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While face down in a bent over position, A Dutch proctologist named Mike There once was a doctor named Glass; The views that proctologists get A proctologist name of McGee Look out for a doctor named Coulder A prostate malfunction suspected, Said the patient as he became bolder, My hand puppet gave me some sass. My doctor thinks I'm a bit gay; Hockey players, who are fighting and kicking, I feel sorry for the men in a mine, This little light of mine, There was an old doctor of Vere, It's amazing the way that technology As he stood at the rear of a trollop, A lover of assholes, McGurk, But a change overcame Doc McGurk; Touchy I was yesterday. It happens as we get older; If not now, then surely one day, A Psychiatrist and Proctologist from Stutz A proctologist once, name of Bends, Though it doesn't seem nice to suspect 'em, To Ron said proctologist Cooper, A urologist named Dr. Pee, In the Klondike, old prospector Lloyds Males are supplied with at birth; A proctologist, Doctor Mc Grass, Our staff proctologist, Dr. Barr, Proctologists look up a hole Said Dr. Blum, a West Virginian The worst is the Sigmoido scan. As over the table you bend, When the Doc does a rectal exam, It's amazing how closely technology (And address, face to face, methodology.)
A handsome proctologist, Hugh, There still is the persistent rumor Said my proctologist, old Dr. Seuss: The proctologist, finger in ass, So letting one rip, a bit crass, With a prostate I went to Doc Hooter; Because of his optic attrition, "Oh Doctor," moaned rich Mrs Monkshire, To the doctor went itchy Miss Fern, Though they felt he was fine as a Dr, A practicing young gynecologist Said a crafty old doctor named Hammon: A doctor of X-rays named Park When the old maid was fucked by the doc, When a certain young randy physician The horny young doctor was loath There was an old maid named of Frick The noted psychiatrist Schick Warns old-fashioned shrink, Dr James, A lascivious lady named Proctor, A lady depressed was Miss Finches; To the doc went a lady named Flo; To the doctor went old lady Linkter A doctor who works in Centralia "Young lady, you have an infection," A versatile pusher of pills As a healer, the bland obstretician The check-up had no outside proctor, The doctor was able to stir To the Doc went a whore name of Lancet,
Said the gent to his stalwart physician,
"I can't seem to figure
How your finger gets bigger
When you examine my prostate condition."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Had his thumb out, trying to hitchhike.
He was offered a ride
By a lesbian bride;
Now his finger is stuck in a dike!
--- Anon
A proctologist of very high class.
At a fireworks depository,
He inserted a suppository;
Now a starburst shines out of his ass.
--- Donald McGill
Are some they would rather forget;
In light of their fees,
Such aspects may please --
Forgetting may come, but not yet.
--- R J Winkler P8503
Once bent over double to see
An eyeball of glass,
He'd shoved up his ass.
"So I can see one that looks back at me."
--- Anon
Who is getting bolder and bolder,
When he shouts "Wham!
During a rectal exam,
And you'll feel a hand on each shoulder.
--- Tom Patton P9606x
A digital exam was suggested.
"Spread cheeks and bend over,
While this tool I do cover."
"Why can't this be analog inspected?"
--- Bob Watson
"I hate this more as I grow older.
And, mind what you do
'Cause I swear that I'll sue
If I feel more'n one hand on my shoulder.
--- Keith Lehman
"Proctologists like you are crass!"
I replied I was not.
Said the puppet, "You've got
Your whole God-damned hand up my ass!"
--- John Dohner P8802a
He examined my prostate one day.
He inserted the digit,
Don't know how he did it
Holding both my hands out of the way.
--- Echo
Find the penalty clock is soon ticking.
But proctology docs,
Like those hockey jocks,
Should also be called for high sticking.
--- Bob Aldrich P0511Q
Who labor in a space unbenign.
The rectal physicians
Share the same conditions.
They both work where the sun doesn't shine.
