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A horny guy by the name of Sean "As the spectre of AIDS ought to sober you, A perverted young fellow from Crete I'm nervous and wakeful at night; I longingly wait for the morn; The trouble with sweet little Alice is Neurotic was old lady Mills, There once was a lady named Iris, Some people say I am a loon, I seem to have lost rationality, Job's comforters now are emphatic To love her, he just was not able, Food fanatic, gaunt Alice McNuss, (apologies to Euell Gibbons)
This poor kingdom's ruler, Queen Alice, My grandma, Rose Angela Hemans, When I walk, which is one of my needs, A split personality, Fitz, This split personality, Fitz, This split personality, Fitz, It isn't a "bolt", it's a "shaft" Schizophrenic young patient named Paul, Poor Ralph was fast losing his sanity, There was a young man nicknamed Brad, There was a young lady from Nash There was a poor lass named Eugenia A schizo named Jeckel and Hyde Thought a poor schizophrenic named Doane A gent who was called Floyd and Lloyd, A young schizophrenic named Struther, A reality challenged chap, Struther, A Schizo, a "bi" high-brow nut As a shrink, I am often bemused Its beginnings are subtle and benign, Next come threatening inner voices; It's a frightening world, you see, At last, it all is too much, At hospital, they give pills of some hues, Soon it's back to reality again. Now the future looks bright, Instead of just giving them drugs, Your patients each have their own tale; Schizophrenia is not a disgrace; A fellow with a twin ego state I don't mean to sound like a twit; Schizophrenia beats eating alone; A true schizophrenic named Struther A guy I once knew was possessed There was an old codger from Cheyney These people on couches can be A bold-hearted madman named Cassity An extrovert gal in Madrid Said a middle-aged man, "God Almightly! And where do you think Crazy Alice is -- In misleading the guards, you did well, The pill I am on doesn't work, OK...so you look a bit daft, I told you about my condition, I thought I'd share this observation: Young Mary in mode experimental, I've had many patients like her A picnic, believe me, it ain't, I'm afraid that's just one more small curse, I can see that you have not changed; In my bag I've got strong iodine Just imagine what the cure holds in store; "Atomic piles?" asked the prof, "what are these?" An unfortunate fellow named Hugh
Had a brain that was partially gone.
He was so squirrelly,
He would get up early,
So he could fuck the crack of dawn.
--- Tom Patton P0204
Don't let any bastard disrobe you,"
Exclaimed the exwhore.
Still some sisters deplore
Such obstinate eratophobia. (fear of sexual love)
--- A N Wilkins 0109 P8801
Had a very strong fetish for feet.
The sucking of toes
Gave him orgasmic throes,
Causing sperm to shoot forth from his meat.
--- Jeeves TP9802
I skid out of bed in my fright;
I upset my fliver,
And jolt up my liver;
My grease-bedaubed duds are a sight!
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
My lights are as dead as my horn;
I drive past a "STOP",
And run over a cop;
I wish I had never been born.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
She suffers from sexual paralysis.
She maintains, with rigidity,
Her endless frigidity,
Notwithstanding long psychoanalysis.
--- Isaac Asimov
Dependent on nostrums and pills.
They were not injurious
For the whole lot was spurious,
But so was her gamut of ills.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2707B
Who caught one hell of a virus.
Although she's not dead,
She's fogged in the head,
And listens to Billy Ray Cyrus.
--- Iris Mason
And it's tied in with the state of the moon.
But I'm willing to bet,
That I'm not that mad yet;
Maybe I will this afternoon.
--- Anon
While wondering about mortality.
So please be kind
To my mixed up mind,
And bring me back to reality.
--- Peter Derr
That his illnesses, whether rheumatic,
Sclerotic, arthritic,
Myopic, paralytic;
Were quite simply, psychosomatic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For he found her to be quite unstable.
Her faulty ingredient
Made their parting expedient --
Too bad girls don't come with a label!
--- Cyberpriestess T9801a
At green vegetables would rail and fuss.
'Til her analyst, Krom,
Found that Alice's mom
Was once stalked by wild asparagus.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304
Has a Weltanschauung laden with malice:
She is deeply annoyed
(Unless you like Freud)
By her lack of a genuine palace.
--- Norm Storer P0508
Is disposed to delirium tremens.
She contracted the habit
Of eating Welsh Rarebit
At midnight, and then she's see demons.
--- Carolyn Wells P0512Q
I fantasize and my mind feeds
On an image I see
Of a huge rosary
And I then take two laps 'round the beads.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0509
One half of each bill he remits.
Drives midway down streets.
Split peas mostly eats.
Licks only the space between tits.
--- Irving Superior P9201
Through Jeckyl/Hyde films nightly sits.
Plays tennis alone.
Thinks he's half his clone.
Is thankful all women have slits.
--- Irving Superior P9201
Now dates schizophrenic, Ms. Ritz.
Each weekend the four
Will inter-adore
Until at least two of them quits.
--- Irving Superior P9201
But "Killer?" I read that and laughed!
To kill off a piece,
Be it cow, sheep, or niece,
You have to be utterly daft.
--- John Miller Q
Convinced he's the great Charles DeGaulle,
Wears French army pants,
Shouts "Vive La France",
And salutes the coat rack in the hall.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
And was diagnosed split personality.
When his doctor said "Ralph,
Can you live with yorself?"
He said "Yes, but not in reality!"
--- Graham Lester B
Who was just a little bit mad.
He wanted to play
In his sandbox all day,
With his make-believe pal he called Tad.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Whose brain was as mixed-up as hash;
She mistook a psychosis
For a common neurosis,
And threw herself out with the trash.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who suffered from rank schizophrenia.
