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A girl lived in fear of disgrace, An ugly young fellow named Weems, There was a young lady called Weems, An odd-looking woman named Weems A lady from near Rising Sun, I struggle to wake from a dream They all bragged about their "ball club," "This is more like it!" I thought. My dick I keep warm in my sock. I often see purple giraffes The lewd thought and complexes one finds Why do beautiful dreams in the night So girls, go to the gym and get hot; I was on a fabulous cruise I fucked her in my dreams, An old Chinese poet named Koo I dream about hot lady astronauts, Through the jungle, there isn't a path, There was a steamfitter, Akeem, I dreamt as I dozed in her chair, Big trouble was poor hen-pecked Pete's There was an old Chinaman drunk, (Published 1879)
There was a young fellow of Rheims, A dashing young fellow named Weem, The inspiring cathedral at Rheims There's an Allen who lives in La Salle, A horny young fellow named Chad There was a young man of Peru, Adolescence assaults our young Bret, An engine inspector named Cole, There was once an old lady of Bewdley, There was a young navel cadet, On the Icelandic tundra it seems, With a hard-on he walked down the street A really weird bunch are the Beams; One night I was having a dream: There was a prim lady of Poole, A fellow from near Valley Stream Last night, or so it would seem, There was an old Bedouin grand, There was a young fellow named Freeman There was a young fellow named Gish I'm home writing technical stuff; From the capital steps I will scream, There was an old person of Rheims, There once was a fellow named Strand In the sun my whole body is heating There was a young man named McGurk, In a nightmare, a boy called Ron Meeking, Most nights, my sweet Ulla, I dream A lecherous Northumbrian druid, There was a young lady from Wooster, A sinless monsignor named Weems There once was a dissolute monk There once was a coed named Rath, An elderly gent named O'Maundry That incubus is of the stripe A maiden once wrote in her journal There was a young man of Montrose Young Mary is sleepin' and dreamin' When I dream of my fantasized wedding, What's that, Erm -- I've had a wet dream? I just had a dream, my Big Nut, A fellow sat down to peruse There was a young man of Shalott A woman whose lust was extreme
So she fled from all lovers in haste.
It all went quite well
Until one day she fell--
She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.
--- L1594
Discovered a girl in his dreams.
At very first sight,
She took such a fright,
She woke him with blood-curdling screams.
--- John Ciardi
Who, it seems, was afflicted with dreams.
She would wake in the night,
And in terrible fright,
Shake the beams of the house with her screams.
--- Anon
Saw gorillas each night in her dreams.
And when they saw her
Without any fur,
They let out hysterical screams.
--- Alsops Foibles
Flattened her boy-friend in one,
Saying, "Don't worry, kid,
That's for nothing you did;
It's for something I dreamed you had done."
--- Ogden Nash
Where nothing was as it would seem.
The mice were all lewd,
The elephants rude,
And all men belonged to a team.
--- Anon
Then asked me did I want to rub
Their mice for good luck,
And, covered in muck,
They stripped off and jumped in the tub.
--- Anon
"I can peek without getting caught!"
I had a good look
From my cozy nook.
Damn! -- after my ticket I'd bought.
--- Anon
My bitches call it "Colossal Cock."
Birds start singing
What's that ringing?
I'm awake now; turn off that clock.
--- Anon
In dreams that are chock full of laughs.
Yes I know it sounds stupid,
But I dream too of Cupid,
Who cannot tell a third from a half.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In even the higher-type minds
Are a thing for dismay--
Can it be that today
All we think of are tits and behinds?
--- Grand Prix Lim 492 G2333
Have to vanish as soon as it's light?
How I wish I could hold
Them like crystals of gold
In my mind 'ere they vanish from sight.
--- Peter
Though it's pouring outside, there it's not;
And then dream of the sun
And the beach and the fun...
And a hunk spreading cream on your bot!
--- Val Burns P0607
With beautiful women and booze.
Just an inch from a kiss
With a cute little miss,
When my wife woke me up from a snooze.
--- Observer
I listened to her screams.
When I awoke
The bed was soaked,
For I had fucked her in my dreams!
--- G2116
Fell asleep in a rubber canoe.
He was dreaming that coolies
Were tickling his goolies,
And woke up with a handful of goo.
--- G2154
And zero-g groin-grinding, ooh my nuts!
Then we'll give mutual head,
Bouncing off the bulkhead,
And make yogurt drift onto the sleeping cots!
--- Anon
You must suffer the heat and the wrath.
You drip till your sweat
Makes even dreams wet,
And you bathe with Bathsheba in Bath.
--- Lance Payne P8412
Who fitted his pipe, in his dream,
Into twenty fair lasses
And he wore out their asses;
When he woke he had blown all his steam.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1829
Of the way that she touched me "down there".
I awoke from my nap
With the cat on my lap,
A bone, and her FURIOUS glare.
--- Anon
Wet dream 'bout a nymph of the streets;
His wife snarled: "Who was it?
You pig-poop, that does it!
Your dream girl can come change the sheets!"
--- Anon
Who went for a sail in his junk.
He was dreaming of Venus
And tickling his penis,
'Till he floated away in the spunk.
--- L1266
Who was terribly plagued with wet dreams.
He saved up a dozen,
And sent to his cousin,
Who ate them and thought they were creams.
--- L0792
Every night had a luscious wet dream.
'Til a friend, quite annoyed,
Called a disciple of Freud,
Who cured him, which I think was mean.
--- G2090
Has figured in many wet dreams.
It looks like a phallus,
But bear it no malice:
'Twas the builder's intention, it seems.