--- Bob Aldrich P0512Q
I'm gonna let it shine.
My proctologist,
Inserting his fist,
Left his flashlight up in my behind.
--- Anon
Whose forte was Disease of the Rear.
He treatment was crude,
And forthrightly lewd,
But suppose he were treating the ear!
--- G1075
Has influenced the art of proctology.
Once a grope quite unsure,
Now a video tour,
Like a trip up the Nile--Egyptology.
--- Martin Wellborn P9107
The proctologist smeared a large dollop
Of pomade on his glans,
"Up the rear with no hands
Will surely," he said, "Whack a polyp."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Was shamed many times for his quirk.
So a doc he became.
Now he feels without shame
Every ass, and he's paid for his work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0534
A pussy would send him berserk!
Now he tugs and he wrenches
At the pussies of wenches
And goes off in his pants at his work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0535
About that I have this to say:
My damn proctologist
Thinks he's a monologist.
I'm touchy -- he made me that way.
--- Frank Fazed
"Climb up -- put a foot in each holder."
Then your biggest fear
As he probes your rear,
He's got one hand on each shoulder.
--- MrMalo
We're poked by the doc, anyway.
But at least one
Of us can have fun,
If the doctor who pokes us is gay!
--- Karen
Really did show lots of guts.
They erected a sign
At 4th Street and Vine,
Saying "We Treat Nuts And Buts!"
--- Duncan Cline x
Along with psychiatrist friends
Had an office in common,
But not the phenomon;
The sign said we treat odds and ends.
--- Fred Cohen P8503x
Physicians are weird--I detect 'em!
They have fallen in love
With that greased rubber glove
They delightedly shove up your rectum.
--- John E Mayhood P9706
"I can see what is causing your stupor.
This revolting disease
Will bring men to their knees --
It's a case of Ortega in Pooper."
--- Phil Cannibal P9001
Has a dart board you've just got to see.
If your aim doesn't miss,
And a bulls-eye you piss,
He will do your appointment for free!
--- Cap'n Bean
Suffers strange anal pains when he voids.
The doctor checked there
And said, "This case is rare;
What you have seems to be polaroids."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803
Most avoid for all they are worth.
The probe that is manned
By the doctors glad hand,
Let him reach for that prostate glands berth.
--- Anon
Lost a match to a jerk with no class.
The jerk made so much noise
That the doc, losing poise,
Rammed his finger right up the jerk's ass.
--- William N Nesbit P9511
Has invented a new kind of car.
With a tank full of shit
There's no stopping it--
For short trips, two poots take you far.
--- G1352
That many don't care to patrol;
It's a scary dark place
With a puckered up face,
That most wouldn't touch with a pole.
--- Cap'n Bean P9812
While he examined Dan O'Binion,
"You may well get the fidgets
When I insert two digits,
But YOU asked for a second opinion.
--- Tom Patton P9704x
You kneel as though you're an Islam.
You Jesus implore
Or 'borach a toh' (blessing)
As slowly the flashlight they ram.
--- Irving Superior P8804
This is file bom
In your colon his finger will wend.
Though you squirm and you twist,
It's no use to resist.
The proctologist wins in the end.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803
And his digit goes into your ham,
He is standing up close
And the smell is real gross.
"Next time, take a shower, Goddamn!"
--- Al Willis TP9804
Mimics the art of proctology.
One must without fail
Taking bull by the tail,
Face the problem without an apology.
--- Arthur Deex P8803
And a cute gynecologist, Sue,
Once met face to face,
In an intimate place,
But it had the most terrible view.
--- Ed Potts P8503
About Dr. Blum's sense of humor.
If you've prostate cancer,
He'll say, "Take your stance, sir,"
And then he will tickle your tumor.
--- Tom Patton P9704
"Saints! Your cavity's loose!
Tighten that sphincter
On my lubed and gloved finger,
Or I'll wrap that 'roid 'round a noose!"
