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They don't wear many clothes on Mars No little green men; no, not these! As warriors Tharks often are brusk; They'll tickle your ear with a tongue, They've wonderful amorous powers! I thought skipping Vulcan was best, I went further out into space -- I came across creatures quite strange, I've been 'round the alien block, I found the Ferengi too cheap; One being that may have been virile Still deeper in space did I travel I had to return double-quick; An alien, Farrtta the Hutt, Gathering a crown to enthrall, Now ladies and gents of the press, Last April, it was a full moon, A photo I took of it too; And out of it came a strange bug- I grabbed her, still wearing no socks, I got the old duffer to sign But soon her belly was swellin', You fellows, this story's a fact. Okay Ellen, now we're alone. And tell her, her brats filled its diaper, From deep space it came, in sec splittious; Her lust for sex was so voracious, The Mool came to earth in Tangiers, Moroccan brew? - thought it stank. Amused with the Mool (who were drunk), She let a Mool climb in her bin, Now deep inside her crevasse, She came with a blast and they parted. The alien seemed such a hunk, Poor Alice is in a real dither; Alien eggs are terribly obscene; It isn't the eggs that determine The nightjars the evening are hymning, They've come down in monstrous great saucers; They promise our gals satisfaction, But wait, look what now's come in view, Her body is like Catherine Zeta She washes and cooks and she cleans; I once had an alien, Xexia, Bung one had a suction appealing. An alien, Xobbin from Xpice, She oozes a smell that's devine. She's never a bore nor a yawn. The Xpice girls are known far and wide The females of Xpice are too hot There was a young Martian named Glyphe, Though the music of love is Schuberty, That little blue man from Uranus There once was a monster from Mars, As for me, I'm an utter disgrace; On Saturday night, up on Mars, The Venusians do not kiss or pet, (How like our Earth can you get?)
There once was a young man from Venus, A creature once lived on an asteroid, A little green man from Mars There once was a creature from Mars, There's a humanoid up here on Venus Of Jupiter's second moon, few The love life of Jovian creatures Girls are something Jove's planet has not: On Saturday night, up on Mars, One Saturdays night up on Mars,
(Their values are different from ours).
They wear leather straps
Which are weapon wraps.
For display give the Tharks all five stars!
--- Marlene
They're larger than H's elm trees.
The have got four arms
And other large charms;
Be careful if one gives a squeeze.
--- Marlene
They might put you off with a tusk.
But just persevere;
They'll lend you an ear.
They're amorous right after dusk.
--- Marlene
(their mouths are extremely well hung.)
They'll drive you insane;
They'll fog up your brain.
They'll play you until you're unstrung.
--- Marlene
They can keep it up till all hours.
You'd best be prepared
To become impaired --
You might be the one he devours.
--- Marlene
Although they cavort with great zest,
It's during pon farr,
Each one's an all-star;
Their feelings otherwise are suppressed.
--- Marlene
Was seeking an alien race
Much different than us,
That we could discuss.
Or just one that I could embrace.
--- Marlene
But ranked in the humanoid range.
I just could not mesh
With some blobs of flesh;
Body parts did not interchange.
--- Marlene
Seen all kinds of alien cock.
Didn't think that I oughta
Mix with a Horta;
It's sort of like screwing a rock!
--- Marlene
Their love prices are very steep.
They must make a profit
If they're going to boff it.
You don't pay? They won't take the leap.
--- Marlene
Unfortunately he was named Cyril.
He reminded me
To some small degree
Of refrigerator mold gone feral.
--- Marlene
Until time began to unravel.
At the Universe's end,
Stars began to blend,
And planets were the size of gravel.
--- Marlene
The beings out there made me sick.
'Cause they smelled so bad,
I was really glad
To return to Sol's bailiwick.
--- Marlene
Could stuff angry whores up his butt.
When felch became calm,
He'd fart like a bomb.
"I'll put her in orbit, the slut."
--- H Welchel
He farted five hookers from Gaul.
The show, though, was stolen;
They pulled out his colon,
And bounced to and fro like his balls.
--- H Welchel
I've got an announcement, I guess.
Here's Mary -- I'll marry
Her soon and she carries
A Sprog, which has caused us distress.
--- Tiddy Ogg
We lay in a sheltering sand dune.
A strange thing we saw
Come down like a sau-
Cer and we heard a strange tune.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's here, see, I'll show it to you.
And then... you say what?
It surely is not
A hub cap on some sticks of bamboo.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Eyed thing which gave Mary a drug,
And dragged her away,
'Til nearly next day;
When she came back, she was nude as a slug.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And took her along to the doc's.
He checked her, a grunt,
As he looked up her cunt.
"She's fine, still a virgin, no pox."
--- Tiddy Ogg
A paper declaring her fine.
A virga intacta;
Like, no man had facta,
See here, here's his sig on the line.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And doubt in my mind was a wellin'.
But nine months have passed;
The kids here at last,
But that lads, is all that I'm tellin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
No questions now, one thing is lacked.
My name is is Yusif;
I want an exclusive,
A five hundred k buck contract.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It seems we got blood from a stone.
The contract's been signed.
Now if you don't mind,
Call Mary, twin sis on the phone.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And Jesus, the scumbag smells riper
Than a month-long dead skunk.
Then we must do a hunk,
Before all those pressmen go hyper.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's breasts looked suspiciously tittious;
'Twas a she, I deduced
When my pecker got fused
With a wet part, decidedly clittious.
--- Dirruk
We spent all our time copulacious.
But soon we were stopped,
For each planet we hopped,
Grew in no time too damn populacious.
