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A pensive young man of Khartoum
Considered with gloom his girl's womb.
Though he fucked the great cavern
Of the maid at the tavern,
He had never observed such a tomb.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2890

A bricklayer's wife name of Nixon,
Had room in her cunt for three bricks in,
Some space for a hod
With cement in, by God,
And she still could fit three or four pricks in.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0551a

A fair maid from Cairo called Nur,
Was thought incredibly pure,
Till we saw her great stunt,
To ram up her cunt
A ton and a half of manure.
--- Anon

There is a young lady of Ryde
Whose vagina is massively wide.
You should see the huge numbers
Of marrows, cucumbers
And tree-trunks she slides up inside.
--- Anon

Oh Peter, my lover, my soul!
Something dreadfully's wrong with my hole!
It lies there agape,
Without any shape!
Must have been your vibrating barge pole!
--- Ogni Gioia

There once was a chick from Nantucket,
With a cunt that could swallow a bucket.
She dreamed of the day
And often would pray
For a man with a dick that could fuck it.
--- David John Alexander z

There's a thing in her snatch, but no tellin'.
I asked what it was, without yellin'.
She said, "Never mind!"
So what did I find?
A medium sized watermelon.
--- Frank

You tell me, is this woman a floozy?
The trick she performs is a doozy.
She takes a football,
Lubes it up, puts it all
Inside of her cavernous coozy.
--- Anon

There were three young ladies of Grimsby
Who said, "Of what use can our quims be?
The hole in the middle
Is so we can piddle,
But for what can the hole in the rims be?"
--- L0866

A swabie just in from the sea
Grabbed a whore as fat as could be.
He started taking a piece;
She said, "You're in the wrong crease."
"Any port in a storm," said he.
--- Ed Wolfert P8406

There was a blind fellow named Fretter
Who found the cunt hole with his setter.
He could tell the right slot
By the twitch of the twat,
But he claimed that the asshole was better.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0920

Said a frustrated bride, Mrs. Hayes,
"Education on sex matters pays,
For my groom, so untaught,
Cannot locate my twat,
And he's asked for a couple more days."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0190

There was a young girl named O'Dare
Whose body was covered with hair.
It was really great fun
To probe in her bun, (...with one's gun)
For her pussy might be anywhere.
--- L0332

Another young lady named Brickley,
The hair on her crotch sprouted thickly.
She made dates in advance
To give suitors a chance,
For they never could find it too quickly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0265

There was a young lady of Asia,
Who had an odd kind of aphasia.
She'd forget that her cunt
Was located in front,
Which deprived her of most of the pleasure.
--- L1366

While dining, a fellow named Nick
In his stew found an elephant's prick.
Said the waiter, "Don't hunt,
Someone just found a cunt;
If you're nice he might give you a lick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1282

There was a young man named Fred,
Who never took women to bed.
When he wanted a little,
He cut out the middle,
And hung the rest in the shed.

(probably Ed Gein of Wisc)
--- Anon

When she' turned out the light, I said, "Miss
I confess I'm a novice at this.
I've found a crevasse
Which I think is your ass,
But is it the right orifice?"
--- Laurence Perrine P8802

A knot could be bowline or square,
But only a sailor would care.
And he'd care a lot,
When looking for twat,
If he found that it was NOT there.
--- Larry Davis P8604

At a fur shop in downtown New Trier
There's a sign in the window each year,
Which read, "Men worry not
'Bout July being hot --
You can store your wife's beaver right here."
--- Michael Weinstein P8606

A cautious young lady named Fox,
Gives her would-be seducers wild shocks.
On checking, they fail
To find any tail.
It's kept home, locked in a box.
--- G2339

Your pussy, my dear Mrs. Slocum,
Is missing, or stolen, or brokum.
I'm sorry to say
I looked forward one day,
To dig in my fingers and strokum.
--- Iris B.

There once was a fat girl named Dot,
Whose boyfriend could not find her twat.
"We could fuck for an hour,
If you roll me in flour
And aim for the little wet spot!"
--- Jeanie

The fat and the flour and the heat
From her little wet spot was a neat
Kind of method for baking
A pastry for making
A tart he could eat for a treat.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young lady named Pickett
Whose crotch was as thick as a thicket.
Her snatch was behind it
But her man could not find it,
And he never was able to lick it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0577

So I said to the mermaid, "My dear,
I've thought about this for a year:
Since it's no use to hunt
For a cunt in your front,
By chance, is there one in your rear?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 004 G0951

They tell of a lass named Regina
Who eloped with a gal named Edwina.
Both were surprised
When at last they surmised
That neither gal had a vagina.
--- Serious Player

There once was a cook in a kitchen,
Who couldn't stop howlin' and bitchin'.
She claimed Aunt Jemima
Had stole her vagina,
And shut it up tight with some stitchin'.
--- Anon

A hirsute young girl named Regina,
Called in a water-diviner,
To play a slick trick
With his prick as a stick,
To help her locate her vagina.
--- L1524

There once was a girl named Marie,
Whose cunt I wanted to see.
When I took off her underwear,
It just wasn't there.
Now where in the fuck could it be?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young girl named Cholmondeley,
Witty, warm-hearted, and colmondeley.
No girl could be finer
But she lacked a vaginar,
As sad and arresting anolmondeley.
--- G0294

She told him, "With me please don't mess,
Currently I'm under a lot of stress,"
The rash youth persisted,
He no longer existed,
Moral -- beware of gals with PMS!
--- Anon

A tasteless ad salesman named Cotter,
Whose copy got hotter and hotter,
Described a new pad
As more than a fad:
"A super absorbent crotch blotter."
--- Armand Singer

