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A pitiful twerp name of Cyrus "These baffling diseases require us Just in case you need something to dread, In most cases, West Nile will ABULIA's what bothers our Dave, There was an old person of Prague The anthrax is safe, so the say; When spreading the deadly anthrax There's something that's happening here; The anthrax was carefully deployed; A few months ago, we all learned (bullshit! - McW)
A Tour de France cyclist named Pete Biker's vulva it's called for a dame, A beauty who's covered in buboes The prognosis fills me with gloom; A firefighter who was called Fearless Fred, There was a young lady from Lyme, In a train in a station am I, A horrid disease is the crud. A famous young doctor named Pease, There was a young man from Marseilles A three-pack-a-day man named Pease Sweet Loretta woke up to a shock, The doctor said, "Glad you came 'round. "How does that feel, Loretta, my dear?" "Now concentrate, please," said the doc. Johnson, who simply forgot But his wife who should have known better, They nearly kissed Tommy goodbybe, A man with a jungle disease There's a lover of parties named Young, A scared science writer named Graves When he learned that his favorite alumnus There was a sheepherder named Veep I hope I didn't give you a bug, And if you should wake about three in Poor Herbert had rank halitosis, Whenever he got in a fury, a A champion knitter, Miss Beadle's There was an old man by the river, His deteriorosis is spreading; Our true love has grown tall as a tree, A great tamer of lions once got That lower back pain's called lumbago; The gays have their own special cream, A plague-like disease is malaria, The bad news this month? There is nary a It'll induce a cranial fug, A cowboy out riding the range Bewailed a young nympho named Celia, A young man with a bad case of mumps Look Doctor, I don't think it's funny Lamented a hooker named Bea To the doc went a lady named Bliss -- (pemphigus - large blisters on skin and mucous membrane)
You say your complexion is gray, g- There was an Old Person of Prague, Our relationship's purely Platonic; This sleep-around floozy named Patch There was a young woman named Gladys A fellow from Nome with a cough, Carried him off in.)
A satisfied housewife named Leidit There was a poor female named Fitch, I know of a babe from Oswego. There was a young man of Preston I have heard there's a place overseas, There was a young lady of Ealing A man who lived south of the border
Said, "I dig I'be cobe dowd wid a mbirus;"
But he had something worse
Called Chapultepec's Curse;
We interred him last week 'neath the iris.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512
To blame spirits," asserts the Papyrus
Of Galen. As clients
Of medical science,
We know they are caused by a virus.
--- A N Wilkins P8710
The West Nile virus has spread.
From New England and Maine
To the midwestern plain;
More birds have been discovered, dead.
--- Dr Limerick B
Not make you seriously ill;
But encephalitis
Or else meningitis
Will soon your complacency chill.
--- Dr Limerick
The man who survives in a cave.
He's heard girls will move
When you're in the groove,
But get a live one? He's not that brave!
--- Barrie Eksteen
Who was suddeniy seized with the ague.
But they gave him some butter
Which caused him to stutter
And cured that old person's plague.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
The Feds send both perps on their way.
But the keywords here
Are RUMOR and FEAR,
And lets add MEDIA to the fray!
--- Ystap TP9802B
Without leaving a trace of your tracks,
You can send it by mail,
But you are bound to fail
If you do try to spread it by FAX.
--- Lyn Nofziger Lib Lim
What it is, is not exactly clear.
Two cases of anthrax
Have silenced the laugh-tracks;
As we quietly stifle our fear.
--- Dr Limerick
Aimed at networks and checkout tabloids.
And Dems on the hill
All of whom were wished ill,
By militias who want them destroyed.
--- Dr Limerick
That anthrax lives, frozen or burned;
But the weaponized spores
Can't live out-of-doors,
So there's really no cause for concern.
--- Dr Limerick 01-21-02
Is weary and close to defeat;
The seat squeezes his dick,
(What is called Biker's prick)
Solution - don't sit on the seat.
