up his patooties.
He should take more care with his spew.
--- Anon
Was known for unorthodox views.
SPAM topping, he guessed,
Would be one of the best,
Till a customer barfed on his shoes.
--- Bob Roberds
Who threw eggs up as one of his feats,
But do what he can,
He can't beat the man
Who throws up whatever he eats.
--- P8207
Who smoked a Cortona Corona,
Till he turned very green
And be heaved, well I mean
Like the whale that had dined upon Jonah.
--- P8209
And startled by smell of cologne,
I opened my eye
And saw, floating high,
A tampon, blonde hair, and a bone.
--- Anon
"If you'll just hop aboard, I can steer
Thrice and back to the Tower
In less than an hour,
Though it's certain to make you feel queer."
--- P8209
Who was violently sick in a tram.
His neighbors objected
To what he ejected,
And a man in the corner said, "Damn!"
--- P8209
Who went up in a great Ferris Wheel.
When halfway around,
She looked down at the ground;
And it cost her a two-dollar meal.
--- Ethel Watts Mumford P8311
Who chartered a yacht for three women he
Intended to trick.
But the swells made him sick.
An ambitious young cad but no seaman he.
--- P8209
Complained on board ship with a frown:
"I'm feeling real queasy,
So dear, take it easy --
No sex till the ocean calms down."
--- Armand E Singer 313
Diminutive, small, little places,
Has been seen to vomit
Through one tiny grommet
Without leaving nauseous traces.
--- Anon
Spent an hour with head down the bowl.
But all I spewed up,
Would fill a tea cup,
And looked like liquidified coal.
--- Anon
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