At the rail station stood young Mariah,
In a mirror she read "evil liar,"
She gasped and stepped back,
Fell down on the track,
And fried in electrical fire.
--- Anon

So folks, if these strange letters hex ya,
And odd heiroglyphics perplex ya,
Remember Mariah,
Whose fate was so dire,
The poor girl who died of dyslexia.
--- Anon

A dyslexic ex-smoker named Brook
Keeps some nasty old butts in a nook
In a bucket of ice.
And when bummers ask nice,
He gives them a cold dirty looK.
--- William N Nesbit P9512

Dylexia means in reverse
The letters used to make this verse.
So if you wish to read,
A mirror you'll need,
Aware your face you may see first.
--- Irving Superior P9512

Though simple when it comes to sex,
Your innuendo is complex.
When rhyming with "me",
You could type B.I.G.;
It's the same with a spin of dislex.

(good in bed)
--- Anon

A whore, quite dyslexic, named Bet,
Thought she'd drum up some trade on the net.
But gash, kcus and ckuf
Made her role sound so rough,
That SM-ers are all she can get.
--- Anon

A dyslexic husband, in fog,
Screwed his wife, an agnostic log.
The resulting child
Had insomnia wild,
While wondering if there's a doG.
--- Archie

A dyslexic insomniac agnostic
Lay awake thinking thoughts diagnostic,
With his mind in a fog,
Asking, "Is there a dog?"
And others things nearly as caustic.
--- John Miller 0150

A dyslexic, coy coed, Yvonne,
Wore tight leather beneath her chiffon;
The mixed signals she gave
Could make guys misbehave;
To refuse, she had read, just say "On!"
--- Mark Levy

Ettetatnep, a dyslexic Egyptian,
Is a practicing limericktician;
And he edits a fine
Limerick newsletter-zine
With his name in the title position.
--- William N Nesbit P9512

A Greek God intended once more
To visit the Earth as before,
Just to revel in sex,
But was branded as ex,
So Eros felt lousy and sore.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9512

A dyslexic reporter named Britt,
Submitted the following bit:
"The Cubs won the game,
Put the poor Reds to shame.
Reds no errors, no runs, no shit."
--- Tom Patton P9512

At a coming out party in Feb.
A dyslexic servant's a celeb.
He made his boss hot
When he said he forgot,
To go upstairs and make the deb.
--- Tom Patton P9512

"A dyslexic junkie's our Jeff.
He's tried smoking herring," young Steph
Once earnestly spake.
"He's tried snorting cake,
And now's on the hunt for some F."
--- Anon

At last I've found a cause with which I
Can identify, I hope to die.
I cajole, beg and plead
That with purposeful speed,
Dyslexics of the world will untie!
--- L C Fitzhugh P0112

Though my ancestry's mixed Maccabean,
I pretend to be pure Jacobean.
Soon this Yule will expose
More perceptual woes,
When I sing out of tune, loudly, "Leon!"
--- Mark Levy P9512

There was an old lady from Raleigh
Who was so doggone nasty, by golly,
Just squeezin her titters,
You'd pick up some critters,
And bathe twice in one month for your folly.
--- Anon

A carrier of cooties named Gibb,
Kicked out of cathouses ad lib,
Would argue, "Look madam,
Though true, I once had `em;
I'm bugless. Okay for this crib?"
--- Armand Singer

One creature not seen in this forum
Can cause me to lose my decorum:
The wee, diabolical
Demodex folliculorum.
--- Anon

I'm sleeping alone in the night
Because all the bedbugs got tight.
They stagger around
And giggles abound --
At least the damn things do not bite!
--- Anon

There was a young lady called Annie,
Who had fleas, lice, and crabs in her fanny.
To get up her flue,
Was like touring a zoo,
There were wild beasts in each nook and cranny.
--- G1896B

I've a right lousy book here at home,
About hair infestation syndrome.
"The Life of the Nit,"
Is most beautifully writ;
I recommend this fine couth tome.
--- Doug Harris P0605

