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No enemas from sexy nurses;
We felt all the unspoken curses;
And banned from the trains
He suffers ball pains --
He's standing 'round waiting for hearses.
--- Anon

Across a small space lane, short haul,
Discovered a new world named Qaul.
A sentinent Qucket
Wobbled as we'd fuck'it,
Then served us a snail she'd called Saul!
--- Anon

On the soggy wet planet next door,
We found a loud Qirruk at the store.
He lost his Qutch spike
In a hole in the dyke,
And was trying to buy just one more.
--- Anon

We looked all around for a Qulla;
Our searches all came up as nulla.
To put it succinct,
I think she's extinct
Or else she has found a new fulla!
--- Anon

We looked at the next major trip
Across a wide dark barren strip,
Where untamed space storms
Maraud in big swarms,
And the skins off big spaceships do rip!
--- Anon

The sector this huge rift does split,
And almost our journey we quit.
For there's naught over there
That with here will compare --
Unlearned, uncouth and no wit.
--- Anon

For a while we will stay and deflower
Young Quals with all of our power.
And where do we stay?
I hear someone say --
Just look at the tall Qeiffel tower!
--- Archie

Roman orgy you spot in B.C.;
Simply don an old sheet and go see;
You can join in the revel,
Carefree and dishevel,
Then flee into time fancy-free.
--- Anon

In your time machine, zoom to Bombay;
Ancient Indian way holding sway.
Every manner of sex,
Some positions complex,
So perhaps you will stay there all day.
--- Anon

These excursions replete with sex feat,
And it's easy to be quite discreet;
Meet with Helen of Troy,
For some true Trojan joy;
Satisfaction complete, so repeat.
--- Anon

Those mysterious eyes so exotic,
That promise delights so erotic;
Cheekbones of the east,
That tame the wild beast,
With a look that is strangely hypnotic.
--- Anon

The beauty of Scheherazade,
Complexion of faint goldenrod;
A dream nightingale,
Releasing her veil;
Almond eyes in the land of sweet nod.
--- Anon

The forbidden city of one's dreams,
Golden fantasyland of extremes;
Dark hair like a crown,
Asian eyes upside down,
Ecstasy in the midnight moonbeams.
--- Anon

I spy Mata Hari that night;
Her eyes a Eurasian delight;
A dangerous glint,
With a sexual hint;
As James Bond I will make out all right.
--- Anon

Dragon ladies arrive in a pack,
The three of them all dressed in black;
A slit to the thighs,
A look in their eyes,
Oriental nails raking my back.
--- Anon

Shy young maiden a welcome contrast;
I see that her eyes are downcast;
So sweet and demure,
Loving Asian allure,
My fond hope that this dream won't end fast.
--- Anon

It was covered with lights, how they strobed!
And like angels they were, all enrobed.
It was too much to bear!
We were raptured in prayer...
Until we were anally probed.
--- David Morin

It was like an attack with a rock
Or setting our phasers on shock,
We wounded his pride,
But the captain replied,
That's too analogical, Spock.
--- David Morin

Android Data, though shy and well-meaning,
One day started wildly careening.
So the ship's engineers
Checked his sprockets and gears,
And determined he needed spring cleaning.
--- S M Polonsky

An attorney within the collective
Is soulless, but not irrespective
Of proprietors sole,
With bank accounts whole,
And the role of some well-placed invective.
--- Matt Trepal

Now who on the crew was so naughty,
That when Kirk had sat down on the potty,
In the midst of a turd,
They claimed they had heard,
The captain say "Beam me up Scotty!"
--- Bob Birch P0012

The end of the series is near.
They will cancel us quickly, I fear,
For the crew is so pissed
That they won't re-enlist,
And you bastards can all kiss my rear!
--- John Dohner P8901

The Enterprise crew when off work
Will fuck like an Ottoman Turk.
Uhuru the Zulu
Is shacked up with Sulu,
And Spock shares a crew girl with Kirk.
--- G2617

