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Watch out for a bastard named Mel,
Who runs a real sleazy motel;
If you sample his wares,
Begin saying your prayers:
You'll wind up with clap, sure as hell.
--- Armand Singer

A tearful young girl of Terrazzo
Cried, "Why does clap torture a twat so?
It bites like a flea,
And it's murder to pee--
I'm amazed that one's cunthole can rot so!"
--- G1959

There once was a planet named Gaea
Where Miller was known as a player.
He poked and he prodded
And when his cum clotted,
Discovered he had gonorrhea.

A cute little chick from Korea
Is something like Typhoid Maria;
But her special disease
Isn't caught from a sneeze--
In fact, it is called gonorrhea.
--- Norm Storer

Clay looks a lot like Saint Nick;
Except Clay's foul mouth's earned him a tick.
If you sat on Clay's lap,
You might catch the clap,
'Cause he plays with his ass with a stick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said the Nazi, adjusting his pants,
"Heil Hitler! Let's drink to the chance
Of a son with blonde head."
Said the girl, "Drink instead
To the clap you've just caught! Vive la France!"
--- John Miller 0087 a

Said a fellow named O'Shea
Who was cursed with gonorrhea:
"Mama mia,
Papa pia--
This is worse than diarrhea!"
--- G1943

Both the cunt of a hooker named Hahn
And her panties got tainted with gon:
So she went, says a cynic, To a public health clinic,
Where her source of entrapment, Was relieved of its clapment

But debugging her ass, Was -- alack and alas --
--- Jim O'Conner P8512

Nothing more than a con
Says the cynical John,
Since the malady lingeries on!


--- Jim O'Conner P8512

There was a young lady at sea,
Who complained that it hurt her to pee.
"I see", said the mate,
"That accounts for the state,
Of the Captain, the Purser, and me.
--- Anon (Frank Harris) L1120N

Oh no, Sir, I'm not taking the rap,
'Cause you bastards came down with the clap.
It hurts when I pee
Due to my leprosy;
Are your members intact, my good chap?
--- S C Saint

Don Juan, the EDACIOUS great lover,
Would all too soon sadly discover,
His tool, well equipped,
Most constantly dripped,
And from "Clap" he'd never recover.
--- Chris Papa

Don Giovanni was the same,
Who went to Hell for his sex game.
Not for his own clap,
A minor mishap,
He messed fallopians each dame.
--- Larry

To Newark I went, on a trip.
A cabbie soon gave me a tip
Where I could employ
A teenage sex toy...
My peter continues to drip.
--- John Miller

Your tale of sex toy is a ploy;
There's no need for you to be coy.
Indeed the cab tip
Gave your peter a drip,
But in fact it was sex with a boy.
--- Reqluq

A boy might in face, give good head
But it's lacking a bit if he's dead.
Which is what he would be
If I learned SHE was HE,
When expecting a female instead.
--- John Miller

The reason it's called gonorrhea
Refers to the sores that appear.
Gonna hear yourself say,
"Gone or here?" the next day.
And if they're not gone, "Goner, here."
--- Irving Superior P8512

If symptoms say you've got gonorrhea,
Next morning you check "gone or here?"
If symptoms still there,
While tearing your hair,
You dismally swear, "Goner here!"
--- Irving Superior P9403

Wee Willy my one-eyed wonder,
Splits young virgins asunder.
Then there was Mary
Who hadn't a cherry,
Now pissing hurts me like thunder,
--- Dave Jersey

I asked my doctor friend to explain
And to give me something for the pain.
Penicillin he told me
Was the remedy
And to keep one-eyed Wee Willy reined.
--- Laurence E Bernstein

There once was a General named Trout,
Whose army did storm a redoubt.
They battered down doors,
But found only whores,
So they went in and never came out.
--- Puff Adder

The enemy leader was mad at 'em;
He thought that he really had at 'em.
It was a crude trap;
The whores had the clap;
This was the germ warfare of Saddem.
--- Puff Adder

