MORE
The diarrheal plasmodium, The great diagnostician, No Kloo, I've a headache and now I'm sneezing; I fear I am down with a bug. A telegrapher named Philip Potts Angst, poetry, urbanized fret, Because typhoid is more water-BORNE, A fellow with warts on his belly A vengeful employee named Bortz Although he confessed it was rape Certain seeds you buy only from Burpees; A traveling salesman from Burpee's, Her business was starting to mount; A fellow we pity named Schwartz There was an old man of Quebec -- A cad of a fellow named Fred, We gardened with seeds sent by Burpee's, "Don't worry," she told Sergeant Moore, Way out in El Paso Del Norte, Now don't think you're safe, no siree; A lad saved his pennies and bought When herpes has caused a secretion "Between Mono and Herpes," said Chris, I assure you there's nothing to fear. Slick Willy's top lip bears inspection There was a young woman named Rose It's hell," groused a fellow named ffyfe; Back in my day, they warned about petting, There once was a man that smelled rotten; According to latest reports, "Doctor, that wart on my dick Hairy Mary, oh so scary, There was a young girl of Kilkenny, A witch and a warlock had sex; The drawback to elephantiasis (elephant prepuce has a large drawback - McW)
I view with no end of compassion There is a young satyr named Vaughn, An oversexed satyr named Bluxom There was a young man from Stamboul, In the barnyard a Satyr named Jones A nobel young lad named Belliasis, The chap looked decidedly queer When the Bishop of Solomons diocese, A fellow with elephantiasis Three lustful young ladies of Simms, A filarial worm does abound There is something about satyriasis, When elephanti'sis hit Lutz, A worn willing wench of Parnassus Is heart-break your lot from psoriasis? A psychiatrist said, "It's no matter Said a man with rampant psoriasis, Urologists meeting in Schlitz An old Aussie from our diocese, A curate who works in this diocese, A marvelous thing is a scab; One day a young man from Gelloff The whorehouse on fair Molokai They now call it Hansen's disease. There was an old leper with grippe, The old leper should be in fine fettle. Down in the basement we kep' her, "A therapist must see my nieces, There once was a lady named Pepper, A leper desired very much In a Singapore joint, quite a gyp, A leper who came from the town,
Looked on with well-earned ODIUM,
Requires the best
In medicine chest,
Including a dose of Imodium.
--- Chris Papa
Said to colleagues, "Gents, I'm telling you
This ailment's atrocious.
I've named it 'psiosis,'
Since that's hard to spell, let's call it sprue."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0109
I'm coughing and choking and wheezing.
And those damn squirts
Make my butt cheeks hurt,
From constantly holding and squeezing!
--- Carol
I wish I had genie and jug,
That I could be rid
Of the germ that has hid
In my stomach, so warm and so snug.
--- ROE
Found his stomach was tied into knots.
"The fact of the matter
I keep sending badder;
All my dashes have turned into dots."
--- Tom Patton P0108
Have my authentique stomach upset.
Beauty is horror --
We'll see no tomorrow --
(It's more that just something I et.)
--- Sydney Bernard Smith
E. coli'd likely disease suborn
By that handling stealth
To injure the health
Of all those who would hand-washing scorn.
--- Daniel Ford
Was told he could cure them with jelly.
So he spread it on thick
Clear down to his dick,
But his girlfriend complained he was smelly.
--- Julia Strawn P8708
is covered with genital warts;
Her boyfriend at Slurpee's
Is dosed up with herpes:
Their case soon comes up in the courts.
--- Armand Singer
When he screwed the young drill on the Cape, (mandrill)
It still made the lad
Exceedingly mad
To get herpes from that female ape.
--- A N Wilkins P8408
Only Seven-Eleven serves slurpees.
But there are many places,
Where girls with fresh faces,
For a fee will infect you with herpes.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
Afflicted with genital herpes,
Whined, "Attractive, it's not --
What I got from some twat --
I'd rather get sick from iced slurpees."
