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Young Millicent, sweet and curvaceous, The wandering singer did say Insects crawling up in my snatch -- A neat, but not gaudy, lewd bitch An impatient teenager named Hitchin I saw my first crab at the beach. His girlfriend, PERFIDIOUS pain, I sit here with cunt full of lice; The greatest invention of Zoe; Sympathetic old Angus McNabb There was an old man at the Terminus, With crabs, his old ball-hairs just seethe; A girl to the druggist did say, The results of this piece of mischance, "Most crabs are romantic," he said. Though sometimes they hang by a thread. There once was a pro named Louise; Jealous, one hooker, Adore, (must be four rounds - McW)
The crabs they went all in a tizzy; (itchy mizzy is a Japanese sports car - McW)
She demanded I gave her affection You get some quite good cream in tubes, A lassie from Florida Keys Crabs and fleas are really the pits, You really should take more care Old Travis is sly as a fox; Is this just a rumor...or truth? Oh Babs you've got wonderful eyes, Oh Babs how I longed for your smile, You had all the visual charms, But the final straw, my dear Babs, Miss Mary at seventy-three, Doc said that crabs were her vex. The next doctor did realize For crotch lice there is an old trick If stabbing's too harsh, here's another; Now don't be rash and act like a fool; Be wary of gals who are mincers; This does remind me of disgrace There was a young lady named Ash A now-wiser coed named Lillian, There was a young lady from Lester, When the king caught a loathsome disease, A faithless young mistress named Lydia A star-crossed young hooker named Lydia On the phone with good Doctor Dupree, We know a young lady named Lydia Oh Abelina, that old gal of mine, 'Twas not what the doctor first thought. So just what could her problem be? A grimy old harlot of Chester Ms Pamela Anderson Lee A filthy old whore, a Maltese, They tell of a lass named Regina The once-esteemed Lady Hortense (prepense - contrived, thought out)
A careless young girl of Baghdad Said a girl with a lisp from Gore, The doctors told poor Cindy Lee, (P.I.D. - pelvic inflammatory disease, chonic pain, etc.)
There once was a man named Casey, A desperate young woman named Joyce Daphne's looks are completely imperial, There once was a lady from Ulva, A filly named Millie McPherson Down on the Panamanian Isthmus There once was a young girl named Lee, (STD - sexually transmitted disease)
Love letters they no longer write us, A rosy-cheeked lass from DunEllen,
Had suffered from crabs most tenacious,
Voracious and tough
In the fluff of her muff
'Til she trimmed off her borders herbaceous.
--- Peter Wilkins
That, much as he wanted to stay,
She had buckets of crabs,
Running sores and old scabs,
And she'd be that lost minstrel's last lay.
--- G1953
A horrible and nasty bad catch!
It's probably crabs,
From his bloody scabs;
It's too late to close down the hatch.
--- Archie
Is the way that I thought of Miss Fitch.
But I quit going 'round
To her crib when I found
It took weeks to get shut of that itch!
--- G1900
Was screwed on the floor of the kitchen.
This short, hot romance
Left her ants in her pants,
And a twitch in her twatch that keeps itchin'.
--- Grand Prix Lim 357 G1919
It was not where biologists teach.
'Neath the boardwalk it was,
And it crawled in the fuzz
Of a chippie whose snatch was a peach.
--- Don Moore P0305
Could not to his way explain,
Though he was quite clean,
How her pubic scene
Housed crabs there, again and again.
--- Chris Papa
Seems I've tried other remedies thrice;
But applying a cream
Of that good Vaseline,
Seems to choke out the buggers real nice.
--- Hippieital
While others with crabs crazy go,
And scratch what they've got,
Zoe thought and he thought,
Then went and invented VELCRO.
--- Irving Superior P9403a
Said, on finding he harbored a crab,
"You poor lonely bastard,
If I hadn't got plastered,
You'd still be in that cat house on Bab!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 716
Whose bush and whose bum were all verminous.
