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A fussy and picky lass, Eve, I bought a new electric toy. At one time I might've been pissed I'd rather not temper your joys, My sweetheart has wounded my pride; My bitch doesn't need me because A dolly whose sex needs were drastic, A frigid young virgin, Ms Graeme, I have got a vibrator for thee; An inventive young man named McCool I'm simply enthralled by your genius, A vibrator does not cause me fright, The new Popeil(tm) Pocket Vibrator -- A lesbian was on a divan, Does your vibrator have a pet name? I purchased a vibrating stick. At the opera, from inside Miss Goff (Michael Weinstein - second version)
Vibrators were only invented A lively young lassie of Guelph There was a young lass from Decatur There once was a girl named Girth That reminds me of Sadie Mae Ungle, I once met this girl from down under, And now down at K-mart you'll see A Lesbian on a divan Hey Girls! Oggmart has a new line -- Your invention sure sounds like a honey, Yes, your sun powered cock's really neat, There's buzzers for all sorts of sin, Meanwhile, if while taking a tan, Although a young girl I am not, And if my cock started to harden, A cute little girl from Berlin Go heat up your skull in the shower There once was a girl from Decatur His balls did ache, yes quite sore; My versatile vibrator fits My girl, I thought I could mate her. A vibrator designer named Lance It would be a great occupation When Eva is called on her phone, There're others who've taken that tack The phone in my pants is quite pleasing; I know a sweet lady named Brenda, A bloke, upon learning love matters, 'e Those double-A batteries, see, A vibrator can't lose erection; The batteries in my device The neighbors began to complain My dildo no longer needs keys, "My vibrator's battery's dying!" There once was a toy so obscene My vibrator's battery's dying! My vibrator's battery's dying! Kathy's Diehard is now on the fritz; The spread-eagled lady named Nan Today's successful womanizers To her beau, she whined and then sighed; It's easy to please young Miss Flattery, My vibrator's batteries dying; Diane, who runs kennels and catteries, A dicks the last thing that I need.. You sound like the old Spinster Sholtz, Lacking batteries, a lady of Staines Drugstores today are fantastic; Well, dear, if there's no one about, One co-ed, a rabid man-hater,
Asked all her men friends to leave,
Then bought a vibrator,
Because it could take her
To places you wouldn't believe!
--- Anon
It probes and it pulsates, oh boy!
My girlfriend enjoys it,
And often employs it,
When I'm not around to bring joy.
--- Anon
And thought of myself badly dissed,
By the obvious fact,
Though my pecker you lacked,
You bought things so I'd not be missed.
--- Anon
'Cause that isn't one of my ploys.
So when I'm not near,
Just switch it on, dear,
For pleasure. What's that BUZZING NOISE?
--- Anon
Without me she's well satisfied.
As a skilled operator
Of a high-tech vibrator,
She's pleased with her Intel Inside.
--- Anon
She's been fooling around in her fuzz
With the dildo from hell
That makes her feel swell;
A hard wired thing that goes buzzzzzz....
--- Kaylin Brandon A
Had a curious device made of plastic.
When she lacked a hot date
It ran early and late,
Though the kilowatt cost was fantastic.
--- Grand Prix Lim 56 A
Was terribly hard to inflame,
But her date, a real satyr,
Simply used a vibrator
And buzzed her cold twat till she came.
--- Armand Singer
And it runs off a truck battery;
With the joything in hand,
If it holds you, I can
Watch the NFL on the TV!
--- Anon
Had a battery wired to his spool.
Inserted in frills,
It gave kilowatt thrills,
So the thought of McCool makes them drool.
--- Grand Prix Lim 591
In creating a creature so heinous.
But for lack of one part,
'Twould have stolen your heart --
A vibrator used for the penis.
--- Anon
Because I can go on all night.
Whether AA or D,
They can't keep up with me.
They simply do not have the might.
--- Laurence E. Bernstein
A device that will surely elate her!
Try it one month for free,
With our guarantee:
Money back if it fails to sate her!
--- Anon
A fan of old Elton John,
Strove to name her vibrator.
A little while later,
Decided to name it "Leave On".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If it doesn't, I'd say that's a shame;
Carpal Tunnel is foiled,
While you're getting well-oiled;
Just pretend I'm the moth in your flame!
--- Anon
They said that it would make things click.
I tossed it to him.
My dog's old and dim;
I could not teach him this new trick.
--- Anon
Came a loud hum not even her cough
Could hide. At her side (Her date said,)
Her escort replied, (With his face turning red,)
"Can't you turn that damn vibrator off?"
--- Fred Cohen P8602a
To keep all you ladies contented.
But some of you using them,
Can't help abusing them,
Screwing yourself quite demented.
--- PeterW
Was left, by the lads, on the shelf.
So she bought a vibrator
And said, a bit later:
"You know, I'm quite pleased with myself."
--- John Mayhood P0206
Who'd become a wild masturbater.
"Men are so hit-or-miss
When tickling my clitoris,
That I've purchased a big new vibrator.
--- Raymond Mulford
With the biggest vibrator on Earth.
When it went up her spout,
All her filling shook out,
And a building fell down in West Perth.
--- Anon a
Whose vibrator tended to bungle
The job that it had
Of making her glad,
By shaking the fruit in her jungle.
--- Travis Brasell
Who made a terrible blunder.
Her vibrator shorted,
Shot fire, smoked and snorted,
And her very first orgasm stunned her!
--- Stephen Ross
A new blue-light special -- aisle three:
Australian vibrators
With a bite like a gator's;
The girls love them like old Crock Dundee!
--- ROE
Had a vibrator made in Japan.
In the midst of a stroke,
The fucking thing broke,
So she suffered blue-balls until dawn!
