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In a Lewd diplomatic community, From Momma great tears have been spillin', She was innocent, sweet and demure, Nellita had sex on a dare We men though, just ain't all that picky, Those sores on your twat ain't from me; A liberal, lordie! I'm not, Because of my aggressive erection, Here I lie, where you can't see me ooze, There was a young lass from Listowel, There once was a man called Sylvester, There was one generation who had Far better than cure is prevention, (STD - sexually transmitted diseases)
Have you heard about how my aunt Alice is? There's a boil on the end of my todger, There once was a fellow named Schuler, "Hello dear, this is Obaditch. There was a young man from Nantucket A promiscuous man from South France, A feisty young female named Vitas, An Imam from old Qum in Iran Once a young traveler from Mars, A LOCO lass, name of Louise, A disease that is sure to astound, To many she sold her wet snatchy; Contrary to what you surmise, Thick Thelma, dumb blonde, stated, "Please There was a young man from Tucker, They took in a movie instead.
For the sores on his prick, he used Dial. What passes for sex today A visitor from Narraganset, So it is as I always have feared; The man on the flying trapeze A disease-ridden "ho", low you'd rank her, There was a man from Range Papilloma means dread HPV, (human papilloma virus) I don't have a cervix, that's true; It cold from the mountains to shores She sat on the copy machine; There once was a gorgeous young chick He was known as a wonderful screw, (ink in his dink turned to blue.) Chancroid - blue balls
There once was a banker of Sanker. Learns this of their banker."
Punctilious Park Avenue Paul PURPLE PASSAGE, erotica calls. A woman from Sleepy Hollow Berries, berries, all kind of berries, There was a young fellow named Shorty, On his cock, the old man pulled long hauls, There was a young fellow named Shorty There once was a sensuous Sioux, Whenever a freighter or tanker There was an old whore of Belgrade, A lady whose name was Blanch Corrigan, Yes, he is a mighty fine chap; Unbeknownst to young Charlie Brown, There once was a fellow named Lee There was a young man from Fort Knapp, Ulrome had its share of lake dwellings, Two delightful young ladies of Twickenham There once was a stripper named Snap The doctor's the man you should see, There once was a man from Brookshire; There once was a woman who teased, Our town has just one busy Floozy; Down South, working cribs in fouled wrapper, There was an old man of Tantivy, (Published 1879)(Capivi - a old remedy for gonorrhea)
A charge' claimed he screwed with impunity;
But he soon had a shock
From his embassy's doc,
Since he lacked diplomatic immunity.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
'Cause her boyfriends are no longer willin'.
She suffers rejection
'Cause she has an infection,
And they haven't yet found Penicillin
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
He thought, really virginly pure.
But he was mistaken,
That harlot was fakin'...
He's off to the doc for a cure.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
And caught a disease very rare.
You can rest most assured
That she'll never be cured,
'Cause it ain't covered by Medicare.
--- The Sailor P0310
As long as its wet -- not too sticky.
If its extra-curricular,
We're much less particular
And apt to bring home something icky
--- Anon
Must have been that guy with VD.
He wined you and dined you,
And then he reclined you.
And gave oozing sores unto thee!
--- Anon
I work hard for all that I've got.
You're the ones with the wankers
That is covered with cankers.
May as well tie your crank in a knot.
--- Anon
You must use a lot of protection.
For there isn't much hope
For your meat envelope
To ward off my penile infection.
--- Travis Brasell
On account of sweet Petrie Dish Sue's
Ripe quim! Keep away!
While here I must stay;
The mortician has stolen my shoes!
--- Anon
Whose beauty was everyone's goal.
In her efforts to please,
Spread a well-known disease
From Slea Head to the frosty South Pole.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Who screwed a tart's ass in North Leicester.
He should've cared more
When fucking that whore;
His foreskin's now starting to fester.
--- Anon
Full freedom, for which they were glad:
Post-pill and pre-AIDS,
Those men and those maids
Just screwed around safely like mad.
--- Nick B
At least that was once the contention.
Though it does seem to me,
What with rife STD,
That prevention equates with abstention.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708 B
She suffers from pussy paralysis.
It tightened her lips,
She can't move her hips.
"She's dead," is her husband's analysis.
--- Tom Patton P9806
Which occasioned the mirth of my lodger.
It's distended with pus,
And the upshot is thus:
I'm completely unable to roger.
--- Mr D
Had Leda and Joan take a ruler
To measure his prick.
But both called in sick,
When his prick proved a pustulant drooler.
--- John Miller
You must think that I'm a real bitch.
Please forgive my gaffe,
Love, I meant not to laugh
When you mentioned your rash and that itch!"
--- Observer
Who soaked his sore cock in a bucket;
"Oh, never no more
Will I fuck a whore!
I'd rather have somebody suck it."
--- G1942
Got green rings surrounding his lance.
Said the Doctor, "Some Screw!
There's nothing to do
But to watch it rot off in your pants."
--- Lim of Month Nov 2000
Whose doc diagnosed salpingitas,
Swore, "If I must be blunt,
I'll squirt lye up my cunt;
Those bugs just don't know what a fight is."
--- Armand E Singer P0109
Thus cautioned a aged madam,
"My clan's noted, you see,
For excess STD?"
"It's the same," she said, "back in Teheran."
--- Arthur Deex P0900
He frequented Venus's bars.
He often would wheeze
Venereal disease,
And his pecker is now full of scars.
--- Phil T
Liked all local gay blades to please.
Result of such playing
And 'round the town laying,
Was spreading a social disease.
--- Chris Papa
One day in young Dennis was found.
He told his girl, Venus,
"Let's keep it between us."
But she didn't, she spread it around.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8304
They ignored her snatchy's red patchy.
The red of her patchy
Made fatal attachy;
Her snatchy's red patchy was catchy.