--- Anon
Said, "Jon, we have reached an impasse.
This check can't continue
Until there is in you
A lot less odiferous gas."
--- Jon Gearhart
And lacking my normal high class,
I said, "Listen Doc,
I think that's a crock --
Don't be such a pain in the ass."
--- Jon Gearhart
"We will operate!" said the old looter.
But now I am sore;
Pee worse than before.
I think I should have tried Roto-Rooter.
--- Clarence E Boyle P8704 X
The proctologist made a decision:
"I will try to correct
This annoying defect,
That my eye doctor calls tunnel vision."
--- Keith Gilman P0109
"My crotch throbs. Please try acupuncture."
Doc hauled out his pin,
And stuck it right in.
Things really got good at that juncture.
--- Larry Wilde
For the itch in her cunt caused concern.
She was strapped with a cable
To the hospital table,
And the interns all fucked her in turn.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0442
Most girls were quite weary of Pr.
If she came through his door,
Whether virgin or whore,
Dr Pr deFr and Cr.
--- David A Brooks
Was a cunningly shrewd ideologist.
Thought he "Anesthesia
Will bring on amnesia,
And the patient will never recall a tryst!"
--- Anon
"Impotence is getting too common.
Pills, oysters, and honey
Are sheer waste of money.
What works, is to bed a fresh woman."
--- G2695
Begat more offspring than a shark.
When asked as to why,
He was heard to reply,
"I do my best work in the dark!"
--- Macsam
She relapsed into rapturous shock,
Then she fucked him so hard,
He was caught off his guard,
And he fractured the bone in his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0435
Gets a girl in the stirrup position,
The horrible fact is
His medical practice
Is perfect -- by common admission.
--- John E Maywood P9805X
To bypass Hypocrates' oath.
But when girls undressed,
He sure did his best
To cure 'em or dick 'em or both.
--- Tucker D Ott P9001
Who said to the doc she was sick.
The doc was no slouch;
He said, "Lie on the couch!"
And he cured her complaint with his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1343
Discovered old maids were not sick,
When they came for advice,
So he charged a small price
And he cured all their ills with his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1387
"Unnatural sex is what maims;
I'm against self abuse,
Humping sheep or cayuse,
Or getting it off without dames."
--- Armand Singer
Was obsessed with the cock of her doctor.
She said, "if we don't screw,
I'll claim harm and I'll sue."
So the doctor gave in and he foctor.
--- Wormdirt TP9804
She'd been in too many tight pinches.
Said the doctor, "You'll find
I've a cure for your bind.
I will sink in my shaft for six inches!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1336
Her blackheads and pimples did show.
Said the doe, with reflection,
"You will need an injection."
So he gave her four fucks in a row.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0143
And he plunged up her asshole and clinked her.
When she had a conniption,
He explained this prescription
Was not cheap, but was good for the sphincter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0937
Was blessed with superb genitalia.
Achieving erection,
He said, "This injection
Is good for whatever might ail ya!"
--- P8305
Said the Doc, feeling quite an erection.
But he knew what was best,
For she soon was undressed
And receiving a massive injection.
--- Don Moore P9704
Has an Rx for maidenly ills.
He whips out his caduceus
And tries to seduce us --
And Blue Cross/Blue Shield get the bills.
--- Arthur Deex P8305X
Had little financial ambition.
He loved ladies deeply,
So treated them cheaply;
Half price if they caught his condition.
--- David A Brooks
Being done by a medical doctor.
The girl, without stress,
Did quickly undress
But squirmed when he suddenly cocked her.
--- Tucker D Ott P9001
New life into nervous Miss Kerr.
He applied all his skills
For ten weeks to her ills,
Then she found that he should have paid her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0763
For her pussy was raunchy and rancid.
As he pulled out his prick,
Said the Doc, "It looks sick,
And it smells pretty bad, but I'll chance it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1728
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