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There once was a dancer, Culpepper, There once was a man with no arm, There once was a banker named Moore, There once was a leper from hell My cousin likes Ruffles with dip. A girl who ignores facts she hears, I found me a whore and I kep'er, A leper would massage his gland; If you're broke to the bottomest max, My God! What a disgusting view, A leper whose skin was just flaking, I have news of that really fine cow, You're sure that she really is dead? That Oprah was on the right track. I'm watching my health, don't you see; One of those tragic anomalies Mad Cows, oh please don't disturb The EU health head, David Byrne, You can only catch mad cow disease My son was quivering and quaking; You can only catch mad cow disease You can only catch mad cow disease But wait! Is that address "U K?" He deflowered those cow girls with ease, "It's hell keeping pets," said Elise. You can only catch mad cow disease A comic, by name Jerry Lewis, It would seem their theory is insane. Just look at this fellow, he's sick! I have calves brains on toast for a starter. You can only catch mad cow disease, You can only catch mad cow disease You can only catch mad cow disease, There once was a cow mad as hell; You can only catch mad cow disease, Said Dr Dripspigot, "You've got Of mad cow's disease, said Cow 1: The second cow thought: Is it true? You can only catch mad cow disease You an only catch mad cow disease You can only catch mad cow disease You only get mad cow disease You can only catch mad cow disease That old cow, it's true that I woooooed Send Bossie to Bosnia now! All the cows with the Mad Cow disease We'll now have more fear and more loathing, Please put your mind at ease; That mad cow disease makes them jump. That cow looks suspicious to me; This Mad Cow Disease scare is intense, A masochist with algophilia, So you reckon that pain wouldn't kill ya? Aliteracy: yes, you can read, I once knew a lady named Lynn, With his Asperger's syndrome he coped, I'm going to go crazy real soon; The teachers consistently doubted; Now I never suffer from stress, I push any door I should pull; I handle young ladies while groping If there be a God, then he blessed Insanity is inherited; There once was a person named Lou Lou had a need to control A man called O'Hara, one day
Who now is a terminal leper.
One foot in the grave,
(The one they can't save)
He shuffles along a one-stepper.
--- Irving Superior P8512
Who worked as a hand on a farm.
A boot found in the hay,
And he was heard to say,
"It's just my foot, there's no alarm."
--- Carrie Heath
Who got leprosy in Singapore.
He did well in investin',
'Til he lost his intestines,
Now his body is covered in sores.
--- Wes Biggs
Whose rot had a horrible smell.
It was driving him bonkers,
So he pulled off his honker,
For he knows, the nose knows all too well.
--- Wes Biggs
It makes for an excellent chip.
He lives with a leper,
Doesn't bother to schlepp her,
Thrusts his Ruffles into her hip.
--- Jonathan Winn
With leprosy rotted for years.
She behaved so disdainfully,
She slowly and painfully
Died in an ocean of tears.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Though I don't know why -- she's a leper;
Her cunt has a taste
That would just go to waste,
If 'tweren't for much salt and black pepper.
--- Anon
One day it came off in his hand!
He said: "Now I do,
What's achieved by so few,
I suck my own dick. Ain't that grand?"
--- Anon
Invite lepers to parties for snacks;
Have 'em sit by the table
As close as they're able,
And use Fritos to dip in their backs.
--- Anon
Using lepers and snacking their goo.
If you need the money,
To buy some dip, honey,
Let me know and I'll give it to you.
--- Anon
Fell into an oven and was baking.
When crisp, he was dished,
And the people all wished
That they had known what they were making.
--- Funny Bone
That Bessie that we used to plow.
I'm weak in the knees,
And was told that she's
A Big Mac, please don't ask me how.
--- Frank Fazed
They probably whacked her in the head.
Those McDonald Fuckers,
Money grubbing suckers,
With mad cow we're about to be fed.
--- PeterW
She said she would send burgers back.
The beef guys retort?
"We'll see you in court!"
No mind that a good case they lack.
--- Frank Fazed
I think I'll just let Bessie be.
You guys ahve a treat
On that mad cow meat,
But look for strange signs whem you pee.
--- Frank Fazed
Affecting our Public Health policies --
Scores of accident victims
Will be killed by restrictions
On blood, lest one get mad-cow disease.
--- Dr Limerick 02-16-01 B
In attempt their diseases to curb,
Lest, like killer bees,
They drop their chemise,
And breed with the indigent Serb.
--- Martin Wellborn P9606
Took costly steps, once he had learned
That pinching his pence
Had stopped making sense,
And he hopes faith in beef will return.
--- Election 2000
If you eat beef from other countries,
Or give Texans a break
And eat lots of the steak
Oprah's show caused to rot in deep freeze!
--- Prof M-G
A tongue lashing from Sis he's taking.
He turned to ask me
"Why's it call PMT?
"Mad cow disease, son, had been taken."
--- Tony Burrell B
By rejecting the vet's remedies.
Said one cow to the other,
"We don't need to bother.
Thank goodness we're both chimpanzees."
--- Traqair TP9804
From naughty things done on your knees.
That beef gives this tumor,
Is just right-wing rumor --
Another one of those CONSPIRACIES!
--- H Myers
Cow lovers, can anyone say
Amongst STD's
Is there mad cow disease?
(Excuse me, I'll just stay away.)
--- Anon
Leaving most of them weak in the knees.
Though he had to admit
They had left him unfit,
And infected with mad cow disease.
--- Narwahl
"The cat is infested with fleas;
The parrot won't speak:
The baboon's bladder's weak
And the budgie has Mad Cow disease."
--- John Dole P9604
From an unhappy cow's nasty sneeze.
Even worse, (and I shudder)
Is a squirt from her udder
And this is no bull, if you please.