--- G2474
With a dream that inflates his morale:
It's a dollar a gallon
At the gas pump for Allen,
But there's ass at a dollar a gal!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Once dreamed that he was a shad.
He dreamed he had spawned;
When the morning light dawned;
He saw on his sheets that he had.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Who dreamt he was had by a Jew.
He woke up at night,
In a hell of a fright,
And found it was perfectly true.
--- Norman Douglas L0502P
But he's salvaged his innocence yet --
There is that you can say
When his dreams are just day --
(As of bedtime his dreams are all wet.)
--- Thomas A Quinine P8502
Possessed of a most active pole,
You better believe,
Could never achieve
Nocturnal emission control.
--- Armand E Singer 976
Who would never do anything crudely!
But her fantasy life
Was especially rife
With machismos who screwed her quite lewdly.
--- Keith MacMillan 56c
Whose dreams were unusually wet.
When he dreamt of his wedding,
He soaked up the bedding,
And the wedding ain't taken place yet.
--- L1250
Folks awaken to hear ghastly screams
At night, now and then...
They come from shocked men
Who awake with frozen went dreams.
--- Grand Prix Lim 123
This is file bkm
Eyeing each girl he did meet.
Entertaining a fantasy
About each one's pantasy
And how getting in would be sweet.
--- Jane D Hughes P9104
Their dad's pulling loose at the seams,
Their mother has fleas,
Poor sis never pees,
And grandad complains of wet dreams.
--- Armand E Singer 977
A Gymnast performed on my beam.
I was out for the count
So I missed her dismount,
But I gather she slipped on some cream.
--- Frank
Who dreamed she was had by a bull.
The balls were outsize,
And so were her cries,
It was all cock and bull, the young fool!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a perfectly wonderful dream...
For way out on a dairy
He was had by a fairy
And woke up half drowned in fresh cream...
--- Grand Prix Lim 215
I had an incredulous dream.
As I think back now,
I was milking a cow,
And I woke with a handful of cream.
--- Mike
Who lived in the hot desert land,
And though strange it may seem,
When he had a wet dream,
He awoke with a handful of sand.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0461
Who had a delightful time dreamin',
How the harem he raped,
While the sheik stood and gaped.
He awoke with a handful of semen.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1856
Who used to jack off in a knish.
He dreamed that Venus
Was nibbling his penis,
And woke up with a handful of slish.
--- G2136
But it's truly horrendously tough.
Every word that I write,
Takes me half of the night,
For I'm dreaming of titties and muff.
--- Anon
For the whites, blacks, hispanics, and cream.
I'm using my wit
And clearly admit
That my speech is, "I have a wet dream!"
--- Chris Bolivar
Who was troubled with horrible dreams.
They kept him awake
With Spanish fly in his cake,
And the poor bastard burst at the seams.
--- Edwardian Leer 030 P9306
Told his shrink, "I think wet dreams are grand;
But they get a lot wetter
And feel a lot better
If you help them along with your hand.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8905
And my heart is extremely hard beating.
So I'm dreaming of someone
Who might say: "Now come on,
Your evening and night I'll be sweetening"
--- Anon
Who dozed off one night after work.
He had a wet dream,
But awoke with a scream,
Just in time to give it a jerk.
--- L1297
Was drowning and rescue was seeking.
Then he woke up--and yet
His feet were still wet.
(His hot water bottle was leaking.)
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Of us screwing like crazy; you scream
As I put out the fire
Of your sexual desire,
With a hot liquid fountain of cream.
--- Anon
Whose mind was filthy and lewd,
Awoke from a trance
With his hand in his pants,
On a lump of pre-seminal fluid.
--- L1265
Who dreamed Marlon Brando seduced her.
She awoke to find
It was all in her mind --
Just a bump in the mattress has goosed her!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Saw forty young nuns in his dreams;
All forty were bare
With long silky hair,
And their bosoms were marshmallow creams.
--- Alsops Foibles
Who fell asleep on a trunk.
He dreamt that Venus
Was pulling his penis,
And woke up all covered with gunk.
--- Anon
Who dreamed she got screwed in her bath.
She woke up perpiring
And said, "How inspiring!--
And more fun that doing my math."
--- G0727
Had his sheets partly starched at the laundry,
For they served to remind him
Of his youth now behind him,
When wet dreams kept his mom in a quandary.
--- G2179
That he likes to give women the hype
So they think they've been screwed.
Nowadays if he's shrewd
He'll steer clear of the women's-lib type.
--- A N Wilkins P8710
Of delights autumnal and vernal.
She'd put down her pen
And fantasize then
About stuff that's, well, nocturnal.
--- McCallum
Who had a wet dream, I suppose.
The landlady said,
As she changed the bed,
"This didn't come out of his nose."
--- Jeff Daeschner
Of sailors who'll give her a reamin';
She's tossing and turnin'
And lustfully yearnin'
For oceans and oceans of semen.
--- Anon
Of the shedding, outspreading, and treading,
The pleasure intense,
Of those fancied events,
Leaves a very real stain on the bedding.
--- Laurence Perrine P8511
I woke you with passionate scream?
My dream was of you;
Of course that is true;
It's no-one but you makes me cream.
--- Anon
With many a fine luscious slut.
But you were so true,
I poked only you,
And kicked all the rest in the butt.
--- H Welchel
The newspaper sports and reviews.
But dozing, he dreamt
That Eros did tempt,
And waking, found ooze in his news.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who was always talking of twat.
The chambermaid said
As she made up his bed,
"My God, was he dreaming--or what?"
--- G2203
Had an orgasm highly supreme,
With a handsome young bloke,
But was sad, when she woke,
And she learned it was only a dream.
--- Cap'n Bean
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