Her cunt went up for inspection.
He used rubber gloves for protection.
He cracked it with ease,
And saw all the cheese,
And said, "Now that's a fucking yeast infection!"
--- Anon

Some dextrous old ladies from Natchez
Could open beer cans with their snatches
(Which is fun till your crease
Gets infected with yeast,
And it burns like a whole book of matches!)
--- Sean Medlock T9707

A three hundred pound Lebanese,
Got lucky in Los Angelese.
This small indiscretion
Cause a big yeast infection;
She's now known as "Whopper with Cheese!"
--- Minders TP9802a

I once knew a yeasty young lass;
A bright bubbly broad, piece of ass,
Whose frothing when aged,
Was soon disengaged,
Owing I fear, to excess gas.
--- Chris Papa

No ladies came up with an itch,
A rhyme for word YEASTY to pitch.
The fungus so grievous
Takes hold and does leave us
On broom, feeling mean, like a witch.
--- Elois

Miss Polly received a surprise
On her checkup with good Dr. Wise;
"I find, on inspection,
A strange yeast infection:
And your buns have started to rise."
--- Bill Edwards P9101a

After spending the night with a whore,
Wash with soap, just to be sure.
'Cause what good's a stud
With the creeping crud,
And a crotch with a lingering spoor.
--- Norm Brust

An infected young whore named Dolores
Had promised to service old Morris.
So she offered her colon,
Since her portal was swollen
By that dreaded disease called cuntsorus.
--- Bob Birch P0109

Elizabeth, Betsy, and Bess,
I met on the shores of Loch Ness;
We went skinny-dipping,
And now I am dripping.
Those tarts got me in a fine mess.
--- Allen Wolverton

There was a young woman named Flo
Who was constantly on the go.
Till she caught a disease
That buckled her knees
And now we know Flo is a 'ho'.
--- Anon

With the hooker, one must be aware
Of the gifts she will willingly share.
You'll take home disease;
It will hurt when one pees,
If you do with an organ that's bare.
--- Anon

There was an American whore
Whose cunt was a festering sore.
She caulked it with pitch
Till the bloody old bitch
Was A-1 at Lloyd's evermore.
--- G1966

But with Earthly success not content,
She grew pious -- to Heaven she went.
Son, Father, and Ghost
And the heavenly host
Have all got the double event.

(double event - poxed and clapped at the same time)
--- G1967

A tart lives in old Sacramento;
Such boobs! Man, she drives me demento!
But under her drawers,
Are all kinds of sores,
And twat-cheese that looks like Pimento!
--- Anon

Oh, dear, I was raised in the city!
The animals here are just bitty.
But they're cute and sweet;
We keep 'em trimmed neat,
And everyone thinks that they're pretty.
--- Marlene Lewis

Brick shithouse that's built like a fort.
Delicious fresh quimberry torte.
Quite flattering lies.
Deep come-hither eyes.
A butt cheek with one hairy wart.
--- H Welchel

I was getting some serious wood,
'Til you mentioned the wart, where it stood
All covered with hair,
But now, be aware,
I've started to salivate good.
--- Anon

So do me a favor, my friend,
And bite this young girl on the end,
And lay on the drool,
And chew it to gruel,
And swallow the spit-gristle blend.
--- Anon

Young Beth, who would bathe while I'd watch,
Joanne, who'd get giggly on scotch,
Marie's swaying hips,
Miranda's pert nips,
Joan's gold hair caressing my crotch.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A cheap whore is something, me lad,
That you'll wish that you never had had.
The cheaper the whore,
The bigger the sore.
If your dickie falls off -- that's too bad.
--- Marlene Lewis

A sailor who called himself Sea-Hole,
Spied a skanky old whore through a key hole.
She invited him in
For a screw and some gin;
Now it hurts when he uses his pee-hole.
--- Cap'n Bean P0510Q

An old sailor told me of queuing
For a whore that his mates were all screwing,
But he ran from that place
'Cause his dick couldn't face
That hole with so many men's goo in.
--- Anon