--- KJR
Used his tremors and quiverings to woo us;
Plus Saint Vitus Dance
And ants in his pants,
While giving Mad Cow Disease to us.
--- Arthur Deex
What do these scientists have to gain?
Mad Cows Disease, Gracious!
It must be fallacious,
Because Jerry never had a brain.
--- Tom Patton
There are spots on the end of his dick!
His voice, it goes lower,
Thinks he's a lawnmower.
This virus he got from a cow!
--- Faerie
Now to fits I've become quite a martyr.
When I sit down to play,
My hands run away
With the Jakobfeldt-Kreuzer Sonata.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Thought the blonde going down on her knees,
"So I won't eat his beef;
I'll just jerk him relief,
And then I will lick all the cheese!"
--- Friar
If you eat well-cooked beef on your knees.
Genuflecting is bad,
And it makes you go mad.
So we ask you to keep standing, please.
--- Emma TP9804
While in Washington, D.C.
If you touch or lip
Old Linda Tripp,
'Cause a sick mad cow is she!
--- Marsha Magee
This is file akm
Disease caused her brain to swell.
Such was the fate
Of Dame Thatcher's mate
And now afflicts cattle as well.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If you get down on your knees
And try to make butter,
By sucking her udder,
Till milk's past your eyes, don't you see.
--- Theresa
A high fever, bloke, you're hot!
I think that your sneeze
Is Mad Cow Disease;
A head cold? I think that it's not!
--- Travis Brasell
"No harm can ever be done
To me or to you."
"Why's that?" asked Cow 2.
"We're frogs!" said the first. "Ain't that fun?"
--- Anon
Then color my green hide all blue!
For we've big baggy udders
Instead of webbed rudders,
And in place of a 'ribbet', we moo
--- Anon
If you dine on their meat at your ease.
It's really a fad
With the cows going mad;
Not a thing I would like, if you please.
--- Anon
From those Euro-cows, we swear! So please,
Your duty's to eat
American meat,
And stay away from those peas.
--- Codfish TP9804
If you're bitten by one of their fleas.
It takes just a chomp
On the end of your rump;
You're MAD; but the flea is appeased.
--- PJ TP9804a
From pissed-off cows overseas.
They're killing our breed off,
Those cows that are teed-off;
Ain't it offal? No steak, if you please!
--- Marsha Magee
Eating beef...but from pork pie and peas,
You can catch mad pig flu,
And from eating lamb stew,
You can catch mad sheep sickness with ease.
--- Prof M-G
With a bit of moral turpituuuuude.
Now help me, please!
I've got Mad Cow Disease!
It does really ruin the moooooed.
--- Frank Fazed
After all, she is only a cow.
And the slaughterhouse may
Be deprived of its prey
By a purpose far nobler, somehow.
--- William C Nesbit P9605
Should be in Bosnia, overseas.
There they can trample
Where land mines are ample,
Then be served by Serbian McD's.
--- Tom Patton P9605
If veterinarians are now diagnosing
A flock in Vermont,
Finding not what they want --
But Mad Cow lurking in a sheep's clothing.
--- Dr Limerick 03-21-01
Old Bossie can still get a squeeze.
She was rejected
'Cause she was infected;
Old Bossie has mad cow disease.
--- Les Stewart
So now, when we get near her rump,
We'd best hang on tight
And ride her just right,
If we want a decent cow hump.
--- Frank Fazed
Hasn't moved since 2:30, I see.
Our Bessie's insane;
It's her spongiform brain.
BSE. Now she thinks she's a tree.
--- Rory Ewins
So when consuming beef, show some sense.
As with the STD's,
This could be a breeze,
If one makes sure to use condiments.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
Said Come on; the pain wouldn't kill ya!
His friend said, "What rot!
Look, I am, you're not
Algophobic, so shut up, man, will ya?"
--- Rory Ewins Q
It's likely you've got algophilia.
You think you'd go ouch?
Algophobic, I'd vouch.
Now hand me those nipple clamps, will ya?
--- Rory Ewins Q
But the thought of it bores you indeed.
One look at a book
And your noggin's all shook,
And a newspaper makes your eyes bleed.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Who wasn't fat, but then wasn't thin.
But how she would try,
Like she wanted to die;
To her, diets were a big sin.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Quite as well as his doctors had hoped.
He hollowed a tree,
Moved in, and said, "Me?
I'll go out no more unless doped!"
--- Kate Gray
I think it might be a true boon.
I hear in the bin,
The girls scream and spin,
And sometimes they put out the poon.
--- H Welchel
The student persistently pouted.
All in the District
Claimed her autistic,
Saying, "That's all that there is about it."
--- Anon
But if you go look at the mess
I leave in my wake,
With the things that I break,
You'd call me a carrier, I guess.
--- Anon
I spill any glass that is full;
And one store man stated,
Quite exasperated:
"This china shop'd rather a bull."
--- Anon
For door handles, fervently hoping
I'll make my escape,
Before they cry "Rape!",
And I won't in jail soon be moping.
--- Anon
This fellow, who never gets stressed;
As blithely I ramble,
And let others scramble,
To pick up the shards, quite distressed.
--- Anon
This maxim I've often heard said.
Parents, if inspected,
Found to be infected;
They've caught it from kids they have bred.
--- Tony Burrell
Who taught me a lesson or two.
He seemed nicely balanced
Until he was challenged
And then his true colors shown through!
--- dcpatriot
That eclipsed any semblance of soul.
His love was quite tainted;
His nature not sainted,
In fact, he'd the traits of a troll.
--- dcpatriot
Decided he'd make the world pay.
He wrote down a plan
To destroy every man --
But the wind came and blew it away.
--- Michael Palin
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