A pretty young archer named Jane
Was considered by all to be plain.
Her bowstring she'd pull,
But instead of a bull,
Hit a cow, who lowed loudly in pain.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Such a symbol of stud we derive
From the cult of the Colt .45,
For its genital shape
Sends us guys kind of ape,
With that hard, North American drive!
--- Keith MacMillan A134A

A farmer, in town on the booze
Threw up on a city guy's shoes.
When asked would he fight,
He said I just might;
Pitchforks or tractors, you choose!
--- Anon

There once was a member of Mensa,
Who was a most excellent fencer.
The sword that he used
Was his -- (line is refused.
And has now been removed by the censor).
--- Isaac Asimov

A champion fencer named Mort
Was hurting for lack of support.
When he shopped for a strap,
The clerk saw his tap,
And said, "Sorry! We've nothng that short!"
--- Annie Jay

A talented fencer named Boyle
Once displayed epic skill with his foil.
Deftly thrusting with care
And cool consummate flare,
He lanced his opponent's ninth boil.
--- David A Brooks

There was a pirate named Pete,
While fencing, he dripped on his feet.
The blade of his cutlass
Rendered him nutless,
And poor Pete has a piece of dead meat.
--- Doc B

A student of fencing, untrussed,
Told her teacher who lunged with great lust,
"Touche! I am foiled,
Your moves are well oiled,
I can no longer parry your thrust."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511a

There was a young girl with a bust
Which roused a French cavalier's lust.
She was since heard to say,
About midnight, "Touche!
I didn't quite parry that thrust."
--- G0541

The gladiators bravely cry
Their, "We who are about to die..."
But what they don't say
Is that "When ends the day,
One half of us have told a lie."
--- Irving Superior P9511

Expert marksman, famed Rogers N Clarke,
Took a shot at a guy in the dark,
Who was running away
From where Clarke's young wife lay.
She was thankful that Clarke missed her Mark.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0306

A jouster, Sir Lancelot Cratchet,
Was quite fierce in his armor and hatchet,
But encountered a glitch
With a case of jock itch,
When he found he had no way to scratch it.
--- Anon

A compulsive young marksman from Groton,
When he found he'd a hell of a hot un,
Simply triggered his sights
On a pair of pink tights,
And from twenty-five yards, hit them spot on.
--- Hugh Oliver A029C

There was a young woman named Plunnery
Who rejoiced in the practice of gunnery,
Till one day unobservant,
She blew up a servant,
And was forced to retire to a nunnery.
--- Edward Gorey

There was a young lady named Kessel,
Who knew how to box and to wrestle.
When a druggist one night
Made remarks impolite,
She subdued him and mortared his pestle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2639

There once was a young lady sniper,
Whose aim time was fast as a viper.
When asked how she did it,
She whipped out a gibbet.
Beware of the once-a-month hyper.
--- Anon

Some people shoot -- not for meat;
some people hunt -- not to eat.
They say it's for sport,
(Now the ball's in your court)
Please heed my plea -- Save The Skeet!
--- D Carl

I pine for those pigeons of clay
Whose short lives are blasted away
Into clouds of grey dust,
By men with marl-lust,
Who cry "Pull!" to their wives at foreplay.
--- Sansuesi

When I read the words that you wrote,
The waste of those skeet, gets my goat --
I took your words to heart,
And am doing my part.
You won't catch me in a skeet coat!
--- Kaylin

Eduardo was shooting the skeet;
His accuracy couldn't be beat.
He'd trained with some thugs
Who distributed drugs,
And he sharpened his aim on the street.
--- Anon

The nudge of a shotguns recoil,
Then a crash of the skeet to the soil.
But they just lay at your feet,
'Cause the skeet you can't eat,
They just take way too damn long to boil.
--- Anon

Let's give laurels to Christopher Quinn
Who passionately wanted to win.
Whether wrestling or dice,
Or skating on ice,
No matter what game he was in.
--- William K Alsop Jr

