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There once was a man in Peru
Who fell through a hole in the loo.
He had a great time
In the muck and the slime,
And now runs a spa in the poo.
--- Skumbunny

There was a young man of Loch Leven,
Who went for a walk about seven.
He fell into a pit
That was brimful of shit,
And now the poor bugger's in heaven.
--- Norman Douglas L0712

A plumber, along with his tools,
Was lost in some septic tank pools.
Although it's a pity
The corpse was so shitty,
You can't say he fell between stools.
--- Norm Storer P9205

A bitter old hermit named Brewer
Remarked as he sat in a sewer,
"I hate my own species,
So it's only with feces
That I feel both relaxed and secure."
--- Grand Prix Lim 1000 P8504

An affluent man of great wealth
Once diverted the sewers by stealth,
On the self-centered grounds
(Not as right as it sounds)
That effluent's bad for the health.
--- Anon

While lost in deep thought, Dr. Krantz
Emerged from his lab in a trance.
To the toilet he went,
But forgot his intent,
And imprudently shit in his pants.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1212

There once was a man of Iraq,
Who was totally covered in cack.
He had shit on his nose,
And shit on his toes,
And shit down the length of his back.
--- Richard Lancashire

"I confess," said an oldster named Piper,
"Though it pains like the bite of a viper,
True joy is not sex,
With new wife or ex,
But a fresh, dry, and sweet-smelling diaper."
--- Armand Singer

While swimming across the Zambezi,
I hit something thick and quite quick and quite greasy.
A translucent glob,
An island of gob
Of the goo that comes out when you squeeze me.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901

I'm sure glad my commode is commodious;
I've just gone and dumped a huge loadius.
Enormously lighter,
I feel a lot brighter,
Though, Jesus! It whiffs a tad odious.
--- Peter Wilkins

'Twas the whimsy of a fellow named Crump
To package and peddle his dump.
But the odor o'er-fetid
Made sales rather tepid,
And his business went into a slump.
--- G1373

I would not like to see the caca
From a Wookie like Chewbacca.
Hairy and plump,
It's a big stinky dump,
That fiercely stinks up the blocka!
--- Chili Burger T9801

There was a young lady of Ghat,
Who never could sit but she shat.
Oh, the seat of her drawers
Was a chamber of horrors,
And they felt even fouler than that!
--- L0702

That smell? Yes, you'd better keep clear,
And watch where you're walking, you hear?
You'll go ankle deep
In a yellow-brown heap;
Our rottweiler's got diarrhea.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Look out! You have dropped your white hat
In the spot where your Doggie just shat;
And there cowers Kitty,
Once pretty, now shitty --
Whoops! Granny has fallen! Ker-Splat!
--- Brian Belge

There was an old man in Gazelle
Who thought that his poop didn't smell;
Folks on the street
Got no nearer 'n ten feet,
But dogs thought he was just swell.
--- Anon

Could it really be Superman,
Sitting near me in the can?
For he did commit
A most Super Shit;
Will someone please turn on the fan?
--- Coolbreeze

The dignified Duchess of Howell
Examined the turd from her bowel,
And announced, rather miffed,
That she had never sniffed
An odor so fetid and foul.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1400

A nasty old bugger of Cheltenham,
Once shit in his pants as he knelt in 'em.
So he sold them at Ware,
To a gentleman there,
Who didn't much like what he smelt in 'em.

There was an old person of Delhi,
Awoke with a pain in his belly.
And to cure it, 'tis said,
He shit in his bed,
And the sheets were uncommonly smelly.

(Published 1870)
--- L0692

FOO-bird poop smells so bad you can't bear it.
There's no way in the world to compare it.
If you're struck by the splosh,
You will die if you wash--
If the FOO shits on you, you must wear it.
--- Al Chaplin P9410

A daring young musher named Clyde
Mushed dogs through a culvert quite wide.
When they failed to come out
Of that foul-smelling spout,
The verdict was sheer sewercide.
--- Lee Basnar

A flatulent flea-bitten bitch
Had stools quite the colour of pitch.
They'd stink like bejeesus
And startle the fleesus,
Which gave her reprieve from the itch.
--- Anon

So Clay has a big, hairy belly,
And his floopy tits are like jelly.
When he sits on the pot,
Others die on the spot,
'Cause the shit that comes out is so smelly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young girl named McLure;
Her perfume, she said, had allure.
And so well she expounded,
That all men were confounded,
But to flies it smell just like manure.
--- Albin Chaplin

An inventor whose bathroom was ventless,
His attempts were precise and relentless,
To come up with a plan
That would benefit man
By developing shit that was scentless.
--- Cap'n Bean P0509

A Mandalay man was a dupe
When he thought what he bought wasn't poop.
When he found what it was
Wouldn't give him a buzz,
He shouted, "I want to recoup!"
--- Anon

"I really don't know what to do,"
Said the woman who cleans up the loo.
"In Number 1 Closet
Someone's left a deposit
Of arrears that was long overdue."
--- G1378

Quite obscure, beneath grasses and dew,
Lay a mound of gelatinous doo,
Till it swallowed a boot
Of the preacher en route
To a wedding that he was to do.
--- John Sandler P9112

There was a mad scientist from Karoo
Who rolled in a pile of dog poo.
Before ere long
He started to pong.
Hold your nose if you visit Karoo.
--- Anon

I have an anal problem, to wit:
Everything that I eat turns to shit.
And the odor's so bad,
(Like a rotting crawdad)
It's giving me a conniption fit.
--- S C Saint

There was a young man named Cattel,
Who knew psychophysics so well,
That each time he'd shit,
He'd stop, measure it--
Its length, and its breadth, and its smell.
--- L0682