A Flea, bored with Dog as a diet,
Heard of Cat, and decided to try it.
He cried, "Let me go,"
But his parents said, "No!
Stay at home on our Dog and keep quiet."
--- Williard E Espy

The Flea didn't heed them a mite.
He jumped on a Cat for a bite.
This maddened the Puss,
Who scratched the flea loose
And ate him; a horrible sight.
--- Willard E Espy

The dying flea popped with a splat.
Oh, pity the poor little brat,
Crying, "Mom, take me back!"
As, alas and alack,
He slides down the throat of the cat.
--- Willard E Espy

My Moral, dear friend, is a hot one:
What seems like a snack may be not one;
If you live on a pup,
Stay at home and shut up;
Be glad of a home, if you've got one.
--- Willard E Espy

The girl that was picked up by Pease
Advised him she knew how to please.
"As you plainly can see,
There are no flies on me."
But he found there were plenty of fleas.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1736

There once was a girl from Rome;
In her box, the fleas found a home.
"Get away from my cunt,
You flea type of runts,
Or I'll get out my medicated comb!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Old Wally was glad he got laid,
By that sweet little Idaho maid,
But a social disease,
And a bad case of fleas
Left Wally's poor wife all dismayed.
--- Anon

Some women will sound like a tease,
And their tits will hang down to their knees.
So from all of us guys
That you fucking despise,
May your cunt be infested with fleas.
--- Jeeves

A promiscuous hiker, Louise,
Scratched an itch she just couldn't appease.
Her torrid affair
With a grizzly bear
Left her muffin infested with fleas.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

Miss Joyce is really quite nice,
But she's terribly frightened of mice.
Thunder and lightning,
She finds very frightening
And she hates the thought of head lice.
--- Anon

Moaned a careless young whore named Louise,
"I've contracted a social disease,
So now other matrons
Will get all my patrons,
But perhaps it will rid me of fleas!"
--- Norm Storer

This is file anm

On I-5, at a rest stop near Weed,
A rec van did bounce without heed;
It suddenly stopped;
"Your bush! Something hopped!
"My love, we must get you de-flead!"
--- Anon

The couple paid their marriage license fees,
Were tested and free of disease,
On their wedding night
The bride learned with fright,
That her handsome young husband had fleas.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q

There once was a man of St. Bees,
Who'd an awful affliction of fleas.
When one dared to suppose
He'd go up the man's nose,
It was quickly dispatched with a sneeze.
--- Ken Grabach

You must try to look like young Xena,
Whose example is oh-so-much meaner.
Although she's got tits,
She's also got nits;
In those days they were never cleana!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Malathion malediction
Will burn the scalp and cause constriction
Of follicle pores,
Which a louse abhors,
And will likely cause his transfixion.
--- Daniel Ford

I called our love lousy with ease,
Then found my dear lover displeased.
'Twas just mocking Donne,
My darling sweet one,
To archaically say you have fleas.
--- Boynton

Lyme treatment is short, its been said;
Much disputed by those who're well read.
But said Dr. Segal,
Voice defensive and regal,
"So what? We've only lost a few dead."
--- Brian

So now there is this big theory;
It makes me a little bit leery.
You don't really have Lyme,
It's pseudo this time.
So why do I feel so dreary?
--- Anon

I got bit by a little black tick;
Disgusted I pulled it out quick.
I knew it was dead
'Cause I squished in its head,
But I believe it has made me quite sick.
--- Cary Seals

There once was a disease called Lyme
Made you ache here and there all the time.
What is really sad
And makes you real mad,
Is to exist without losing your mind.
--- Ginny

There once was a controversy in Lyme
Of overdiagnosis, some opine.
But said Dr. Steer,
You have nothing to fear,
I treat this stuff all of the time.
--- Brian

The Borrellia burgdorfi bugs
Were given by Lenny some hugs.
His bank account feasts
On these wonderful beasts,
When they are not hindered by drugs.
--- Anon

