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The Vegas testosterone romp, The first match has been planned PUGILISM I thought a male thing, A bully, a beast of a man, An enthusiast once grew too hearty The Samurai fascinate me, In China, I went to a shop There was a young lady named Lottie The Karate School's quite all right, Jack. A teacher of the art of karate, I grabbed a Chinese by the hair. A skinhead with nothing to do There was an old lady of Crewe, "You've got to fight back," Mother fussed. A stage struck teenager named Hugh I bowed; my opponent did too, "The Gym" and "Magic Moments" could merge "Magic Moments" paired with Karate! When boys complete their Judo tussle If the Judo/Striptease barrier melts, But common ground is far from routine. "The Bear" had a terrible hold; A young wrestling fool called Sir Cling Cling's manager throws in the towel What happened?" he says, reaching Cling, The ref was approaching count three; I pinned that old Bear in a sprawl, A horny fag wrestler named Ganz Greco-Roman jock, J F McWind, Two wrestlers, grunting and groaning a lot, A bikini-clad Kiwi named Nelly A member of an overweight clan In Japan a man named Tim A nasty, mean wrestler named Blossom, You're old, Father Ogg, you are old; Two women are always a draw Your sponge is light and like fluff; A young homo grappler named Galt There was a young wrestler named Castle A musical wrestler named Binks This wrestler, a pro named of Skaggs, Said Ventura's main rival in bulk: Can Jesse "The Body" Ventura An English sports lover named Ricketts, In Australia, now that it's Spring, Well what are you waving it at? For Archie, me mate, I assure We play cricket and win every game; A batsman from Sydney called Fairlie A cricketeer of considerable fame On village greens, Englishmen play Now cricket's a game Britons play There was a blind batsman called Rich, A backcatcher who hailed from Peru, English Cricket is currently such, This talk of our Queen is pure treason, You are so bloody misinformed; A research biochemist from Goring When fielding at deep extra cover, All classes of bowlers have stuck at There was a young Cricketer from Perth, A lady so gross and so fat, There's no one so dreadful as Fender When people try googlies on Sandham, Our cricket team had its back to the wall, Playing cricket, I had cause to moan, I spent years at Silly Mid Off;
Saw his rival recrowned without pomp.
Tyson bit off Ev's ear,
(Claims he 'lost it', poor dear)
And he's gone from The Champ to The Chomp.
--- CB T9707
Between Mike Tyson and Evand-
Er Holyfield. I'm afraid
His tongue will be frayed
And Mike will again be banned.
--- Anon
But with Tanya, et al, in the ring,
It's sport for coeds.
Both genders bash heads.
See the mush-brained, cute babe, ding-a-ling.
--- Elois
Beat me up lots, then I had a plan.
To make an amend,
I got help from my friend,
Bruce Lee and my mate Jackie Chan!
--- Anon
While showing his skill at karate.
He broke up some chairs,
Then broke up the stairs,
And finally broke up the party.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Killing the Ninjas with glee.
When they get in a fix,
One of their tricks
Is to jump backwards up into a tree.
--- Anon
And spoke to the man there: Sing Hop.
I said, "Give me food."
He replied, "You are rude,"
And he served me a karate chop!
--- Anon
Who won a black belt in karate.
She met a fine youth
Who had not been uncouth,
But she forced the young lad to be naughty.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2675
You hear all that timber go crack!
In Winter, no worries;
Whenever snow flurries,
For firewood, they never do lack.
--- Anon
Before practice imbibed a hot toddy.
It thus came to pass
That he kicked his own ass,
Amusing the whole student body.
--- Twisted Limericks
His sister then said, "Don't you dare!"
The rest is quite gory,
Should you want the story:
Emergency Ward -- find me there.
--- Anon
Tried to rob an old granny named Pugh;
He wound up in bed
With a lump on his head,
For she was hot stuff in Kung Fu.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who set up a home in a shoe;
There was such a strong pong
That she moved to Hong Kong,
And now she is doing Kung Fu.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Yes Mum," I replied, "Guess I must."