--- Armand E Singer 472
With the johns, she could hardly keep count.
What she said was the reason,
As she did her pleasin',
"Remember the herpes discount."
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Is covered in genital warts;
He's decided they're due
To his fiance Sue,
And taken his case to the courts.
--- Armand E Singer 826
A beetle ran over his neck.
But he cried, "With a needle
I'll slay you, Oh beetle!"
And gave himself Herpes simplex.
--- Edwardian Leer 091 P9306
Enticed a sweet miss to his bed.
He promised her rings
And other fine things,
But he gave her Herpes instead.
--- Pierce Evans
We never drank Pepsis or Slurpees.
We ate what we grew
And bathed just to screw.
So how come you came down with herpes?
--- Roy Hanselman P8403
The bravest Marine in the Corps,
When he took her home late
From a Saturday date,
"It's actually just a cold sore."
--- A N Wilkins P8406b
The boys are eager and sporty.
They cross over to Mex.
And catch Herpes simplex.
Soon their wives find their labia warty.
--- Ed Wolfert P8208
Because you sail over the sea.
If I can't physically find you,
Then let these words bind you:
I suffer from Herpes simplex THREE!
--- Anon
Some time with a whore as he sought
To allay sexual fears
And catch up with his peers.
Herpes simplex is all that he caught.
--- Eos P8502
In your anal or genital region,
You ladies and gents
Will find it makes sense
To join the American Lesion.
--- Anon
"The difference is principally this:
They're contracted these days
In opposite ways.
You get mono by snatching a kiss."
--- A N Wilkins P8512B
I've had it for more than a year.
It comes and it goes;
I'm sorry it shows;
But it's only a coldsore, my Dear.
--- Peter Watson P8412a
From doctors astute at detection.
With no cold related,
The cause can be stated,
It's the other type Herpes infection.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had bunions all over her toes.
But the worst of it was,
She was childless because
She had warts in worse places than those.
--- G1714B
"I'm stumped what to do with my wife:
It's making us wrecks,
This laying off sex;
Her herpes is spoiling our life."
--- Armand Singer
But what youngsters do now has me sweating!
They think necking's too tame,
And it's such a damn shame,
The abortions and herpes they're getting.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8502
In town a cheap whore he had boughten.
He went to the Doc
Who looked at his Cock;
Herpes Type 2 he had gotten.
--- Anon
If you hope for venereal warts,
Go in for connection
With a sneer at infection,
And they'll gather upon you by quarts.
--- G1950
Keeps growing, though I put on thick
That salve that you gave.
Now the thing won't behave
And I keep getting stuck in my chick."
--- Anon
How does your garden grow?
That cheesy smell,
Oh fucking Hell!
And herpes warts all in a row.
--- Bulldog TP9804
On whose genital parts there were many
Venereal growths,
The result of wild oats
Sown there by a fellow named Benny.
--- L1104
This is file alm
She went to the doctor for checks.
The doc said, "Oh dear,
It is herpes, I fear."
So she mixed up a hell of a hex.
--- Anon
Is you failure to flee in a criosis.
You're chained by your balls--
A thought that appalls,
To the point where some guys avoid vi-oces.
--- G1907
Any fellow bedecked in this fashion.
Such a horribly odd piece
Would call for a codpiece,
And sitting down slow to save mashin'!
--- G1906
With morals like those of a faun.
He prances and frolics,
Displaying his bollocks,
And screws the night through until dawn.
--- Armand E Singer 271
Likes babes who are big, bare, and buxom.
"Them gals," the guy said,
"Are the best ass in bed,
And when I gets 'em spread, man, I fucks 'em!"
--- G0531
Who boasted so torrid a tool,
That each female crater
Explored by this satyr,
Seemed almost unpleasantly cool.
--- L0241
Is assaulting a bevy of crones.