He was so sad at my rejection,
But upon closer inspection,
I looked at his dick
And saw a fat tick,
And worried about Lyme infection.
--- Anon

The nit-nurse from shool used to screen us
For nits in the hairs 'round our penis.
And her name was Janet.
She's not of this planet;
Her arms are like dual concertinas.
--- John Miller

Your Janet I knew very well;
She picked nits in order to sell
To well-heeled gourmets
Who bought them in glaze
Of toe-jam and snot in a jell.
--- John Miller

Dermatologists are really so nice,
Offering free, but unasked for, advice.
Dandruff? No me!
Those white flakes you see
Are the droppings of a colony of lice.
--- Norm Brust

A fortnight ago I had Jean,
A lean clean loving machine.
She has no disease
But one or two fleas,
So next time it gets a steam clean.
--- David Miller

"Though Deborah shaves with meticulousness,
She suffers from frequent pediculousness."
Wrote Doctor McCotes
In her medical notes
With polysyllabic ridiculousness.
--- Peter Wilkins B

A bride who was bought overseas,
Was expected to serve and to please,
But her suitor, named Jack,
He sent her right back,
When he found her infested with fleas.
--- Cap'n Bean P0606

Vampie, a ravenous tick,
Was sucking the blood from Tom's dick.
"I'll use a fine tweezer
To remove her and squeeze her;
At that spot I can't flick my BIC."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402

A gaggle of Genesee chicks
Enjoyed all the pleasure of dicks.
But when fucking, their rugs
Should have been checked for bugs;
'Cause now all their snatches have ticks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

"I can see you've been up to old tricks!"
Said Clem as his wife's twat he licks.
"Have you had me followed?"
She asked as he wallowed.
"Hell no! In your bush you've got ticks!"
--- Travis Brasell

A randy young fellow with moxie
Fucked a fat, syphilitic old doxie.
When he looked 'tween her knees
And saw millions of fleas,
He regretted not fucking by proxy.
--- Laurence U

What we think of as simply, the flu,
Does what bio-weapons must do.
It's highly contagious,
And very mutatious,
Killing thousands without much ado.
--- Dr Limerick

A canny old soldier named Percy,
Went out on an errand of mercy,
'Cause Phyllis had flu,
And Perce caught it too,
But they weren't playing "Doctor and Nursie".
--- Libby Corrie

That poor old professer had the flu,
And he coughed and he snorked and he blew.
With chill-blanes he shuddered,
Then he achingly muttered,
"I'm tired of this technicolored goo!"
--- Anon

When an old aviator named Drew
Was asked by the heavenly crew
How he got there that day,
What did the guy say?
He answered laconically, "Flu."
--- A N Wilkins P8508

There was an old man of Brazil
Who wouldn't stay out of the chill.
He caught a bad flu
And he died of it too.
He refused to believe he was ill.
--- Walrus

You think I'd be happy to take
A few days off work for a break;
But no, I feel blue,
'Cause I'm fighting the flu.
I'm not sure I'm even awake.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who regretted her lovers were few.
So she walked from her door,
With a fig leaf, no more.
And now she's in bed -- with the flu.
--- Anon P

There was a young man named Mulgrew
Who contracted bronchitis and flu.
Got water on the brain
Again and again,
So he died--so would I--wouldn't you?
--- Spike Mulligan

Our headline reads: 'Flu Bug Bites Durban'.
(That's my home town, and it's urban.)
Now if bugs come that big,
I'm thick as a pig,
Or else, I've had far too much bourbon.
--- Friar

Now I have caught the damn flu!
So what's a poor poet to do?
The die has been casted;
The strain is a bastid!
Please don't let this happen to you.
--- Writerman

Time on my hands, nothing to do.
Every day I find something new.
I eat when I should,
But it doesn't taste good.
Man, I hate having the flu.
--- Jim Weaver Collection