Watch out for a bastard named Mel, A tearful young girl of Terrazzo There once was a planet named Gaea A cute little chick from Korea Clay looks a lot like Saint Nick; Said the Nazi, adjusting his pants, Said a fellow named O'Shea Both the cunt of a hooker named Hahn But debugging her ass, Was -- alack and alas --
Nothing more than a con There was a young lady at sea, Oh no, Sir, I'm not taking the rap, Don Juan, the EDACIOUS great lover, Don Giovanni was the same, To Newark I went, on a trip. Your tale of sex toy is a ploy; A boy might in face, give good head The reason it's called gonorrhea If symptoms say you've got gonorrhea, Wee Willy my one-eyed wonder, I asked my doctor friend to explain There once was a General named Trout, The enemy leader was mad at 'em; Now, clap is not known for killin'; Oh, I am the Miller of Dee; Ill lies the Miller of Dee; If you look very close when inspecting This clap is a flesh-eating strain; There once was a lady named Flo; They then called her cured in three days, On Friday took my date, who was willin', I now have the clap, that's for sure; There once was an old man named Dave, So he went to see old Doctor Lee;
This is file bcm
"Please go on into the loo, Said a streetwalker's John from Salinas, In one little whorehouse I've been, He has got a cute little butt, There was a young man from The Hague I heard whispers from the women's latrine, After shafting those hot orgy bitches, Of doctors, I am a real cynic; Syphilitic? I really think not. The punctuator loves to make dots, There was young girl from Manchuria In one night my friend fucked a cow, A smart girl makes out in a day bed; To me this just may explain The reflected moon in her eyes, A dissolute Fellow of Caius, He spent much on their high bar tabs, A simple-assed cowboy from Babbs My girlfriend was really unclean, While shopping, a fellow from Cottam There once was a guy from Greece, A young flea exploring a zone, A sultan named Abou ben Adam, There was a young lady from Gaza, (Published 1879)
If crabs to your pelvis should latch, The genitals of Kennedy Owerin There was an Old Man who said, "Hush! There once was a girl named Rose, A poor fellow infested with crabs Despite her skill under the covers, In the CIA's secretest labs, A Mid-East dictator named Saddam, There was a young fellow named Kline,
Who runs a real sleazy motel;
If you sample his wares,
Begin saying your prayers:
You'll wind up with clap, sure as hell.
--- Armand Singer
Cried, "Why does clap torture a twat so?
It bites like a flea,
And it's murder to pee--
I'm amazed that one's cunthole can rot so!"
--- G1959
Where Miller was known as a player.
He poked and he prodded
And when his cum clotted,
Discovered he had gonorrhea.
Is something like Typhoid Maria;
But her special disease
Isn't caught from a sneeze--
In fact, it is called gonorrhea.
--- Norm Storer
Except Clay's foul mouth's earned him a tick.
If you sat on Clay's lap,
You might catch the clap,
'Cause he plays with his ass with a stick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Heil Hitler! Let's drink to the chance
Of a son with blonde head."
Said the girl, "Drink instead
To the clap you've just caught! Vive la France!"
--- John Miller 0087 a
Who was cursed with gonorrhea:
"Mama mia,
Papa pia--
This is worse than diarrhea!"
--- G1943
And her panties got tainted with gon:
So she went, says a cynic, To a public health clinic,
Where her source of entrapment, Was relieved of its clapment
--- Jim O'Conner P8512
Says the cynical John,
Since the malady lingeries on!
--- Jim O'Conner P8512
Who complained that it hurt her to pee.
"I see", said the mate,
"That accounts for the state,
Of the Captain, the Purser, and me.
--- Anon (Frank Harris) L1120N
'Cause you bastards came down with the clap.
It hurts when I pee
Due to my leprosy;
Are your members intact, my good chap?
--- S C Saint
Would all too soon sadly discover,
His tool, well equipped,
Most constantly dripped,
And from "Clap" he'd never recover.
--- Chris Papa
Who went to Hell for his sex game.
Not for his own clap,
A minor mishap,
He messed fallopians each dame.
--- Larry
A cabbie soon gave me a tip
Where I could employ
A teenage sex toy...
My peter continues to drip.
--- John Miller
There's no need for you to be coy.
Indeed the cab tip
Gave your peter a drip,
But in fact it was sex with a boy.
--- Reqluq
But it's lacking a bit if he's dead.
Which is what he would be
If I learned SHE was HE,
When expecting a female instead.
--- John Miller
Refers to the sores that appear.
Gonna hear yourself say,
"Gone or here?" the next day.
And if they're not gone, "Goner, here."
--- Irving Superior P8512
Next morning you check "gone or here?"
If symptoms still there,
While tearing your hair,
You dismally swear, "Goner here!"
--- Irving Superior P9403
Splits young virgins asunder.
Then there was Mary
Who hadn't a cherry,
Now pissing hurts me like thunder,
--- Dave Jersey
And to give me something for the pain.
Penicillin he told me
Was the remedy
And to keep one-eyed Wee Willy reined.
--- Laurence E Bernstein
Whose army did storm a redoubt.
They battered down doors,
But found only whores,
So they went in and never came out.
--- Puff Adder
He thought that he really had at 'em.
It was a crude trap;
The whores had the clap;
This was the germ warfare of Saddem.
--- Puff Adder
The whores all did seem to be willin'.
To avoid rejection
They took an injection,
Because the medics had penicillin.
--- Puff Adder
It's painful whenever I pee.
This here cakerous sore
Musta come from some whore
Who's paid back my screwing to me!
--- Armand E Singer 141
Because of the clap, he can't pee;
When he contracts his muscle
Only two drops of pus'll
Plop painfully down on his knee.
