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I shivered and shook the night long, We struggled through the icy shore, Decamping with half dozen trout, No sooner we hit the trail head, We stopped at the Rural Motel, Lady owner relented in haste, On seeing our fine string of trout, That night was the sleep of the dead, The best of travails, you see, I once knew a lad who loved fishing. One day he thought he would wander Down the trail, to the train tracks, he ambled. So the lad sat down perched on the trestle, The dog from a dead sleep did jump, With a screech, the train came to a stop; The lad got all red in the face; How dare you give us such a fright! He ran down the path in a temper; The moral of the story is this: We fish 'neath the blue Aussie sky, "Fishing without beer is a bore! And the beer, oh how they did scull it; So he took it home, asked wife to fry it. So he grabbed the salad and Caesar, My fishing trip rated as 'grand,' I've tied down the sails, stashed the oars, In Morocco the weather's just right; (he is a balloonist 1998)
When Timothy wanted to fly A huge brightly-colored balloon Now they sip at the end of the flight, There once was a glider, Advanced, As the para-glider floated nearby, Flying bagwings that came "off the rack", A naked hang-glider named Cass, There was a young Welsh girl name Wanda, His hobby -- a large hot air balloon; The large hot air balloon is a wow; Gliding is to fly like a bird. The late Carleton C Conway had found, (author of Joy of Soaring)
There was a young boy in Shanghai, The student-from-hell took a flight, (LZ - landing zone)
There was a young fellow called Guy, There was a young man they called Gumbo, A cock-stroking slacker named Gumbo Remember that fellow named Bly, There was once an old mother quite spry, There was an old lady of Tooting Lets find ourselves a small plane; Our parachutes are not off the shelf; So we jump and now start to screw, Our landing is right on the dot, "Why, yes, Sir," he said, "I'm an ace. "Aloft, there is only the wind," "Aloft, there is only the wind," When you fly in the sky, be aware No matter, when getting a boff A hyper young lady named Jean There was a young man from New Haven, This story is true, not a fable: No sooner 'twas said than decided. His efforts we must then applaud, There once was a fellow Gymnastic A girl who lived out in Balwearie A man who loved to bungee jump So Archie, have you copulated? So Jayne, you are scared of heights too?
Thought that it would be my "Swan Song",
'Cept daylight's pink glow,
And warmth that would grow,
Showed that I was stupid, yet strong.
--- Chris Papa
Feet freezing, cold, damp and sore,
Some lures we threw out,
And despite my doubt,
Found very good fishing in store.
--- Chris Papa
Met boozers there on our way out.
All loaded with beer,
Not nice to be near,
It was a good move, without doubt.
--- Chris Papa
Were struck with a thunderstorm dread.
Wet with dirt and grime,
We'd made it in time,
And felt in real need of a bed.
--- Chris Papa
I guessed we both looked quite like hell,
Like silence of tombs,
Were told, "Ain't no rooms."
Our hopes and our long faces fell.
--- Chris Papa
Assured her our motives were chaste,
As rooming we shared,
Wood pile we cared,
And thought of some food for the waist.
--- Chris Papa
The welcome mat really rolled out.
And soon we would dine,
On sauteed trout fine.
A meal that was worth praise and shout.
--- Chris Papa
With downy sweet warmth of soft bed,
Large breakfast delight,
Remarkable sight,
Hummingbirds there to be fed.
--- Chris Papa
Is that with a description free,
For years I've retold,
This true story bold,
Called, "How Dennis tried to kill me!"
--- Chris Papa
At school he would sit there just wishing
To be out with his line;
To forget about time.
What angling hours he'd be missing.
--- Helen Dowd
To find a new stream way out yonder.
Some bait he did dig;
Then he picked up his rig.
With his dog, the day he would squander.
--- Helen Dowd
There below, amongst bush, shrub, and bramble,
Lay a bubbling brook.
With excitement he shook,
As his rod, line and hook he unscrambled.
--- Helen Dowd
His mind on the fish he would wrestle.
With the line in the brook,
The worm on the hook,
He was deaf to the piercing train's whistle.
--- Helen Dowd
When the freight train hit him with a thump.
The boy it did graze,
Leaving him in a daze,
With hardly a scratch or a bump.
--- Helen Dowd
From the engine the driver did hop.
His heart in his throat,
He managed to croak,
"Didn't see you, up there on the top.
--- Helen Dowd
With outrage, back and forth, he did pace.
He spewed out his rage
Like a bear in a cage,
On the train for disturbing the peace.
--- Helen Dowd
The fish were just starting to bite.
My dog you did wake;
Just look at him shake.
With your train, you just hit us for spite.
--- Helen Dowd
The dog, quick for home now did scamper.
The lad's fun was gone
So he headed for home.
The mishap on his mood put a damper.
--- Helen Dowd
If one day you decide you will fish,
Don't be like this lad,
Ending up blazing mad.
'Cause he couldn't just fish where he wished.
--- Helen Dowd
'Tho hot western winds bake us dry;
But it gives us no cheer
Having drunk all our beer,
To find at the end a dead fly.
--- Q
Hang on, ain't that Johnsy on the shore?
Aw, what a good mate,
He's brought us a crate!
They just don't make mates like that anymore!"
--- Q
But for the heat they couldn't dull it.
Johnsy dunked in his hair,
In it a fish ensnared,
Thus catching mullet with a mullet!
--- Big Mick Q
She said "Piss off mate, how 'bout YOU try it?"
He turned on the frypan
And then he burnt his hand.
So he said "Bugger this! We'll BirdsEye it!"
--- Big Mick Q
As he pulled fish fingers from freezer.
"Cooking for the wife
Always gets me in strife",
So he resolved never to try to please her!