--- Anon
Sun-powered vibrators! They're fine
For tickling your poosy,
But you got to be choosy;
Don't stick 'em where sun doesn't shine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And a sure way to save lots of money.
It's not fun when I'm hot,
But the battery's not.
And I hate that annoying pink bunny.
--- Jeanie
But the next time I'm feeling the heat,
Must I take this fake hard-on
Out into my garden?
The neighbors are in for a treat!
--- Jeanie
Ones with feathers or furs or a fin.
There's one methane powered,
If your backsides deflowered,
It runs great when you go and break wind.
--- CM
I get horney and there is no man,
A sun-powered bone
Can be all my own.
Do you offer an installment plan?
--- Carol
A sun-powered dildo sounds hot.
I wouldn't abuse it
But cautiously use it,
For picking out bogies and snot.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'd go for a run 'round the garden,
To get rid of the stiffy
'Cause nose cleaning is iffy
In the sexual field -- beg your pardon.
--- Chris Lilley
Can't wait for the "curse" to come in.
Her pleasures are myriad
During each period,
When her vibrating tampon is in.
--- David Miller
This is file atm
And wear a warm hat for an hour.
Rub a vibrator
Over that tater.
But be sure to plug in the power.
--- Anon
Had a 20 horsepower vibrator,
With auxilliary spanker,
A thirteen inch anchor
That had to be reinforced later.
--- MrMalo
He's to meet her at quarter past four,
Next to her he did sit,
But he'd stepped in dog shit,
So she left with her old vibrator!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Comfortably between my tits.
And even down there
Amid my pussy hair,
Or back by where I sometimes sits.
--- Arden
And I even thought I could sate her.
But now it seems,
'Twas only my dreams;
She's in love with her vibrator.
--- Les Stewart
Did research under four different grants.
He worked hard and he made
A combo vibe/hearing aid,
For 80-year-old broads with hot pants.
--- Michael Weinstein P8509
Going door to door 'cross the nation
Selling vibrators
To housewife masturbators,
And at each give a demonstration.
--- MrMalo
It vibrates and soon makes her moan.
If she won't reply,
Do not wonder why --
She's coming in tune with the tone.
--- Archie
And carried their phone near their crack.
It sure keeps them gay,
But there's just no way,
The phone's gonna slide forth and back.
--- Cyber Wizard
It's tickling and swinging and teasing.
So I wrote on the wall:
Please, everyone call
So my tension perhaps might be seizing.
--- Anon
Who had an affair with a blenda.
She said, "Stir is fine,
Whip is divine,
But it wore the hair off my pudenda."
--- Bob Moers TP9804
Is likely to give a lass flattery.
However, a present
Will make her more pleasant:
She wants for her dildo -- a battery!
--- Travis
Last twice as long as a size C.
But they will leak acid
Before they go flaccid,
And spew on a large double-D.
--- Travis Brasell
You can dispense with protection.
But if batteries fail,
You must look for a male.
It can cause a girl's utter dejection!
--- Al Willis T9801
Are weekly replaced at least thrice.
I once was deflowered
By something gas-powered,
And batteries just ain't as nice.
--- LadyJ
Whenever it started to rain;
I stayed in my room
With my toy (vroom vroom vroom).
It was audible even in Spain!
--- LadyJ
And is not quite so able to please...
But before you all mock,
Just buy lots of stock
In companies that sell batteries.
--- LadyJ
Sobbed Jill, uncontrollably crying --
She's desolate 'cause
She gets off on that buzz
In mere seconds, and only half trying.
--- CB
It rendered dildos jealously green
The joy it imparted
Was cancelled when parted
With the batteries that powered the machine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My 800 pound Gorilla is sighing!
The gargantuan groaner,
Wants to massage his boner,
So, Evereadys I soon will be buying.
--- John Chastaine T9707
Can't fit new ones in, so I'm trying
Two double-A cells.
Hope they ring my bells.
But two D-cells would be 'lectrifying!
--- Younger Brother
No vibrator, she's out of her wits.
Her finger is cramped
And left feeling unkempt;
She'll trade batteries for flashing her tits.
--- Anon
Used her vibrating staff with elan;
But her face quickly paled
When her batteries failed;
She said "DEAD stick, just like my old man."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Are always the best improvisers.
No romance anymore,
Just show up at the door
With a handful of fresh Energizers!
--- MrMalo
Her vibrator battery died.
She got off instead
With ten minutes of head,
Then she gave his old Willy a ride!
--- Stan
She wants not a hat from the hattery,
Nor shoes alligator,
But for her vibrator,
She's thrilled with the gift of a battery.
--- Anon
My husband's not here and I'm crying.
To generate watts
We need for our twats,
A generator we'll be buying.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Looked sad, so I asked what the matter is.
"It's weeks now," she sighs,
"Since I had 'twixt my thighs,
A thing that weren't powered by batteries."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And to be shot full of somebodys seed.
Alone I enjoy..
To play with my Toy...
More batteries..thats all that I need!
--- Anon
Who hears the word "dicks" and then bolts
Away in a tizzy
To keep her cunt busy,
For months with her toy with 12 volts!
--- Anon
Plugged her dildo straight into the mains.
The resulting great shock,
Equalled multiple cock,
But she orgasmed well for her pains.
--- AA
They sell battery-run dildoes of plastic.
They come red, white, or spade,
All Japanese made--
As well as in Slow, Fast, and Spastic.
--- G2118
And relief, you just can't do without --
Get yourself a sex toy,
It will give you great joy --
At least till the batteries wear out!
--- lilsil2
Allowed no man at college to date her.
In a drawer she kept locked,
She was very well stocked
With batteries for her vibrator.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
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