She thought she was God
Or eaqually odd,
At times just a rock or gardenia.
--- Armand E Singer 265
Drives mornings to work side by side;
They admit, "We have trouble,
Knowing, since we are double,
Which one goes along for the ride."
--- Armand E Singer 725
As he lay on a couch, cold and prone,
"I am not overjoyed
With my shrink, Sigmund Freud,
But at least I don't feel I'm alone."
--- Armand E Singer 106
With himself became very annoyed.
Cried one to the other,
"You're schizoid!" Said mother,
Now thats four of our lives you've destroyed!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When told of the death of his mother,
Said, "Yes, it's too bad,
But I can't feel too sad,
After all, I still have each other."
--- Anon P9412B
With illogical thought patterns and other
Delusions withdrew
From the world that he knew
When he learned of the demise of his mother.
--- Arthur Deex P9412
Propositioned himself (the old slut).
Then felt such disgrace
That he slapped her own face
And kicked himself right in the butt.
--- Theo Heller P9201
With ideas of schizoids confused.
It ain't personalities two;
I'll explain it to you:
It's an illness that won't leave you amused.
--- Larry
But soon there begins a decline
Into a world of madness,
Tinged with some sadness,
Although victims will claim to be fine.
--- Larry
This is file bhm
Commands that give you no choices.
Paranoia is the rule.
It really ain't cool,
When no one else can hear the same noises.
--- Larry
When they start to talk of you on TV.
Say, what is the deal?
This all seems so real;
How can they do all this to me?
--- Larry
With all the psychosis and such.
Voices are a din;
So, its off to the "bin"!
Reality! I need get in touch.
--- Larry
Usually, the reds, whites, and blues.
The sides-effects are bad;
That really is sad.
But the madness begins to defuse.
--- Larry
It is nice to feel more sane.
Delusions are less,
I'm pleased to confess,
But the drug effects are a pain.
--- Larry
They say I'll soon be all right.
He feels quite sure
That they'll find a cure,
With many new drugs in sight.
--- Larry
And confronting their pain with deaf shrugs,
Get them to speak
And learn what they seek;
Psychiatrists should not act like thugs.
--- Bobbob
That's why most psychotropes fail.
Each patient's own story
Be it pleasant or gory,
Can help them get hearty and hale.
--- Bobbob
In fact it's not uncommonplace.
When the starting gun sounds
Run in great leaps and bounds,
Beat yourself in the great human race.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was unable to others relate.
But he saved his phone dime
And oodles of time,
Jawing with his alternative mate.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
But that explanation won't fit
Schizophrenia,
Which doesn't mean a
Disturbed personality, split.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's better than having a clone.
But if the fois gras
Leads to tangy patois,
Then don't share your pone or your scone.
--- Ystap
Refused to admit that his mother
For months had been dead
(Namely nine) but he said,
"It's high time we wedded each other!"
--- Aaron Bell P9605
With three guys who'd appear on request.
Rex, sexy but dumb;
Guido mean; Hector glum.
But Rex in the bed was the best!
--- Annie Jay
Who said, "I am really not zany,
But given the chance,
I'd be monarch of France
And the husband of Empress Eugenie."
--- Limber Limericks
Beset by bats in their belfry.
And the doctors they tell
Of their nightmares in Hell
Are as bats as the patients they see.
--- Warrick Elrod
Confronted his docs with audacity.
He stood on his head
And drank six Watney's Red
As a proof of his mental capacity.
--- Anon
Kept publicly flipping her lid;
He was warned by her shrink,
She'd end up in the clink
If her Ego succumbed to her Id.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9408
I'm dying of 'tedium vitae',
And the only thing sure
To accomplish my cure,
Is a girl in a Phillipine nightie."
--- G2239
The girl who has dreams of green phalluses?
Where else do you think?
She's found a good shrink,
And Alice is now in analysis.
--- Norm Storer P9806
But your freedom is short, I can tell.
Under way's the search party
Led by nuthouse nurse Marty;
Soon you're back in your soft padded cell
--- Anon
As I am still a number one jerk.
But the doctors agree
That there's no help for me,
But insanity for me is a perk.
--- Anon
And your nether bits suffer from draught;
And the doctors suggest
An asylum for rest,
But then suffering's part of the craft.
--- Anon
My brain's been put out of commission.
But just what I need
Is a ride on your steed,
To end this brain decomposition.
--- Carol
All women require stimulation!
If they don't get a lay
At least every third day,
Their brain begins atrophication!
--- Joe Long
Covered herself with stuff excremental.
She then rubbed her clit
With a dried piece of shit,
And is now in the hospital, mental.
--- Irving Schlobotkovitz
Who've covered themselves in manure.
They don't mind the smell
But it sure gives us hell --
And for them, I don't think there's a cure.
--- Kaylin Brandon
To put them in four-point restraint.
You can't get a good grip,
It makes your hand slip --
You wind up wearing some of their paint.
--- Kaylin Brandon
In the life of an old psycho nurse.
Give them more Thorazine --
(I think they need more -- azine)
But that's more than enough of this verse.
--- Kaylin Brandon
You dirty old man, you're deranged!
There's only one cure
That I know of for sure;
I'll see that your treatment's arranged.
--- Cheryl
And some fresh tar that's smelling real fine;
Codliver oil,
Alumnum foil,
And quills from a rabid porcupine.
--- Cheryl
It's a night like none other before!
When it's all through,
One thing you won't do --
Is get an erection no more!
--- Cheryl
One student arose, at his ease.
"I think," he said lightly,
"If I have it rightly,
New form of an age-old disease."
--- Mimi
Had hemorrhoids that reached to his shoe.
He sat in despair
On a cane-bottomed chair
And snipped off each one that hung through.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9107a
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