Now, clap is not known for killin';
The whores all did seem to be willin'.
To avoid rejection
They took an injection,
Because the medics had penicillin.
--- Puff Adder

Oh, I am the Miller of Dee;
It's painful whenever I pee.
This here cakerous sore
Musta come from some whore
Who's paid back my screwing to me!
--- Armand E Singer 141

Ill lies the Miller of Dee;
Because of the clap, he can't pee;
When he contracts his muscle
Only two drops of pus'll
Plop painfully down on his knee.
--- Armand E Singer 138

If you look very close when inspecting
Your dick, with which you're been infecting
The girls from the bar
In the back of your car,
There's a new type of clap you're perfecting.
--- Anon

This clap is a flesh-eating strain;
Water's touch causes terrible pain.
But a shower's the worst,
As it makes your cock burst
It falls off and goes straight down the drain.
--- Anon

There once was a lady named Flo;
In street slang, we'd call her a ho.
She came down with the clap
And got in a scrap.
'Twas not covered by her HMO.
--- Kathi

They then called her cured in three days,
And driveled about "shortened stays".
So the streets are abuzz,
As now quickies she does,
And the rule she happily obeys.
--- Kathi

On Friday took my date, who was willin',
To a movie 'bout hero and villain;
'Twas a nice dark drive-in;
'Tween her thighs I was divin';
Now 'tis Monday, I need Penicillin.
--- Anon

I now have the clap, that's for sure;
I thought she was innocent and pure:
Now my pecker's a drippin',
To my leg, it's a stickin',
It's sick, and in need of a cure.
--- Anon

There once was an old man named Dave,
Hired out as a sexual slave.
For straights or for queero's
Till our flagellant hero
Got a bad case of clap in his stave.
--- MrMalo

So he went to see old Doctor Lee;
He said, "Doctor, my pecker won't pee!"
The doctor said, "Dave,
This opinion I'll brave;
It looks to me just like VD!"
--- MrMalo

This is file bcm

"Please go on into the loo,
And we'll see what we can do."
And there the good doc
Reamed out Dave's cock
With a diamond tipped drill #2!
--- MrMalo

Said a streetwalker's John from Salinas,
"Woman, let no latex come between us --
For I had a vasectomy
Last month in Schenectady."
Now he's blessed with a bumpy green penis.
--- Lynn Mostafa

In one little whorehouse I've been,
I sampled the charms of Maureen.
Affection I sought
But something I caught
Is turning my gonads to green.

He has got a cute little butt,
Though something's wrong with his left nut.
It's wrinkled and green.
Oh, what can this mean?
He caught a disease from a slut?
--- Anon

There was a young man from The Hague
Who suffered what seemed to be plague.
But on closer inspection
A large green erection
`as the cause of his sheep-induced ague.
--- Robert Elliot

I heard whispers from the women's latrine,
'Twas most likely a lady marine;
"I was overly hasty
To have me a tastie;
Like a doughnut you're hung, but it's green!"
--- Anon

After shafting those hot orgy bitches,
My scrotum's all red and it itches,
And will not stop oozing
Which is not amusing,
As I unpeel my balls from my britches.
--- Frank

Of doctors, I am a real cynic;
I know I should go to the clinic.
But I've taken a scraping
From inside my plaything;
Does green pus mean I'm syphilitic?
--- Frank

Syphilitic? I really think not.
You haven't screwed syphyllitic twat!
So forget all that fuss
'Bout oozing green puss...
She sneezed only your dick -- just green snot!
--- Tutta Gioia

The punctuator loves to make dots,
The way epigramists make mots.
Procrastinators
Put off making whores
So they do not get the red spots.
--- Larry Davis P8606

There was young girl from Manchuria
Who said, when her lover was scruinga;
"The head of your penis
Is quite a bit greenis;
Step around to the doctor--he'll curia."
--- G1935

In one night my friend fucked a cow,
A chicken, two geese, and a sow.
He said it felt great,
Better than any date,
But his dick is all polka-dots now!

