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A nymphomaniacal nurse There was an old harlot named French The boss told his stenop, "Miss Singer, An old sailor tole this, 'fore he died; So they built her a mightly big wheel, 'Round and 'round went that big fucking wheel; But they couldn't shut down -- what a bitch! No kidding? Her twat must be sore; With all of this high powered action, Now Tjarda, it pains me to hear A prick could be made of cement, There was a young lady of Dallas, Love, get off that mechanical steed; There were two Greek girls of Miletus, My wife's dildo is simply amazing; Two cooling systems? Not bad... She had amps in her pants, so Miss Bower Since you have decided to abstain, Once home, my clothes I cast off The sex drive of old man McGill, There was an old sarge of Dorchester, Young Alison said with a blush, I used to hate being alone, There was an old lady, God damn her, For girls of insatiable status I tease them a bit with the switch, It not only pumps up and down, Mechanical sexual aids An inventor who lives in Red Oak Kindly Madame Doreen of Racine That singer, some called her a dyke, A horny young blonde from Vancouver There once was a girl from Vancouver, The lady detective, Maureen A little four-flusher Miss Ream Said a nympho, "I find that each suitor, There was an old maid of Balaclava "I know what I'll do," said Doreen, "I'll make 'em in different sizes, And thus did ambitious Doreen And soon with her profits galore Not churning out normal-size lean ones, Inspecting for quality (natch) There was a young lady named Bright, An old man at the Folies Bergere There once was a woman named Queen A hopeful young virgin, but frail, There once was a girl named of Joy, A Washington girl from Vancouver On shopping trips goes randy Kate, Those tingling sensations that please her The inventor, I hear, Is MacLean? There once was a man named Bill Becker, To the penis of feeble old Schuster I'm selling a useful contraption To itch that spot no mere man can; I've designed a much better device. I cannot afford just a buck, You keep your well-oiled Dan, Ann's craving for sex seems psychotic; A young Ph.D. from Alliance The book said, "Take 2 D-cell Batteries" Gave a sun-powered cock to my hon, A position that's even more mean In my mind, there's been planted a seed; Now all you can come 'round and watch! An insatiable nympho in Rome
With a curse that was worse than perverse,
Stuck a rotary drill
Up her twat, for a thrill,
And they carted her off in a hearse.
--- L1315
Who spent a whole week on the bench.
She'd been fucked in her manor
By a man with a spanner,
And it gave her, she said, a bad wrench.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1857
Though the office force thinks you're a swinger,
I don't really condone
Using my Dictaphone.
I'd feel better if you used your finger."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9408a
I just know that the deck-monkey lied;
He did tell of a maid,
Broad and wide, so when laid,
Was unable to be satisfied.
--- Allen Wolverton
Which was linked to a phallus of steel;
With brass balls filled with cream;
This whole thing ran on steam.
And they figured, with joy she would squeal!
--- Allen Wolverton
In and out went that todger of steel.
'Til her face got all flushed,
And she suddenly gushed:
"Let us pause, I've exhausted my keel!"
--- Allen Wolverton
The conttraption was missing a switch!
When it ran out of fuel,
She'd been ravaged quite cruel;
Her twat needed many a stitch.
--- Allen Wolverton
I sure hate to hear that it tore!
But who came in to patch
Her poor bloodied snatch?
'Twasn't me. I shall say no more.
--- Travis Brasell
By the steam-driven, steel contraption,
With her snatch hot and smoking,
And I'm really not joking,
She finally got satisfaction.
--- Milton Fludgecow
Of your feelings for a bitch you hold dear.
I recommend Black and Decker
In lieu of my pecker,
Which is too short to reach you from here.
--- Dave Seymour
And would certainly never be bent.
Two balls made of leather
Would go off together,
And the thing was equipped with a vent.
--- G2077
Invented a singular phallus.
It came and it went,
And when it was spent,
It proceeded to fill up the chalice.
