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After decades of watching our stations The people in other dimensions It seems creatures from outer space There once was a thing called E. T. A man of the bible once swore The psychic predictions are hot! "Now you humans are black, brown or white The aliens fly you to space, I once met a little green man; A small greenish fellow from Clapham A girl of Terrestrial race Misanthropic Zarg had a place When the aliens paid a visit last night, I once wrote to SETI, last Spring, Alien spacecraft, it's said, An alien, anthropomorphic, While repairing my new LNA, (what an LNA?)
A man from outer space With what horror comes news from Le Mans! I once "knew" a little green man, A man with a chlorine-green sheen An astronomer, smile on his face, When asked where it is, the man frowned: Telepathic old alien Fred, Life on Mars? In the quest, science falters; I saw a bright glow from down there; A UFO flying over the base, An extraterristrial being Speaking anthopocentrically, I (SF story - "To Serve Man")
Orion (if that's how it's spelt) We cannot know where in the sky An alien Hiftlorss named Xirth Soon the whole crew had stiff poles, At light speed, when nookies a-drought, An alien Hiftlorss named Ned Each wang was a foot long and thin -- The flat little glanses, mere dots, Each mounted a wand from the front, Soon each choad entered full bloom, Ned needed suction intense, Honking like horns made of brass, The moral, from adage is snatched. After you've read theis, dear crew, Another old Hiftlorss named Xat The trogg they have named this third sex, They don't exactly come in huge fits -- The troggies of Hiftlorss are spoiled -- Their purpose is not to be had, (Feek is a Hiftlorss grand stunt, But if your good trogg is quite pleased, The troggs are a mendicant caste Now Xat was to spend a full week Now Xirth was a jaded old whore -- A freak clearly was just the thing Their feek was quite splendid to heed -- Each fragment drop of Xats dew The townsfolk then broke out their sticks, An innocent maiden from Brighton, On a planetoid far from the sun, While traveling out through the stars, When we've tired of our human race, The Alien race known as Zong, I once met an alien woman, I once met this little green man A green thing from Saturn's third moon, On account of its orbital sloth, A clever young person of Saturn
Pump out programs in radio ration,
Makes cosmic inquisitors
Most unlikely space visitors,
To a world where there's human relations.
--- Paul Niquette
Have organs with hyperextensions.
They can sneak up on you
And give you a screw
Before you've even divined their intentions.
--- G2583
Created our whimsical race.
Their test does resolve
How life does evolve
Now they're the ones who're out of place.
--- Darryl
With a dick that looked quite like a tree.
When they asked, "Does it stretch?"
The poor alien wretch
Bliked its eyes and said, "No, it beats me."
--- Neal Wilgus P8511a
An alien had come to his door.
He went to the sink
Where he had a quick drink,
And then widdled all over the floor!
--- Anon
They know about our future plot.
The UFO's land;
All babies are planned!
They tell us just what will be -- NOT!
--- Marlene
And to rhyme those is almost too trite!
Can you take in stride
My bright purple hide?
'Betcha cannot solve THAT one tonight!"
--- Anon
With tact and discretion and grace;
They'll make your excuses
And run little ruses --
And all to make sure you save face.
--- Susan B Harris
He said he was a Green Bay fan.
The size of a pint,
But I saw a Green Giant
When he unzipped his little green pants.
--- Theresa
Told stories and no one could cap 'em.
"Ballocks!" they'd say,
But his gun had a ray
And he'd aim at their knockers and zap 'em.
--- Anon
Tamed a terrible monster of space.
Though its kind lacked a dong,
She took it along,
For it tentacles served in that place.
--- G2640
Away from the rest of his race.
A mapper of stars,
An expert on Mars,
He's really quite happy in space.
--- S Dale P8211
Their musings gave me quite a fright:
"Chuck the whole Earth away?
No, I say we spray!"
"But will that stop this damned Human blight?"
--- John Miller 0345
Believing I could find the thing
Which eludes all who try,
Scanning sounds from the sky,
And the message from THEM I would bring.
--- Ystap
Abducts humans from out of their bed.
They must have an obsession
With mental regression,
Since they take those not right in the head.
--- Arthur Deex P9506a
Quite handsome, but definitely dworphic
Had not one wife, but three...
And 'twas rumored that he
As a lover was slightly terrorphic.
--- G2570
An alien had something to say.
I was not off long,
And then he was gone
And he hasn't been heard to this day.
--- Anon
Said, "I'm from a superior race.
You're all inferior
While I am superior."
Then he tripped and fell flat on his face.
--- Spike Milligan
There today an immense spaceship lands!
And the beings inside
Are giant snails--woe betide!
Who dine upon Frenchmen in cans!
--- Vassar W Smith P9308
Who made me a kinky sex fan.
But in times of repose,
He kept picking his nose,
So I threw him out in the trash can.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Came to Dublin in a saucer machine.
His green darkened up
When he sat down to sup
On a tureen of poteen with Kathleen.
--- June Sullivan P8312
Announced his new finding in space:
"It wasn't much trouble,
Thanks to the Hubble,
To locate the UFOs' base."
--- Norm Storer P0502
"If they know that I know, they are bound
To come and invade us,
Enslave and degrade us.
I'd rather be safe than reknowned!"
--- Norm Storer P0502
Was arrested on Mars when he said:
"It's a source of great mirth
That a creature on Earth
To converse, uses holes in its head."
--- Cyber Geezer
With each probe, the scenario alters.
Are they huge hulking masses?
Or eggplants with glasses?
My hope is for Mars babes in halters.
--- Rowdy Jack
The sky lit and gave me a scare.
I thought "We're invaded!"
But then the light faded,
The wind changed and fouled the air!!!
--- Anon
Was shot at as it came down from space.
