I once met this little green man; A man from the north side of Venus A Martian named Harrison Harris 'Vita brevis, ars longa', is true, There once was a man in the moon, An upper-crust Martian said, "Yes, On Saturday night, up on Mars, On Saturn, the sexes are three, There was a young man from Campinas, A Plutonian faggot called Zimp On Eros, despite its fair name, On Venus, in spite of the cloud, From the far flung planet of Pluto There once was a feline from Saturn, Are now, we starting to croon? That kitten descended from Neptune, A horrid old creature of Titan There once was a man from Mars, I've been on a sojourn to Mars It looks like my ferret's been chewed It seems that Mars babes are equipped And If you're endowed like a horse, A galactic patrolman from Venus, (L0358)
An irate Venusian named Breen There was a young man from Venus, Here from the tri-mammary genus, On Uranus, to shout, "Up your anus!" The Venusians, out on a mission. Two travelers going sidereal, There was a young lady from Venus There once was a woman from Venus, The handsome young natives of Venus On Venus, I'm bound to relate,
This is file byl
A gold and green skinned girl from Venus There landed a creature from Venus, I think we've been spotted from Venus; "Are the tarts", they asked Astronaut Muller, The greatest unsolved mystery A man who arrived here from Venus A fellow from Alpha Centauri, The sadists of Alpha Centauri An extra-terrestrial gastronome Light years flying saucers traverse; At evening they come, before dawn A runner from far outer space If green folk from Gamma Velorum The mechanical natives of Cetus A young man from Alpha Centauri I stare at the star-laden skies, The epicene natives of Pollux The natives of Sirius B A maiden from Cygnus b5, I once was a slave interstellar If Vegans abhor all that's meat, From a strange solar system called Plexus A mutant who stopped for a drink A mere human who heard this remark Said the monkey who tended the bar, It seems that I'm in a bad way The X'aist musn't know I'm around. What's that lightly limned by the planet? A shuttle, Class 2, one man, armed Two ETs on Earth for vacation, (No surprise) no responses they get, ET heaven's, where both reappear. A warp-drive? I found one to borrow!
"From Mars," he said smiling, "You can
Press my left ventricle,
Tickle my tentacle,
Or you can just shake my hand."
--- Sumaq
Had a five mile long, four inch wide penis.
He could wiggle and slide from side to side,
With such nerve, such verve, such tantalizing curve,
You scarcely noted its leaness.
--- Maxine Spitzler P9404V
Decided he'd like to see Paris;
In space (so we learn)
He forgot where to turn -
And that's why he's now on Polaris.
--- P8211
As the better-read Lunatics knew.
They looked much as we,
But the light gravity
Made head bigger and ars longa too.
--- Brian Aldiss G2587
But he got there a little too soon.
Some others came later
And fell down a crater.
When was it--Next August? Last June?
--- David McCord P9210
We old families are snobs, I confess.
It really is vital
To get tits and title."
So he married a cute Martioness.
--- Brian Aldiss G2588
The Martians all mate with their cars.
After tailpipes are bent,
They just lay there all spent,
Pointing straight up at the stars!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A sad state of affairs, you'll agree.
For performing con brio,
You must have a trio,
And it even takes two for a pee.
--- Anon G2592
Who trained as an astronaut to Venus.
When he returned after years,
There weren't welcomes and cheers.
He's not human, he'd was a sub-genus!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was not in the least bit a wimp.
Eighteen feet high,
And as long (or well nigh),
And none of his pincers were limp.
--- S Dale P8211
The sexes are one and the same.
If amusing oneself,
By abusing oneself,
Leads to pregnancy, isn't life tame?
--- Anon
There's a hell of a big native crowd.
For the best thing on Venus is
The double-jointed penises,
Of which they're exceedingly proud.
--- Neal Wilgus P8511
Came some fruit a-sportin' a suit o'
Clothes to go swimmin'
With big breasted women --
But his strokes hardly got him a kudo!
--- Anon
Who made out just fine, for a slattern.
She made so much dough,
Other cats begged to know,
"How much does that fine slattern cat earn?"
--- Anon
Don't want to sound like a buffoon,
But just to be right,
That cat was so tight,
She wound up on planet Neptune!
--- Anon
(Up there they had called her Miss Schleptune)
She taught each man born
To toot his own horn --
So now they all play a more hep tune!
--- Anon
Is looking for people to frighten.
It gives some children pause,
But delight all their Ma's
By causing their laundry to whiten.
--- Rod Walker P8211
Whose lady was fond of cigars.
Then this woman from Venus,
Caught sight of his penis,
And smoked 'til he sang with God's choirs.
--- Anon
That's left my old liver with scars.
My Johnson as well,
Is battered as hell,
From bopping Mars babes in Mars bars.
--- H Welchel
By hundreds of rats needing food.
Although clean and tight,
Mars pussy can bite.
It's nasty when stuffingly screwed.
--- H Welchel
With cervical hairs finely tipped --
Each with a small blade,
That forms a blockade
Against Earth-spoo injected or dripped.
--- H Welchel
And fuck them with vigor and force,
You'll think they're in heat,
But it's just your meat
That was of Mars redness, the source.
--- H Welchel
Had a hyper-extensible penis.
Of all forms of life,
Which he'd taken to wife,
He preferred a mere woman, for meanness.
--- Tony Boucher G2565aV
Was feeling all snarly and mean
And calling me names
And exhaling flames,
And in other ways splenting his veen.
--- S Dale P8211
Whose body was shaped like a penis.
Thirty inches thick,
'Twas a heavenly prick;
Truly a record for Guinness.
