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"It's dead, Jim," said Dr. McCoy. In his own sexy fantasy dreams, We're not Sherlock Holmes the detective, Aboard the good ship Enterprise, My dick I call "Enterprise" for The aliens, green and membranous, Kirk's penis started to dribble; Though most of her crewmen are whites, Take a look at the lovely Uhura; While the Enterprise dealt with the dregs, On the starship commanded by Kirk, Said crew girl Angelica Bauer, "He's dead, Jim" said Dr. McCoy. "Many wise men through history complain An opener of butt-hole to cock, Then there's who's known for lack of mirth. First Officer William T. Riker If Worf and Troi should wed, Worf has a lumpy forehead; The Captain does have a first yeoman. Beverly Crusher's no slouch with romance; Next-Gen is the one that I view, Consider, now, Beverly Crusher, The new Enterprise is much plusher, So here is the medic, named Bones, Bones McCoy, that old Star Trek physician, Doc McCoy thrust away at a Horta, It's an Enterprise posting I dread; It would have compensations, it's true, McCoy is a surgeon superb, McCoy's a seducer galore, "It's dead, Jim," said Dr. McCoy. In sickbay, Nurse Chapel made moans "You're dead, Jim, we'll dig you a pit, GOTTERDAMMERUNG ends a scene sick, Bill Shatner, a ham without equal, There once was an Aussie named Ali. There once was a redheaded Cap'n, A starship commander named Kirk, There once was a Caaptain named Kirk, You're dead Jim, we'll dig you a pit, There once was a Captain named Kirk There once was a Captain named Kirk, There once was a Captain named Kirk James T. Kirk was a captain in space; James T. Kirk has surely no equal If you join the Captain at play, (Earl Gray is a kind of tea - McW)
There once was a man from a starship, Marika can pilot a shuttle. There once was a Doctor named Bones, Captain Kirk was the Enterprise head guy, The whole Federation salutes Captain KIrk follows one simple credo: There once was a Captain named Kirk Mr Spock and Dr. Bones Captain Kirk had no trouble, it's said, To the one true Shatner and cast Picard is the bald headed chap, Kirk was best friends with Spock; "I like to dress up in a frock," Spock said to Bones, "Don't be pissed, There once was a Vulcan named Spock There once was a Trekkie named Jock, "Uhura," said Kirk, "dry your tears! "It's dead, Jim." said Dr. McCoy, A girl on the Enterprise crew,
"Its beauty was for all to enjoy.
At the inquiry, I'll back you,
That butterfly did attack you,
But next time use STUN not DESTROY!"
--- Lee Malone TP9807
Sulu is a great swordsman, it seems.
"All-for-one, one-for-all!"
His voice rings in the hall --
All-for-him, is what he really means.
--- Laura Goodwin
But this spammer is surely defective.
Forget one or two,
But you're in a stew
If it turns out the he's The Collective!
--- Observer
Kirk et al trek through the skies.
They chase alien dears
With long pointy ears.
Spock's libido's a nasty surprise.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Its long running quest to explore
What is unknown to some
And boldly to come
Where no man has come heretofore.
--- John Miller 0171
Has phasers for dicks. They were heinous!
They threatened Jim Kirk,
"Submit to our dirk
Or I'll photon torpedo Uranus!"
--- H Welchel
He wanted to fuck a tribble.
According to Spock,
He had too big a cock.
The creature only could nibble.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Uhura has full equal rights.
Her cremates, you see,
Love Democracy
And the way that she fills out her tights.
--- Anon G2621
Do you think the captain would do her.
Even if Kirk is gay,
They'd still roll in the hay,
'Cause she has such a sexy allure-a.
--- Laura Goodwin
And subdued intergalactic yeggs,
It seems Spock had to carp
Endlessly re: time warp,
As Kirk ogled Uhura's great legs.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0012
Uhuru, the radio clerk,
Would hail and would hail,
But 'twas to no avail.
She never could make the thing work.