There once was a guy from the morgue,
Who died from a Star Trekkie Borg.
Said Picard to Kirk
When turning the dirk,
"It's better to die by the sword."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

We needed a crystal or two.
(The dilithium was wearing through.)
Kirk showed miners this stunt,
Traded crystals for cunt.
You'd have done the same thing, wouldn't you?
--- John Dohner P8901

Geordie is as blind as a bat,
But science has overcome that.
With his visor, he can see,
From normal to microscopically,
But I still think he lookes like a prat.
--- Funny Bone

A young engineer name Geordy,
Whose tool was a bit of a shorty,
Used a tetrion crystal,
And a nuclear missle,
To make his shorty more sporty.
--- Anon

Trouble started when Scotty expired,
Then when Kirk, Bones and Spock all retired.
Star Fleet kept Enterprise
And to economize,
A schlock crew of used androids was hired.
--- William N Nesbit P0012

There was a young lady called Jen,
Who had interesting methods with men.
The Captain, estatic,
In the Enterprise attic
Rated her 10 out of 10!
--- Anon

You know Harcourt Mudd had it made.
This bastard would get himself laid
By the androids and such,
For he didn't care much,
But his old wife returned -- and she stayed!
--- John Dohner P8901

Mr Spock is a keen intellectual
And his snooping proved very effectual.
But he scarcely believed
How they'd all been deceived:
Jim's a closeted heterosexual!
--- Laura Goodwin

Jean Luc beamed as he said just to me,
"My dear, it was all meant to be.
I'll go with you
To Holodeck Two,
And act out your own fantasy."
--- Anon

So off hand in hand we did go.
The rest, you already should know.
He gave me a thrill,
A la Dixon Hill.
He certainly can "Make it so!"

(Dixon Hill - holodeck Sam Spade type)
--- Anon

This is file brl

When Kira to Odo got wise,
She decided to give him a prize.
She let Odo neck her,
And then grabbed his pecker,
And begged "Won't you please shift your size?"
--- Anon

Kit was the Chief of Security,
Who never was know for her purity.
To the brig she would go
With the Captain in tow,
To enjoy punishment in obscurity!
--- Anon

"It's dead, Jim," said Dr. McCoy.
"So lifeless and useless, your toy.
Tell Scotty where my bag is;
I beam down some Viagras
And that young cute Klingon cabin boy."
--- Lee Malone TP9807

There was an old Klingon named Urd
Who couldn't believe what he heard,
For the Enterprise crew
All declared, "Urd, fuck you!"
And this made him feel like a turd.
--- John Dohner P8901

Of the universe there's just one thing
Posed in the question I bring.
If a Cardassian's
From Cardassia,
Do the Klingons come from Kling?
--- Tom Patton P0012

When we asked of a trekkie named Janus,
"The Enterprise Starship, explain us,
How bum is the same
As the craft of that name."
"Seeking Klingons, they circle Uranus."
--- Anon

Now toilet paper and the Enterprise
Have something in common, I surmise.
They both circle Uranus
Looking for heinous
Klingons as they brush by
--- Anon

To go where no one's gone before,
Vowed the captains of Star Trekial lore.
But we knew where they'd been,
To the hair club for men!
Because bald were three out of four.
--- H Welchel

Mr Scott found some time for his lassie
And was making her wail like a banshee.
Then the transporter stalled;
So Scott's duty called,
So he left her to get off Scott-free.
--- Laura Goodwin

Frequently, without reason or rhyme,
Scotty to Captain Kirk would say, "I'm
At a loss to know how
To maintain orbit now,
But as usual, I'll need more time."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0012

Captain Kirk of the Star Federation
Sought out strange worlds as his vocation.
Thou he often did sound work,
He just laid the groundwork
For "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
--- Anon

"Miss Rand, how could you be so sore?",
The Captian post coitally did implore.
She replied, "I've done tribbles
And Spock once gave a nibble,
But you've been where no man has gone before."
--- Phillip Carey