--- Armand Singer
Believe me it hurts just the same.
It is crude to be blunt
But the seat bangs the cunt,
And it sets the pudenda aflame.
--- Armand Singer
Attracts unsurprisingly few beaux.
"It's the plague!" they will cry.
"The Black Death!" which is why
She should cover each bubo with new bows.
--- Rory Ewins
Those cooties will sure be my doom.
I will not get far;
I've got the catarrh,
So I better just stay in my room.
--- Archie
Has a problem each morning in bed.
At the time he must rise,
He can't open his eyes,
His arms, body and legs feel like lead!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who complained of fatigue all the time.
"Your mistake, Miss, I think,
Is your drugs and your drink,"
Said her dad, "To err is sublime."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With plasticine porters nearby.
And I picture myself
Spending some of my wealth
When the girl with colitis goes by.
--- Anon
You must nip it right in the bud,
Or it will cause shits,
Blue warts on your tits,
And piss that's the texture of mud.
--- Larry Davis P8512
Discovered a serum with ease.
There was one thing for sure,
Though he found a good cure,
He found no one that had the disease.
--- Albin Chaplin B
Who thought he had grit in his eye.
Then the French medico
Said, "This may be a blow,
But I think you've developed a sty."
--- Roger Morris
One day said, "I'm all through with these."
So the habit he threw
And on toothpicks did chew,
But was felled by the Dutch Elm disease.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2741a
And hastened herself to the doc.
"It's a discharge," she said,
With one hand to her head
While the other hand clutched at her frock.
--- Jeanie
Take your clothes off, my dear, and lie down."
Then his hand in a glove
Plumbed her tunnel of love,
And massaged her petite hairy mound.
--- Jeanie
Said the doc as he played round her rear.
"It feels mighty fine,
But, Doc, would you mind?
The discharge I have's in my EAR!"
--- Jeanie
"I see that you're suffering from shock.
I've placed thus my digit,
To stop stop any fidget,
While clearing your ear with my cock.
--- Anon
One day while exceedingly hot,
As he lay on his bed
With a cloth on his head,
Should he feed a fever or not.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Got a cold from some God-awful weather.
Her best intuition
Said fever needed nutrition,
Or was it the reverse altogether.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
'Cause his fever was reaching the sky.
Though his goose was near cooked,
What they all overlooked
Was his blanket was turned up too high.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
That's spread by those small purple fleas
Is still able to talk,
But unable to walk...
Laid low by fleabitis tricknees.
--- Bob Birch P0109
Who got drunk with some broad he had brung;
He was feeling quite chipper,
Swilled champagne from her slipper,
Whence the athletes foot on his tongue.
--- Armand E Singer 724B
Wrote, "Nature at times misbehaves;
A humonguous fungus
Is growing among us
And killing off people in waves."
--- Armand E Singer 437
Had succumbed to a horrible fungus,
The jock said, "That's the end
Of my monthly stipend,
So I'm saying goodbye to Columbus."
--- William N Nesbit P0107
This is file bvm
Affected by sickness called Gleep.
He would run out of gas
From the lead in his ass,
And he got it from buggering sheep.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1183
Last week when we rolled on your rug;
So stay in your bed
(Or the bathroom instead),
For I'm coming to give you a hug.
--- Anon
The morning I'll bring you some tea in;
And save you a crawl
To the loo from the hall
With a bucket (or summat) to pee in.
--- Anon
Which gave him a dreadful neurosis,
But his God-awful breath
Could zap roaches to death,
Now his net is as big as his gross is.
--- Ann Gasser P9007
Schizophrenic from Upper Manchuria,
Had pseudocyesis,
Disdiadochokinesis,
And haematoporphyrimuria.
--- Anon
Got sick; She's in hospital, Cheadles
Best. Hepatitis
Is what she must fight as
The result of her sharing her needles.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who suffered a pain in his liver.
Though harmless, it smarted,
And worse, it imparted
A faint inclination to shiver.
