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There once was a thing called a V-2, Ja, ja, ja, ja! There was a young fellow named Crocket, There was a young fellow named Hector, There once was a fellow named Moorehead, There was a technician named Urban, There once was a fellow named Slattery There was a young fellow named Pope, There was a young fellow named Yuri, There was a young man named McGuire, There once was a fellow named Ritter, There once was a fellow named Schroeder, There was a young man from Decatur, (LOX - liquid oxygen)
Okay now, here is the deal: Some people may watch from below, Oh what a choice of propulsions! Of actions heroic I sing, Now Nellie and Buzz and the other'un, The Yanks and the Soviets race, Conspiracy theories abound, They took off on orbital flight, In order a movie to make, Those Armstrongs, they both are now gorn. We prepare on a June afternoon, The rocket blasts off into space; The landing goes well in the dark, The foothills are eerie and strange, Up ahead on the top of a peak, Is it real or a statue rock hewn? I'm the first man on the Moon; I'm the first man on the Moon; I'm the third Pole on the Moon; I'm the first bouncing check on the moon, I'm the first laughing dog on the Moon. Ah'm a wee laddie fra' Troon, I'm the first lunar arachnid, I am the first lunar sheep; I am the first lunar cock, An astronaut homesick for Perth, Now all that he ate turned to gas That poor astronaut -- what a fool; There would have been no human race, No friction, Dear one? Au contraire! I use a great big rubber band Snugly wrap the big band 'round your butt And if you start turning, resist! It's verified, there's no refutin' But if you want really hot sex, And, dear, before you had slept on The monkeys got smart in Transvaal; Their starship's called "Dangerous Curls" The aliens we see in a hive Things are not quite so bad as they seem. An Earth-landed Martian, quite bold, When I read my first S.F. literature, There was a young spaceman named Brimbles A maiden from distant Capella I once took a spaceship to Venus A space marine taken in shame Those creatures from Alpha Centauri A lady of breeding and grace At the end of all civilization, (Do you know old Pinwheel Asimov? - McW)
If you honeymoon out in space There's a dog on Jupiter that's tame; John Carter, the Warlord of Mars, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea: A Swiss lady living in Berne,
To pilot which you did not need to--
You just pushed a button
And it would leave nuttin'
But stiffs and big holes and debris, too.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
In Prussia they never eat pussy!
There ain't hardly cats enough,
There's garbage and that's enough,
So waltz me around again, Russky.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who had an affair with a rocket.
It you saw them out there
You'd be tempted to stare,
But if you ain't tried it, don't knock it!
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who was fond of a launcher-erector.
But the squishes and pops
Of acute pressure drops
Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who had an affair with a warhead.
His wife moved away
The very next day--
She was always kind of a sorehead.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who had an affair with a turbine.
"It's much nicer," he said,
"Than a woman in bed,
And it's sure as hell cheaper than bourbon."
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who was fond of the course-gyro battery.
With that 50-volt shock,
What was left of his cock
Was all slimy and sloppy and spattery.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who plugged into an oscilloscope.
The cyclical trace
Of their carnal embrace
Had a damn near infinite slope.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Fucked the nozzle right up its venturi.
He had woes without cease
From the local police
And a hell of a time with the jury.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who was fond of the pitch amplifier.
But a number of shorts
Left him covered with warts,
And set half the bedroom on fire.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who once slept with a guidance transmitter.
It shriveled his cock,
Which fell off in his sock,
And made him exceedingly bitter.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who buggered the vane servomotor.
He soon grew a prong
On the end of his schlong,
And hired himself a promotor.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
Who slept with a LOX generator.
His balls and his prick
Froze solid real quick,
And his asshole a little bit later.
--- Thomas Pynchon P8708
I'll share my most bean-licious meal.
Then locked in embrace,
We'll poof off into space,
A-spin like a catherine wheel!
--- H Welchel
As methane and hydrogen blow.
We'll both light a flame --
And go down in fame,
In this most fart-riffic show!
--- H Welchel
Last week, it was uric emulsions,
That launched into space
Your erotic embrace...
Today you choose methane expulsions.
--- H Welchel
Of names that forever will ring
In memory of man,
Till the end of life's span...
Yes, Armstrong and Aldrin and...Thing.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Soared up into space to heights wutherin';
So why'd they take Nellie?
It said on the telly
That Buzz and his friend needed motherin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At that time, to get into space,
Meant, first to the Moon,
And pride would balloon...
But did that bunch go to that place?
--- Tiddy Ogg
That trio never got off the ground.
In fact, my bambino,
It's San Bernardino
Where all of the action was found.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then landed the following night.
Says Nell's brother Louis,
That moon stuff was phooey;
They crept back and hid out of sight.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With NASA's prestige now at stake,
'Twas stage set design
That made craters so fine;
So fellows, the whole thing was fake.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Old Louis died, holding his horn.
Nell worked as a stripper,
Then choked on a kipper
And died in an alley, forlorn.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To go to the moon very soon.
Explore the dark side;
What does that side hide.
Perhaps nothing more than rock strewn.
--- Joel D Ash
For all it will be a new place.
Scientists all prepared;
Slightly nervous, not scared;
Some thoughts on the dangers we face.
--- Joel D Ash
Equipment and team disembark.
Lights are set out,
Our party will scout,
To search for a dark side landmark.
--- Joel D Ash
At the edge of a stark mountain range.
Craters are deep,
Terrain getting steep,
Then suddenly we see a strange change.
