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Her cunt went up for inspection. Some dextrous old ladies from Natchez A three hundred pound Lebanese, I once knew a yeasty young lass; No ladies came up with an itch, Miss Polly received a surprise After spending the night with a whore, An infected young whore named Dolores Elizabeth, Betsy, and Bess, There was a young woman named Flo With the hooker, one must be aware There was an American whore But with Earthly success not content, (double event - poxed and clapped at the same time)
A tart lives in old Sacramento; Oh, dear, I was raised in the city! Brick shithouse that's built like a fort. I was getting some serious wood, So do me a favor, my friend, Young Beth, who would bathe while I'd watch, A cheap whore is something, me lad, A sailor who called himself Sea-Hole, An old sailor told me of queuing It happened long past, down in Rio, There once was a prominent banker A sailor at Bangor cast anchor, This now syphilitic young banker Once a young merchant banker Back in the days of old Sodom, The films in the Air Force were crude. If you visit a tropical area, I went on a jungle excursion So what might this perversion be? Let Nurse see what disease you've got. When young and a virgin I went "Do you thing I've got Jungle Tool Rot?" "It isn't some dreadful disease," I climbed up and lay on my back, Well, I fondled her crack and I came. Embarrassed I said, "Do you mind?" "So Jungle Rot's not what I've got?" She insisted on giving me head, An historian named Poppencott There was a young fellow named Linus, Lament from a lover named Rick: Said the Queen, spreading her regal Queeness, (buboes - lymph node swelling caused by pox, clap or plague)
Our Klingon friend, Lieutenant Worf, John thought of his wife as a bore; A canny old fellow of Chester The slowest gun west of Fort Breeze I'm bathing in oil, care to join me? A wanker was King Ferdinand; Have you ever met Jamie McBeezes? There's a girl there on Marathon Key, A careless young stud of Samoa See the girl, how she runs from the Prince. There once was a girl from Westchester When the fighting is over, you'll see. In a lewd diplomatic community There once was a pilot from K-2 A male prostitute named of Kelly, From a seedy old whore in Hong Kong You'll find things begin to get rough The patient, a sad sight to meet, "What's the matter, old chap?" "Well I came To tickle a girl with his foot A cowboy who hailed from Wyoming There once was a man, very old,
He used rubber gloves for protection.
He cracked it with ease,
And saw all the cheese,
And said, "Now that's a fucking yeast infection!"
--- Anon
Could open beer cans with their snatches
(Which is fun till your crease
Gets infected with yeast,
And it burns like a whole book of matches!)
--- Sean Medlock T9707
Got lucky in Los Angelese.
This small indiscretion
Cause a big yeast infection;
She's now known as "Whopper with Cheese!"
--- Minders TP9802a
A bright bubbly broad, piece of ass,
Whose frothing when aged,
Was soon disengaged,
Owing I fear, to excess gas.
--- Chris Papa
A rhyme for word YEASTY to pitch.
The fungus so grievous
Takes hold and does leave us
On broom, feeling mean, like a witch.
--- Elois
On her checkup with good Dr. Wise;
"I find, on inspection,
A strange yeast infection:
And your buns have started to rise."
--- Bill Edwards P9101a
Wash with soap, just to be sure.
'Cause what good's a stud
With the creeping crud,
And a crotch with a lingering spoor.
--- Norm Brust
Had promised to service old Morris.
So she offered her colon,
Since her portal was swollen
By that dreaded disease called cuntsorus.
--- Bob Birch P0109
I met on the shores of Loch Ness;
We went skinny-dipping,
And now I am dripping.
Those tarts got me in a fine mess.
--- Allen Wolverton
Who was constantly on the go.
Till she caught a disease
That buckled her knees
And now we know Flo is a 'ho'.
--- Anon
Of the gifts she will willingly share.
You'll take home disease;
It will hurt when one pees,
If you do with an organ that's bare.
--- Anon
Whose cunt was a festering sore.
She caulked it with pitch
Till the bloody old bitch
Was A-1 at Lloyd's evermore.