A senile is Haroun Al Haschid.
Incontinent, Haroun can't hash-it.
The Sons of the Caliph,
Whenever they Al whiff,
Unhappily, "Haroun Al ha-shit."
--- Irving Superior P8407

This is file ckm

Long turds of most horrible stench
Are voided by a person named Dench,
Who sneaks out after dark
To Whoremonger Park,
And smears them about on a bench!
--- G1464

There once was a man called Sanjay,
Who ate too much curry one day.
Though he crapped in Bhopal,
It was then said by all,
That it stunk all the way to Bombay.
--- Anon

Lord Sniffnose was brought up to think
That the stools of his class did not stink.
Nothing changed his beliefs
Till he sullied his briefs,
And rinsed them himself in the sink.
--- G1471

Montezuma's revenge is not sweet,
For the things that it does to your seat;
Makes your fundamaent sore,
Like your ass has been bored
By a dick made of solid concrete!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901a

Moaned a loose-boweled tourist named Jane,
"First my gut gets all twisted with pain,
Then my dress, I will soil it,
If I don't find a toilet,
As I fart rapid bursts of butane."
--- Armand E Singer 194

A bottler for Coke was cajoled
To add just a touch of old mold
To that noxious puke-brew,
Encouraging poo
To squirt from Poles' holes uncontrolled.
--- Anon

There was an old lady from Wheeling,
The skin of whose hind end was peeling.
When she sat at the stool,
Her anus would drool,
So she had to defecate kneeling.
--- G1482

My eating habits are just a sin;
My stomach's like an old garbage bin.
He said, "Now I fear
That I've got diarhhea,
But my diaper is holding it in.
--- Tony Burrell

A boy who loved chocolate cake,
One day made an awful mistake.
He devoured three packs
Of the stuff called Ex-Lax...
Now he's thin as the shaft of a rake!
--- Vassar Smith P9712a

An old lady called Mrs Beadle
After drinking a flagon of mead'll
Remove all her clothes,
Bend down, touch her toes,
And shit through the eye of a needle!
--- Donald McGill

She used anal lube known as "Crease-Eez"
To placate the male of her species.
But mixing slick juices
With turds just produces
A discharge of watered-down feces.
--- Randog

There was an old girl up at Yale
Who filtered her shit through a veil.
She would have used cotton
But her asshole was rotten,
And she splattered all over the pail.
--- G1484

There was a young lad from Scappoose
Whose stools were incredibly loose.
After many a try,
This frustrated guy
A firm version did finally produce.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

The runs she did have, what a mess;
But he fingered her ass none the less.
She let out a huge "Yike",
He pulled his finger from the dyke,
'Twas not water that vented I'd guess!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A shiftless old coot of Cayuse
Had bowels abominably loose.
His quick defecation
Was a sickening sensation--
He was nine times as loose as a goose.
--- Grand Prix Lim 390 g1368

A loose-boweled tourist named Trapper
Feels not, much less looks, at all dapper.
He fouls first his drawers,
Next pants, then three floors,
In losing his race for the crapper.
--- Armand E Singer 161

An unlucky cruise tourist named Wills
Took too many magnesium pills;
He wound up with the trots,
His gut tied in tight knots,
And the subject of Kodachrome stills.
--- Armand Singer P0007

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet,
Nor is it very discreet.
No matter what you try,
You kiss your ass good bye,
As well as your balls, dick and feet!
--- Anon

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet;
On the bus, it isn't so neat.
Riding between towns,
With my head hanging down;
The shit spewed all over my feet!
--- Whacked TP9901

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet;
You mount the throne and take a seat.
You give a big push
And out of your tush
Comes a liquified Mexican treat.
--- Anon

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet;
It can leave a gross stain on your sheet,
Or on your shorts, or the stairs,
And hang off your ass hairs,
Not to mention bad pain in your seat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet,
When your sitting on that cold toilet seat.
Shitting and straining
And always complaining,
Of the food you did previously eat.
--- H Welchel

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet;
You've got to be quick on your feet
To run to the shitter
Until it's a quitter.
Just make sure that you clean off the seat!
--- Cinful

I once spent a weekend in Penge;
I had bicycled down from Stonehenge.
I drank eight pints of fluid
With a friendly old Druid,
Then Montezuma took his revenge.
--- Bill Wall

There once was a man with diarrhea
Who only had one little fear:
"If I hadn't a loo,
I wouldn't know what to do
With the mess that I cause with my rear."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A friendly young girl from Japan
Decided to sit on my hand.
I gave her a goose
But her bowels were loose;
And things didn't work out as I'd planned.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I stood on the windy train station,
Looking around in frustration.
No loo could I see.
This's a problem for me,
With the opposite of constipation!
--- Anon

They say when all is said and done,
Potato chip snacks should be fun.
Now Olestra, inventive,
As an added incentive
For folk who want to eat and run.
--- Tom Patton P9607a

There once was a man from Rhodesia
Who drank too much milk of magnesia.
He suffered such pains
That he shat out his brains,
And contracted a case of amnesia.
--- G2326a

There once was a girl from Bellflower,
Whose stomach would often go sour.
If I've got my facts straight,
She'd eat Exlax by the crate,
And shit every hour on the hour!
--- Laurence Craft

Sir John was not feeling all right.
His case of the trots was a fright!
Then a doc gave him salts
That supposedly halts
All the shits that pass in the knight.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Potts,
Who was prone to having the trots.
But his humble abode,
Was without a commode,
So his carpet was covered with spots.
--- Anon

A loose-boweled tourist named Vitas
Admitted to anal detritus,
And blushing through miles
To three bleeding piles,
Plus scratching his constant pruritus.
--- Armand E Singer P9902


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