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If you'll just take the knee-chest position, Gynecologists asked her once more, Said young gynecologist, Moriphus, A gynecologist by the name of Schwartz, A new gynecologist named Scott A young gynecologist, Heep, There once was an old gynae named Flynn Said the young gynecologist Schick Gynecologists, (I've got a hunch), "Yes, gynecologic admission... "It seems, doctor, this fellow's lass is So fellows, if you be short-sighted, We sweet gals don't like getting passes In OB/GYN, Doctor Hunt, A young gynecologist, Fred, A hot-blooded damsel, Miss Pickett, A young gynecologist Ray, Most docs on the links will cavort, A gynecologist called Dale, The cunt doctor looks and he feels With oils and candles and spice, "Get eight hours of sleep every night, "And don't rub your genitals hard, Graham said to a man sick in bed, A doc with our Jane had a fling; A doctor whose last name was Beamer, Though an eager young surgeon named Treadwell A doctor who loved his cocaine, In his lab, an old doctor named Pease An affluent doctor who quacked us, I was a young reckless fool; That flakey faith healer of Deal As the professor prepared a full syringe, As a healer, Philip Physician Have you heard of the vile Dr Murit There once was a doctor named Jack; A holistic old doctor named Sills, Facing every known cure for pollution, An affluent doctor in Zachary "Incompetent moron," thought Maud, "What you have here, to be blunt, I went to a doctor named Jack; A quack of a doctor named Patrick I went to old fashioned Doc Beeches. Turned out that the doc misconstrued him; To our house the nice man gains admission, There once was a doctor named Black, I hate to have used a near rhyme I've worked with some medical misfits! A lisping young woman from Bath A phlebotomist by name of Dick A podiatrist here in Iraq Doctors of Med education When my doctor writes a prescription, I declared to my doctor, "Look here, There once was a doctor named Dale, Slim developed a pain in his back In the windowless room while I wait The surgeons must read so that they'll The doctor called, "Here's the analysis! Yesterday the hand surgeon said, Now I'm in this ridiculous pose; It sounds like your doctor's a quack, The surgeon had finished up sewing The doctor said, "Jane, I've bad news; I'm here because now I'm one-fisted;
I can tell more about your condition.
I'll tune up your womb
To make room for the groom,
For I gather, you're planning coition.
--- G1708
"Have you a had a check-up there before?"
"A Czech?" she said "No!
Just a Russian or so...
And Hungarians? Lord! By the score!"
--- Vasser W Smith P9307 X
"My dear, I'm in no humor for a fuss!
"I'm tired and depressed,
And I must have some rest --
I've had a hard day at the orifice!
--- P8305X
Had trouble storing his aborts.
His assistant named Lars
Found him some jars,
Sized from liters to gallons to quarts.
--- Puff Adder
Found he knew diddly squat
About sex, 'cause he'd never
Been so clever
As to go out on a date that was hot.
--- Henry Mucha
Worked long and he often lost sleep.
For he had an obsession
To improve his profession,
And his hand in a good thing to keep.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2105
Who took his gold watch with a grin.
He said with a smirk,
"At times, I'll still work,
'Cause I still want to keep my hand in."
--- Donald McGill
As he probed in the crotch of a chick,
"I am through, please relax.
You can put on your slacks,
And you'd better let go of my prick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2280X
And the pizza delivery bunch,
Being red-blooded jocks,
They can both sniff the box,
In which neither of them gets to munch!
--- Cyber Wizard
You can't see? Why not see an optician?
Okay sir, don't panic;
Here's a pussy mechanic;
I'll ask him about this condition."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Distressed, more and more, as time passes.
She really can't cope,
So please have a grope,
And try to remove the fool's glasses."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And lustfulness gets you excited,
Before oral sex,
Please take off your specs,
Or for seconds, you'll not be invited.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From silly guys who must wear glasses.
When they take some licks,
From our sugar sticks,
Don't want glasses stuck up our asses.
--- Marlene Lewis
When at college played football; a runt,
Though too light for the line,
In the backfield did fine,
And had great hands for catching a punt.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0203
Has seen so many pussy-flaps spread,
Showing acres of twat,
(Some with gangrene and rot),
He prefers to screw chickens instead.
--- Anon
Had a hickey flare up in her thicket.
The young doctor said,
"Now lady, get spread,
It's obvious, I'll have to prick it!"
--- Anon
Had a hard-on at work through the day.
But at home, it subsided --
Left his wife unprovided,
For his pecker was too soft to lay.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2254
While dentists find tennis their forte.
But GYN's and OB's
Think it is the bee's knees:
Spelunking in caves is their sport.
--- TuttaGioia X
Said, "I'm training for my 'Holy Grail',
To curette a wee mouse
And wallpaper my house,
Through the slot in the door for my mail."
--- David Miller
And ponders each crotch as he kneels.
Then he writes so obscure
A prescription for cure,
But it seems that the wound never heals.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0441
And magnets and herbs smelling nice,
The doc treated the sick,
And laid it on thick,
When he offered his patients advice.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
And sit under that special light,
And gargle with lime
So you'll stay in your prime,
And keep 20/20 eye sight."
--- Bob birch P0511Q
And grease them up good with some lard,
Put nothing inside,
That would open you wide --
Did I copy your insurance card?"
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
"You're not ill, it is all in your head."
Sometime later that day
To the corpse he did say,
"Hold on to your faith, you're not dead."
--- Al Chaplin PO107
Her climax he never could bring.
"They told me, don't screw
An anaesthetist, you
Will find that you don't feel a thing."