This is file aol

So happy is Susie's fresh tampon,
Before she gets period cramp on;
Erect in the clench
And the heat of the wench,
With her juicy sweet feminine damp on.
--- Peter Wilkins

The Shah did return the next day;
His palace was in disarray.
He had to find out
What had come about;
He flossed with her red cotton pony.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A loose-moraled floozie named Lunt
Inserts monthly plugs in her cunt.
A great waste of gauze
Quite simply because
There's rarely much bleeding up front.
--- Armand E Singer 303

Yes, living is all uphill hoeing:
Whenever I get a girl going,
Stick my finger a notch
Or two up her crotch,
I find the dumb bunny is flowing!
--- G0092

On a date with his girl friend, Young Brose
Placed his head right between her big toes;
Then went in to his chin
Where her Kotex had been,
And he thought he was kissing a rose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0796

There was a young widow of Nain
Who the bedclothees did frequently stain.
With such great inflammation
Came such menstruation,
Her cunt so long idle had lain.

(Published 1870)
--- L0879

Have you heard that young Jimmy McGuire
Had an alcohol-fueled deep desire?
Met a maid who gave head,
Then licked her sweet spread;
He awoke feeling like a vampire.
--- Anon

There once was a man named Chad,
With habits disgustingly bad.
When Kelly was bleeding,
He then would start feeding;
He loved the taste of her pad!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young lad went out night for some straying,
With a head for thighs 'twixt, he be laying,
But his sweetheart said "No,
I'v started my flow,
But my ass is game if your playing."
--- Straydog

Jay's ex was a bitch and a nag,
Who ruined a black beanbag.
The stench from her box
Drained the blood from all cocks.
She refused to put on the rag.
--- Dr Limerick

There was a young fellow named Fred
Who called up his wife once and said,
He at work had a date,
And came home rather late,
But the end of his nose was all red.
--- Albin Chaplin a

A crosseyed old seamstress named Kate
Whose vision wasn't so great,
Because of her stitching,
All her clients were bitching.
They said she couldn't "mend straight."
--- Popsicle

Let's weep for a woman named Hearse;
Today she's beset with the curse.
Bad luck has assailed her;
Her plumbing has failed her;
Her dress is stained red, which is worse.
--- Armand Singer

Now Caroline, writer of verse,
Was laid low one day by the curse.
And her menstrual flow
Was a bit of a blow,
To the laundry, who'd seen nothing worse.
--- Stephen Cordwell

Complained an old hooker named Kusch,*
"A fellow named Shove came to push;
The bastard was broke
And sky high on coke --
Which sure tears the rag off the bush."
--- Armand Singer

Now Charlie, our prince, is the champion,
Of being reborn as a tampon.
That seems very mucky;
I'd think it unlucky,
So that notion I'd rapidly stamp on.
--- Tiddy Ogg

If reincarnation's the rule
Of life after death, 'twould be cool.
I'd be most fulfilled-o
Reborn as a dildo,
That's passed around Cheltenham School.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Or better still -- one double-ended,
That's specially made, and intended
For gals lesbionic.
'Twould sure be ironic,
To come between two so befriended.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While wandering through Eritrea,
That feminist, Germaine Gree(r)
Was caught without tampons
(It does sometimes happons.)
That's why they now have a Red Sea.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said an woman from old San Jose,
To her lover, embarrassed, "Oh say,
This vagina of mine,
You say is like wine.
But today, I'm afraid, it's rose.
--- Isaac Asimov A

There's a filthy old slut named Denise,
Who is riddled with venereal disease.
During her menstruation
The whole bloody nation
Reeks of rotten eels and bad cheese.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

To her boyfriend, a lady named Grace
Said her cunthole had rags set in place.
Said her boyfriend, so grave,
"Though your cunt we can't save,
You can still find a way to save face."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0815

A licker of menses named Judd
Explained why he relished this crud:
"From a whore I'm descended
Whom the king once upended,
And within me I have sporting blood."
--- Albin Chaplin

The girl with kaleidoscope eyes
Has blood running all down her thighs.
Her tampons she left,
Not up her sweet cleft,
But at work, in a vat of french fries!
--- Uncle Beer

A girl who was down at the station,
Suddenly began menstruation.
She jumped up with a grin,
Stuffed two tampons in,
And felt a feeling of elation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A star-crossed young woman, Ms Judd,
Keeps soiling her dresses with blood.
Her doctor laughs, "Mina,
It's just your vagina--
Use Pampers to soak up the flood!"
--- Armand Singer

A studious scholar said, "What
Is the hue of the menstrual clot?"
A dark mouldy red
Like the stain on your bed,
That turns green when the weather is hot.
--- Iain Cain

This story is vile, to the letter,
But to really should tell it, I'd better.
On her he'd not lag,
Chewing through that wet rag;
He should not have worn a white sweater.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

I'm amazed what technology brings -
How inventors come up with new things;
Such as, who would have guessed,
Or would even suggest,
That a kotex would, one day, have wings.
--- Anon

Impressed that those pads now have wings?
'Tis just one of those gimmicky things;
For what women most praise
On those heavy-flow days,
Is the fact that their tampons have strings!
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Natchez,
Who chanced to be born with two snatches.
And she often said, "Shit!
I'd give either teat
For a man with equipment that matches."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 L0201

There was a young fellow named Locke,
Who was born with a two-headed cock.
When he'd fondle the thing,
It would rise up and sing
An antiphonal chorus by Bach.

(The fruits of his sins, are invariably twins.)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 L0202

But whether these two ever met
Has not been recorded as yet.
Still it would be diverting
To see him inserting
His whang while it sang a duet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 L0203


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