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There once was a girl named Diane There once was a BEM from Neptune (BEM - bug-eyed monster)
There was a young fellow from Mars The meteor miners of space A spacecraft once crashed in a gully; On Lagash, after stars come in view, (honoring Isaac Asimov on Nightfall)
An explorer from Earth named McCrimmon The Galactic Patrol is so tough A space jockey now is old Hall, There are writers well versed in the rules, (bemoaning current authors compared to Jules Verne)
Though man at his future has winked, A young astronaut named McGraw To the Captain of Starship ROUGH-N-TUMBLE: A young man, Michael Valentine Smith, Cosmos Bill of Galactic Patrol A rocketship captain named Mills The Terran who carries the fire "I have," said a girl in Khartoum, Green meteors flashing at height. Poor Joe-Jim with one extra head, The sex of the asteroid vermin, (L0359)
I'll have to go back to Sci-Fi, I was lost in the hills of the moon An astronaut back from the stars, Oh, where do you spit out in space Frontier Living's a lot of damn work, Oh, where should we spit out in space? Now I'm an old timer from Earth -- I know you're concerned about waste, Life goes on at the same goddamn pace, To all buyers of this great tome, To the astronauts of planet Uranus To Dennis Tito, an ordinary guy! The nearest star is Alpha Centari. This ditty was written by Hans Jerome, Oh Captain! Oh where did you go? Outside my suit -- absolute zero. Of free-fall, I've 'bout had my fill, Alone in full drop, spinning 'round; Air low; pressure starting to drop. It's coming in closer, I see Around me and around me the probe; In tow by the shuttle, I'm taken. To try to communicate, maybe a The ship sent a probe full of sensing Through planets and space I did roam; I met a young maiden from Venus; A society chick, feeling sporty; Uranus and Pluto are far; A Martian came down from the sky, I traveled the space lanes with 'Aitch, We roamed 'round the sector named "X"; Acquiring my own spaceship too, Insatiable and feared and flirty, And all must be constantly filled; So in daylight or later in dark, The male, when he loses the knack, Then elsewhere we found the race Qrl, The Qrl eat the sentinent Qaart; Now further on we had to fight So we moved into parts better known, The Qrbals were where we arrived; They've very short arms and deep pockets, Reclaiming our means of transport, He served up a tipple of Qumpy; A few parsecs away we found Qete,
Who travelled through space in a van;
At a quarter to one
She drove to the sun
Just 'cause she wanted a tan.
--- Anon
Who had balls like a purple baboon.
So long was his thing
That, from Saturn's first ring,
He could bugger the Man in the Moon.
--- G2633
Whose cock was all covered with scars.
He'll tell you, when candid,
That when it expanded,
It frequently bumped into stars.
--- G2629
Never lose their preeminent place.
Their suits, I suppose,
Can be joined by a hose
To a girls, to replenish the race.
--- G2646
My dad's reputation did sully.
All evidence stuffed
And his story rebuffed,
By those two wankers Mulder and Scully.
--- Anon
The rebuilders by daylight are few.
Staying cultured is hard
When all cities are charred,
And paternities dubious, too.
--- Poul Anderson P8211
Found a planet with nothing but women.
When he asked how they bred
Without husbands, they said,
"There's an ocean of sperm that we swim in."
--- G2624
It will always display the Right Stuff.
In the dark of the night
When the stuff is just right,
Patrolmen perform in the buff.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
With his famous octagonal ball.
And his bifocal penis
When weighed upon Venus
Still equals pi times fuck-all!
--- G2599
And adept at employing their tools;
But the trouble with them's
That, instead of true gems,
They produce only counterfeit Jules.
--- Mark Grenier P8211
The answer is clear and distinct.
And the smart thing to do
Is to put two in a zoo
To preserve them before they're extinct.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8211
Sailed his spaceship with never a flaw.
But when he tried to maneuver
His girlfriend's 'hors d'oeuvre'
They went into a roll, pitch, and yaw.
--- G2625
All you do is complain, bitch, and grumble.
So we must make it plain
You will get no more grain --
You distill it and it soon makes you stumble.
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
Was a stranger and strange to be with.
In this weird and strange land
His religion was banned --
It was too full of truth and of pith.
--- Neal Wilgus P8409
Blasted off in a spaceship he stole.
Alas for poor Bill,
He got more than his fill --
Sucked in by a passing black hole.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
Was fond of uranium pills.
This powerful tonic
Made his farts supersonic,
And sent him far over the hills.
--- G2633
Is a construct of neurons and wire.
Alone and awaiting,
He sits contemplating
His limits and distant desire.
--- Garry R Osgood P8211
"Been blocked by the man in the moon."
But an astronaut's cock
Had rodgered her twat,
And blasted off there much too soon.
--- P8211
John Wyndam was the one to write
Of blind people walking
And poison plants stalking.
Don't think I will look up tonight!
--- Archie a
Could not have a woman in bed.
"Since I cannot abet you,
I never will let you,
For I'm no voyeur!" each head said.
--- G2600
Is exceedingly hard to determine.
The galactic patrol
Simply fucks any hole
That will possibly let all the sperm in.
--- Tony Boucher G2565b
Probably someone like Jody Lyn Nye.
"Walking in Dreamland"
Instead of in cream-land
Or of heart palpitations I'll die.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With the girl I would wed the next June.
She said, "What the hell,
We might just as well --
But I hope they don't find us too soon."
--- Neal Wilgus P8810
append quite a commotion in bars.