--- Anon X
Was such an incredible dreamer.
Orthopedic nightmares,
Bony mental affairs
With an ulna, a sternum and femur.
--- Bob Birch P0107
Had managed to finish pre-med well.
Further progress was slight
And his future's not bright,
Although he can sever a head well.
--- Alsops Foibles
Could not bring himself to abstain,
Till he got really high
And attempted to fly;
His demise was the coroner's gain.
--- Cap'n Bean P0609
Produced a new serum with ease;
And to all did expound
That a cure he had found
For which there was no known disease.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2739X
Was indicted and tried for malpractice.
His sole diagnosis
Was chronic osmosis,
For which prescribed a raw cactus.
--- P8303
Every nurse would entice me to drool.
My constant erection
And sex-crazed connection,
Expelled me from medical school.
--- Anon
Lay down on his bed of cold steel;
And he found at that juncture
That such weird acupuncture
Cured ailments imagined and real.
--- Arthur Deex P8507
His entourage didn't mutter or cringe.
They were rather afraid
An error could be made,
As the prof had been out on the binge.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
This is file bqm
Had little financial ambition.
He loved ladies dearly,
So threated all nearly
Half price when they caught his condition.
--- Anon
Who simply refused to endure it,
When girlfriends objected
To getting infected,
"Just trust me," he snapped, "I will cure it!"
--- David A Brooks
He was often considered a quack.
"Not true!" he exclaimed,
"Though my skills may have waned,
My death rates are leading the pack!"
--- Anon
Proclaimed he could cure all my ills,
Both acute and those chronic,
With a carrot juice tonic,
And a handful of blue herbal pills.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
Homeopathy;s impure solution,
For each trait, kind or cruel,
Stays in each molecule,
After multiple rounds of dilution.
--- Paul Niquette
Was tried and convicted for quackery;
His sole diagnosis
Was chronic osmosis,
For which he prescribed a hot daiquiri.
--- Lims Unlimited
With her bum in the air feeling bored;
For her nearsighted doctor
Had gone and defrocked her
And gasped in surprise, "How extraord...!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Is an asshole instead of a cunt.
And your head's twisted 'round
To the back where I've found
Where your tits are! You're built back-to-front!"
--- Peter Wilkins
I'm beginning to think he's a quack.
He ordered pink pills
For all of my ills,
As I still lie here flat on my back.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Did something quite wrongly iatric;
Through careless purgations
He did in three patients
And bragged, "I've just managed the hat trick!"
--- Armand E Singer 793
He said: "Go on boy, drop your breeches;
Now look at nurse Helen...
I'll deal with that swellin'."
And then applied dozens of leeches.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And the man said "That doc, he is lewd him!"
Turned out it was gout,
So the man turned about,
Got a good lawyer and sued him.
--- Anon
And I guess mommy gives him permission:
To take off her clothes
From her head to her toes.
I think he must be her physician.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0409
Who the medical board called a quack.
He'd do vaginal probes
With the end of his nose,
But his patients would always come back.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
And promise 'twas just that one time,
But Doc's nasal approach,
Is beyond all reproach,
For to nuzzle a pussy's no crime.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
Arrogant, unscrupulous sharp wits!
Who boasted and bragged
Till the nurses all gagged,
For those docs were like pustular zits.
--- Maggie
Went out with an osteopath.
And when they came back
She gave him a whack,
And said, "You're a pain in the ath."
--- Alsops Foibles
Had a wonderful way with the sick.
But the girl that he dated
Was less than elated
When he said, "Let me give you a prick."
--- Tom Patton P0609
Claims his skill is based on a knack,
For straightening toes
With the tip of his nose --
But a few people think him a quack.
--- Norm Storer P0209
Face spelling and Rx situation,
In a way uniform,
They use cuneiform
To hid defects of their vocation.
--- Chris Papa
His script is beyond description.
The pharmacist must guess,
"Is that a 'p' or an 's'?"
It's an exercise in decryption.
--- Norm Brust
My old prostate is swollen, I fear."
But the imbecile said,
"It's all in your head,"
And proceeded to finger my ear.
--- Don Moore P0107
Who folks finally put into jail.
He was boiling boots,
With sassafras roots,
And selling his brew by the pail.
--- Bob Birch P0511Q
And when treated, you'd hear his bones crack.
Though twisted and bent,
This astonishing gent
Enjoyed the Rx of a quack.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
After sigmo and cysto -- too late?
With the laying of hands
And fingers on glands,
I recall QUACK is his vanity plate.
--- Robert V Davis P9704
Keep abreast of each tiny detail.
As I lay on the table,
I was feeling unstable,
'Cause my surgeon was reading in Braille.
--- Al Willis P9704X
You've caught phaeochromocytomalysis."
The patient has heard
But breathing no word,
Died of pathological-terminology-paralysis!
--- Chris Woodger P0411
For two days please stay in your bed.
And wear this arm band,
It will keep your hand,
Up in the air over your head.
--- Anon
I can't sleep or even just doze.
I need help to dress,
And clean up my mess,
But at least I can pick my own nose.
--- Anon
But while you're confined to your back,
Please do me a favor
And let me now savor
The taste of your twat for a snack.
--- Anon
The feet on a man without knowing,
He switched them around.
Now he walks into town,
And can't tell if he's coming or going.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I've cut off your legs; please excuse
Me. I am so sorry;
The good news is Florrie,
My nurse, paid ten bucks for your shoes.
--- Travis Brasell
I researched the doctors they listed,
To fix my poor hand
And this one was grand.
Although, he left my hand all twisted...
--- Anon
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