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An old codger with planning profound, A trip on OBLIVION's river, I sure wish that something will grow, All the nursing home's old wisenheimers A senile old linguist named Flynn, To keep dread Alzheimer's at bay, A bad memory is not very nice, I have now seen several old timers I now have seen several old timers Us geezers have habits of straying Two Alzheimer patients, the Glovers, Said a very old lecher from Wotton, There was a young person from Wells The car I ran into a ditch; I had put my neck into the noose, A mournful young maid from Key West The winds of change are blowing my way, I feel that I'm all lost at sea, So depressed, full of sharp criticism; Now I've come to a fork in the road; Life is but a strange illusion, Trying cures, none of them's got to me, A mental disorder: Depression Now what can you do about this If you're eating too little, eat more. A beefy young woman from Yantic When troubles you've got, then well curse 'em, When life doen't seem worth a fig, Then cheer up and hold your head high, There are days when it just doesn't matter; Now stop that crying, dear, please; Tiddy.
You've spattered my keyboard too, Karen's right, dear--don't fret-- Thank you both, it is good to have sisters A toast to my sisters in rhyme Oh, Kaylin I know very well, I'm more like a fine Irish Cream-- Sometimes all my plans go wrong This can't last all of forever, When I feel out of whack and amiss, Vlad
A comforting hand and light squeeze, Our poor little Azul feels blue-- The hat that I'm wearing, it fits. When life's little worries make you frown, There was an old man of Mongolia Dan was a manic depressive Dan dosed on pills best not renamed. Bipolar affective disorder (Hereditary)
In April one seldom feels cheerful; A desolate youth from Montrose His muse long ago began to fade An effusive young lady from Crescent Okay, sometimes I go a bit wonky, I'm agoraphobic, no doubt. The truth is It Just Doesn't Matter; My mental condition? Insane! This morning I woke up crazy, A recluse of DuBois, Pennsylvania, If a girl looks at sex with disdain, Young claustrophobe Jenny shuns houses, So lovely she looks as she drowses, I'm sure that you'll soon shed your trouses, For though she enjoys these carouses, And soon, with no whats, whys or howses, These double-type plurals are shocking? There was a man from Manitoba,
Hid eggs at the local playground.
He searched for two hours,
In weeds, sand, and flowers;
To this day, the eggs haven't been found.
--- Al Willis P9811
Is what awaits doleful care giver,
When Alzheimer's hits,
Leaving pieces and bits
Of life that's left to deliver.
--- Chris Papa
Though seniors tend to be slow.
Let's hope sweet love hums,
Ere Alzheimer's comes,
So a maid can both enjoy and know.
--- Chris Papa
Became glum in the grip of Alzheimer's.
Puzzled silence would fall
When one tried to recall
The next line of a favorite one-liner.
--- Ethan Coen P0202
Said at life, it's now so hard to win.
The words I once used
Now get me confused;
I forget what language they're in.
--- Sam Chen
There is only one very sure way:
Get Grandma to write
A limerick bright
At the start of each new dawning day.
--- Chris Papa
And forgetting most things in a trice,
Is a nuisance (I think)
And I've been on the brink
Of this too, maybe just once. Or twice?
--- Doug Harris P0608
In this den of debauched old rhymers.
I am trying to fit,
But my rhymes come out shit.
I hope I'm not getting Alzheimers.
--- Frank
In this den of debauched old rhymers.
I am trying to fit,
But my rhymes come out shit;
I hope I'm not getting Alzheimer's.
--- Frank Fazed
Off subjects on which we've been braying.
I'd rejoin anew
This marvelous crew,
But forgot what it was we were saying.
--- John Miller
Said, snuggling up under the covers,
"Our crow's feet are crumpling,
But Sweet Sugar Dumpling,
Forget not we're Valentine Lovers!
--- Prof M-G
"I'm afraid that my memory's rotten.
I'm quite sure I remember,
How to ready my member.
As to where it goes, I have forgotten."
--- Craig Gigol P0202
Who often had very "blue" spells.
He would sometimes be found
Sprawled in holes in the ground,
With a cadaver-like look that caused yells.
--- Anon
My mistress -- a mean smelling bitch.
I'm addicted to crack;
The police on my back;
Shunned by neighbours because they are rich.
--- Dirruk
But the end of the rope just broke loose.
No matter how hard I tried,
Seems I can't do things right;
So I'm left sitting here with the blues.
Bemoaned, "I've a lot on my chest."
I could see that she had,
And she should have been glad,
For she might have been deeply depressed.
--- Lims Unlimited
As alone in the world I do lay.
Against all my will,
I'm feeling the chill;
The sun has turned cold today.
--- Sandman
The waves keep crashing on me.
I need some light
To shatter the night,
For darkness is all that I see.
--- Sandman
Could it be just a low biorhythm?
Or is it El Nino
That's making me low?
Or excessive emission of gism?
--- Jplea
No more can I carry this load.
A decision to make--
Which path should I take;
If only the right way was showed.
--- Sandman
Full of false hope and delusion.
The only way to stay sane
And avoid all the pain
Is to live your whole life is seclusion.
--- Sandman
Even courses in phlebotomy.
So desperately ill,
I've plugged in the drill;
Going to try for full frontal lobotomy.
--- Jplea
Quenches fun, excitement and passion.
It makes one feel blue
And downhearted too,
Until you've had more than your ration.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To return to a state more like bliss.
You can do the reverse
Of what makes you worse,
And give all the downers a miss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If you're lazy, then run till you're sore.
Turn off the TV;
Get out and you'll see
That you're rich when you thought you were poor.