--- L1259
I will give you the ride that you need;
This here saddle horn's hot;
Climb aboard; treat your twat;
And I'll rock with a var-yable speed!
--- Anon
Who said, "We wear gadgets that treat us,
When strapped on the thigh,
Up cozy and high,
To constant, convenient coitus."
--- L1306
Bilateral intershift phasing
With radial pistons
And two cooling systems,
Just to keep her nice pubies from blazing.
--- Tutta Gioia
But two probing systems, that's rad!
With a Vasoline pump
Poised at her rump,
I call my design, the "Launch Pad!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Bought a dildo with battery power;
A synthetic, prosthetic,
Electromagnetic
Device that discharged every hour.
--- Ed Potts P8607
I went down to a sex shop on Main,
Bought a motorized dick
That is eight inches thick.
When I left they all said, "Come again!"
--- Ericka
And had, by myself, a great boff.
B-but n-now, m-my d-dear P-Pete,
I-I've l-lost the r-receipt,
A-And I-I c-can't t-turn the b-bloody th-thing o-off.
--- Ericka
Gives fortunate ladies a thrill.
They say his technique
Is delightful--unique!--
He uses an electrical drill!
--- G2166
Who invented a mechanical whore tester.
With an electrical eye,
His tool, and a die,
He observed each sore pimple and fester.
--- L1088
The words coming out in a rush,
"If I've not a man,
I do what I can
With my wonderful electric tooth brush."
--- Tiddy Ogg
So I learned to make love on the phone.
But my lover one day
Got carried away;
He now has an electrified bone.
--- Karen B
She fucked herself with a hammer.
The hammer was blunt,
And so was her cunt,
And out came a kid with a hop, skip, and jump.
--- G2040 L0921
I've designed such a fine apparatus.
They jump in the saddle
'Cross an opening a-straddle,
And cry, "Please just let it have at us!"
--- Tutta Goia
Watching their quims wetly twitch...
Just where the seat's riven
There's pneumatically driven,
A dildoe set at perfect pitch.
--- Tutta Gioia
Plunging through muffs of nut-brown,
But the whole thing flips over
(The gals, they're in clover!)
As the thing does its thing, upside-down.
--- Tutta Gioia
Are popular now among maids,
Who are old and who lack
Any kind of a knack
For plying the amorous trades.
--- Norm Storer P0012
Built a gadget girls find is no joke.
With it plugged in his rear,
He can bang a whole year,
And never miss once on a stroke.
--- G2194
Once invented a screwing machine,
So her girls could be laid
During dull times of trade...
And feel something in them that's clean.
--- Grand Prix Lim 771
She said "No, I know what I like.
There aren't many men,
That give me a yen,
But Gee, I have fun with my mike."
--- Anon
Molested herself with a Hoover.
Her gloomy deduction:
Despite all the suction,
It wasn't sufficient to move her.
--- Chuck Davis P940
Who owned her very own Hoover.
She said with a shrug,
"It's not for my rug."
It had the vibrations to move her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file avm
Has a waterproof fucking machine.
It is shaped like a sub
And when used in the tub,
Gives new life to the phrase "coming clean."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Invented a fucking machine.
On the ninety-ninth stroke,
The fucking thing broke,
And turned her insides to whipped cream.
--- Anon
For my needs is no better than neuter.
Now my passion's fulfilled--
Though I just may get killed--
By a large, well-equipped Roto-Rooter."
--- G2210
Who made a great dildo of lava.
It rasped and it scraped
As her pouty lips gaped,
And an old Peeping Tom yelled out "Brava!"
--- G2079
"As soon as I'm over eighteen
I'll splash out some cash 'n'
I'll purchase a smashin'
New dildo extrusion machine."
--- Peter Wilkins
But bigger than regular guys is;
I'll make 'em much longer
And fatter and stronger,
With nodules for extra surprises."
