There once was a man in Peru There was a young man of Loch Leven, A plumber, along with his tools, A bitter old hermit named Brewer An affluent man of great wealth While lost in deep thought, Dr. Krantz There once was a man of Iraq, "I confess," said an oldster named Piper, While swimming across the Zambezi, I'm sure glad my commode is commodious; 'Twas the whimsy of a fellow named Crump I would not like to see the caca There was a young lady of Ghat, That smell? Yes, you'd better keep clear, Look out! You have dropped your white hat There was an old man in Gazelle Could it really be Superman, The dignified Duchess of Howell A nasty old bugger of Cheltenham, There was an old person of Delhi, (Published 1870)
FOO-bird poop smells so bad you can't bear it. A daring young musher named Clyde A flatulent flea-bitten bitch So Clay has a big, hairy belly, There was a young girl named McLure; An inventor whose bathroom was ventless, A Mandalay man was a dupe "I really don't know what to do," Quite obscure, beneath grasses and dew, There was a mad scientist from Karoo I have an anal problem, to wit: There was a young man named Cattel, A senile is Haroun Al Haschid.
This is file ckm
Long turds of most horrible stench There once was a man called Sanjay, Lord Sniffnose was brought up to think Montezuma's revenge is not sweet, Moaned a loose-boweled tourist named Jane, A bottler for Coke was cajoled There was an old lady from Wheeling, My eating habits are just a sin; A boy who loved chocolate cake, An old lady called Mrs Beadle She used anal lube known as "Crease-Eez" There was an old girl up at Yale There was a young lad from Scappoose The runs she did have, what a mess; A shiftless old coot of Cayuse A loose-boweled tourist named Trapper An unlucky cruise tourist named Wills Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet, Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet; Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet; Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet; Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet, Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet; I once spent a weekend in Penge; There once was a man with diarrhea A friendly young girl from Japan I stood on the windy train station, They say when all is said and done, There once was a man from Rhodesia There once was a girl from Bellflower, Sir John was not feeling all right. There once was a fellow named Potts, A loose-boweled tourist named Vitas
Who fell through a hole in the loo.
He had a great time
In the muck and the slime,
And now runs a spa in the poo.
--- Skumbunny
Who went for a walk about seven.
He fell into a pit
That was brimful of shit,
And now the poor bugger's in heaven.
--- Norman Douglas L0712
Was lost in some septic tank pools.
Although it's a pity
The corpse was so shitty,
You can't say he fell between stools.
--- Norm Storer P9205
Remarked as he sat in a sewer,
"I hate my own species,
So it's only with feces
That I feel both relaxed and secure."
--- Grand Prix Lim 1000 P8504
Once diverted the sewers by stealth,
On the self-centered grounds
(Not as right as it sounds)
That effluent's bad for the health.
--- Anon
Emerged from his lab in a trance.
To the toilet he went,
But forgot his intent,
And imprudently shit in his pants.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1212
Who was totally covered in cack.
He had shit on his nose,
And shit on his toes,
And shit down the length of his back.
--- Richard Lancashire
"Though it pains like the bite of a viper,
True joy is not sex,
With new wife or ex,
But a fresh, dry, and sweet-smelling diaper."
--- Armand Singer
I hit something thick and quite quick and quite greasy.
A translucent glob,
An island of gob
Of the goo that comes out when you squeeze me.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901
I've just gone and dumped a huge loadius.
Enormously lighter,
I feel a lot brighter,
Though, Jesus! It whiffs a tad odious.
--- Peter Wilkins
To package and peddle his dump.
But the odor o'er-fetid
Made sales rather tepid,
And his business went into a slump.
--- G1373
From a Wookie like Chewbacca.
Hairy and plump,
It's a big stinky dump,
That fiercely stinks up the blocka!
--- Chili Burger T9801
Who never could sit but she shat.
Oh, the seat of her drawers
Was a chamber of horrors,
And they felt even fouler than that!
--- L0702
And watch where you're walking, you hear?
You'll go ankle deep
In a yellow-brown heap;
Our rottweiler's got diarrhea.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In the spot where your Doggie just shat;
And there cowers Kitty,
Once pretty, now shitty --
Whoops! Granny has fallen! Ker-Splat!
--- Brian Belge
Who thought that his poop didn't smell;
Folks on the street
Got no nearer 'n ten feet,
But dogs thought he was just swell.
--- Anon
Sitting near me in the can?
For he did commit
A most Super Shit;
Will someone please turn on the fan?
--- Coolbreeze
Examined the turd from her bowel,
And announced, rather miffed,
That she had never sniffed
An odor so fetid and foul.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1400
Once shit in his pants as he knelt in 'em.
So he sold them at Ware,
To a gentleman there,
Who didn't much like what he smelt in 'em.
Awoke with a pain in his belly.
And to cure it, 'tis said,
He shit in his bed,
And the sheets were uncommonly smelly.
--- L0692
There's no way in the world to compare it.
If you're struck by the splosh,
You will die if you wash--
If the FOO shits on you, you must wear it.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
Mushed dogs through a culvert quite wide.
When they failed to come out
Of that foul-smelling spout,
The verdict was sheer sewercide.
--- Lee Basnar
Had stools quite the colour of pitch.
They'd stink like bejeesus
And startle the fleesus,
Which gave her reprieve from the itch.
--- Anon
And his floopy tits are like jelly.
When he sits on the pot,
Others die on the spot,
'Cause the shit that comes out is so smelly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Her perfume, she said, had allure.
And so well she expounded,
That all men were confounded,
But to flies it smell just like manure.