--- Lucas Hulp P9306
"The captain's withdrawn, cold and sour."
Uhuru said, "No
At night that's not so--
He doesn't withdraw for an hour."
--- G2614
"I think from his look of joy,
It was another case
Of a breast in the face --
Uhura has smothered the boy!
--- Barticus TP9807
That we use just one-tenth of our brain,"
Grumbled Captain James Kirk.
Spock, suppressing a smirk,
Said, "The odds are nine-tenths they're insane."
--- Don Moore P0101
Uhura bent over for Spock.
He spotted a Kling-on
And thought "What a thing on
To practice my Vulcan lip-lock."
--- Kim
What about the planet of his birth?
From the planet Vulcan
They are called Vulcans;
Does that make us Earths from Earth?
--- Tom Patton P0012
Was considered by some as a piker.
These rumors grew great
When he chose for a mate
Instead of an eland, a duiker.
--- Actaeon
The child conceived in their bed,
Would have a proclivity,
Toward much hostility
From the Klingon part of its head.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Perhaps he just fell out of bed.
Klingons on Uranus,
Are terribly famous,
And mostly their kind are inbred.
--- Jayne P0012
Their time with each other did grow and
We heard more and more
As we passed by her door,
The yeoman was urgin on, "Go man!"
--- Anon
Had quite a few men in her pants.
A ghost and a Trill
Proved to be quite a thrill,
And she even taught Data to dance
--- Actaeon
The one with the beautiful crew,
And Beverly Crusher
Wears far too much blusher;
Will Riker wears far too much too.
--- Jayne
As active a role as an usher.
Sometimes a researcher,
Or called on to nurture.
At least the new sick bay's much plusher!
--- Lucas Hulp P0012 P9306
And it's hydroponics are lusher.
But despite all that gloss,
I'm still at a loss,
Why they don't call the doctor "Bones" Crusher.
--- Arthur Deex P0010
Who speaks in the softest of tones.
He will give you a shot
In the balls or the twat
And listen, perchance, to your moans.
--- John Dohner P8901
Has passed on to his heavenly mission.
No more will he say
To Kirk, "By the way,
I'm a doctor, Jim, not a magician."
--- Barbara Tepper P0011
But his temper grew shorta and shorta.
For the rock had no slit
Into which he could fit.
When asked if he came, he said, "Sorta."
--- Actaeon
As the new man, I'd hide in the head.
I'd never go down
With Kirk to the ground,
Else Bones soon would say, "Jim, He's dead!"
--- Anon
Like Uhura, and the short-skirted crew.
And the skin hue of green
With a coppery sheen,
Can be so delightful to screw.
--- Joe Long
There's one rumor it's now time to curb --
One of lifes's great unknowns --
Why he called Doctor "Bones",
When it's not a noun, it's a verb.
--- Laura Goodwin
And of virgins he has quite a score.
He tells them, "My dear,
You're the Final Frontier,
Where man never has gone before."
--- G2615
We're out of our safe fuel alloy.
So as long as we're stopping,
Let's you and me go shopping;
You need a new pajama top, my boy."
--- Lee Malone TP9807
That made the whole crew hold their phones.
"Oh Doctor!" she cried,
"With McCoy deep inside,
This must be how he got the name 'Bones."
--- Actaeon
This is file bql
And plant flowering bulbs over it.
We'll let your corpse nourish
The plants and they'll flourish,
'Cause Jimmy boy, you're full of shit.
--- Tiddy Ogg
An apocalyptic bad trick.
If Kirk is around,
He'd say, I'll be found,
"Please beam me up, Scotty, real quick!"
--- Chris Papa
Acting talent had barely a creekful.
His odd, halting phonics
And bridge histrionics
Made everyone dread the next sequel.
--- Larry Hollister
Sandy swore she was really her pally.
Though she's a deceiver,
But now we believe her;
The Captain with Ali did dally.
--- Anon
Who wouldn't let anything happen.
But when Tom made an offer
To come by and boff her,
She just couldn't wait for the lappin'.