I wonder how Ali is coping;
I know all his fans are just hoping
It's all a big fake;
A comeback he'll make.
For 10 years he's been rope-a-doping.
--- Tom Myers

From north Hants, the next on my list:
Young boxing belle, Julia Twist.
She'll stand for no fools,
And the Queensberry rules
Obeyed; she's the Andover fist.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young boxer two-fisted,
Too long in the game he persisted.
He received such a clout
That his ass was knocked out,
And his turds were all warped and twisted.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8306

A pugilist name of Persimmon
Gave all his opponents a trimmin'.
But not one could compare
To the way he did fare,
With the trimmin' he got from his women.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2746

As champ, the "Brown Bomber" so drew us,
Diplomatically, though, could unglue us.
Meeting Golda Mier,
With intent not quite clear,
He muttered to cohorts, "Lo! Jewess."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9711

There once was a fighter named London
Who gave and took blows with abandon.
But a boxer named Clay
Knocked him K.O. Ole!
And they carried him off in a condom.
--- G2707

A boxer from Malta named Raymon
Used a big concrete wall to take aim on.
He broke both his arms
And three lucky charms --
One with his grandmother's name on.
--- Michael Palin

An incompetent boxer named Cox,
Whose noggin took numerous knocks,
Gave up prize-fighting for
A chronometer store,
Where he passes the time cleaning clocks.
--- Jerry Nordal P2005

A pugilist, Punchy McClout,
Took his lady friend out for a bout.
The clumsy old lout
Left the outcome in doubt,
When he ended up down but not out.
--- Pierce Evans

In the boxing ring, there's none grander
Than heavyweight champion, Evander.
He's very unlike
One known as Iron Mike,
Who likes to bite, grip, and MEANDER!
--- Observer

A heavyweight boxer named Potter
Performed in the ring like a rotter.
When someone asked why,
He made no reply,
But gulped like a fish out of water.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8306

This is file cgl

A boxer knocked out in round three
Thought he'd write to Muhammad Ali,
For his secret who wrote,
What you do is, you float
Like a butterfly, sting like bee.
--- Rory Ewins Q

There was an ex-boxer named Bruno
Who's not brain of Britain, as you know.
But recently he
Has been going loony,
As all members of his old crew know.
--- Alexander Baron

A boxer who hailed from Paw Paw
Had a jutting prognathous jaw.
However, alas!
It was constructed of glass;
For a fighter, a serious flaw.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

In Vegas, on Saturday night,
Evander and Mike had a fight.
To enhance his career
By chomping an ear,
But the dust, more than ears, did he bite.
--- K J

"I can't hear the fury or sound.
Something's gone wrong with this round.
I came for the fighting
But not for the biting."
He said as his ear hit the ground.
--- K J

Said Evander, "The pain was severe
But of course, I'm still able to hear.
I'd preferred though, you see,
Mike had been like Ali.
He'd have then merely talked off my ear."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708

A young black boxer, Joe Louis,
Who buggered a bastardly Jewess,
He said with a sigh
As his engine went dry,
"I wonder where all of my goo is."
--- L0486

A heavyweight fighter in Sidney
Was felled by a blow to the kidney.
He says, "I sure see red
Whenever I pee red!
That guy really loused me up, didn't he?"
--- Don Boen P8201

Lennox Lewis, the champion, still reigns,
And Tyson, his rival, now trains.
I like Mike's new style
Bite, kick, rape, and revile,
And like Cassius Clay/Ali - no brains.
--- Arthur Deex P0203

The champion climbed into the ring,
His supporters all started to sing.
A flurry of blows,
There was one broken nose.
The king is dead! Long live the king!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A jab that is followed by right hook,
Is not fair according to my book.
But just to be fair,
I'll leave it up there,
And go take another good look.
--- Anon