--- Albin Chaplin
His attempts were precise and relentless,
To come up with a plan
That would benefit man
By developing shit that was scentless.
--- Cap'n Bean P0509
When he thought what he bought wasn't poop.
When he found what it was
Wouldn't give him a buzz,
He shouted, "I want to recoup!"
--- Anon
Said the woman who cleans up the loo.
"In Number 1 Closet
Someone's left a deposit
Of arrears that was long overdue."
--- G1378
Lay a mound of gelatinous doo,
Till it swallowed a boot
Of the preacher en route
To a wedding that he was to do.
--- John Sandler P9112
Who rolled in a pile of dog poo.
Before ere long
He started to pong.
Hold your nose if you visit Karoo.
--- Anon
Everything that I eat turns to shit.
And the odor's so bad,
(Like a rotting crawdad)
It's giving me a conniption fit.
--- S C Saint
Who knew psychophysics so well,
That each time he'd shit,
He'd stop, measure it--
Its length, and its breadth, and its smell.
--- L0682
Incontinent, Haroun can't hash-it.
The Sons of the Caliph,
Whenever they Al whiff,
Unhappily, "Haroun Al ha-shit."
--- Irving Superior P8407
Are voided by a person named Dench,
Who sneaks out after dark
To Whoremonger Park,
And smears them about on a bench!
--- G1464
Who ate too much curry one day.
Though he crapped in Bhopal,
It was then said by all,
That it stunk all the way to Bombay.
--- Anon
That the stools of his class did not stink.
Nothing changed his beliefs
Till he sullied his briefs,
And rinsed them himself in the sink.
--- G1471
For the things that it does to your seat;
Makes your fundamaent sore,
Like your ass has been bored
By a dick made of solid concrete!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901a
"First my gut gets all twisted with pain,
Then my dress, I will soil it,
If I don't find a toilet,
As I fart rapid bursts of butane."
--- Armand E Singer 194
To add just a touch of old mold
To that noxious puke-brew,
Encouraging poo
To squirt from Poles' holes uncontrolled.
--- Anon
The skin of whose hind end was peeling.
When she sat at the stool,
Her anus would drool,
So she had to defecate kneeling.
--- G1482
My stomach's like an old garbage bin.
He said, "Now I fear
That I've got diarhhea,
But my diaper is holding it in.
--- Tony Burrell
One day made an awful mistake.
He devoured three packs
Of the stuff called Ex-Lax...
Now he's thin as the shaft of a rake!
--- Vassar Smith P9712a
After drinking a flagon of mead'll
Remove all her clothes,
Bend down, touch her toes,
And shit through the eye of a needle!
--- Donald McGill
To placate the male of her species.
But mixing slick juices
With turds just produces
A discharge of watered-down feces.
--- Randog
Who filtered her shit through a veil.
She would have used cotton
But her asshole was rotten,
And she splattered all over the pail.
--- G1484
Whose stools were incredibly loose.
After many a try,
This frustrated guy
A firm version did finally produce.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
But he fingered her ass none the less.
She let out a huge "Yike",
He pulled his finger from the dyke,
'Twas not water that vented I'd guess!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had bowels abominably loose.
His quick defecation
Was a sickening sensation--
He was nine times as loose as a goose.
--- Grand Prix Lim 390 g1368
Feels not, much less looks, at all dapper.
He fouls first his drawers,
Next pants, then three floors,
In losing his race for the crapper.
--- Armand E Singer 161
Took too many magnesium pills;
He wound up with the trots,
His gut tied in tight knots,
And the subject of Kodachrome stills.
--- Armand Singer P0007
Nor is it very discreet.
No matter what you try,
You kiss your ass good bye,
As well as your balls, dick and feet!
--- Anon
On the bus, it isn't so neat.
Riding between towns,
With my head hanging down;
The shit spewed all over my feet!
--- Whacked TP9901
You mount the throne and take a seat.
You give a big push
And out of your tush
Comes a liquified Mexican treat.
--- Anon
It can leave a gross stain on your sheet,
Or on your shorts, or the stairs,
And hang off your ass hairs,
Not to mention bad pain in your seat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When your sitting on that cold toilet seat.
Shitting and straining
And always complaining,
Of the food you did previously eat.
--- H Welchel
You've got to be quick on your feet
To run to the shitter
Until it's a quitter.
Just make sure that you clean off the seat!
--- Cinful
I had bicycled down from Stonehenge.
I drank eight pints of fluid
With a friendly old Druid,
Then Montezuma took his revenge.
--- Bill Wall
Who only had one little fear:
"If I hadn't a loo,
I wouldn't know what to do
With the mess that I cause with my rear."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Decided to sit on my hand.
I gave her a goose
But her bowels were loose;
And things didn't work out as I'd planned.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Looking around in frustration.
No loo could I see.
This's a problem for me,
With the opposite of constipation!
--- Anon
Potato chip snacks should be fun.
Now Olestra, inventive,
As an added incentive
For folk who want to eat and run.
--- Tom Patton P9607a
Who drank too much milk of magnesia.
He suffered such pains
That he shat out his brains,
And contracted a case of amnesia.
--- G2326a
Whose stomach would often go sour.
If I've got my facts straight,
She'd eat Exlax by the crate,
And shit every hour on the hour!
--- Laurence Craft
His case of the trots was a fright!
Then a doc gave him salts
That supposedly halts
All the shits that pass in the knight.
--- Anon
Who was prone to having the trots.
But his humble abode,
Was without a commode,
So his carpet was covered with spots.
--- Anon
Admitted to anal detritus,
And blushing through miles
To three bleeding piles,
Plus scratching his constant pruritus.
--- Armand E Singer P9902