But somehow I knew
That the school of Kung Fu
Was a place where I'd never adjust.
--- Rory Ewins
Took night classes to learn some Kung Fu.
He said you will see,
I'm a second Bruce Lee.
His parents said a second Bruce Who?
--- Arthur Pattaffy
So low he could nibble his shoe.
No waiting for me,
So I kicked him with glee.
Oh please, ask yourself, wouldn't you?
--- Anon
And create a brand new fitness urge.
With a new bump and grind
For a body defined,
Shedding clothing and weight would converge.
--- Bob Aldrich P0608
Matching fitness with something quite grotty.
So after Jujitsu,
Men see what two tits do,
To stretch out those muscles all knotty.
--- Bob Aldrich P0608
To the "Magic Moments" they'll hustle.
As the dancer gyrates,
It's just like lifting weights;
It builds up their body's hard muscle.
--- Bob Aldrich P0608
They could both exercise abs and delts.
And the Kung Fu Sensei
Would be forced to display
Brown and black, championship garter belts.
--- Bob Aldrich P0608
Gym nuts claim to be fit and clean,
While dance girls exercise
With slim, lovely thighs.
What they need is a smooth go-between.
--- Bob Aldrich P0608
Opponents ne'er broke, so we're told.
'Twas known as the pretz
And even old vets
Succumbed, as in knots they were rolled.
--- H Welchel
Faced off with The Bear in the ring.
Cling's soon in the pretz --
The ref counting, bets
That Cling had a very brief fling.
--- H Welchel
And turns his back, giving a scowl.
But then the crowd shouts!
He turns back about --
Young Cling's won the bout! And no foul!
--- H Welchel
"I thought you were doomed in that ring."
"I thought I was too,
All twisted askew,
And couldn't move shit! Not a thing!
--- H Welchel
I looked up, and what did I see,
But two nuts of size,
One inch from my eyes.
I bit one, and then I was free!
--- H Welchel
And held him, till I got the call.
I didn't know how strong
I was all along,
Till biting myself on the ball!
--- H Welchel
Who does what you'd guess for a nance,
Pins his men to the mat
At the drop of a hat,
And squeezes both balls in their pants.
--- Armand Singer P0203
Had been taught well by old Father Lynde,
That "When flat on the mat,
The time's right for this chat:
'Bless me Father, for I have been pinned.'"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309
Found themselves in a real awkward spot.
With muscles all flexed,
They were feeling quite vexed
'Cause they're tied in a very tight knot!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Decided to wrestle in jelly.
It's Easter, I know,
But I'll just have a go.
If I win, I might be on the telly!
--- Meps N Barry
Said, "If things go according to plan,
I'll avoid a hassle
If I sumo rassle;
A job perfect for a real fat man."
--- Tom Patton P0203
Was arrested for approaching the rim
Of a sumo ring,
Where he started to sing
Oh how wonderful it is to be thin.
--- Elin Melchior
This is file cfl
Would pick up his victims and toss `em;
Poor pitiful wrecks
With loose, broken necks;
The carnage was really quite awesome.
--- Armand Singer
Your brain cells are shrunken and cold.
It's all due to drink;
I bet you still think
Willie Nelson's a slick wrestling hold.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When thrashing about in the raw,
In pudding so fine,
Soft limbs do entwine;
Men's thought drift to menage a troi.
--- Mara
The pudding club is really good stuff.
You'll never be sick
As my spotted dick
Lets me squirt cream into your plum duff.
--- Donald McGill
Lost more than one fight by default.
When wrestling with men,
He'd feel a strong yen
To opt for an anal assault.
--- Armand E Singer 428
Who practiced a new way to rassle.
As he tried a new twist,
He slipped with his wrist
And was found with his head up his asshole.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1985
Would knot all his rivals in kinks.
