A pitiful twerp name of Cyrus
Said, "I dig I'be cobe dowd wid a mbirus;"
But he had something worse
Called Chapultepec's Curse;
We interred him last week 'neath the iris.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512

"These baffling diseases require us
To blame spirits," asserts the Papyrus
Of Galen. As clients
Of medical science,
We know they are caused by a virus.
--- A N Wilkins P8710

Just in case you need something to dread,
The West Nile virus has spread.
From New England and Maine
To the midwestern plain;
More birds have been discovered, dead.
--- Dr Limerick B

In most cases, West Nile will
Not make you seriously ill;
But encephalitis
Or else meningitis
Will soon your complacency chill.
--- Dr Limerick

ABULIA's what bothers our Dave,
The man who survives in a cave.
He's heard girls will move
When you're in the groove,
But get a live one? He's not that brave!
--- Barrie Eksteen

There was an old person of Prague
Who was suddeniy seized with the ague.
But they gave him some butter
Which caused him to stutter
And cured that old person's plague.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

The anthrax is safe, so the say;
The Feds send both perps on their way.
But the keywords here
And lets add MEDIA to the fray!
--- Ystap TP9802B

When spreading the deadly anthrax
Without leaving a trace of your tracks,
You can send it by mail,
But you are bound to fail
If you do try to spread it by FAX.
--- Lyn Nofziger Lib Lim

There's something that's happening here;
What it is, is not exactly clear.
Two cases of anthrax
Have silenced the laugh-tracks;
As we quietly stifle our fear.
--- Dr Limerick

The anthrax was carefully deployed;
Aimed at networks and checkout tabloids.
And Dems on the hill
All of whom were wished ill,
By militias who want them destroyed.
--- Dr Limerick

A few months ago, we all learned
That anthrax lives, frozen or burned;
But the weaponized spores
Can't live out-of-doors,
So there's really no cause for concern.

(bullshit! - McW)
--- Dr Limerick 01-21-02

A Tour de France cyclist named Pete
Is weary and close to defeat;
The seat squeezes his dick,
(What is called Biker's prick)
Solution - don't sit on the seat.
--- Armand Singer

Biker's vulva it's called for a dame,
Believe me it hurts just the same.
It is crude to be blunt
But the seat bangs the cunt,
And it sets the pudenda aflame.
--- Armand Singer

A beauty who's covered in buboes
Attracts unsurprisingly few beaux.
"It's the plague!" they will cry.
"The Black Death!" which is why
She should cover each bubo with new bows.
--- Rory Ewins

The prognosis fills me with gloom;
Those cooties will sure be my doom.
I will not get far;
I've got the catarrh,
So I better just stay in my room.
--- Archie

A firefighter who was called Fearless Fred,
Has a problem each morning in bed.
At the time he must rise,
He can't open his eyes,
His arms, body and legs feel like lead!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady from Lyme,
Who complained of fatigue all the time.
"Your mistake, Miss, I think,
Is your drugs and your drink,"
Said her dad, "To err is sublime."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

In a train in a station am I,
With plasticine porters nearby.
And I picture myself
Spending some of my wealth
When the girl with colitis goes by.
--- Anon

A horrid disease is the crud.
You must nip it right in the bud,
Or it will cause shits,
Blue warts on your tits,
And piss that's the texture of mud.
--- Larry Davis P8512

A famous young doctor named Pease,
Discovered a serum with ease.
There was one thing for sure,
Though he found a good cure,
He found no one that had the disease.
--- Albin Chaplin B

There was a young man from Marseilles
Who thought he had grit in his eye.
Then the French medico
Said, "This may be a blow,
But I think you've developed a sty."
--- Roger Morris

A three-pack-a-day man named Pease
One day said, "I'm all through with these."
So the habit he threw
And on toothpicks did chew,
But was felled by the Dutch Elm disease.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2741a

Sweet Loretta woke up to a shock,
And hastened herself to the doc.
"It's a discharge," she said,
With one hand to her head
While the other hand clutched at her frock.
--- Jeanie