A young man whose ring name was Ace,
Received lots of blows to his face,
Which flattened his nose,
And affected his toes;
He couldn't keep his feet in one place.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

Mike Tyson, the heavyweight cannibal,
That chewer of flesh like mean Hannibal. (Lector)
That predacious bore,
That jerk carnivore,
A muzzle will wear!!...Ain't he bannable?
--- Acetous

About Tyson I don't need to rant any.
Excuses? I don't think I'll grant any.
I only point out
That the asinine lout
Share a habit with Shakespeare's Mark Anthony.
--- Stargazer T9707A

Mike Tyson is not well regarded;
Reputation is long since discarded.
His many bad scrapes
Include biting and rapes;
Pure and simple, the man is retarded.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0203

Mike Tyson loved fame and fast cars,
And made his opponents see 'stars'.
But young Desire
Put Big Mike away,
For three years behind prison bars.
--- Gifford Wherry

We all know he has super-strong jaws,
And he flaunts civil decency laws.
Though he pouted and cried
He was disqualified
For his salient character flaws.
--- Bill Nesbit P0205

The booing he started to hear,
Made Mike Tyson tremble with fear.
Afraid he would lose,
He decided to bruise
Evander by chewing his ear.
--- Gifford Wherry

There once was a boxer named Tyson,
Who, in love or war, wasn't a nice 'un.
At the Fight of the Year,
He bits Holyfields ear
So hard, it needs sugical splicin'.
--- Prof M-G

When Tyson bit Holyfield's ear,
I imagine the headline seen here:
--- Writerman T9707

There was an old woman named Roper,
Who said, "My girl married a groper,
Who thought it a jape
To fondle and rape.
Now he's doing six years -- a no hoper."

(about Mike Tyson)
--- Alexander Baron

Mike Tyson cannot stand to lose...
Not the catcalls, the jeers, nor the boos...
So he hurriedly lies...
I apologize...
And it's ear-biting now he eschews!
--- Poet Lariat T9707

Mohammed Ali was a star.
His boxing skills brought him quite far.
But he went to jail,
Nor did he get bail,
Because he would not go to war.
--- Nick

Mohammed Ali had a punch;
He could spar from his breakfast to lunch.
A real heavy blow
Could produce a K.O.;
That punch before lunch was a crunch!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There's a boxer residing at Gissing
Who can never say "s" without hissing.
Of the teeth in his mouth,
One points north, and one south,
And the rest of the front ones are missing.
--- Ida Thurtle

A light heavyweight known as Hooser,
Still aches from his loss to a bruiser.
He hurts everywhere,
But people don't care,
'Cause nobody likes a sore loser.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8305

There was a prize fighter named Lynn
Who was scarred for life on his chin.
Though the surgeon was plastic,
His hand was quite spastic,
Leaving Lynn with a lop-sided grin.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

A young boxer living at Outwell
Always managed to get through a bout well.
He was light on his toes,
Good at parrying blows,
And could upper cut, side step, and clout well.
--- Archie

Rocky Balboa, that aging old wreck,
Won the bout when his foe broke his neck,
And cracked open his crown
When he slipped and fell down,
After Rocky had peed on the deck.
--- William N Nesbit P0800

Poor Rocky walks round in a trance,
Though he knows it's Sylvester's last chance.
When they holler, "Action."
To get satisfaction,
He proceeds to pee in his pants.
--- Tom Patton P0800

A lover of humor named Biddle
Laughed hard and said, "Here's a cute riddle:
What's black and what's blue
And sissified, too?
A boxer who sits down to piddle."
--- Armand E Singer 458

A boxer called Harry the Hunk
Said, "All this ju-jitsu is bunk.
I just pack a punch
Where a chap's put his lunch,
And he falls like a load of old junk."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

My all-time favorite MEGILLAH
Was the well-publicized "thrilla"
'Tween Frazier and Ali,
A great fight, by golly,
In overseas place called Manila.
--- Observer