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Till along came a man who presented A flexible maiden from Thrace The florists in nearby Corfu, A handsome young woman named Hannah, There was a young whore of New York Concerning the question of cunts, I thought that you already knew, There was a young lady of York, There lives a young girl in New York, I know a young lady from Tring, A lecherous lady from Leeds "I hate getting presents from Clyde," The blonde had a shocked look on her face, At a party one evening in June I once knew a girl, Marilynn In Idaho, Betty used taters, There was a young lady of Greenwich A young council worker named Smith, There is a sad Sue in New York There was a young man from Savannah There was a young maid called Yvette, (small fish-holding gourd)
There was a young lady called Bunty, A horny young girl, Debbie King Now some say this is quite kinky, A Yankee girl outside of Derry They plied her with diamonds and rubies. The blonde gal was really a Tex; The blonde girl from Texas would pose There was a young girl of East Lynne, There was a young lady named Bruce, There was a young harlot named Roxie I don't mean to sound quite so smutty, This arts and crafts project is gookie; Young men pursued her with such haste, A young girl with a yearn to attach, A not-too-bright girl from Biloxi In the end jealous Lou plain relented A silly young woman named Sue An excitable lady called Donner There was a young lady of Crewe, "Oh Doctor," cried Widow VanGelder, Reminds me of old Mrs Goole, What! Old Maggie Goole? That old hag? All tight-twatted gals in Australia There once was a young girl from Nantucket, A twat that's glued shut 'cause it's cheesy That harlot from Kew became stuck This story, folks, is also true Joe went to the place she's indented The girl, Mary Jo, once lamented, Post-treatment, Lou sadly repented; In the end jealous Lou plain relented A virgin outside Waterloo While we're on the topic and talking, There was a young fellow named Scott There once was a woman named Lu I'm not sure if this is a come hole; It isn't exactly a chasm, There was a young lady named Willet If her bod makes you hot when you clock it, With his finger, the able instructor Monica's nice bearded clam A busy street walker, forgive her, The lady contortionist died Since men all complained that they swam in her, There was a young hooker named Sue,
A tool that was strangely indented.
With a dizzying twirl
He punctured that girl,
And this was the cork-screw invented.
--- L0331
Made use of her secret moist place...
She stood on her head,
Her legs widely spread,
And use her slim quim as a vase.
--- Ogni Gioia
Sent hundreds of kind billets-doux.
They like it so much,
The labial touch,
As her maidenhair played peekaboo.
--- Ogni Gioia
Did wild wet things with a banana.
Her legs spread wide,
The banana inside,
And her audience shouting "Hosanna!"
--- Jarmo
Who put herself quite out of work,
When, disgruntled with men,
She cried "Never again!"
And bunged herself up with a cork.
--- Keith MacMillan 62a
You really must see Helen Hunt's.
With carrots and candles,
And hockey stick handles,
She does some remarkable stunts.
--- Michael Horgan
If Nanette you just happen to screw,
The wet leaves and damp grass
In the crack of her ass
Might cause her sweet crotch to mildew!
--- Bob Birch
Who plugged herself up with a cork.
She explained, "It's more svelte,
Than a chastity belt,
And is quickly removed with a fork.
--- Anon
Who is cautious, from fear of the stork.
You will find she is taped,
To prevent being raped,
And her asshole is plugged with a cork.
--- L0881
Who certainly knows how to swing.
She performs pagan rites
In open-crotch tights,
With a daffodil stuck up her thing.
--- Michael Horgan
Has a new way to handle her needs:
She'll insert in her twat
A dried-up cumquat,
And tickle herself with the seeds.
--- Norm Storer
The brunette to the blonde would confide.
"When he brings me flowers
I have to spend hours
On my back, my legs open wide."
--- Anon
while this echoed in her cranial space.
Finally she asked her,
"If that's such a disaster,
Why on earth don't you purchase a vase?"
--- Anon
They were playing a game, Hide the Prune.
It was hidden by Claire
But nobody knew where,
Till her pussy was kissed by a coon.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0835
Who sealed her twat with a clothespin.
When asked what's that for,
She'd say closing the door
Prevents any pricks coming in.
--- Dirruk
Along with a fried green tomater,
To lure the farm hand;
Stuffed these in her gland;
It worked. So he up 'n he ate her.
--- Anon
Who garnished her pussy with spinach,
And this cover of food
Was considered quite rude,
Since it made every one of her men itch.
--- Hugh Clary
Ate a tangerine which had some pith.
He peeled it with a machete,
Gave some to Aunt Betty,
Who stuffed some of it up her quiff.
--- Anon
Who is hourly awaiting the stork...
She wishes to state
Than on her next date
She will definitely wear a tight cork!
--- Grand Prix Lim 55
Who fucked a woman called Anna.
She rimmed her clit,
Like a banana split,
And filled her cunt with a banana
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was making a fine crepe suzette.
While chopping the fruit,
In her birthday suit,
'Tween her legs 'twas a long courgette!
--- Anon
Who went for a ride in a punt. She
Got caught on the pole --
At the back -- her arsehole;
And then at the front on her cunty.
--- Anon
Put carrots way up in her thing.
Then lettuce and cukes,
And tommy toes, too,
So her husband ate salad till spring!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But there's a girl in East Helsinki
Who hides in her room,
(I don't know with whom)
And does a strange thing with a Twinkie.
--- Al Willis P9809a
Surprised me and offered her cherry.
The thing that I found
Did cause me astound;
In her crack was a huge dingleberry.
--- Irving Schlobotkovitz
They longed to caress her fine boobies.
But she was quite pure;
Her manner demure,
And lichens grew out of her pubes.