--- Joel D Ash
Something looms very large and unique.
We cannot comprehend,
It looks like a rear end;
We just stare as we gaze at each cheek.
--- Joel D Ash
Mooning us with its dropped pantaloon;
God! What a find!
It's a grand behind!
The backside of the Man in the Moon.
--- Joel D Ash
They are sending a girl up quite soon.
She arrives in October;
If I manage to probe yer,
We'll expect the first moonling in June.
--- Professor
I whistle and yodel and croon.
But because there's no air,
And I'm here and you're there,
I fear you will not hear my tune.
--- Professor
They'll send up the second one soon.
Note second, not fourth,
'Cause the South and the North
Are Poles that weren't sent to the Moon.
--- Professor
And I go up and down like a loon.
Oh me and oh my,
Each jump is so high,
Making love takes a whole afternoon.
--- Professor
This is file btl
And I'm having a quiet afternoon.
High up in the sky,
A cow just passed by,
With a fiddling cat, dish, and spoon.
--- Professor
And Ah'm the first Scot on the Moon.
The whiskey is fine,
While on haggis Ah dine.
But ma' bagpipes will nae stay in toon.
--- Professor
Though confused, I will tell you what Jack did.
He put in his finger,
And wanted to linger.
Miss Muffet said, "You lack the knack, kid."
--- Professor
There's no grass, and I've lost my Bo-Peep.
She fell down a crater,
Now five lune-days later,
Can't get out 'cause the sides are too steep.
--- Professor
The ground is as hard as a rock.
Please tell me when
You are sending a hen,
'Cause I urgently need to raise stock.
--- Professor
Was blessed with a sizeable girth.
So he snacked on potatoes
And fried green tomatoes,
So he'd fall a bit faster to Earth.
--- John Miller
And quickly shot out of his ass.
But thinner or fatter,
It just didn't matter;
The capsule still had the same mass.
--- John Miller
His plight goes back to his school.
He spent his time eating
In physics, not reading.
So he missed the more pertinent rule.
--- ROE
Were we in the vacuum of space.
Without any friction
We've no predilection
To practice our deepest embrace.
--- Anon
There's lots of great friction out there.
But if your depravity
Depends upon
There's not a whole lot there to spare.
--- Anon
If bump and grind is in my plan.
I get 'em real strong,
They last all night long,
I tell ya, they're in big demand.
--- Anon
And your honey's; get ready to strut
In time to the dance
Of spatial romance,
But do not, the hull plates, abut.
--- Anon
I know it's fun, but I insist.
Centripetal force
Will wither his 'horse'
When, finally, you start to untwist.
--- Anon
Of forces involved, no disputin'.
Our fun in the raw
Is due to First Law
Of Motion by Sir Issac Newton.
--- Anon
And like things that just may perplex,
Join Schroedinger, Bohr
Heisenburg, and more,
Experience quantum effects!
--- Anon
Board the ship we know you crept on
To in the night,
It seems only right
If quantumly, you would be lepton.
--- Anon
A surprise in a lunar canal;
And out in deep space
A disaster takes place
Involving a main-frame name HAL.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
And its crew is entirely girls.
Their job's to hunt monsters
That have alien sponsors
But their hobby's muff diving for pearls.
--- Anon
Have great trouble just staying alive.
In a cruel twist of fate,
They found a jump gate.
Now they're assimilating Babylon 5.
--- Brian Prescott
Your friendship I'll justly redeem.
To prevent your wife's bedding,
You'll be sent to the wedding
With our Saracen transporter beam.
--- Anon
Watched a slot machine spinning, controlled.
When the jackpot was hit,
And the flow wouldn't quit,
He said, "You should take care of that cold!"
--- P8211
I was struck by the front-cover piterature:
A beautiful girl
On some alien wirl
Being screwed by an alien criterature.
--- G2623
Who mounted his girl while on gimbals.
And he marked the conclusion
Of their curious fusion
With a violent crash on brass cymbals!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2577
Once married an Earthian fella.
Their offspring were queers,
With cunts in their ears,
And their pricks were striped purple and yella.
--- G2578
And discovered girls there have a penis,
And men have broad hips,
And in comic strips,
Charlie Brown has a sister named Linus.
--- Chairman Steve V
On a new-subdued world with a dame,
Confessed at his trial:
"I know it was vile--
I conquered, I saw, and I came."
--- G2643
Crave extra-terrestial glory
By conquering Earth,
But what is that worth?
Earth will win by the end of the story.
--- Isaac Asimov P8211
Was sick when she went into space.
Said a spaceman, "Goddommit,
What is all this vomit?"
She said, "That ain't egg on your face!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
Is the Planet Terminus's location.
There's a girl there whose feat,
Without stone or concrete,
Nonetheless, was to lay the Foundation.
--- Anon
There's this fact that you'll have to face.
In a state of free fall
There is no weight at all,
And your pecker just won't stay in place.
--- G2645
He hasn't had too much acclaim.
This anomaly
Was on the TV
And the Great Red Spot is his name.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And a sizable Martian named Tars,
Lived by the blade;
That being their trade,
They're covered in glory and scars.
--- S Dale P8211
Science fiction from last century,
In which author Jules Verne
Could so clearly discern
Submarines would one day come to be!
--- Prof M-G
As a child read a lot of Jules Verne.
Men up in the moon
Came true all too soon.
In what ways did his mind twist and turn?
--- Arthur Pattaffy
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