If the crones get away,
Then the pig has her day,
To assuage Jones' excess of hormones.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9604
Was a sad case of satyriasis,
'Till help psychiatric
Brought the fucking fanatic
To a state of sexual stasis.
--- L1083
When viewed from the front or the rear.
His butt was immense.
His balls made you wince.
That's elephantiasis, dear.
--- Larry Davis P8512
Was striken with elephantiasis,
The public beheld
His balls as they swelled,
By paying exorbitant priocese.
--- L1657
Looked down at his balls and said, "Fie on this!
Although big might seem better,
I've become a bedwetter,
When I lie on the organ whereby I piss."
--- Don Moore P0109
Were blessed with such oversized quims,
The Bishop of their diocese
Got elephantiasis,
For his life wasn't all singing hymns.
--- L0565
Which caused a swelling profound.
If it gets a good start
In your balls -- get a cart
To transport your testes around.
--- Al Chaplin P0109B
That arouses psychiatrists' biasis,
But we're both very pleased,
We're in this way diseased,
As the damsel who's waiting to try us is.
--- Isaac Asimov B
It offered no ifs, ands, or buts,
For the weight of his frame
And his balls were the same.
The putz known as Lutz was half nuts!
--- John Dohner P8806a
Said, "I'm a victim of Peter Manassas.
He keeps the joint jumping
With his humping and pumping,
Brought about by his satyri-assis!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 211 A
Your balls swelled from elephantiasis?
Well, that's not so bad --
What really is sad,
Is an impotent man with satyriasis.
--- Ed Potts P8602B
That my husband is mad as a hatter.
There are certain psychoses
That bring sex in large doses.
My husband, you see, is a satyr."
--- Isaac Asimov
"It's a dreadful disease; oh my, it is.
Made my tool red and pink,
Which then started to shrink.
I'm praying for elephantiasis.'
--- Tom Patton P0109
Gave papers on syph, clap, and shits.
Despite petty biases,
Male elephantiasis
Was voted by most as the pits.
--- Armand E Singer 179
Comatose from trombidiasis,
Awoke from his deep sleep,
Said, "I've a date to keep.
Will someone tell me what day this is?"
--- Tom Patton P0311
Is affected by elephantiasis.
He has seen neither calf
For twelve years and a half,
And this fact his opinions much biases.
--- Aldous Huxely P8208
The body's one means of rehab.
But not for the diseased,
They'll soon be deceased,
And buried down under a slab.
--- Wes Biggs
Was to a leper colony sent off.
All the ladies would pay
For a roll in the hay,
'Til one day his business fell off!
--- Anon
(The island from where lepers hie)
Has had to shut down --
The reason? They foun'
Business fell off, whilst trade they would ply.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8512
No Biblical stigma there, please.
So, though you deplore
The lepers next door,
They won't let you cancel the lease.
--- Larry Davis P8512
Whose cock had a boil on the tip.
The rats bearing plague
Would chew off a leg
Whenever they stepped in his drip.
--- H Welchel a
The town actually gave him a medal.
That drippy old sot
Made rats easier caught,
Because without legs they can't scuttle.
--- Marlene Lewis
Because dear old Sis was a leper.
And there on her cot,
Her body did rot,
And when some fell off, Mama swept her.
--- Jonathan Winn
Their leprosy always increases
Emotional stress,"
Said their Auntie Tess,
"I fear they'll be falling to pieces!"
--- Anon
Who slept with a really high stepper.
He asked how his cock
Compared to the flock.
She said, "You're the first -- I'm a leper."
--- David Miller
A license to drive cars and such.
But the driving exam's
Where he got in a jam;
He kept leaving his foot on the clutch.
--- Allen Wolverton
A whore wondered how low she could slip.
As she lay there in bed,
Her last customer said,
"I'm a leper, so just keep the tip."
--- Don Moore P9205a
Grabbed his pecker and twisted it 'round.
"It looks like it's rooted,"
Joe woefully muted,
As the knob dropped on the ground.
--- T9712
MORE