--- G1966
She grew pious -- to Heaven she went.
Son, Father, and Ghost
And the heavenly host
Have all got the double event.
--- G1967
Such boobs! Man, she drives me demento!
But under her drawers,
Are all kinds of sores,
And twat-cheese that looks like Pimento!
--- Anon
The animals here are just bitty.
But they're cute and sweet;
We keep 'em trimmed neat,
And everyone thinks that they're pretty.
--- Marlene Lewis
Delicious fresh quimberry torte.
Quite flattering lies.
Deep come-hither eyes.
A butt cheek with one hairy wart.
--- H Welchel
'Til you mentioned the wart, where it stood
All covered with hair,
But now, be aware,
I've started to salivate good.
--- Anon
And bite this young girl on the end,
And lay on the drool,
And chew it to gruel,
And swallow the spit-gristle blend.
--- Anon
Joanne, who'd get giggly on scotch,
Marie's swaying hips,
Miranda's pert nips,
Joan's gold hair caressing my crotch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That you'll wish that you never had had.
The cheaper the whore,
The bigger the sore.
If your dickie falls off -- that's too bad.
--- Marlene Lewis
Spied a skanky old whore through a key hole.
She invited him in
For a screw and some gin;
Now it hurts when he uses his pee-hole.
--- Cap'n Bean P0510Q
For a whore that his mates were all screwing,
But he ran from that place
'Cause his dick couldn't face
That hole with so many men's goo in.
--- Anon
Or that's what that fellow told me-o,
But lack of erection
Meant no disinfection,
Of dreaded pox he remained free-o.
--- Anon
Who had syphilis, clap and a chancre,
And he caught this fine trio
From a harlot In Rio,
So he wrote her a letter to thank her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With syphilis, buboes, and chancre.
All this, and some more,
He'd got from one whore,
So he wrote her a letter to thank her.
--- L1074
Was wrong when he found her to thank her...
He'd infected his glans
With his own dirty hands --
Wash first if you must be a wanker.
--- Donald McGill
After syphilitic ladies would hanker.
Well he got his way
One treacherous day;
Now his cock has a dirty great chancre.
--- John Miller
'Toga Party' meant fuck someone's bottom.
If you got a disease
From the hole that makes breeze,
It would invade your balls and just rot 'em.
--- Nasty Turshum
What had to protrude, would protrude.
What had to gangrene,
In close-up was seen.
Subtitles: "How Screwers Get Screwed."
--- Irving Superior P9409
Don't give in to the 'cheap sex' hysteria.
Disease is so rife,
You'll return to your wife
With a fever that isn't malaria.
--- Alex Heydon P0501
On a mission of Christian conversion.
I came back, if you please,
With a social disease,
And converted to native perversion.
--- John Miller 0343
Do the jungle folk screw while they pee?
Are they heroin junkies
Who like to shag monkies,
Whilst swinging from vine back to tree?
--- Cheryl
Oh my! Your tool's not looking so hot.
It's swollen and red;
Twice as big as your head;
A classic case of the old "Jungle Rot."
--- Cheryl
This is file bzm
To the jungle and slept in a tent.
But I felt quite unwell
In that tropical hell,
And returned to ask nurse what it meant.
--- Peter W
I enquired, "'Cause it's swollen and hot."
But my nurse said to me, "
That's a normal erection you've got."
--- Peter W
Said my nurse as she gave me a squeeze.
"It's a natural reaction
To sexual attraction.
Now get on this couch if you please."
--- Peter W
And said, "Nurse, I'm a virgin and lack
The experimental touch."
But she started to clutch
Me and asked me to fondle her crack.
--- Peter W
(That's untrue, but the truth's a bit lame;
'Cause I came well before
I could start to explore
Her: the thought is still causing me shame.)
--- Peter W
She said, "No, but your symptoms are kind
Of like premature e-
Jaculation, you see;
And the cure is easy to find."
--- Peter W
I enquired. she replied, "No it's not.