--- Anon V
With three eyes on stalks is Miss Venus;
And onto her big glands
Martian men put three hands,
And tri-angulate with their penis.
--- John Miller
Is to get yourself rated insane, as
The arse is no hole
But a flexible pole
From which the piles grow like bananas.
--- Brian Aldiss G2593
Found Earth is a puzzling condition.
They could understand part,
Of our laws and our art,
But got stuck in the fifteenth position.
--- Brian Aldiss G2586
The danger, they say, is bacterial.
I don't know the pattern
On Mars, or on Saturn,
But on Venus, it must be venereal.
--- Robert Frost
Who rather liked having a Guinness:
As dark as hard rock
With foam at the top:
It reminded her of ... Her Seamus.
--- Anon
Who committed a crime so heinous,
That to hear people scoff,
She'd have been better off,
If she'd suddenly sprouted a penis.
--- Anon
Have a three-foot retractable penis.
The women of Earth
All contend for a berth
To the world of this curious genus.
--- G2649V
The females refuse to fellate.
For the cocks of the guys
Have got spines, spikes and eyes,
Tasting strongly of smegma sulfate.
--- Brian Aldiss G2585
Was frightened that someone had seen us.
Before, though, she spoke,
My "invisibility cloak",
I donned and put straight in between us.
--- Anon
Whose species was quite a strange genus.
It said to the crowds,
"We're covered in clouds --
And that's why nobody has seen us."
--- Tom Campbell
A goggle-eyed monster has seen us.
It's fierce and it's red,
With great horns on its head.
Three cheers for the distance between us.
--- Funfax Limericks V
"On Uranus more lively...or duller?"
He replied, "They're obscene!
Since their pussies are green,
They are whores of a different color!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'ConnerA
Is "Why on earth on Earth we be?"
But we are not alone.
If Outer Space could phone,
They'd "Why on mars on Mars are we?"
--- Irving Superior P9102
Has a really remarkable penis.
It's not only tireless,
It also is wireless.
We have sex, but there's nothing between us.
--- Anon
Sped earthwards a-seeking a whore, he
Found that Earth's gravity
Curtailed his depravity --
He'd not get it up, and said "Sorry."
--- Anon
Have a pleasure exceedingly gory;
It involves a time slip,
And a neuronic whip --
Not your typical Asimov story.
--- P Chernoff
Had traveled eight light-years from home.
He alit in Duluth
Where they thought him uncouth,
When he delicately dined on their chrome.
--- June Sullivan P8312
Those green men seem rather perverse.
Why should they repeat
Their amazing feat;
Just us in the whole universe.
--- Tony Burrell
They're gone and despite sceptics' scorn,
Over zillions of miles
To plague farmer Giles,
And make pretty patterns in corn.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Came to earth to take part in a race;
Caused great consternation
When he used levitation
At his own, supersonic pace.
--- Maxine Spitzler P9405
Should visit, we plan to ignore 'em:
It's just not the year
For saucers, we fear;
And good SF writers abhor 'em.
--- Beverly Grant P8211
Do not start out as a fetus.
But nuts and the screw
To them are not new,
So they must have some form of coitus.
--- G2579
Said "Come, let me tell you my story.
Riding the tractor beam
Without asteroid cream,
Has surely tried my parts sorely."
--- Anon
And ponder the wherefores and whys.
I think over there
Is a nova somewhere,
And a whole race of aliens dies.
--- Irish a
Engage in the strangest of frolics;
They get their sex kicks
Sucking martini sticks,
Which makes them, of course, alcoholics.
--- G2639
Excrete pure vitamin C.
In symbiotic
Relations exotic,
Terrestrials suck them with glee.
--- G2644
Ate some SPAM while still whole and alive.
"Oh dear," she exclaimed,
"I really feel maimed,
I don't thing I'm going to survive."
--- Mike O'Conner
And my master -- a green fortune teller.
But he soon gave me freedom
When I chased him and treed him,
And threatened to bend his propeller.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Reproduction is surely a feat.
They must do it alone in
The bedroom by clonin'
But some of them probably cheat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Came an alien chap named Alexis.
He was sent here to find
What intrigued mankind
In "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."
--- June Sullivan P8312
Was amused by a sign that said THINK.
"You think you're so smart,
But for all your head start,
You'll soon be the new missing link.
--- Neal Wilgus P8303
Sat and pondered awhile in the dark.
"Your day may be coming
But the tune that you're humming
Is so far no more than a lark."
--- Neal Wilgus P8303
"Say, who do you guys think you are?
Coexist here in peace
Or your drinking will cease,
And you'll gain a real cranial scar!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8303
Since my Cap'n H went away.
I'm he who's been spaced
In the zone of the X'aist.
I'm afraid I may be here to stay.
--- Anon
At least by them I ain't been found!
Did they know that I've spotted
them all when they're potted
what they would inflict would astound.
--- Anon
I've seen it before, now again. It
Seems some closer now.
I hope it's some chow!
It's be like the Cap'n to ban it.
--- Anon
Up from the X'aist planet has swarmed!
It's heading straight toward
Me. pinging, oh, Lord!
I think now I should be alarmed!
--- Anon
Touch down at a local gas station.
Out they both jump,
And approaching the pump,
They valiantly try conversation.
--- Lilsil2
So the boss, ET One, makes a threat,
To blast the machines
To small smithereens.
No response. He then shoots (with regret).
--- Lilsil2
ET Two says "We shudda had fear.
Don't mess with a throng
Whose dicks are so long,
They carry them 'round in their ear."
--- Lilsil2
No more of this space-docking sorrow!
I've got extra seats,
So pack up your teats!
I'm headed to LorssWorld tomorrow!
--- Anon