--- Anon
At age thirty-one became frantic;
In a fit of despair
She picked up a chair
And threw it across the Atlantic.
--- Lims Unlimited
Then do your utmost to disburse 'em.
As someone once stated,
"They're much overrated;
Like babies they grow if you nurse 'em."
--- Observer
And you think you're flipping your wig,
Like a whale, you've been beached,
And it seems that you've reached
Rock bottom and starting to dig...
--- Observer
Raise your eyes and look to the sky,
Then just whistle a tune
To the Man in the Moon,
And your woes will be gone, by and by!
--- Observer
Try as you might, it gets badder.
You feel all alone;
Nobody's home;
And tears do the keyboard bespatter.
--- Azul
I'll kiss those tears from your cheeks.
There, now that's fine,
But I draw the line,
At those trickling down your knees.
--- Tiddy.
And shorted out something, boohoo.
This day will pass;
We're not made of glass;
And there's still so much to do
--- Karen
It really is not that bad yet;
Here's what I recommend:
Have a few drinks, my friend;
Southern Comfort's the best you can get.
--- Azul
This is file bim
To help you when things go a twister.
To share the bottle
The way that they aughta;
You feel better 'cause you just can resist 'er.
--- Kaylin
It's good to have you for the time.
When things are rough
We must be tough;
I'll have a tequilla and lime
--- Bruce and Karen
Southern Comfort, it's taste and its smell.
I love to inhale it;
In Old Fashioneds assail it.
So smooth...like the breasts of a belle!
--- Tutta Gioia
A brand that is so supreme--
Straight up, or on ice,
Either way, I'm nice--
Soft, and smooth as a dream...
--- Kaylin
And short things just take far too long
It hurts there inside
On this tearing ride
The notes are dischord in my song
--- Vladis
Dispite appearing to end never.
Look, there's a soft note;
This rock wasn't all smote;
Sometime this'll seem quite clever.
--- Vlad
Those tears from my eyes never miss.
I offer you my land.
I squeeze light your hand,
And offer a hug and a kiss.
--- Vlad
We can never have too much of these.
When times are bad
Or even when glad,
Hugs and kisses are just what we need.
--- Archie
I know that it's sad 'cause I too
Can feel really down,
And I put on a frown.
A small cyber-cuddle might do.
--- Archie
I've a little more cred than debits.
Seems my life's nice enough,
Reasons none to be gruff;
So just why does it seem like the pits?!
--- Doug Harris
And you drink your old worries to drown;
You can take it as true,
But be aware if you
Think you've reached bottom...just look down.
--- Anon
Who suffered from strange melancholia.
His penis turned blue,
His testicles too,
And his asshole produced a magnolia.
--- Albin Chaplin G1692
Whose mood swings were wildly excessive.
After a bit of calm,
He'd explode like a bomb,
And display the side that's aggressive.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
"He's cured," the doctor exclaimed.
But now he's so docile,
He looks like a fossil.
His aggressive side has been tamed.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Is an excuse that just won't hold water.
And as your moods swing,
Though you sob and you sing,
You must curse you great-grandfather's daughter.
--- P Chernoff
Dry stones, sun and dust make me fearful;
Clairvoyants distress me,
Commuters depress me,
Met Stetson and gave him an earful.
--- Wendy Cope P0303
Considered all women his foes;
In the utmost despair
He pulled out his hair,
And neatly arranged it in rows.
--- Limber Limericks
In a drowning depressing charade.
More than he could abide
Was the relentless tide
Of incessant rains on his parade.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
Was ebullient and most effervescent,
And somehow it seemed
As she babbled and beamed,
That she needed some kind of depressant.
--- Lims Unlimited
But that's 'cause I am a bit bonky.
But they're all very nice
And don't criticise;
We drink beer and all go a bit zonky!
--- Anon
I feel ill thinking of going out.
Not out for a week,
Some say I'm a freak;
Others call me an idle lay-about.
--- Anon
We're here to enjoy and grow fatter
But, pea in a pod?
Well, yes, you are odd.
We're all quite as mad as the Hatter!
--- Anon
But I'm young, tan, and buff! (in my brain)
For my age you will find
That it's all in my mind.
Young? Middle-aged? Old? Sad refrain.
--- Anon
Which is odd because I am lazy.
I looked at the clock,
I pulled out my cock,
I can't tell anymore, it's all hazy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has developed a positive mania
For shoemaker's awls,
And pawnbrokers balls,
And other symbolic extrania.
--- Keith MacMillan A102A
And from fucking does wish to abstain,
The doctor does not
Look for woes in her twat,
He knows he must check out her brain.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
And also bras, panties and blouses.
And, for a small fee,
I'll let you come see
Her, out in the field where the cows is.
--- Anon
'Twould fair charm the birds from the boughses;
The breeze through the trees,
Her nipples doth tease;
I see lad, your interest arouses.
--- Anon
On spotting that hole where no mouse is,
But hurry, be quick,
If you value your dick,
Or dad's shotgun, passion soon douses.
--- Anon
With voice just like Alison Crowse's,
She squeals, warbles, cheers,
Then Daddy appears,
Insisting on marital vowses.
--- Anon
You'll hear, not a waltz by the Strausses,
But Offenbach's march,
As you step through the arch
To the church, and a lifetime of grouses.
--- Anon
Be careful, before you start knocking.
At my mother's knee,
She spoke thus to me.
So quit, that's my mom you are mocking.
--- Anon
Who said, "I have got claustrophoba.
When in a small room,
I'm so filled up with gloom;
For my case, I'm afraid there's no hoba."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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