They said: "You sale Boche!
You really must wash
Before you start planting your sperm in us."
--- L1124
Old ones and young ones with teeth.
On his scab covered prick,
He likes them. He's sick!
When he dies, they'll weave miniscule wreaths.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I am bothered by bugs in my hay."
"I see what you mean,
You need Paris green,
To be rid of the things right away."
--- L1118N
Were disastrous, you'll see at a glance.
First died bugs, then went trees,
Then her pet Pekinese,
And two gentlemen just in from France.
--- L1119N
"While humans are screwing in bed,
With all of that pumping,
They're down to up jumping,
And often they quickly get wed.
--- Irving Superior P9403
Crushed by a descending head.
End up in an abyss instead.
Drowned in an orgasmic shed.
But often they quickly get wed.
--- Irving Superior P9403
Had pubic hair down to her knees.
So the crabs got together
And knitted a sweater,
So her poor little snatch wouldn't freeze.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With tits hanging down to the floor,
She flung them about
Beat Louise in a bout,
And tore up her sweater in four.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Made Adore scratch so hard she was dizzy;
Invaded her sheets,
And bit up her teats.
I'd say that was one itchy mizzy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice
'Til I noticed the lice
And immediately lost my erection.
--- Anon
Just massage it all over your pubes.
It gets a bit sticky,
But you're not too picky,
Going for pubic lice chicks with big boobs.
--- Jayne
Taught me about birds and bees.
I shouldn't have paid;
Not only got laid,
But a case of the crabs and the fleas!
--- Dave Jersey
Even worse than a case of the zits.
And so to stay clean,
If you know what I mean,
Stay away from strange Florida slits.
--- Mike H
When fooling around down there.
Crabs and fleas aren't the worst
With which you'd be cursed.
Remember, latex is safer than bare.
--- Kaylin Brandon
Of women, he seems to have flocks.
And speaking of crabs,
I hear he just grabs
Them and eats them right out of the box.
--- Observer
A habit he learned in his youth?
Is he a gourmet
Of sea-food buffet,
Or is he just being uncouth.
--- Observer
And your hair is so thick and so nice.
On your back it hangs down;
Such a fine golden brown.
'Tis a shame that it's riddled with lice.
--- Anon
I waited for such a long while.
But those teeth, brown and green!
And halitosis obscene!
I found my mouth filling with bile.
--- Anon
But you never washed under your arms,
Never heard of deo-
dorant, had you? Oh no!
The aroma was doing me harm.
--- Anon
Was your pussy, infested with crabs.
There was but one solution
To this source of pollution...
Now she's buried 'neath those concrete slabs.
--- Anon
Still had her virginity.
Discovered an itch
In her female ditch;
Thus, wanted a doctor to see.
--- Anon
Mary said, "But I have not had sex.
Another I'll see
Who can diagnose me.
I'll see what that doctor detects."
--- Anon
The problem 'twix poor Mary's thighs.
"Crabs you have not;
Your cherry has rot,
And the itching is caused by fruit flies."
--- Anon
This is file bam
To killing the bastards, real quick.
In your thatch, shave a patch,
To the rest, light a match.
As they run, stab them dead with a pick.
--- Frank Fazed
You'll kill every louse and his brother.
It is not quite so mean,
Just smear Vaseline,
Then look on and watch the bunch smother.
--- Frank Fazed
You must take care where you put your tool.
'Cause you cannot be sure
Who has been there before,
And the outcome can be very cruel.
--- Anon
Of fast and free shags, they're convincers.
But when you withdraw,
Your rod will be raw
And covered with things that have pincers.
--- Frank
Of certain things once that took place.
I was giving affection
To a girl with infection,
And came down with athlete's face!
--- Anon
Who suffered a horrible rash.
He scratched where she flaked,
And her vagina felt raked,
So she pounded herself into hash.
