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A lusty Iranian named Cyrus A Sexually Transmitted Disease, The class lecturer lists STD: An Indian girl in Belize, (STD - sexually transmitted disease)
A dirty young fellow, a Banker, Serena's pudendum has blight, A simple young fellow named Hame "We got a deal with the bank," Madam Knapp A highly confused tourist named Kapps I did what I did to Maria; Mike has just let it be known, A randy young thing named Patricia There was a young man who said, "If Phyllis There was a young lady from Ipswich, I once met this three-breasted whore Though the practice of poor Eloise is She's got syphillis and gonorrhea, Said the sleazy old squeeze from Belize Wheezed the sleazy old squeeze from Belize, When Cyrus grew very desirous Then he went into fits of delirium Then he worked himself in a pyric heat Old Ron Maguire went to New York; My girl has a venereal disease; I asked her to see a physician, To ease her mind, we went to a dance; Typhoid Mary my friends then did dub her; Our love did founder, not exist. In one little whorehouse I've been, I wouldn't think that was so bad In one night my friend fucked a cow, After help from the shot in my groin went, I think once it's on, there you should This application works fine Our Petrie Dish Sue has worked hard Such a scent, like Parisian perfume! If with sickly whores guys should lie, The pain of the stick in the eye In Sex Education - 94, Are more celebate than before...
To mirrors, we now "Je't adore"... There once was a young man called Lee There once was a young man named Moore, My tuhng ith tho very wawge Well what did you think you did catch, So now, you can take it from me, I've a festering sore on my nose, My ears have sloughed off, if you please, This lesson at last I have learned: This lesson for me came too late; A conniving young fellow named Gus A grimy young fellow was Gus; There once was a time I could think. I've tried Prozac and drops in the nose, Since I've now had six years off work, A lumberstore owner named Pingles There once was a man from Zaire, Despite all our expert's persistence, On the Piedmont, the nocturnal breezes (skatole - chemical compound giving shit its smell)
A sick Centaur was seeking surcease, Ah yes, it's a shame, fellow listers, A note to the worst Mom on this Earth: An inmate turned suddenly pale The jailed guy used his shirt to provide A kindly old midwife named Mavies Herpes Zoster is what gives us "shingles" Vaccines were invented by Jenner,
For sex was extremely desirous.
While making the scene
With a lass not too clean,
He caught syphillis, lice, and a virus.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8203
Can cause the most horny to freeze;
Warty big scabs,
And those little crabs,
Are transported with relative ease.
--- Anon
Syph, Chlamydia, AIDS, etc.,
Plus the usual biases
Against trichomoniasis,
Herpes, genital warts, HIV.
--- Armand E Singer 492
Made a dildo of corncobs and cheese.
She fucked it quite boldly
Until it grew moldy,
And gave her six strange STD's.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had crabs, pox, syph, and a chancre.
He caught all the four
From a rancid old whore.
He should have just stayed as a wanker.
--- Mel England
What with herpes and crab-things that bite;
She has syphilis, pox,
And green cheese in her box,
Which she stirs with her fingers each night.
--- Peter Wilkins
Had syph and the clap -- what a shame!
Was it sister or brother,
Or perhaps his dear mother,
Or one of those whores he should blame?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1718
Told the Texan, "So sorry old chap,
But we do not cash checks."
"And the bank's part?" asked Tex.
"The bank does not spread syph and clap."
--- Michael Weinstein P9206
Had to trace out his trip on the maps.
He discovered that Tifflis
Was where he got syphilis,
And London was where he caught claps.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0682
Now I seek a new panacea;
Some potion or pills
To cure all my ills,
Like syphilis and gonorrhea.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The list of her ills has now grown.
She now mentions AIDS,
And sores under Band-aids.
You should've been gone once blown.
--- Mike Desso
Would let any man fill her fissure.
But now, like friend Lydia,
She has syph and chlamydia
And is know to her mates as Contricia.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Has really given me syphilis--
I know she's had tabes
Clap, chancres, six babies--
What the hell is there left I can give Phyllis?"
--- G1946
Who had syphilis, pox, and the itch.
In her box, she put pepper,
And slept with a leper,
And ruined the poor son of a bitch.
--- L1097
Long ago in old Singapore.
She had three vaginas,
Well-esteemed throughout China,
Each dispensing its own kind of sore!
--- John Chastaine
To play with whomever she pleases,
She admits the one hitch is
She suffers from itches,
And various social diseases.
--- G1913
Herpes and diarrhea,
Not to mention the flu
And malaria, too;
Don't go near, lads, just keep very clear.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(With syphilis, chancre and fleas
And herpes and clap
And boils in her lap),
"Please cover your mouth when you sneeze!"
--- John Miller
"Indeed I am seized with disease;
I suspect I neglected
To inspect men selected
To tease out my well-ripened cheese!"
--- John Miller
Of an emerald-eyed beauty named Iris,
He asked her to dance,
Which led to romance,
But Iris gave Cyrus a virus.
--- Jerry Nordal
For a lovely young redhead named Miriam,
So he made an advance
And was soon in her pants,
But from Miriam caught a bacterium.
--- Jerry Nordal
For a gorgeous brunette Elvira Keat,
And he took one more chance
With his well-traveled lance,
But Elvira gave him a spirochete.
--- Jerry Nordal
Banged a shiela with the most yeasty fork;
Got crabs up his ass;
Felt like pissing glass;
And had pimples all up his big stalk.
I must say that I am not pleased.
My dick has turned green.
My balls are like beans;
And what's more: it has killed all my trees.