As he played his accordian,
Someone slipped him a Gordian,
So he stands on one hand and he stinks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2449
Was queer as a passel of fags;
A simple crotch hold
Would make him so bold,
It ripped his discretion to rags.
--- Armand E Singer 984
"Fans, believe me, I ain't one to sulk,
But forget Minnisota.
Get out there and vote a
New President, Hogan the Hulk.
--- Prof M-G
Now govern his terra obscura?
Opponents may find
He's but half Nelson's mind,
But a whole lot of wrestling bravura!
--- Prof M-G
Too poor to get good cricket tickets,
Felt awfully mad,
The conscienceless cad,
And axed the home team's sticky wickets.
--- Armand Singer
All the wombats are having a fling.
For the season dictates
That it's time to find mates;
Even Archie is waving his thing.
--- Peter Wilkins
I see, it's your cricketing bat
That you wield. Do you dream
Your Australian team
Can beat England by batting like that?
--- Peter Wilkins
You, this year we'll be wiping the floor
With you; thrashing your balls
To the gallery stalls,
Till we win back the Ashes once more.
--- Peter Wilkins
We make the others seem tame.
But if there's a doubt,
We'll just say "You're out!"
And blame the umpire all the same.
--- Newsworthy
Hit a very fast ball good and squarely.
A fielder named Keith
Caught the ball in his teeth --
A thing which he did very rarely.
--- Michael Palin
Dishonestly earned his acclaim
By cheating at cricket,
By gluing his wicket.
He'd always win all of his games.
--- Anon
A game that is strange in its way.
Balls are hurled at a bat,
Players do this and that,
But we don't know why, nor do they.
--- Warrick Elrod
In rather a quite languid way.
Players bat and they throw.
Then they run to and fro,
What it means we don't know, nor do they.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who was batting by ear, during which
He was bowled, when a flyer
Whistled two octaves higher,
And he couldn't quite get to the pitch.
--- Friar TP9804
Told me one day what he'd do.
When they'd come up to bat,
He'd say, "Yo momma so fat,
Her blood type is known as Ragu!"
--- Spencer P
It really wouldn't be much
When a year is up,
And comes the World Cup,
They could even lose to the Dutch.
--- Anon
Which is just one very good reason
That you are all there,
Whilst we are still here,
And we'll beat you in cricket next season.
--- Bob Mornington
The monarchy has always performed.
But all your cricketers
Play with their dicketers,
And now they are totally malformed.
--- Archie
Found cricketeers rather alluring.
She'd turn up for a match
And hope for a catch,
Or something a bit more enduring.
--- Michael Palin
I was somewhat surprised to discover
A naked young lass
Stretched out on the grass,
While a third man made love to her mother.
--- Michael Horgan
Their efforts to dislocate Ducat.
Their wiliest tricks
He dispatches for six,
Which is what they decidedly buck at.
--- E C Holt
Who couldn't contain his sweet mirth.
With batting like this,
The England team wish,
They'd stayed in the land of their birth.
--- Anon
Took up cricket and learnt how to bat.
She took a good hit
And thought "This is it",
And destroyed the referees hat.
--- Anon
For batsmen whose bodies are tender;
He gets on their nerves
With his murderous swerves,
That insist on death or surrender!
--- Anon
You can see he will soon understand em.
With a laugh at their slows,
He will murmur "Here goes,"
And over the railings will land 'em.
--- E C HOLT (Bibby)
I was batting quite well, I recall;
A voracious tse-tse,
Bit me on a teste...
And I was put out for handling ball.
--- David Miller
Not because of a broken arm-bone;
I'll tell it quite plain,
I endured great pain...
'Cause the last ball I hit was my own.
--- David Miller
One day when I had my box off,
A baseman hit out,
Gave my ballocks a clout --
It still gives me pain when I cough.
--- Archie
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