--- Sasscat Butory
Emerged from his cabin berserk.
He grabbed a girl yeoman
Beneath the abdomen,
And gave her a physical jerk.
--- G2609
From an obscure television quirk.
The fans were elated;
The show syndicated.
Now Kirk counts his cash with a smirk.
--- Anon
And plant flowering bulbs over it.
We'll let your corpse nourish
Those plants, and they'll florish,
'Cause Jimmy boy, you're full of shit.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose follicles just didn't work.
He gave them a hand,
The best wig in the land --
He looked like a Galactical Jerk.
--- Anon
An actor who needed the work.
To cons he'd attend;
Cast member offend;
Now they all think that he is a jerk.
--- Anon
Who really was often a jerk.
But many ladies galore
He could fuck on the floor;
In your Captain, I guess it's a perk.
--- Anon
He liked girls not of his own race.
Kirk didn't care
What parts they had where,
As long as they sat on his face!
--- Barticus TP9807a
For seducing fair maidens of weak will.
When he meets a cute alien,
His trousers go sailin',
And the offspring come back for a sequel.
--- Actaeon
And you're lost for something to say,
It's polite to inquire
In husky desire,
Just how he'd like his Earl Gray.
--- Anon
To gaze upon him was no hardship.
We are the crew of
Jean Luc's Ship of Love;
We're off on a long, lively trip.
--- Anon
Her technique you would not call subtle.
Off she would dash,
The shuttle to crash,
Just to get Jean Luc in a tight cuddle.
--- Anon
Who, behind a wall, heard some groans.
"As a medical man,
I'd better do what I can;"
He found Kirk was jumping Spock's bones.
--- Anon
Who on shore leave, was never the dead guy.
His shirt was of yellow;
The unlucky fellow
Who bought the farm, oft was the red guy.
--- Larry Hollister P0012
Captain Kirk and his manly pursuits.
In the evening, so tender
With the opposite gender;
In the morn he just puts on his boots.
--- Lucas Hulp P9306
"I let nothing deter my libido!
I seduce female aliens,
(Be they gorns or mammalians)
And show them my photon torpedo."
--- Lucas Hulp P9306
Who from danger never did shirk.
The Klingons all feared him;
The humans revered him.
He never at all went berserk.
--- Anon
Have found something in Kirk's throne;
Through the green fog
And noxious smog,
The Captain's log is now left alone.
--- Anon
Leading those who volunteered to be led.
But when leading his troops
He would often say "Oops!"
Which was bad for anyone wearing red.
--- Brian Prescott
Of the best Trek series now past,
We mourn your demise;
Boys all chest; girls all thighs;
And fly our flags, like our pants, at half-mast.
--- Anon
Between his hairs is a wide gap.
But don't mention aloud
To the next-gen crowd,
Or his phaser will give you a zap.
--- Funny Bone
And on weekends he dressed in a frock.
There's a place on the ship
Wherein he can strip,
And give all the crewmen a shock!
--- Anon
Captain Kirk whispered fondly to Spock.
But when beamed up by Scottie,
He emerged minus bottie,
And never got over the shock.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Because I deduced that you're limp in the wrist.
It's only logical,
For us to wax scatological,
Bend over, I'll fuck ass with my fist."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was cool, calm and just like a rock.
No emotion reached his face
As he traveled in space,
Despite Kirk being a dumb jock.
--- Anon
Who had strange pointy ears on his cock.
On his dick he did trace
A familiar face,
And henceforth his prick answered to 'Spock'!
--- Pete Fintschenko
That Klingon's the least of our fears;
Prepare for the shock --
Our own Mr. Spock
Has had a nose job on his ears!"
--- Liam Reidy P8502
"But I can't tell if it's girl or boy."
Kirk zipped up and said,
"Well, it sure gave great head.
Even Spock can't bring me more joy."
--- H Welchel
Refused every offer to screw.
But a Vulcan named Spock
Crawled under her smock,
And now she is eating for two.
--- G2610
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