A commodore crossing the ocean
Detested the undulant motion;
Afraid he'd be sacked,
He put on an act,
Forstalling the heaves and demotion.
--- R J Winkler P8406

"Brokeback" is off like a comet!
To view it would trash my aplomb. It
Would cause me to roam
To the old people's home,
To watch all the old ladies vomit.

(Brokeback Mountain - Hollywood movie 2005 on gay cowboys)
--- John Miller

It happened while travelling by train;
Their stomachs began raising cain.
Ed and Sally, so far
From the rest-room car,
Puked a bucket and left a big stain.
--- Sal R

Once out on the lake in Dubuque,
A girl took a ride with a duke.
He remarked, "I am sure
You are honest and pure,"
Then he leaned right over to puke.
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Twickenham,
Whose shoes were too tight to walk quick in 'em.
She came back from a walk
Looking whiter than chalk,
And took them both off and was sick in 'em.
--- Oliver Herford

I intrude on your discourse, "Ahem!"
With a subsequent thought that's a gem.
I'm not being rude
With this short interlude,
Since I needed to clear out my phlegm.
--- Donna Lee Dom

I was needing to take a cab ride,
And before long, a yellow I spied.
I said "Have you room here,
For some pizza and beer?"
He said "Sure!" - so I threw up inside.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

A dinner of tender roast duck
Made Bonnie Prince Charlie say, "Yuck!"
The sight of the fowl
Would cause him to scowl
And the taste was enough to up Chuck.
--- Neal Wilgus P8209

A stalwart young fellow was Hearst,
But the sickness he had was the worst.
After fucking old Clausia,
He developed a nausea
And did not know which end to set first.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0191

Once out on the lake at Dubuque,
A girl took a sail with a Duke.
He remarked, "I am sure
You are honest and pure."
And then leaned far over to puke.
--- Anon

A swinging young pair, Liz and Luke,
Wanting sex truly fit for a duke,
Bought a water-filled bed
But were sadly misled:
They confess they don't climax -- they puke.
--- Armand E Singer 647

In the record store, 'round two o'clock,
Gwen felt ill; like, her face turned to chalk;
To the clerk (innards thumping):
"I'm looking for something
By... Johahn... Sebastian......BAAAAACH!
--- Anon

A sweet thing who sailed from Land's End
Swore she'd hold out to the end.
But the swell of the ocean
Was filled with the motion --
She did what she didn't intend.
--- P8209

Zippity, bippity, bup,
The cute little mouse ran up,
The long slender leg,
Of the young lady Peg,
And scared her so that she threw-up.
--- Anon

A rapist ran into a snag
When he entered the home of the hag.
She had a nice frame
But her face was a shame,
And her breath made him shudder and gag.
--- Neal Wilgus P8209

How her vomiting spoiled their euphoria
As they rode the bus home from Peoria!
And that's the true story
Of how little Glory
Became known as "Sic transit Gloria."
--- Vassar W Smith P9305

A happy young girl from Peoria
Won passage to Rome. What euphoria!
But the flight changed her luck;
All she did was upchuck.
Pale faced she moaned, "Sic Transit Gloria."
--- Ellen Alaka P9506

In Gloria's school bus last Monday
She threw up -- it wasn't a fun day.
Now the seat that she sat in
In labeled in Latin
As: "Sic Transit Gloria Mundi."
--- John E Mayhood P9804a

A nervous young lady called Jane
Was terribly sick in the train.
Folk made such a fuss,
She got on the bus,
And threw up all over again.
--- Funfax Limericks

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who ate all his SPAM from a bucket.
His tummy was round,
And his neck it was bound,
Till the pressure built up and he chucked it.
--- Kevin Kepley

Irish, of wit, you're the soul.
And as I hang on to the bowl,
I'm hawin' and hemmin',
And upchucking lemon,
Still laughing at stories you tole.
--- Anon

A film star who hailed from Cronulla, (Sidney suburb)
Got on board a plane bound for 'Tulla. (Tullamarine airport)