--- Travis Brasell
VD's a disease spread by flies.
An ounce of prevention
Can belie apprehension,
So please keep your's buttoned, you guys.
--- Arthur Deex P8512B
I know all about birds and bees.
It is my recollection
That a staph (staff) infection
Is a man's most feared social disease."
--- Tom Patton P0109 P9807
Who met a young lady named Smucker.
A hotel room they rented,
The arrangements contented,
But after reading a flyer on sexually transmitted diseases,
--- Anon
That failed: he gave Lava a trial.
But the one remedy
For contagious V.D.
Is the Wonder Drug, sulfa-denial.
--- Anon N
Is nothing like a roll in the hay.
It's exceedingly sterile,
Your life is in peril,
If with the wrong person you play.
--- Marlene a
In a motel, decided to chance it.
He was a bit inept
And did not contracept.
Tomorrow a surgeon will lance it.
--- Pierce Evans
Our Sister, by sisters once reared,
Will give social disease
To what sex will just please
(Anyway, she is growing a beard!).
--- Anon
Took girls in mid-air, if you please.
He not only scored
As he tumbled and soared,
But passed on a "social disease"
--- Q
This is file bem
Got mad at a customer banker.
She took him on raw,
And shortly he saw
The effect of a treponeme CANKER.
--- Chris Papa
Who thought he had the mange.
But what he had
Was twice as bad,
And only half as strange.
--- Lims Unlimited
I.e., genital warts plaguing me;
I rushed out to get it, (to get laid)
But how I regret it; (Now I long for first aid;)
It sure hurts like all hell when I pee.
--- Armand Singer
But most of the girls I know, do.
And I gave them all sorts
Of genital warts,
And I'll happily give them to you.
--- John Miller
In Dixie -- but I've got my whores;
The twats that they've got,
All keep me real hot;
Who cares if they've all got those sores?
--- Anon
No undies! That's normally keen;
But the silly young beast
Was loaded with yeast;
The glass was the dickens to clean!
--- Anon B
Who gave me a scarlet hued dick.
'Twas painfully chafed
Even though she vouchsafed,
There was zilch in her snatch that could nick.
--- Anon
With his dink in the pink all day through.
But the fine days of plenty,
Were done after twenty,
When the red in his balls turned to blue.
--- G0179
Alas, he developed a chancre.
When told, his G.P. Cried "Oh dearie me!
There'll be some tirrivee (outburst of temper, commotion)
--- Anon
Pulled off a piece in the hall.
In neglecting to choose, he
Wound up with a floozie
And one great big indigo ball.
--- Zero Mostel G1944
Whenever 'neath males eyes, one falls,
Unmet needs bring gloom,
Though pink organ bloom,
Beneath, there are lurking blue balls.
--- Chris Papa
Got all of the menfolks to follow.
They played with her crack
But she took all their jack,
And gave the blueballs to them all-o!
--- G1957
Chancres on her ass like California cherries.
The first time I hit her,
I nearly broke her shitter,
Down where the Hasiampa flows.
--- L0452
Who thought of himself as quite sporty.
But the girls that he laid
Were all sadly dismayed,
For chancres and clap were his forte.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1744
While in ecstasy, death cast its palls;
Since not breathing, in bed,
His sad, small, balding head
Most resembles his wrinkled blue balls.
--- Mark Levy P9605
Who all the girls thought was sporty.
He had plenty of spark
And sure left his mark,
For chancres and clap were his forte.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who liked to do nothing but screw.
She would give no relief
To her favorite chief,
Until both of his balls had turned blue.
--- G0797
Pulls into a port and drops anchor,
And the men go ashore
In search of a whore,
Most will return with a chancre.
--- Anon
Whose chancres had left her dismayed.
She sought help from Doc Gray
But had no cash to pay,
So she offered her service in trade.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1702
Was the mistress of J. Pierpont Morgan.
Till she handed the banker
An incurable chancre,
And now she's just a plain whore again.
--- L1002
All others are backed off the map.
He deserves our huzzahs,
And resounding applause,
Let's give him a large dose of clap!
--- Ed Potts P8511
His wife was out boinking the town.
She came down with the clap
And it caused quite a flap,
When she went back to Charlie, the clown.
--- Roy Gateley
Who said, "Doc how it hurts me to pee."
"By the size of your sore,
You've been with that whore.
You'll get nothing to cure it from me."
--- Paul
Who boasted a cock full of sap.
He said, with a snigger,
"It gets bigger and bigger,
Or Christ! Is it only the clap?"
--- G1915
Whose toilets gave rise to bad smellings.
Folks lived in full fear
Of Black Plague, gonorrhea,
Halitosis and ugly black swellings.
--- Howard Peach P9006
Used to let one and all steep their wick in 'em.
But demand fell away
On the rumor that they
Had allowed a clapped youth stick his prick in 'em.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who played every club on the map.
The boys in the band
All though she was grand
Until they came down with the clap.
--- David Miller
If you're burning like mad when you pee.
It could be gonorrhea,
Or just diarrhea,
But your bum shouldn't burn when you wee.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In bed, his wife always would tire.
So he got him a wench,
And now he's less tense,
But pissing is burning like fire!
--- Jayde
Who often dropped to her knees.
A man said, "Let me fuck it!"
And tossed her a ducat,
But now he burns when he pees!
--- Pokey
She's so busy, she's often quite woozy.
If you play with her snatch,
Your likely to catch
A case of the clap that's a Doosy!
--- Anon
There's a pestilent hooker named Knapper.
Those who've had her, say, "Hell,
Why she's no Southern belle,
You'd more aptly call her a clapper."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206B
Who followed his son to the privy.
He lifted the lid
To see what he did,
And found that it smelt of Capivi.
--- L1123
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