It happened long past, down in Rio,
Or that's what that fellow told me-o,
But lack of erection
Meant no disinfection,
Of dreaded pox he remained free-o.
--- Anon

There once was a prominent banker
Who had syphilis, clap and a chancre,
And he caught this fine trio
From a harlot In Rio,
So he wrote her a letter to thank her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A sailor at Bangor cast anchor,
With syphilis, buboes, and chancre.
All this, and some more,
He'd got from one whore,
So he wrote her a letter to thank her.
--- L1074

This now syphilitic young banker
Was wrong when he found her to thank her...
He'd infected his glans
With his own dirty hands --
Wash first if you must be a wanker.
--- Donald McGill

Once a young merchant banker
After syphilitic ladies would hanker.
Well he got his way
One treacherous day;
Now his cock has a dirty great chancre.
--- John Miller

Back in the days of old Sodom,
'Toga Party' meant fuck someone's bottom.
If you got a disease
From the hole that makes breeze,
It would invade your balls and just rot 'em.
--- Nasty Turshum

The films in the Air Force were crude.
What had to protrude, would protrude.
What had to gangrene,
In close-up was seen.
Subtitles: "How Screwers Get Screwed."
--- Irving Superior P9409

If you visit a tropical area,
Don't give in to the 'cheap sex' hysteria.
Disease is so rife,
You'll return to your wife
With a fever that isn't malaria.
--- Alex Heydon P0501

I went on a jungle excursion
On a mission of Christian conversion.
I came back, if you please,
With a social disease,
And converted to native perversion.
--- John Miller 0343

So what might this perversion be?
Do the jungle folk screw while they pee?
Are they heroin junkies
Who like to shag monkies,
Whilst swinging from vine back to tree?
--- Cheryl

Let Nurse see what disease you've got.
Oh my! Your tool's not looking so hot.
It's swollen and red;
Twice as big as your head;
A classic case of the old "Jungle Rot."
--- Cheryl

This is file bzm

When young and a virgin I went
To the jungle and slept in a tent.
But I felt quite unwell
In that tropical hell,
And returned to ask nurse what it meant.
--- Peter W

"Do you thing I've got Jungle Tool Rot?"
I enquired, "'Cause it's swollen and hot."
But my nurse said to me, "

That's a normal erection you've got."
--- Peter W

"It isn't some dreadful disease,"
Said my nurse as she gave me a squeeze.
"It's a natural reaction
To sexual attraction.
Now get on this couch if you please."
--- Peter W

I climbed up and lay on my back,
And said, "Nurse, I'm a virgin and lack
The experimental touch."
But she started to clutch
Me and asked me to fondle her crack.
--- Peter W

Well, I fondled her crack and I came.
(That's untrue, but the truth's a bit lame;
'Cause I came well before
I could start to explore
Her: the thought is still causing me shame.)
--- Peter W

Embarrassed I said, "Do you mind?"
She said, "No, but your symptoms are kind
Of like premature e-
Jaculation, you see;
And the cure is easy to find."
--- Peter W

"So Jungle Rot's not what I've got?"
I enquired. she replied, "No it's not.
Let me clean off the mess
That you've made on my dress
And we'll give it another good shot."
--- Peter W

She insisted on giving me head,
So we spent the next month in her bed.
And she taught me the knack
Of exploring her crack.
But my thing is still swollen and red.
--- Peter W

An historian named Poppencott
Got infected with tropical rot.
While gathering data
He smeared his spermata
All over a Red Cross girl's cot.
--- G1947

There was a young fellow named Linus,
An expert at eating vaginas.
But he made a bad slip
And ate one with a drip:
And developed a bad case of the sinus.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1929

Lament from a lover named Rick:
"I hurt though it's true I'm not sick;
Craving chicks is a curse,
But I've something much worse:
A boil on the end of my dick."
--- Armand E Singer 766

Said the Queen, spreading her regal Queeness,
"Dad, I notice your right royal he-ness
Has a dull purple end...
I don't wish to offend,
Is it buboes, or just plain old meaness?"