'Til the plane left the ground,
Then he starred in a yawn, technicolor.(techn..yawn - vomit)
--- Anon

Tossed up beer mixed with pizza's a maw-full;
Just to leave slop and lumps is unlawful;
As the ladies pass by,
I can hear an outcry:
"Oh my word, look at that; it is offal!"
--- Allen Wolverton

I once knew a fellow named Duke,
Who could hurl great wodges of puke.
Reams of green vomit
Would shoot like a comet,
And the sound was akin to a nuke.
--- MrMalo

A contrabassoonist named Milton
Once dined rather well at the Hilton.
He forked out twelve smackers,
Then threw up cream crackers
And Stilton all over the Wilton.

(Wilton - expensive carpeting)
--- Ron Rubin

My teachers are driving me nuts!
Making us all kiss butts --
They dress so tacky
And it drives us all wacky,
That we all want to hurl up our guts.
--- New Jersey Poet

An elf swallowed Irish confetti,
But thought that his problem was petty;
While counting his gold,
Why, lo and behold!
He belched up a whale's spermaceti!
--- Travis Brasell

When the T.V. news anchor, Fred Buck,
Didn't wish with "Dead Air" to be stuck,
Such time gaps he'd pass on
To his weatherman, Vaughn,
"As to weather, tell us what's up, Chuck."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0010

I deal with pitch and handle roll,
Though both these moves do take their toll.
When it comes to YAW
I just set my jaw,
And head down below for the bowl.
--- Norm Brust

A silver-haired bastard from Saks
Got drunk and spewed up on my slacks.
I said, "You're a prick!
You deserve to get sick!"
Then I fed him a dozen Big Macs!
--- Anon

At our party, a co-ed, named Grace
Got so drunk, like man, just shit-face!
She suddenly barfed,
All the pizza she'd scarfed;
All the guys gave her plenty of space!
--- Anon

Though if you have got the dry heaves,
From drinking the juice of the sheaves,
Then maybe it's best.
(The butler won't rest)
Be daring and simply ask Jeeves!
--- Anon

The U.W. campus abounds
With beer drinking and raucous sounds.
I wish that they might
Be quiet at night,
While barfing all over the grounds.
--- Ron O P9103

This is file cmm

Asked old Gus, "Do you have room in this hack
For twelve beers, plus a big pizza snack?"
Driver said "Yes, I guess,"
Then old Gus made a mess,
When he threw up all over the back!
--- Michelle

There was a young lady named Gail
Who dined upon lobster and quail,
And then lots of bubbly,
The cause of her trouble - She
Brought back her lunch in a pail.
--- Arthur Deex P8209

There was a young fellow called Cheek,
Who bladder was known to be weak.
After too many Stellas,
He sprayed all us fellas
With the cheese that he got from the Greek.
--- Steve Taylor

That Republican lad from Sinn Fein,
Was trying to gain drinker's fame.
Six pints he would guzzle,
Wipe froth from his muzzle,
Then throw up, to do it again.
--- Anon

I don't have a problem with drink,
At least, not the kind you might think;
When I start to feel woozy
Or act like a floozy,
I simply throw up in the sink.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403 a

Old Charlie ate corned beef and cabbage;
These vittles his innards did ravage.
Drank lots of green beer;
Found a bathroom was near;
Now the pipes carried his excess baggage.
--- Vickie Williams

There once was a drunkard named Zack
Who puked all his guts in a sack.
As he needed them soon,
With a long-handled spoon
He managed to get them all back.
--- G2070

If you get drunk and make yourself hurl,
And then try to hit on a girl,
Don't ask her to dance;
You'll get kneed in the pants.
It's grisly, you puke-covered churl!
--- Eric Seaberg

A down-in-the-mouth butler named Jeeves
Has developed some little pet peeves.
His bulimic boss,
A fat broad on the sauce,
Says to save the big chunks when she heaves.
--- Don Moore P9912

There once was a man named Paul
Who drank too much ethanol.
When it turned aldehyde
He became sick inside,
And it came out all over the wall.
--- Anon