--- Dirruk
An alien race with big ears.
Their stature was small --
Nearly twelve inches tall --
In search of Earth music and beers.
--- H Welchel
Afro Pop? -- sounded quite rank.
they met a black whore
And asked, "Is there more?"
She said, "Put on this Walkman and crank."
--- H Welchel
She played 'em some Hendrix and Monk.
Warm Guiness she poured.
T. Monk they adored,
And raved over Jimi's sweet funk.
--- H Welchel
And crank up his Walkman to ten.
'Twas quite a snug fit --
She cared not a bit
As Voodoo Chile throbbed from within.
--- H Welchel
(Thank God Mool have gills like a bass!)
The stout make him belch,
Which tightened the felch,
And built up a nice head of gas.
--- H Welchel
Flying through space the Mool darted.
She charged 'em no fee,
Exclaiming with glee,
A Mool and his Sony -- Poon-farted!
--- H Welchel
This is file bzl
She invited it into her bunk.
But it wasn't a phallus
That slid into Alice,
Oviposited eggs 'stead of gunk.
--- John Miller 0263
She now doesn't know whether
To be mom or dad
Thanks to the alien cad,
But she's not just mad, now she's bitter.
--- Arden
They're slimy and smelly and green.
They're not very pretty
And also smell shitty.
Poor Alice won't dare to be seen.
--- John Miller
Obscenity: Rather the vermin
That pretty soon hatch
And crawl out of her snatch,
And leave every inch of her squirmin'.
--- John Miller
Our hopes, like the daylight are dimming,
For there on the green
Is a sight most obscene.
It's Martians, they're stealing our wimming!
--- Anon
They've anchored them down with huge hawsers.
And little green men
Come time and again,
And Jesus, they're all hung like hawses.
--- Anon
With glorious zero-G action,
And to them they're flocking,
For alien focking,
With no thought of fellas reaction.
--- Anon
They're women, but such a strange hue;
One's coming this way...
I feel I must stay,
She's great, even if she's pale blue.
--- Anon
Jones, and her legs just like Rita
Hayworth's once was,
And face like Francoise,
That Hardy, than whom none was sweeta.
--- Anon
No more am I living on beans.
And best of her gimmicks,
She speaks all in limricks,
In tones like the Beeb's Charlotte Green's.
--- Anon
With conjoined sextuplet myslexia.
She'd six extra tonguelets
Surrounding her bunglets.
I've never found anything sexia.
--- Anon
Bung two throbbed so hard I was squealing.
But little wet lingua
To lick my fuzz thinga --
Now that was a spunklicious feeling!
--- Anon
Whose quim is as tight as a vise,
Whose nips get sweet itches
And turn on like switches,
Is making me come way too nice.
--- Anon
She brags on the heft of my tine.
She's got luscious lips
That whisper sweet quips.
(I've fallen in love with her mind.)
--- Anon
She'd not want to make me her pawn.
My life will be mirth
If she moves to Earth.
We might raise some interesting spawn.
--- Anon
For dancing and prancing astride
The cocks of their cousins.
They gang up in dozens
And ride because Xpice-Boy has died.
--- Anon
For tumescent males to be not.
So right to the end
They spend and they spend,
Expiring from too much good twat.
--- Anon
Who thought that the Earth might have life.
But his colleagues all said,
That the place was dead;
"Its air can be cut with a knife."
--- Tom Campbell
Love itself here is sordidly dirty.
Asteroid men are all queer
Till their ninety-ninth year,
While the menopause strikes at puberty.
--- Brian Aldiss G2589
Has hands than are fuzzy and veinous.
With a handshake that lingers,
He will tickle your fingers,
And other things Terrans find heinous.
--- Rod Walker P8211
Who took people out past the stars.
He'd skillfully drain
Each one of their brain,
And he never would leave any scars.
--- Dennis Maggard
Nobody sees me, or my face.
I drink beer all day,
(And pizza's OK),
'Cause I live very far out in space!
--- Anon
Martinets are lined up in bars.
"I'll buy you a drink,
Turn your antenna pink,
But stop if you don't enjoy scars!"
--- FGO TP9802
Or work themselves up in a sweat.
About sex; they get wed,
Then all feeling goes dead;
How alien, Heck! can you get?
--- G2638
Who had a very long penis.
To keep out of trouble,
He bent it in double,
And coiled it inside of his anus.
--- Anon V
A strangely desexed little basteroid.
He might have been Her
But you couldn't be sher--
If She was a He, he'd been casteroid.
--- G2572
Liked to hang out in our bars.
He said: "I want to go home;
No more will I roam;
Is Mars as far as the stars?"
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who said, as he gazed at the stars,
"It would take me too long
To show joy with a song,
But maybe I'll hum a few bars."
--- Anon
With a luminous, sixteen-inch penis,
And all night he hunts
For big hairy cunts--
Oh shit! Look out girls, he has seen us!
--- Michael Horgan
Of the folks are at all well-to-do.
They work and they sweat,
But they're always in debt,
'Cause their kids all attend Io-U.
--- Dave Kone
Has many curious features.
If I just owned a ship,
I'd take me a trip,
And bring some to Earth as teachers.
--- G2582
There is only one huge flaming twat,
Soaking up like a sponge
All the men as they plunge--
On Terra, it's call the Red Spot.
--- Brian Aldiss G2591
Lonely green Swots recite their three R's.
Which means radioactive
Remotely attractive
Rays kidnapping Earthlings from cars.
--- Prof M-G TP9802
The subject came around to bars.
They wondered what we saw
When we drank too much "braw",
Those little brown men from the stars.
--- Anon TP9804
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