They found many an alien race,
But of weird objects long lost in space
(Like that pain, Dr. Smith
and Art Clarke's monolith)
Star Trek failed to uncover a trace.
--- William N Nesbit P0012

There once was a company evil,
Who own all things Trek, and so we will
Make no money off it,
Not one shred of profit --
Please archive for easy retrieval.
--- Sasscat Butory

One time Odo decided that Quark
Would be okay to fuck as a lark.
Quark looked very icky,
But Odo's not picky,
As song as the room's really dark!
--- Laura Goodwin

I once had Marie at a Con
Where Trekkies ran hither and yon.
She said, "I'm not Marie,
They call me "One of Three".
"There's two others like you? Bring them on!"
--- HMMWV

Sisko's a neurotic male.
And Odo is pasty and pale.
But that doesn't explain
On the whole, in the main,
Why only Quark gets any tail!
--- Laura Goodwin

A captain referred to as Kirk
Had a swashbuckling zest for his work,
Shooting photon torpedoes
At Klingon banditos
Which drove folks at Star Fleet berserk.
--- Larry Hollister

A captain with manner endearing
Lost bowel control in engineering.
He knew it was naughty
To potty on Scotty,
Especially while he was steering.
--- Larry Hollister

With dilithium crystals defective,
Captain Kirk solved it like a detective.
To the warp coils he fed
Folger's crystals instead,
Thus preserving the Prime Directive.
--- Larry Hollister

Then Captain Kirk cried, "Kiss my ass!
These Romulan folk have no class!
They all shit their drawers
When I mention STAR WHORES,
And give me a great deal of sass."
--- John Dohner P8901

The work of Mess Sergeant Potgieter
Is not merely reading a meter.
By orders of Kirk
A part of his work
Is dosing the food with saltpeter.
--- G2613

There once was a woman of Scalos
Who had a idea that was callous.
She expected Jim Kirk
To concur with her quirk
And also provide proper phallus!
--- John Dohner P8901

Each Friday his engines abort,
But Scotty is never caught short.
He fills his machines
With space-navy beans,
And farts the ship back into port.
--- G2618

The old engineer named Scott,
Had his prick fall off from the rot.
So he went to the basement,
To make a replacement
From tungsten, plastic, and snot
--- G2620

In the Engine Room, Officer Scott
And Nurse Chapel were getting all hot.
When Kirk said "Warp Nine!"
Scotty started to whine
"I'm givin' her all that I've got!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The transporter circuits are dead,
But I just talked to Scotty, who said,
"Hoot! We'll fix them anon
Or my name isn't John,
But my name isn't John -- for it's Ned!"
--- John Dohner P8901

There once was a woman from Venus
Who had a body shaped like a penis.
She said to the crew
Of Star Trek Gen. II
"Come to my place and we'll do something heinous!"
--- Anon

That vixen called 7 of 9,
Decided to ply Janeway with wine.
She downed one whole glass,
Then 9 grabbed her ass,
And said, "Okay bitch, now you are mine!"
--- Laura Goodwin

There once was a Vulcan named Spock,
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock.
With lust, went berserk,
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
"Bend over, this shuttle must dock!"
--- Anon

Data has triple the toil
Since his social life came to a boil.
His erector set
Is so constantly wet,
He needs sitz baths in 40 weight oil.
--- Laura Goodwin

An Enterprise crewman named Amos
Became universally famous
When his penis one night
Went up out of sight,
And deflowered six virgins on Deimos
--- G2619

There once was an sound artist named Sandy,
Who really could be quite randy.
If the Captain was off,
Someone else she would boff;
She'd make use of whomever was handy.
--- Anon

Doctor Phlox and his wives, after dark,
Have a life that must out-kinky Quark.
Each wife has three guys;
Each guy has three wives...
I wonder, where do they all park?
--- Laura Goodwin


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