--- Anon TP9804
Whose urine turned brilliant vermillion,
Cursed aloud to her sisters,
"All this blood plus the blisters --
Those guys at that goddamned cotillion!"
--- Armand E Singer 360
Who allowed all the boys to molest her.
She was gentle and kind,
But those traits, you may find,
Spread diseases that burn, itch and fester.
--- John Ciardi N
He uttered with oaths some decrees,
"All ladies with blotches
Of green in their crotches,
Must burn all their clothes so they'll freeze.
--- Laurence Perrine P8512
Contracted the shame of chlamydia;
It not only hurt (It not only pained her,
Her man said, "You flirt," (Her man nearly brained her)
And added, "You cunt, I'll get rydia."
--- Armand E Singer 559
Got dosed up but good with chalmydia;
Though sex was her goal
She blowtorched her hole,
And told all the boys, "Now I'm rydia."
--- Armand E Singer P0109 559
The abbess thought, "What can it be?"
"It's poor Sister Lydia,
And her case of chlamydia."
"Oh, thank God! I'm so sick of Chablis!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Who was badly beset by Chlamydia.
She said, "Penicillions
I've had by the millions,
But I still cannot seem to get rydia."
--- Calvin Openshaw P8209
With her ass full of shit and her cunt full of slime!
When she got started
She pissed and she farted,
And shat yellow maggots all over the carpet.
--- G1938
That unpleasant stuff that she'd caught.
It couldn't have been.
She'd never known men,
And toilets don't harbor that rot.
--- Larry Davis P8604a
It hurt her so, taking a pee.
A search of her gear
Soon made the facts clear;
She'd contracted dildo VD.
--- Larry Davis P8604a
Stunk bad and no man would request her.
She got back in the groove
And the lodge did approve,
When she offered a sore that did fester.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1707
Has tits that will float on the sea.
These silicone pouches
Just love casting couches,
And that's where she got her V.D.
--- Jeeves
Was stricken with Hooker's Disease,
In one of its forms,
Where virulent storms
Of germs will attack just like fleas.
--- Armand E Singer P0109 625
Who fucked half of North Carolina.
She became very rich
But developed an itch
And sores all over her vagina.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Contracted from one of our gents,
A social bequest,
She passed on to the rest,
With what we feel was malice prepense.
--- John Ciardi
Divulged why diseases she had.
She had no time to marry,
Each Tom, Dick and Harry,
And she said that she wanted it bad.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1701
"My vaginath incredibly thore.
There ith thomething amith
When I take a pith.
I don't think I'll have thex anymore!"
--- CyberCelt T9712
"We find that you've got P.I.D.;
What this means, we all fear,
Better open your rear --
The front end's completely N.G.!"
--- Armand E Singer 519
Whose wife, they say, was quite racy.
She developed a rash
Which she'd earned in her past,
And indeed, his departure was hasty.
--- Brandy
Caught "Mr. Right" with her sweet voice.
But it was quite the bummer,
With that sore on his cummer,
She found she had made the wrong choice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
And her style of love-making ethereal.
She's erotically active
And intensely attractive.
What a shame her disease is venereal!
--- Isaac Asimov
Who had a magnificent vulva...
She used it with ease,
And got a disease,
And now she treats it with sulfa.
--- Anon
Leased the sexual rights to her person.
Her amour seem to please
Till a social disease
Started customers raving and cursin'.
--- Grand Prix Lim 137
We girls all got vaginismus.
It's not really V.D.
We're still able to pee.
So, to the boys who did it -- "Merry Christmas."
--- Ed Wolfert
Who never charged a large fee.
Make love, not war;
Much better if more.
She died of an bad STD.
--- Black Daisy
To their homes they so seldom invite us.
It grieves me to say,
They have learned with dismay,
We can't cure the vulva pruritis.
--- L0124N
Whom the Hoboken sailors call Helen,
In her efforts to please,
Spread a social disease,
From New York to the Straits of Magellan.
--- L1690
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