--- Larry Davis P8601
She'd a rose that was really a hex.
She did have it stuck
In the place where you fuck,
But removed it before having sex.
--- Frank Fazed
Wearing naught but a big yellow rose.
When asked why this habit,
She replied, "Well dag-nabbit!
Because it's the state flower, I suppose."
--- MrMalo
Whose mother, to keep her from sin,
Had filled up her crack,
To the brim with shellac,
But the boys picked it out with a pin.
--- L0831
Who captured her man by a ruse.
She fill up her fuselage
With a good grade of mucilage,
And he never could pry himself loose.
--- L1381
Who filled up her box with epoxy.
She said, somewhat pensive,
"They'll find it expensive
To pay ransom to get back their jock, see."
--- Arthur Deex P9011a
But there once was a girl who was slutty.
So she wouldn't roam,
Her dad kept her at home,
And packed her vagina with putty.
--- Anon
The paste is just everywhere - lookie!
Cleaning glue off my blouse,
Wiped my chest; was aroused,
And my fingers got stuck to my chookie.
--- Anon
This is file bil
That she filled her vagina with paste.
Her reasoning ran,
"I'll hold onto a man,
Or else I'd be better off chaste."
--- G1628
Put super-glue inside her snatch.
She baited men surly
But hadn't the 'girly'
To keep them long after the catch.
--- Alex Heydon P0407
Once douched with a tube of epoxy;
Frustrating the entry
Of neighborhood gentry
Who then used her rear as a proxy.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003A
And said, "Mary Jo can be rented."
Nail polish remove-
r soon freed up her groove,
But her insides by then had fermented.
Has sealed up her fanny with glue.
This stops her, she says,
Having casual lays,
Which is vexing but probably true.
--- Michael Horgan
Got wed to an expert embalmer.
He filled up her cracks
With resin and wax,
Attempting to soothe and to calm her.
--- Prof
Whose cherry a chap had got through,
Which she told to her mother
Who fixed her another
Out of rubber and red ink and glue.
--- L0823
"My pussy's too loose!" then she held her
Old legs wide apart.
Said the Doc, with a start,
"Go see my friend, Joe...he's a welder."
--- Travis Brasell
Though she was too tight, as a rule.
We'd open her up
Twice a week for a tup
With an oxyacetylene tool.
--- Peter Wilkins
The old iron foundryman's bag?
Her cunt had a stench,
Laid out on the bench;
She's that thing they call welding slag.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Get treatment from Doctor Mahalia,
Who stretches their cunts
With ropes, hooks and shunts,
And other great paraphernalia.
--- Travis Brasell
Whose pussy was loose, so she stuck it
In Travis's vice,
(Thought a splice'd suffice)
But now she's glued shut -- he can't fuck it.
--- Nurse Doves z
Ain't never for me been that easy
To open , unless
A pry bar, with stress,
Is used and my hands ain't too greasy.
--- Travis Brasell
To all who possessed the bad luck
Of poking their skewer
In her gluey sewer.
Ye gads! She's cohered for a buck!
--- Ran Dog Q
When Sunday I poked little Sue.
I stayed stuck in her twat
And the reason was that
The jizz hardened like superglue.
--- Dirruk
But found the spot tightly cemented.
Her former beau, Lou,
Used cyanate glue...
No doubt now both beaux are demented.
--- John Miller
"I wish Superglue wasn't invented.
It wouldn't be needed,
If Lou had just heeded
My urgin's and kept me contented."
--- John Miller
How his hold on his girl he'd augmented:
"When you got a ho
Like my Mary Jo,
Her wanderin's can't be prevented."
--- John Miller
And said, "Mary Jo can be rented."
Nail polish remover
Soon freed up her groove. Her
Insides by then had fermented.
--- John Miller
Was determined to stay that way too.
She armored her tail
With a sixteen inch nail
And sealed her vagina with glue.
--- Hugh Oliver 66b
There's the woman who had trouble walking.
You could tell by her stride
She had something inside;
No doubt the remains of her caulking.
--- Anon
Who failed to get in his girl's slot.
So he said to her, "Dear,
Let's try one in your ear,
For there's far too much wax in your twat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0754
Who filled her vagina with glue;
It rendered her cunt
An impossible stunt,
As it left her unable to screw.
--- Cap'n Bean P0011
It might be the young ladies' bung hole.
I'll take a chance
And put in my lance.
Hey hey hey, it sure is a fun hole.
--- Anon
But a site for a sensuous spasm:
If you want to be blunt,
You can call it a cunt;
Ain't it lucky that all the gals has'm!
--- Norm Storer P0410
Whose cunt was as big as a skillet.
It took four pounds of ham,
And a large leg of lamb,
And a length of baloney to fill it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0780
And your pulse rate goes up like a rocket,
Then love's spark has hit
And you just want to fit
Your plug in her favourite socket.
--- SFA
Directed a maid to conduct her
To arrive home direct,
But the route was suspect,
For the finger was fickle and fucked her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0213
Got itself into one nasty jam.
While sitting at dinner
Guess what fell in her?
My fingers and a chunk of spam.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose body was found by the river.
The autopsy revealed
Her pussy was sealed,
By a callous the size of her liver.
--- Tom Patton P9806a
When one day she foolishly tried
A difficult stunt
With her head up her cunt,
And her nose caught on something inside.
--- Anon
A girl asked the doc to examine her.
So he fucked her that night
But he found she was tight
For the butcher had left a prime ham in her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0626
Who could shoot out some two cups of goo.
She could douche herself out
With an old fire truck spout,
And the chunks that came out, looked like stew.
--- Anthony Rose
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