The doctor said, "Glad you came 'round.
Take your clothes off, my dear, and lie down."
Then his hand in a glove
Plumbed her tunnel of love,
And massaged her petite hairy mound.
--- Jeanie

"How does that feel, Loretta, my dear?"
Said the doc as he played round her rear.
"It feels mighty fine,
But, Doc, would you mind?
The discharge I have's in my EAR!"
--- Jeanie

"Now concentrate, please," said the doc.
"I see that you're suffering from shock.
I've placed thus my digit,
To stop stop any fidget,
While clearing your ear with my cock.
--- Anon

Johnson, who simply forgot
One day while exceedingly hot,
As he lay on his bed
With a cloth on his head,
Should he feed a fever or not.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

But his wife who should have known better,
Got a cold from some God-awful weather.
Her best intuition
Said fever needed nutrition,
Or was it the reverse altogether.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

They nearly kissed Tommy goodbybe,
'Cause his fever was reaching the sky.
Though his goose was near cooked,
What they all overlooked
Was his blanket was turned up too high.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

A man with a jungle disease
That's spread by those small purple fleas
Is still able to talk,
But unable to walk...
Laid low by fleabitis tricknees.
--- Bob Birch P0109

There's a lover of parties named Young,
Who got drunk with some broad he had brung;
He was feeling quite chipper,
Swilled champagne from her slipper,
Whence the athletes foot on his tongue.
--- Armand E Singer 724B

A scared science writer named Graves
Wrote, "Nature at times misbehaves;
A humonguous fungus
Is growing among us
And killing off people in waves."
--- Armand E Singer 437

When he learned that his favorite alumnus
Had succumbed to a horrible fungus,
The jock said, "That's the end
Of my monthly stipend,
So I'm saying goodbye to Columbus."
--- William N Nesbit P0107

This is file bvm

There was a sheepherder named Veep
Affected by sickness called Gleep.
He would run out of gas
From the lead in his ass,
And he got it from buggering sheep.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1183

I hope I didn't give you a bug,
Last week when we rolled on your rug;
So stay in your bed
(Or the bathroom instead),
For I'm coming to give you a hug.
--- Anon

And if you should wake about three in
The morning I'll bring you some tea in;
And save you a crawl
To the loo from the hall
With a bucket (or summat) to pee in.
--- Anon

Poor Herbert had rank halitosis,
Which gave him a dreadful neurosis,
But his God-awful breath
Could zap roaches to death,
Now his net is as big as his gross is.
--- Ann Gasser P9007

Whenever he got in a fury, a
Schizophrenic from Upper Manchuria,
Had pseudocyesis,
And haematoporphyrimuria.
--- Anon

A champion knitter, Miss Beadle's
Got sick; She's in hospital, Cheadles
Best. Hepatitis
Is what she must fight as
The result of her sharing her needles.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was an old man by the river,
Who suffered a pain in his liver.
Though harmless, it smarted,
And worse, it imparted
A faint inclination to shiver.
--- Anon

His deteriorosis is spreading;
His prognisis, he's totally dreading,
For his doc say's "I'm sure
There is really no cure;
I'm afraid to the grave you are heading."
--- Cap'n Bean P0109

Our true love has grown tall as a tree,
And has blossomed most beautifully.
Every day, every way
I ecstatically say,
"You have grown like a fungus on me."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208

A great tamer of lions once got
His brave head in a rather tight spot.
At the end of the show,
The beast couldn't let go,
For they'd missed its last tetanus shot.
--- David A Brooks Q

That lower back pain's called lumbago;
Rub in embrocation -- it may go.
Beware though, it smarts,
If applied to those parts
Lower down, if you've piles, where the gay go.
--- Anon

The gays have their own special cream,
Which some hold in quite high esteem,
Such loving injection,
Applied with affection,
Could make such a cure just a dream.
--- Anon