--- Armand E Singer 138
Your dick, with which you're been infecting
The girls from the bar
In the back of your car,
There's a new type of clap you're perfecting.
--- Anon
Water's touch causes terrible pain.
But a shower's the worst,
As it makes your cock burst
It falls off and goes straight down the drain.
--- Anon
In street slang, we'd call her a ho.
She came down with the clap
And got in a scrap.
'Twas not covered by her HMO.
--- Kathi
And driveled about "shortened stays".
So the streets are abuzz,
As now quickies she does,
And the rule she happily obeys.
--- Kathi
To a movie 'bout hero and villain;
'Twas a nice dark drive-in;
'Tween her thighs I was divin';
Now 'tis Monday, I need Penicillin.
--- Anon
I thought she was innocent and pure:
Now my pecker's a drippin',
To my leg, it's a stickin',
It's sick, and in need of a cure.
--- Anon
Hired out as a sexual slave.
For straights or for queero's
Till our flagellant hero
Got a bad case of clap in his stave.
--- MrMalo
He said, "Doctor, my pecker won't pee!"
The doctor said, "Dave,
This opinion I'll brave;
It looks to me just like VD!"
--- MrMalo
And we'll see what we can do."
And there the good doc
Reamed out Dave's cock
With a diamond tipped drill #2!
--- MrMalo
"Woman, let no latex come between us --
For I had a vasectomy
Last month in Schenectady."
Now he's blessed with a bumpy green penis.
--- Lynn Mostafa
I sampled the charms of Maureen.
Affection I sought
But something I caught
Is turning my gonads to green.
Though something's wrong with his left nut.
It's wrinkled and green.
Oh, what can this mean?
He caught a disease from a slut?
--- Anon
Who suffered what seemed to be plague.
But on closer inspection
A large green erection
`as the cause of his sheep-induced ague.
--- Robert Elliot
'Twas most likely a lady marine;
"I was overly hasty
To have me a tastie;
Like a doughnut you're hung, but it's green!"
--- Anon
My scrotum's all red and it itches,
And will not stop oozing
Which is not amusing,
As I unpeel my balls from my britches.
--- Frank
I know I should go to the clinic.
But I've taken a scraping
From inside my plaything;
Does green pus mean I'm syphilitic?
--- Frank
You haven't screwed syphyllitic twat!
So forget all that fuss
'Bout oozing green puss...
She sneezed only your dick -- just green snot!
--- Tutta Gioia
The way epigramists make mots.
Procrastinators
Put off making whores
So they do not get the red spots.
--- Larry Davis P8606
Who said, when her lover was scruinga;
"The head of your penis
Is quite a bit greenis;
Step around to the doctor--he'll curia."
--- G1935
A chicken, two geese, and a sow.
He said it felt great,
Better than any date,
But his dick is all polka-dots now!
A poor girl makes out in a hay bed.
But I know a wife
Who fucks 'em hard twice,
But avoids any dick if it's way red!
--- Anon
Why my groin is in terrible pain.
It's red, itchy, and sore
From shagging that whore;
I'll think twice before coming again.
--- Anon
The warm breathy romantic sighs,
The setting just right,
The flickering light...
Oh no!, a red rash on her thighs!
--- Anon
Contracted a social disease.
Now, From St Johns to Cholmondeley,
He twinges and glumly
Turns purple whenever he pees.
--- P Cheroff
And later, fare on taxi cabs.
So she asked him in
For some fun and sin,
Which he got, with ADJUVANT crabs.
--- Chris Papa
Was sadly afflicted with crabs,
Which he smashed with a mallet;
It's been voted by ballot,
His future is still up for grabs.
--- Armand Singer
Till I got her some new Vaseline.
Now the lice are all gone,
So I needn't go on
Having fun with my porn magazine.
--- Matt Rees
Observed some fine fish and he bought 'em.
Said the clerk, young Miss Babbs,
"Would you care for some crabs?"
He said, "Thanks, but I already got 'em."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1711
Whose pubes were loaded with fleas.
He couldn't stop shaking;
His body was quaking,
And so was his ten-year-old niece.
--- Anon
By a rich growth of hair overgrown,
Was surprised to discover
The balls of a lover,
And that he and his host weren't alone.
--- G1346
Thus cautioned a travelling madam,
"I suffer from crabs
As do all us A-rabs,"
"It's alright," said the madam, "I've had 'em."
--- L1072
Who shaved her cunt clean with a razor.
The crabs in a lump
Made tracks to her rump,
Which proceeding did greatly amaze her.
--- L1095
A string and a mirror attach.
The crabs will then go
To visit below.
With scissors the mirror detach.
--- Irving Superior P9403
Are badly in need of a scourin',
For there lives a louse,
Grown big as a mouse,
On the fluids that it's been devourin'.
--- Mike Tice
I perceive I've got bugs in the bush!"
When they said, "Are they small?"
He replied, "Not at all!
They're almost as big as my tush."
--- Edwardian Leer 064
Whose pubic hair scratched on her beaux.
Be that as it may,
Being eaten one day,
A crab jumped up and bit on his nose!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
On the area south of his abs
Said, "The itching is worst
When the bugs are dispersed
And their bites have begun to form scabs."
--- Jim Vandermeer P9402
Misfortune around her just hovers.
In her bedroom there's mice,
And she's got body lice.
I hope you're not one of her lovers.
--- Bob Birch P9806
They've developed a new breed of crabs,
Which tickle and itch
Like a son-of-a-bitch;
If you want some, they're down there for grabs.
--- Beelzebub
Thus cautioned a travelling madam,
"My moustache and my tush
Both sport bugs in the bush."
"It's all right," said the madam, "I've had 'em."
--- Arthur Deex P0900
Who caught his first crab at age nine.
It is sad to relate
It could not find a mate,
And it withered away on the vine.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1727