--- Peter Wilkins
Acquire a new dildo machine;
In minutes (about)
She was turning 'em out,
In all sizes and colors (bar green).
--- Peter Wilkins
She opened her very first store,
A fancy HQ
And a factory too
Filled with dildo machines by the score.
--- Peter Wilkins
But fat ones and long ones and mean ones,
And hugely vibrating,
Pulsating, gyrating,
Exceedingly monstrous obscene ones.
--- Peter Wilkins
She tried one or two from each batch.
And if she was moved
She would stamp them "Approved!
Doreen's Dildos (for Butt and for Snatch)."
--- Peter Wilkins
Whose passions were faster that light.
She set her dildo
To 'Medium Slow'
And creamed on the walls half the night.
--- G2092
Had a jock, a most wondrous affair.
It snipped of a twat-curl
From each new chorus girl,
And he had a wig made of the hair.
--- L0161
Who owned a vibrating machine.
With nine volts of power
She'd play for an hour;
She loved to tickle her bean.
--- Dr Limerick
Bought a Japanese dildo by mail.
Massaging and jerking
Couldn't get the thing working,
So it went to a church rummage sale.
--- G2092a
Who couldn't find herself a boy.
She'd get them all harried,
With "No sex till we're married,"
So she has to get off with a toy.
--- Anon
Tried out a selfish manuever;
She filled up her dent
With dust balls and lint,
Then sucked herself off with a Hoover.
--- Gene Brady
As vibrating knickers vibrate;
She nearing Nirvana
While choosing bananas,
As yet unaware of their fate.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Grow strong by the frozen meat freezer;
Bliss orgasmatronic
Sends her catatonic...
She's found by some shelf-stacking geezer.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(The same one for the wanking machine?)
It was tried by Camilla
But quite failed to thrill her,
So Mach II runs on four-star benzine.
--- Jester Jon
And engineer for Black and Decker.
His invention was cool;
And incredible tool,
He designed the rechargeable pecker!
--- Chicago Jack
Was attached an electrical booster.
In a screw with Miss Drew,
His main rheostat blew,
And she felt like a snowplow had goosed 'er.
--- Grand Prix Lim 341 G0750
That has brought me much satisfaction.
I need cash for the kids,
So send your sealed bids,
If you want a piece of the action.
--- Karen
A steam-driven battering ram,
With adjustable speed,
(It comes guaranteed)
My very well used, Steely-eye Dan.
--- Karen
It lets you come once, twice or thrice.
And on the console,
You can click for a hole,
And forthwith your hubby entice.
--- Ogni Gioia
Not for a synthetic fuck.
We'll take a collection
For kids and affection
And all of that other sweet muck.
--- Karen
I've been preacticing with my man.
His speed is quite varied,
And we're already married,
So I might as well use what I can.
--- Karen
She's tireless, almost robotic.
With infinite styles
She sets dildo dials,
To positions quite autoerotic.
--- Mark Levy P9603
Invented a screwing appliance
Consisting of ticklers
Plus wires and some pricklers
That turned routine sex into science.
--- Armand E Singer 529
But who'd know? 'Twas written in Japanese!
Then the rubber cock shook
When crammed in her nook,
And it shot a fake wad on her mammaries.
--- Mad Max
And she said "It's incredibly fun!
But the minutes of waiting
Can be so frustrating,
When a cloud blows in front of the sun."
--- Anon
Is one that is almost obscene.
I'm afraid when I like I'll
Get on the spin cycle
Of my faithful washing machine.
--- Michelle
I can sell the girls just what they need!
Those machine agitaors
Can be sold as vibrators,
That will do a great job at high speed!
--- Travis Brasell
(No fiddling around with your crotch!)
As I moan and grin,
As it goes into spin,
And I switch it up faster a notch!
--- Michelle
Built a gadget to use in her home;
A steam-driven dildo,
That can dish out her fill, though
It used enough coal to heat Nome.
--- Don Moore P9304A
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