A smart girl makes out in a day bed;
A poor girl makes out in a hay bed.
But I know a wife
Who fucks 'em hard twice,
But avoids any dick if it's way red!
--- Anon

To me this just may explain
Why my groin is in terrible pain.
It's red, itchy, and sore
From shagging that whore;
I'll think twice before coming again.
--- Anon

The reflected moon in her eyes,
The warm breathy romantic sighs,
The setting just right,
The flickering light...
Oh no!, a red rash on her thighs!
--- Anon

A dissolute Fellow of Caius,
Contracted a social disease.
Now, From St Johns to Cholmondeley,
He twinges and glumly
Turns purple whenever he pees.
--- P Cheroff

He spent much on their high bar tabs,
And later, fare on taxi cabs.
So she asked him in
For some fun and sin,
Which he got, with ADJUVANT crabs.
--- Chris Papa

A simple-assed cowboy from Babbs
Was sadly afflicted with crabs,
Which he smashed with a mallet;
It's been voted by ballot,
His future is still up for grabs.
--- Armand Singer

My girlfriend was really unclean,
Till I got her some new Vaseline.
Now the lice are all gone,
So I needn't go on
Having fun with my porn magazine.
--- Matt Rees

While shopping, a fellow from Cottam
Observed some fine fish and he bought 'em.
Said the clerk, young Miss Babbs,
"Would you care for some crabs?"
He said, "Thanks, but I already got 'em."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1711

There once was a guy from Greece,
Whose pubes were loaded with fleas.
He couldn't stop shaking;
His body was quaking,
And so was his ten-year-old niece.
--- Anon

A young flea exploring a zone,
By a rich growth of hair overgrown,
Was surprised to discover
The balls of a lover,
And that he and his host weren't alone.
--- G1346

A sultan named Abou ben Adam,
Thus cautioned a travelling madam,
"I suffer from crabs
As do all us A-rabs,"
"It's alright," said the madam, "I've had 'em."
--- L1072

There was a young lady from Gaza,
Who shaved her cunt clean with a razor.
The crabs in a lump
Made tracks to her rump,
Which proceeding did greatly amaze her.

(Published 1879)
--- L1095

If crabs to your pelvis should latch,
A string and a mirror attach.
The crabs will then go
To visit below.
With scissors the mirror detach.
--- Irving Superior P9403

The genitals of Kennedy Owerin
Are badly in need of a scourin',
For there lives a louse,
Grown big as a mouse,
On the fluids that it's been devourin'.
--- Mike Tice

There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
I perceive I've got bugs in the bush!"
When they said, "Are they small?"
He replied, "Not at all!
They're almost as big as my tush."
--- Edwardian Leer 064

There once was a girl named Rose,
Whose pubic hair scratched on her beaux.
Be that as it may,
Being eaten one day,
A crab jumped up and bit on his nose!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A poor fellow infested with crabs
On the area south of his abs
Said, "The itching is worst
When the bugs are dispersed
And their bites have begun to form scabs."
--- Jim Vandermeer P9402

Despite her skill under the covers,
Misfortune around her just hovers.
In her bedroom there's mice,
And she's got body lice.
I hope you're not one of her lovers.
--- Bob Birch P9806

In the CIA's secretest labs,
They've developed a new breed of crabs,
Which tickle and itch
Like a son-of-a-bitch;
If you want some, they're down there for grabs.
--- Beelzebub

A Mid-East dictator named Saddam,
Thus cautioned a travelling madam,
"My moustache and my tush
Both sport bugs in the bush."
"It's all right," said the madam, "I've had 'em."
--- Arthur Deex P0900

There was a young fellow named Kline,
Who caught his first crab at age nine.
It is sad to relate
It could not find a mate,
And it withered away on the vine.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1727


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