The center is never so neat,
That careless can you place your feet.
Its the number of boozers,
That causes the losers,
To vomit all over the street.
--- Dave Hefford

There once was a person called Luke,
Whose ability to drink was no fluke.
He spent each night in a bar
Downing jar after jar,
And afterwards did nothing but puke.
--- Anon

A lady of unfortunate proboscity
Was equipped with a nasal monstrosity.
But due to the snot,
It was better than twat;
I suppose 'twas the increased viscosity.
--- Anon

On a park bench a gentleman sat,
And beside him was a poor homeless rat;
Who was fondling this lump;
And he'd now and then grump:
"I'll be damned, I just don't figger that!"
--- Anon

"Lookee here, sir, this looks like a rock,
But by feel, it's some rubbery stock";
The gent picked up that lump;
Sniffed & looked, like a chump;
Couldn't quite reach a verdict, ad-hoc.
--- Anon

Said the gent, "Guess it is, heaven knows,
Not a rock, but it feels, I suppose,
Like rubber, by gum!
From where did it come?"
He replied, "Dug it out of my nose!"
--- Anon

I once knew a pair of old fogies
Who collected celebrities' bogies.
They had one of Bob Hope's
And two of the Pope's,
And a green one of Kylie Minogues!

(Aussie Princess of Pop)
--- Tilbury

There was a young fellow named Mose,
An expert at picking his nose.
He extracted a clinker
That was really a stinker,
For it dangled right down to his toes.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1429

There once was a man from Minot,
Who was nasty -- even as a tot.
He'd wipe his runny nose
On the sleeves of his clothes,
And cover them over with snot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Among the universal NO's --
It's impolite to pick your nose.
If thus you're espied,
Your finger hide inside
Until that someone elsewhere goes.

(Ingredients do not expose.)
--- Irving Superior P9001

I once blew a bogey so thick, son,
And hard; 'twas as stiff as my prick, son.
I fashioned a hook
And found a bare nook,
And hung me a portrait of Nixon.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Lucas,
Who spent his life chewing on mucus.
"For green is the right thing
And this is recycling.
Next week I'll start chewing verrucas."
--- Tiddy Ogg

In igloo land's where I met Rose;
We greeted with rubs of our nose.
A cold she had got;
We're welded by snot;
By summer we may be unfroze.
--- Tiddy Ogg

From the nose of a girl named Lamott
Hangs a substance that looks quite a lot
Like a large pearly jewel
But by looking twice you'll
Find from closer inspection it's not.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003

Hope I won't be accused of depravity
If I say the nutritional gravity
Of the booger dragged out
From the end of your snout,
Depends on the depth of the cavity.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Social guides are quite vague; no one knows,
When, in public, you're picking your nose;
It's free style when you pick;
All that counts is, (when slick)
Where the booger gets parked, I suppose!
--- Anon

They're weirdos, the Ivan P Kruegers;
They dine on whipped cream and fruit sugars.
Avoid soiling their clothes,
Snarling snot up their nose:
They claim they like recycled boogers.
--- Armand Singer

A rumbling sound from Sonny
Is a harbinger of a nose runny.
In front or behind,
You'd better recline
Or your hair soon will be all gummy.
--- Jessie Gunnard

Said Willie, "I've got a humdinger
Of a question to throw in the ringer:
If you say it is sick
My nostril to pick,
Then why is it the size of my finger?"
--- Hugh Clary

There was a nosepicker undaunted
By threats of his parents who taunted.
They proposed it be cured
And a gift they procured,
But he said it was snot what he wanted.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2825

A neighborhood boy, young Mickey,
Had boogers incredibly sticky.
His nose it was mined
For glue so refined,
We scarcely considered it icky.
--- Anon

'Tis true that our boogers comprise
A snack that is healthful and wise.
For toxin defense,
Our nostrils condense
Ingestible serum supplies.
--- Anon

Our children, it's said, may avert
Diseases by eating some dirt.
That's why there's a place
Convenient, on face,
And not on the sleeve of your shirt.
--- Anon