A plague-like disease is malaria,
The source of widespread hysteria.
Find ways to fight
The mosquito bite
Or else the preacher will bury ya.
--- Thomas Patton

The bad news this month? There is nary a
Disease than which this one is scarier.
The good news -- some boffins
Have pledged to stop coffins,
With vaccine to wipe out malaria!
--- Prof M-G

It'll induce a cranial fug,
So avoid the falciparum bug,
By swilling a pill;
It'll hinder or kill.
It's an antimalarial drug.
--- David Morin

A cowboy out riding the range
Discovered a thing rather strange,
A bald headed girl
With nary a curl,
Who'd lost all her hair from the mange.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Bewailed a young nympho named Celia,
Diseased with contagious monilia, (itchy fungus disease)
"I do not know which
Is worse -- the wild itch
Or fear lest no man want to feel ya."
--- Armand E Singer 664

A young man with a bad case of mumps
Turned his balls into two great big lumps.
He now screams in pain
Again and again
As they swing 'tween his knees when he humps.
--- Tom Patton P9504

Look Doctor, I don't think it's funny
To be told, when I've spent so much money,
That your diagnosis
Is myxomatosis
For having it off with a bunny!
--- Michael Horgan

Lamented a hooker named Bea
Who suffered from bad P.I.D., (pelvic inflammatory disease)
"That sure takes the cake,
There goes my year's take,
And worse, it's so painful to pee!"
--- Armand E Singer P0109

To the doc went a lady named Bliss --
She had pemphigus sores where she'd piss.
After treating all year,
Said the doc, "Do not fear,
For it soon will be ready to kiss."

(pemphigus - large blisters on skin and mucous membrane)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1703

You say your complexion is gray, g-
one toward black; they your vision gets vague;
Then tough luck for you, Bo,
Out pops your first bubo --
I'm afraid you're contracted the plague.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512

There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who was suddenly seized with the plague.
But they gave him a shot
Which caused him to squat,
(This last line had better be vague...)
--- Edwardian Leer 041

Our relationship's purely Platonic;
Nothing sexual ever goes on (ick!);
Though I throw myself at you,
It always falls flat; you
Should catch a plague -- make it bubonic.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8405

This sleep-around floozy named Patch
Had buboes that itched on her snatch.
A learned physician
Deplored her condition,
But thought her best bet was to scratch.
--- Armand E Singer 237

There was a young woman named Gladys
Who blew the town mayor and for gratis.
But she's now not smug,
'Cause he gave her a bug,
That's been labeled plezkiss mifatasstis.
--- Bob Birch P0109

A fellow from Nome with a cough,
Would snicker and snortle and scoff,
At warm woolen drawers, (Twasn't the cough
When going outdoors-- That carried him off,

Carried him off in.)
--- Anon

A satisfied housewife named Leidit
Was told sex was bad but denied it.
"There's just nothing which
Beats prurient itch;
Don't knock it until you have tried it."
--- Armand E Singer 461

There was a poor female named Fitch,
Bedeviled with prurient itch;
This caused her to scratch
At titties and snatch,
And moan at a piteous pitch.
--- Armand Singer

I know of a babe from Oswego.
Beset with a case of prurigo:
It caused her to scratch
At asshole and snatch,
Quite hard on her clothing and ego.
--- Armand Singer

There was a young man of Preston
Who went out in the cold with no vest on.
He went to Snowdonia,
Caught double pnuemonia,
And died of pulmonary congestion.
--- Anon

I have heard there's a place overseas,
Where folks rudely respond to a sneeze;
For instead of "Gesundeit"
They say, "Hope you're alright,
But please don't give us your disease!"
--- Gerry Busch

There was a young lady of Ealing
Who thought her friends very unfeeling.
When she had scarlet fever,
They wouldn't receive her,
So she called on them when she was peeling.
--- Archie

A man who lived south of the border
Had a wife but could not afford her.
He worried so much
About jaguars and such,
He developed a sleeping disorder.
--- Macsam