--- Puff Adder
To get rid of the smelly emission,
Which got on the rugs
And killed all the bugs.
It's as bad as a nuclear fission.
--- Puff Adder
But people were looking askance.
It wasn't the whirl
Or the way that we twirl,
But the slime ate a hole in her pants.
--- Puff Adder
Everyone started to snub her.
We tried some safe sex,
But our good plan was vexed.
For during, I smelt burning rubber.
--- Puff Adder
She said as she left, somewhat pissed:
"I'll become renowned;
I'll pass it around."
She's now on the "Most Wanted" list.
--- Puff Adder
I sampled the charms of Maureen.
Affection I sought,
But some thing I caught
Is turning my gonads to green.
--- SFA
As the sweet little thing that I had
In gay old Paris --
What she gave to me
Has turned my poor gonads to plaid.
--- John Miller
A chicken, two geese, and a sow.
He said it felt great,
Better than any date,
But his dick is all polka-dots now!
--- HMMWV
I got myself a new appointment.
The doc said to spread
This cream on the head
Of my pecker, please help with this ointment.
--- Anon
Make sure that it's rubbed in real good.
Fill up your crack
And lie on your back,
And help rub it onto my wood.
--- Anon
This is file bwm
And should keep the virus in line.
And as I pump you
It rubs on you, too;
A treament for both -- How divine!
--- Anon
To get what she's got, you old bard;
Her health card attests
That she's full of pests,
So treat her with highest regard!
--- Anon
And it stains all the walls in her room!
What's this strange runny cheese,
Running down to her knees?
Have a taste; it's some fruit of her womb!
--- Anon
Their bladders may cease and they'd cry;
I guess, though, not peeing
Is better than being
Poked with a sharp stick in the eye.
--- Anon
Would lessen, I guess, by and by.
But it seems to me
That the need to pee
Is pain that you could not deny.
--- Anon
With haphazard sexing no more,
Because one can get
Both AIDS and et cet,
On sex...Many now bang the door...
--- Irving Superior B
Will suicide, every small sore...
Sell Xerox. Buy Condoms Galore...
Now unemployed, every fourth whore.
--- Irving Superior P9409B
Who had sex with a tart for a fee.
"That accounts," said the doc,
"For the spots on your cock,
And the reason it hurts you to pee!"
--- Anon
Who had a good time with a whore.
"That accounts," said the doc,
"For the spots on your cock,
And the reason your scrotum is sore."
--- Anon
That I have twable with ahrths,
And ethths too.
Wha can I do
It'th thwowen and big ath a bawge.
--- Gearhart
Last time you were licking a snatch?
You must don protection
On any projection
You choose to thrust into a snatch.
--- John Miller
Some girls will have germs where they pee.
With my left middle finger
I once chose to linger,
And now it's as big as my knee!
--- John Miller
That itches and oozes and grows.
Now I ask, "Who among us
Would risk a foot fungus
By failing to cover their toes?"
--- John Miller
Thanks to Sally, with Hansen's disease,
Who would writhe, gasp and giggle
When I gave them a wriggle
While using the lobes as a tease.
--- John Miller
If you truly don't want to be burned,
When in bed with a lass,
You should cover your ass
And a condom should NEVER be spurned.
--- John Miller
Every hair has been shed from my pate.
Although to this day,
I can't see a way
To protect my whole head from my date.
--- John Miller
Had raped an old maid on the bus.
Though he bragged of his pluck
And the way that he struck,
What he struck was a pocket of pus.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1716
His pecker was slimy with pus.
But his girlfriend was grimier,
And her pussy was slimier,
So she didn't kick up any fuss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1918
There once was a time I could drink.
Tennis I was playing,
Now what was I saying?
Boy does this CFS stink!
--- Anon
And cold water baths till I froze.
Despite pills anti-fungal,
And roots from the jungle,
I'm still sick, from my head to my toes!
--- Dot Roberts
It's really not merely a perk.
I would earn if I could,
People still think I should,
And answer my pleas with a smirk.
--- Jennifer Lilley
Said, "Not one of my friends comes and mingles.
I cannot see why
They all pass me by,
When I just told them all, I had shingles."
--- Fred Cohen P8512
Who died of Ebola this year.
His kidneys and gut
Shot out of his butt,
And his brains bled out of his ear!
--- Ben Jacoby
Diseases can muster resistance.
So ebola and flu,
And other things too,
Can threaten our very existence.
--- John Miller B
Bring reminders of various cheeses,
And make inhabitants prattle
Of multiform skatole,
And Potomac-engendered diseases.
--- Dana Thompson G1901
Since in life he'd become ill at ease.
It pained him to walk
And also to talk;
He had hoof as well as mouth disease.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102
The fate of my poor woolly sisters.
So where can a man go?
Could try bestial-necro,
It's just mouth and feet that have blisters.
--- Anon
So take it for what it is worth.
For Wids and Deasil's
Are suffering measles,
And I'm lacking now in my mirth!
--- Anon
When a bat bit his hand while in jail.
And as luck would have it,
The poor bat was rabid,
And the guy wishes he had made bail!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A safe place for the small bat to hide.
When he reached in to git him,
The frightened bat bit him.
"Now I have to take shots," the man sighed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was an expert delivering babies;
And having done this,
Gave each one a kiss
And a virulent new strain of rabies.
--- Beelzebub B
Which hurts us, and itches, and tingles.
The name is a spoof --
They won't 'shingle' your roof --
But they often make married folksh shingles.
--- John E Mayhood P0109
Who use mild cowpox to render
His patients protection
From smallpox infection,
With the crude methods of an inventor.
--- Dr Limerick B
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