--- Big Mick Q
I'm glad, though, to be back on land;
I've stored all my gear,
Except one thing dear:
I still have my pole here in hand.
--- Anon
And hauled home the fish by the scores;
With all that now done
It's time to have fun
With all of you limerick whores.
--- Anon
Breeze blowing, the sun shining bright.
For Branson again
To prove he's insane,
Attempting his round-the-world flight.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He stood on a hilltop to try.
But he very soon found
That you can't leave the ground
Just by flapping your ears in the sky.
--- Funfax Limericks
Soared aloft, one would think, for the moon.
To the passengers fright,
The gas failed to light,
And the costly trip ended too soon.
--- Frank Spectra
Some champagne, the balloonists' delight.
But that little band
Was so happy to land,
They'd be glad to swig cola that night.
--- Frank Spectra
Who's antics resembled a dance.
While not quite divergent,
The trim was convergent,
Somewhere near the seat-of-the-pants.
--- Anon
Its pilot called down from the sky,
"You'll more cautious become
Knowing what you hang from,
And also just what you hang by."
--- Richard Grant
She loved to go over the back.
Till one day in a rotor,
The ground rose and smote her,
And now she's much broader...and flat.
--- John Little
This is file ccl
Was practicing landings on grass.
But she sailed past the lawn
And landed upon
The sidewalk and skinned up her ass!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who came from the valley, from Rhonda.
At school she's not bright,
But all day and all night,
At hang-gliding she'll soar like a condor!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
His ambition -- to rise to the moon.
But a mishap in the flight,
The fabric grew too tight,
And it burst. His life ended too soon.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
It's black and white; looks like a cow.
A mistake by the trade
As it was being made;
It's three times its planned size. What comes now?
--- Arthur Pattaffy
It sounds crazy? Think. It's not absurd.
You are sailing quite high
'Tween the earth and the sky,
Where only sounds of nature are heard.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
That an Immelman turn was unsound!
If your co-pilot's dead
Or giving you head,
Or your sail-plane is still on the ground.
--- David Miller
Who made kites that could rise to the sky.
When to heaven they'd soar,
And he'd see them no more,
He thought gods needed kites they could fly.
--- Warrick Elrod
But ended up geting a fright.
Above the LZ
He locked up. You see,
He just couldn't get landings right.
--- John Little
Who desperately wished he could fly,
He made himself wings,
Out of paper and things,
And very soon fell from the sky.
--- Guy Phillips age 10,P0112
Who wanted to fly in a Jumbo;
He'd look in the sky
Whilst eating a pie,
And fantasized that he was Dumbo.
--- Anon
Would wank to old drawings of Dumbo.
He'd come by the pound,
And float off the ground,
While farting like jets on a Jumbo.
--- Anon
The one who had thought he could fly...
Well he took to the air,
With magnificent flair
On -- you guessed it -- the 4th of July.
--- Bob Birch P0800
Who go shot by a cannon very quite high.
She woke up in fright,
On a plane in mid-flight,
And landed in a country near by!
--- Anon
Who wanted to learn parachuting.
Though they tried to repress her,
She jumped from the dresser,
A perfect vol-plane executing.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
We'll parachute, my dear Jayne,
And do something new
For this limerick crew,
Though I'm not sure if it's really sane.
--- Archie
I've packed them and checked them myself.
They're now very safe
(Barring a bad gaffe)
So your butterflies you should quellf.
--- Archie
As down through the air we both flew.
At three thousand feet,
Our ripcords we greet --
And just before that, I withdrew.
--- Archie
And injured? Of course, we are not.
But you're in a muddle,
Why land in a puddle?
Once again you've found the wet spot.
--- Archie
I've scored after many a chase,
And got in more pants
In England and France
Than Ireland, where I had a brace."
--- John Miller
The lecherous glider jock grinned.
"The beauty of scoring
While peacefully soaring --
She's hardly aware when she's sinned."
The lecherous glider jock grinned.
"The beauty of scoring
While peacefully soaring --
She's hardly aware that she's sinned."
--- John Miller
That the middle contains the most air!
So don't soar near the edge
Or beneath a hedge,
As it's likely you'll get a bad scare.
--- David Miller
I've found (Please refrain from your scoff!)
A hair-raising stunt
While deep in their cunt,
Does wonders at getting them off.
--- John Miller
Made a jump from a huge trampoline;
She bounced to the sky
So incredibly high;
To this day, she has yet to be seen.
--- Cap'n Bean P0505
Who thought he could fly like a raven.
His extremities flapped
As the onlookers clapped,
But his undercarriage caught in the paven.
--- Richard Jean
A chap on a bridge said "I'm able,
Though bungy I lack,
To bounce down and back,
By using this bit of old cable."
--- Anon
Around his left leg the fool tied it.
So over he started,
At the end his foot parted;
He wishes now that he'd not tried it.
--- Anon
Though he fell from the end of that cord;
His foot's never discovered
But the moron's recovered,
And did not win the Darwin Award.
--- Anon
Whose feats were a trifle fantastic;
He jumped from Big Ben,
And then sprang back again,
With the aid of a piece of elastic.
--- P8306
Thought her life dull, boring, and dreary.
So she went bungee-jumping,
But took quite a bumping,
And her vision became a bit bleary.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Once jumped off a big camel's hump.
But it didn't hold fast,
And that jump was his last;
He crashed in a big camel dump.
--- Anon
Or mutually masturbated
With a chick on elastic?
Was it fantastic?
Was she the best that you've mated?
--- Jayne
Now tell me, what did I do,
On that scary jump.
Well -- who did I hump?
For I had my eyes closed tight too!
--- Archie
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