(buboes - lymph node swelling caused by pox, clap or plague)
--- Grand Prix Lim 443 G1949

Our Klingon friend, Lieutenant Worf,
Screwed a sheep while on leave near a wharf.
Time came to pass,
And he sloughed off his ass,
For he'd picked up a case of the orf.
--- Actaeon

John thought of his wife as a bore;
He went out and fucked him a whore.
He knew he was bad
When his pecker turned plaid,
And fell off straight on to the floor.
--- Mel Prophet

A canny old fellow of Chester
Advised a young girl he could best her,
And he did for a while.
But he soon lost his smile,
When his pecker proceeded to fester.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1706

The slowest gun west of Fort Breeze
Was a French cowboy, Marcel Chemise.
He eschewed the saloon,
Dusty streets at high noon,
But he died of a social disease.
--- Limericks For John P9507

I'm bathing in oil, care to join me?
It helps cure this spot on my loin, see?
It's my social life's ruin,
This spot I got screwin'
This hooker I got for a coin, see?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A wanker was King Ferdinand;
He thought masturbation was grand.
He stopped doing the act
When the shank that he whacked,
Got a social disease from his hand!
--- Writerman

Have you ever met Jamie McBeezes?
He does any damn thing he pleases.
Says Jamie, undaunted,
"If you've got it, then flaunt it!"
But he's referring to social diseases.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There's a girl there on Marathon Key,
Who gave my pal Flip the V.D.
Evil ways are a curse.
Still it might have been worse,
Had it been heads, it would have been me.
--- John Ciardi N

A careless young stud of Samoa
Got a small wad of woo from a hoa,
Which proved to displease...
Now a famous disease
Makes him vow that he'll hoa no moa!
--- Grand Prix Lim 624

See the girl, how she runs from the Prince.
See him too -- how he flies, how he sprints.
Then she falls on her back
And alas and alack --
See the aching royal member in splints.
--- Neal Wilgus P8308

There once was a girl from Westchester
Whose boyfriend, on impulse, undressed her.
But this action, so coarse,
Filled him deep with remorse,
For his penis soon started to fester.
--- G1964

When the fighting is over, you'll see.
Guys with syph or the clap will all be
Kept in to the man
By Eleanor's plan
Until they get cured of VD.
--- A N Wilkins P8901

In a lewd diplomatic community
A charge' claimed he screwed with impunity.
But he soon had a shock
From his embassy's doc,
Since he lacked diplomatic immunity.
--- Anon

There once was a pilot from K-2
Who buggered a girl down in Taegu.
He said to the doc,
As he handed him his cock,
"Will I lose both my testicles too?"
--- G1924

A male prostitute named of Kelly,
Spends half of his life on his belly;
His many infections
Outnumber selections
One finds in a neighborhood deli.
--- Armand E Singer 962

From a seedy old whore in Hong Kong
I contacted the dread Hong Kong dong.
Chinese doctors were great.
They said "No amputate,
It fall off by itself before long!"
--- Theo Heller P9212

You'll find things begin to get rough
When the bugs start to gnaw on your stuff.
It hurts when those gnawers
Get into your drawers;
When you end with no ballocks, that's tough!
--- Grand Prix Lim 933 G1951

The patient, a sad sight to meet,
Showed up with spots red as a beet.
Which covered his mass,
All caught from a lass,
And not an ice cold toilet seat.
--- Crispy

"What's the matter, old chap?" "Well I came
Just by chance on this good-looking dame.
All was fine, till she got
Me inside her old grot --
Since which, I have not been the same."
--- Joyce Johnson

To tickle a girl with his foot
Was fun for the man from Beirut.
Said the doctor, "Now Joe,
This disease of the toe,
Tell me where has your big toe been put?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1713

A cowboy who hailed from Wyoming
Finally stopped cathouse roaming.
The drip that he had
Was not so damn bad,
But one evening the thing started foaming.
--- Larry J Davis P8412

There once was a man, very old,
Who did what expected, when told.
He met a young lass;
Did her up the ass,
And now his poor pecker grows mold!
--- Crazy Cunt T9801