He said, "This here penis
Won first prize on Venus,
And honorable mention on Mars!"
--- E Christianson
Without getting it back in your face?
If you sneeze in your suit,
You'll get snot in your snoot,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
But just smell bad, they'll call you a jerk.
If you sweat like a pig,
You won't finish the gig,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
Knowing that in a card game's, an ace.
If you upchuck your lunch,
You won't play your next hunch,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
I've lived long and know what life's worth.
If you burp and you fart,
They will set you apart,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
So pardon my words and my haste.
If you piss and you shit,
You'll be living with it,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
And frustration's a part of the chase.
If you come in your pants,
You might miss your chance,
And where do you spit out in space?
--- Neal Wilgus P8209
Your editors give thanks and shalom.
Please avoid in your travels
Where reality unravels.
We suggest that you all stay at home.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Earthling humor is tastelessly heinous.
With honor at stake
A spaceship they did make,
And they're coming here now to restrain us.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Bought his way into space just to fly.
Where he goes today,
I am happy to say,
Opens doors, my friends, for you and I.
--- Lynn Mostafa
This is file bsl
Tickets are six billion dinari
For a rather long trip
In a rickety ship,
But the weather's great in Feb-u-ary
--- Lynn Mostafa
The demented astronaut from Stockholm,
In a leaky air-dome
While suffering from
Acute oxygen deficit syndrome.
--- Lynn Mostafa
I'm still treading star dust, you know.
You gave me the boot
In my pressure suit,
And my air supply's now getting low.
--- Cyber Wizard
Inside, Well, I'm not playing Nero!
The temperature's dropping,
And my ears are popping!
Where's the Captain I thought was my hero?
--- Cyber Wizard
But still I have jism to spill.
I would like a rescue
(To be lying in fescue)
But the Captain would say, "Now well, chill!"
--- Cyber Wizard
I don't think I'll ever be found.
My Captain ran off
For an alien boff,
And is probably back on the ground.
--- Cyber Wizard
I wish I could just call a cop.
Signed on as a hand, on
The ship, now abandoned.
The whole goddamned trip's been a flop!
--- Cyber Wizard
That it seems to be heading for me!
Is rescue at hand?
Will they take me to land?
Will they end my enforced revery?
--- Cyber Wizard
Now wheels and bathes me with a strobe.
I hope that it finds
Me friendly. Reminds
Me how much I miss my own globe.
--- Cyber Wizard
In atmosphere now we are brakin'!
To land 'midst the X'aist
Is better than spaced.
Why the feelintg that all is forsaken?
--- Cyber Wizard
Hearty "Hello'd" be a savia.
But NO, a force field's
Defeated my shields,
And pulled back my suit like a labia.
--- Cyber Wizard
Equipment meant for the condensing
Of data, incoming,
And later, for plumbing
Responses, it should be commensing.
--- Cyber Wizard
The asteroid belt I did comb.
A Universe Ranger,
A celestial stranger
And never once did I phone home.
--- Anon
She tried to phone home through my penis.
She spoke to my groin
And inserted a coin.
Debacle? Man, you should have seen us.
--- Anon
The fellow was way over forty.
After several bars,
She was way over Mars,
'Cause he gave her a huge astronauty.
--- Anon
I tried to drive there in my car,
Without any luck.
Doesn't gravity suck?
I never got up off the tar.
--- Anon
With the glimmer of love in his eye.
I went to the wedding,
Even though I was dreading;
He married a Coke Machine, that's why.
--- Anon
And built up a monetary cache.
But he was quite cruel
And fed me on gruel,
And often he raided my stash!
--- Anon
Found lifeforms with really weird sex.
Arrived and departed;
Our ship was power-farted,
Whenever old H flexed his pecs.
--- Anon
Escaping the H-caused "phe-ew",
Across the parsecs
Researching more sex,
I finally found sector "Q".
--- Anon
The huge female, species named Querty;
Now this isn't funny,
They have lots of cunny;
They've quims, each around about thirty.
--- Anon
They need to be constantly thrilled.
Each poor little male,
Alone he will fail,
For all of them are single quilled.
--- Anon
Or talking a stroll in the park,
The female's surrounded
By numbers unbounded,
Like Remora swim all 'round a shark.
--- Anon
Doesn't go very far on life's track.
He's removed from her hollow
And with just one swallow,
Becomes a post-prandialish snack.
--- Anon
Who're shaped almost like a young girl.
What they do with their food
You may think is rude,
And your stomach will soon start to swirl.
--- Anon
By their legs, they pull them apart,
And savour the scream
As they dip them in cream,
Which is served to them all "a la carte".
--- Anon
The terribly nasty small Qyt.
They eat at your toes,
They get up your nose,
And fart in there just out of spite!
--- Anon
Though law has not yet even grown.
There's plenty of crime;
Only go in daytime,
And never walk through there alone!
--- Anon
I'm quite sure that nothing there thrived.
After stealing our ship,
They then tried to gyp
When we asked for a drink in a dive.
--- Anon
So we gouged their beady eye sockets.
They howled in distress
As we lifted their dress;
Found gear like their arms, we mock it.
--- Anon
We moved to another space port
And found us a Qogg
Who lives in a bog,
And only with Qewes will cavort.
--- Anon
It's mild and it tastes of oils sumpy.
He started to squirm
When called by a Qerm,
And left us - and boy, was he grumpy!
--- Anon
Who was dolefully beating his meat.
"The nuns in their habits
Are off chasing rabbits",
He explained to us in the sleet.
--- Anon
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