--- Anon
His prognisis, he's totally dreading,
For his doc say's "I'm sure
There is really no cure;
I'm afraid to the grave you are heading."
--- Cap'n Bean P0109
And has blossomed most beautifully.
Every day, every way
I ecstatically say,
"You have grown like a fungus on me."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
His brave head in a rather tight spot.
At the end of the show,
The beast couldn't let go,
For they'd missed its last tetanus shot.
--- David A Brooks Q
Rub in embrocation -- it may go.
Beware though, it smarts,
If applied to those parts
Lower down, if you've piles, where the gay go.
--- Anon
Which some hold in quite high esteem,
Such loving injection,
Applied with affection,
Could make such a cure just a dream.
--- Anon
The source of widespread hysteria.
Find ways to fight
The mosquito bite
Or else the preacher will bury ya.
--- Thomas Patton
Disease than which this one is scarier.
The good news -- some boffins
Have pledged to stop coffins,
With vaccine to wipe out malaria!
--- Prof M-G
So avoid the falciparum bug,
By swilling a pill;
It'll hinder or kill.
It's an antimalarial drug.
--- David Morin
Discovered a thing rather strange,
A bald headed girl
With nary a curl,
Who'd lost all her hair from the mange.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Diseased with contagious monilia, (itchy fungus disease)
"I do not know which
Is worse -- the wild itch
Or fear lest no man want to feel ya."
--- Armand E Singer 664
Turned his balls into two great big lumps.
He now screams in pain
Again and again
As they swing 'tween his knees when he humps.
--- Tom Patton P9504
To be told, when I've spent so much money,
That your diagnosis
Is myxomatosis
For having it off with a bunny!
--- Michael Horgan
Who suffered from bad P.I.D., (pelvic inflammatory disease)
"That sure takes the cake,
There goes my year's take,
And worse, it's so painful to pee!"
--- Armand E Singer P0109
She had pemphigus sores where she'd piss.
After treating all year,
Said the doc, "Do not fear,
For it soon will be ready to kiss."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1703
one toward black; they your vision gets vague;
Then tough luck for you, Bo,
Out pops your first bubo --
I'm afraid you're contracted the plague.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512
Who was suddenly seized with the plague.
But they gave him a shot
Which caused him to squat,
(This last line had better be vague...)
--- Edwardian Leer 041
Nothing sexual ever goes on (ick!);
Though I throw myself at you,
It always falls flat; you
Should catch a plague -- make it bubonic.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8405
Had buboes that itched on her snatch.
A learned physician
Deplored her condition,
But thought her best bet was to scratch.
--- Armand E Singer 237
Who blew the town mayor and for gratis.
But she's now not smug,
'Cause he gave her a bug,
That's been labeled plezkiss mifatasstis.
--- Bob Birch P0109
Would snicker and snortle and scoff,
At warm woolen drawers, (Twasn't the cough
When going outdoors-- That carried him off,
--- Anon
Was told sex was bad but denied it.
"There's just nothing which
Beats prurient itch;
Don't knock it until you have tried it."
--- Armand E Singer 461
Bedeviled with prurient itch;
This caused her to scratch
At titties and snatch,
And moan at a piteous pitch.
--- Armand Singer
Beset with a case of prurigo:
It caused her to scratch
At asshole and snatch,
Quite hard on her clothing and ego.
--- Armand Singer
Who went out in the cold with no vest on.
He went to Snowdonia,
Caught double pnuemonia,
And died of pulmonary congestion.
--- Anon
Where folks rudely respond to a sneeze;
For instead of "Gesundeit"
They say, "Hope you're alright,
But please don't give us your disease!"
--- Gerry Busch
Who thought her friends very unfeeling.
When she had scarlet fever,
They wouldn't receive her,
So she called on them when she was peeling.
--- Archie
Had a wife but could not afford her.
He worried so much
About jaguars and such,
He developed a sleeping disorder.
--- Macsam
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