Let me clean off the mess
That you've made on my dress
And we'll give it another good shot."
--- Peter W
So we spent the next month in her bed.
And she taught me the knack
Of exploring her crack.
But my thing is still swollen and red.
--- Peter W
Got infected with tropical rot.
While gathering data
He smeared his spermata
All over a Red Cross girl's cot.
--- G1947
An expert at eating vaginas.
But he made a bad slip
And ate one with a drip:
And developed a bad case of the sinus.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1929
"I hurt though it's true I'm not sick;
Craving chicks is a curse,
But I've something much worse:
A boil on the end of my dick."
--- Armand E Singer 766
"Dad, I notice your right royal he-ness
Has a dull purple end...
I don't wish to offend,
Is it buboes, or just plain old meaness?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 443 G1949
Screwed a sheep while on leave near a wharf.
Time came to pass,
And he sloughed off his ass,
For he'd picked up a case of the orf.
--- Actaeon
He went out and fucked him a whore.
He knew he was bad
When his pecker turned plaid,
And fell off straight on to the floor.
--- Mel Prophet
Advised a young girl he could best her,
And he did for a while.
But he soon lost his smile,
When his pecker proceeded to fester.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1706
Was a French cowboy, Marcel Chemise.
He eschewed the saloon,
Dusty streets at high noon,
But he died of a social disease.
--- Limericks For John P9507
It helps cure this spot on my loin, see?
It's my social life's ruin,
This spot I got screwin'
This hooker I got for a coin, see?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He thought masturbation was grand.
He stopped doing the act
When the shank that he whacked,
Got a social disease from his hand!
--- Writerman
He does any damn thing he pleases.
Says Jamie, undaunted,
"If you've got it, then flaunt it!"
But he's referring to social diseases.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who gave my pal Flip the V.D.
Evil ways are a curse.
Still it might have been worse,
Had it been heads, it would have been me.
--- John Ciardi N
Got a small wad of woo from a hoa,
Which proved to displease...
Now a famous disease
Makes him vow that he'll hoa no moa!
--- Grand Prix Lim 624
See him too -- how he flies, how he sprints.
Then she falls on her back
And alas and alack --
See the aching royal member in splints.
--- Neal Wilgus P8308
Whose boyfriend, on impulse, undressed her.
But this action, so coarse,
Filled him deep with remorse,
For his penis soon started to fester.
--- G1964
Guys with syph or the clap will all be
Kept in to the man
By Eleanor's plan
Until they get cured of VD.
--- A N Wilkins P8901
A charge' claimed he screwed with impunity.
But he soon had a shock
From his embassy's doc,
Since he lacked diplomatic immunity.
--- Anon
Who buggered a girl down in Taegu.
He said to the doc,
As he handed him his cock,
"Will I lose both my testicles too?"
--- G1924
Spends half of his life on his belly;
His many infections
Outnumber selections
One finds in a neighborhood deli.
--- Armand E Singer 962
I contacted the dread Hong Kong dong.
Chinese doctors were great.
They said "No amputate,
It fall off by itself before long!"
--- Theo Heller P9212
When the bugs start to gnaw on your stuff.
It hurts when those gnawers
Get into your drawers;
When you end with no ballocks, that's tough!
--- Grand Prix Lim 933 G1951
Showed up with spots red as a beet.
Which covered his mass,
All caught from a lass,
And not an ice cold toilet seat.
--- Crispy
Just by chance on this good-looking dame.
All was fine, till she got
Me inside her old grot --
Since which, I have not been the same."
--- Joyce Johnson
Was fun for the man from Beirut.
Said the doctor, "Now Joe,
This disease of the toe,
Tell me where has your big toe been put?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1713
Finally stopped cathouse roaming.
The drip that he had
Was not so damn bad,
But one evening the thing started foaming.
--- Larry J Davis P8412
Who did what expected, when told.
He met a young lass;
Did her up the ass,
And now his poor pecker grows mold!
--- Crazy Cunt T9801
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