The R.A.F. played a
Tape of the invader,
Which said, "We gotta leave from this place!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had noses adapted for seeing.
And smelled with an ear,
But used eyeballs to hear
What folks screamed up his nostrils while fleeing!
--- Prof M-G
Would prefer that we not search the sky
For quick-witted ET's
Who'd subdue us with ease,
'Til we know what they like in their pie.
--- Graham Lester
In the sauna was starting to melt.
She felt she would vomit,
So swallowed a comet
And tightened her asteroid belt.
--- Anon
A signal is lurking, or why.
We will search even though
The chances are low.
The payoff is well worth a try.
--- Anon
Let fifty spacemen in her berth.
She had fifty cunts
With vibrating shunts --
A cluster-fuck like none on Earth!
--- H Welchel
Her twats started smoking like coals.
When each little sac room
Went slam on full vacuum,
And sucked all their balls through their holes.
--- H Welchel
This is file bbl
Just let an old adage go South.
If you may choose,
Don't cunt-shoot your ooze;
Best gook a Hiftlorss in the mouth.
--- H Welchel
Took twenty-five space-girls to bed.
He had fifty pricks --
They stuck out like sticks --
Around his torso they spread.
--- H Welchel
The tips like the head of a pin.
The girls smiled in shock,
For each skinny cock
Could vibrate and pulsate and spin.
--- H Welchel
Did tickle the depths of their pots.
Occasionally one tip
Would get a good grip --
They'd puff up like doggy-dick knots.
--- H Welchel
Then pulled off a wonderful stunt:
Neds extra score-five,
Each got a face dive --
They had one for mouth, one for cunt.
--- H Welchel
Displacing both glottis and womb.
The girls were all stuck,
When tragedy struck:
Hiftlorsses must come in vacuum.
--- H Welchel
The better his spuz to dispense.
The girls got a shock:
On top the air lock
Ned drug them, all stuck to his splints.
--- H Welchel
The Hiftlorss let out all the gas.
Pussies a-schism,
The alien jism
Erupted and slew them en masse.
--- H Welchel
Be sure that your species is matched.
A curious schtup
Could blow your right up.
Best count your dicks fore they are latched.
--- H Welchel
You'll know that my mind has now blew.
I beg you not crack
Like I have, alack!
Just light off a flame when you're through...
--- H Welchel
Was mongously purple and fat.
(Most Hiftlorss, my lads,
Have fifty gonads,
And dangerous gonads at that.)
--- H Welchel
Whose sex pockets do a strange flex:
They turn half in-out.
Small glanses they sprout,
All mounted on pistil-like necks.
--- H Welchel
Its like a great oozing of zits.
The dick-things just drool --
The cunt-holes stay cool,
While pheromones fizz from their pits.
--- H Welchel
Their delicate limbs never soiled.
They're worshipped like queens,
And fed on rare beans,
And sung to, and massaged, and oiled.
--- H Welchel
But only fart just a tad,
And watch others feek,
And let off a reek
That drives lorsses sexually mad.
--- H Welchel
Where every hose bastes every bundt.
To dance in a swirl,
And go round the world --
That's fifty squared ways to dip cunt!)
--- H Welchel
With you and your partners fine deeds,
It rolls on its rear,
And lets you draw near,
And lick, but not suck, from its reeds.
--- H Welchel
Who travel in ships vast and fast.
There are only a few,
And couples must queue
To wait for their turn to get gassed.
--- H Welchel
In Xirths county, augmenting feek.
It went to Xirth's home,
And sat on the throne,
Reserved for a trogg's just to peek.
--- H Welchel
Even feek was becoming a bore.
She massaged old Xat
And took notice that
It had fifty nads plus two more.
--- H Welchel
To give Xirths old coot-holes a zing.
She felt them grow warm,
And sooner than norm,
She summoned her partner to fling.
--- H Welchel
A twenty-five hundred shot deed!
Xirths love-tubes were sore
Yet still she craved more --
Xat beckoned the lovers to feed.
--- H Welchel
The lovers through trembling lips drew.
But on fifty one,
Xats tip-bud had none,
And likewise none on fifty two.
--- H Welchel
And struck them with brickbats and kicks,
Until they were raw.
For this is the law:
You can' teach an old dog new tricks.
--- H Welchel
Had a night that was rather excitin':
She was raped by a Slan,
Three Martians, one man,
And a slimy green monster from Titan.
--- G2576
They scoff at a mere hole-in-one.
"By Mars! Also Thor!"
They exclaim, "You can't score,
Till you hit a whole orbit-in-one."
--- Ruth Berman P8211
I met a four-armed Thark from Mars.
Don't cuddle a Thark
And don't ever park --
They know 'bout the back seats of cars!
--- Anon
And we send our ladies to space,
If they meet alien dude
Who's a little bit rude,
They'll be better off nude, than in lace.
--- Grzegorz Gigol P0011
All hail from the planet of Mong.
Their crowned head, a pearl,
Is Mong's only girl --
And bi -- but she's only known dong.
--- Anon
Who went down on me, purring and humming.
She sucked on my weiner
Like a shop vacuum cleaner;
She blew both my mind and my plumbing!
--- Bob Ward T9801
Who was banging a gal in a van.
He pulled out in time,
That dirty green slime,
And then he came red in a can!
--- Bubba TP9804
Was beating his hardy harpoon.
He had all six hands
On three of his glans,
And therefore he came much to soon.
--- Irish
A lover on Ceres is loath
To propagate coldly
Or fornicate boldly,
So sometimes he simply does both.
--- Brian Aldiss G2590
Made dough, don't you know, as a slattern.
Its sex could be changed,
And limbs rearranged,
In any desirable pattern.
--- Rod Walker P8211
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