MORE
There was an old dear in Sydney, To a virgin old maid of Argentia, Any one who seeks to be sane There's death and there's doom and despair, There was a young fellow named Sid, I knew a boy called Dave Kerr, There once was a woman named Hyde, My great uncle George is a bore; I'm facing the corner right now, I'm not only hypochondriacal The last time I had this amnesia, Hey, Bob, you are really a nut; To call me a "nut" is a low one, Young Polly, improving herself, In order to study convicts right, There was a young lady of Lassen, A fine line divides "mad" from "sane". The narcissist gay named DeBoff, There once was an old man named Patrick, If compassion, these days, seems a rarity, There once was a girl named Rose There once was a woman named Rose, There was a real nut-case named Nancy, There was a young man of Cologne; There was a young man from Miami, I've got an old ulcer that's peptic; The paranoid loves to say "we"; To be paranoid lacks the validity, Most animals should be loved and hugged, I'm being spied on; I swear it's true; There are spy planes up in the air, They say Love's a poetic idea; There once was a grandmother named Anne, If intercourse gives you thrombosis, There was a young widow named Paige, There once was a woman called Jane, Although brains were not one of her merits, Insanity they say, is a sign There once was a fellow called Eames, When frightened, a woman named Sayre, When I practice to set myself free When my friend was asked if he Innovative, I am, that is true; Now at night my brain won't stop; There was a young man who would preach, Old Fred, he was a complete loon, A woman who's highly insane, Oh the voices are active tonight, "It was seven to six in my fav- This is not happ'ning to me. There was a young lady of Ealling The Thames runs, bones rattle, rats creep; (Tiresias - ??)
No water. Dry rocks and dry throats. There once was a man from Maine; I heard, that fucked family of yours, My teeth pick up radio, too. They're still listening in, I can tell; An old salt with Alzheimer's, wow, A man went to the doctors one day; Easter time is such fun, Seniors say On in years by his own calculation, A man with Alzheimer's Disease I think it was late in November, "Alzheimer's? Ain't got it!" said Ben. I don't think I've gotten there yet, I keep writing limericks cause I'm a As the Alzheimer's takes its sad toll,
Who received no response to her plea,
About neighborhood boys
Who made such a noise,
So she went on a shot-gunning spree.
--- Don Humphries
Said this fellow, "Can I be a freintia?"
But she let out a yell,
Screaming loud bloody hell
In an outburst of pre-cocks dementia.
--- Keith MacMillan 19b
In this world that is wholly insane,
Can be sure of one thing:
That his efforts will bring
Only nightmares, frustrations and pain.
--- Warrick Elrod
Dyspepsia, losing my hair.
There's telephone spam,
All things are a sham.
Go crazy and you'll never care.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who never did know what he did.
But each time he was done,
He would say he had won,
Which was really quite good for his id.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who used to sit under the stair.
But now we're outside;
There's no place to hide,
Except for that hole over there.
--- Tim Ruddell
Who held all her feelings inside;
So her gut then corroded
And one day she exploded,
But no one took note that she died.
--- Bob Birch P0605
Keeps a shotgun behind the door.
He's got this disease,
Where he sees Chinese
Coming in through the cracks in the floor.
--- Tony Burrell
And just can't imagine quite how
I got here so quick
My brain's feeling thick;
Must come up with something somehow.
--- Anon
But also encyclopediacal;
These make me a mess,
But they're better, I guess,
Than dipso- or kleptomaniacal.
--- Limber Limericks
I woke up here, under the freesia.
My nerves, I am steeling,
'Cause I have a feeling
I may be the Queen of Rhodesia.
--- Anon
What you write, some would say is just smut,
But I think it's great style,
If it brings me a smile,
And it pulls out a laugh from my gut.
--- Anon
Sin not, those wild oats don't you sow one,
If you're on to my vice
You might try to be nice,
For it takes a real nut just to know one.
--- Anon
Read every book on the shelf.
And now, as you'd think,
She's wise, rich and drinks,
And is sure she's a level four elf.
--- Weekly Science
I drove my car through a red light.
I backed it up then...
Again...and again.
The jacket they gave me's too tight.
--- Irving Superior P8911
Who was raped by a loony assassin.
For an hour or two,
He tried to unscrew,
But he found he couldn't unfasten.
--- G0636
And people of art say the same.
That what to the eye
Inspires a soft sigh,
Can drive others to spit and complain.
--- Matthew Montchalin
At plain looking people would scoff.
The insufferable bore
Used his own photo for
Stimulation which he used to jerk off.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Who claimed to have needs pediatric.
He got his best jollies
From playing with dollies.
Turns out his need was psychiatric.
--- Anon
All in favor of mental health parity,
Please donate to Nami.
It won't take a swami
To see prophets are given to charity.
--- Limerick Savant
Who was always picking her nose.
While picking again
She pulled out her brain,
And thus her life came to a close.
--- Tjarda
Who was constantly picking her nose,
Till she poked at her brain,
And they went insane.
But hey! That's just how it goes.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who thought she was dressed up so fancy,
But the people did stare;
It's because she was bare;
Her clothes weren't all there, nor was Nancy.
To give good advice he was prone.
He could manage affairs
Of his friends and confreres,
But he never could manage his own.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2507
Whose friends all considered him balmy.
He dressed up in a sheet,
And took to the street,
And tells all his friends he's a swami.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I have fits that are called cataleptic.
And I strongly suspect
That I'm pretty well wrecked,
And in need of a strong antiseptic.
--- Limber Limericks
An alternative form to just "me".
Bombastic delusion
Has formed an occlusion
Twixt vocal cords, brain cells, and thee.
--- Anon
But the chances we're watched with rigidity
Are directly proportional
To our postures contortional
In defending our actions' stupidity.
--- Hugh Clary
Not clobbered on the head and mugged.
But I understand
The paranoid man
Who fears that his home has been bugged.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
My neighbor, my boss, my wife too.
I hide all alone;
Watch old movies at home,
Then Bogie says "Here's lookin' at you."
--- Tony Burrell
Surveillance cameras over there.
Big B's watching me,
Even when I pee.
Everyone that I pass stops to stare.
--- Tony Burrell
Like Ono (with mato and poeia);
Like squishes and spurts,
And burbles and squirts;
Like a river that flows diarrhea!
--- Anon
Who preferred to be known as a "Nan".
In her family tree
There was insanity;
She'd not like to be known as a "Gran."
--- Anon
This is file ajm
While continence cause neurosis,
I prefer to expire
Fulfilling desire,
Than live on in a state of psychosis.
--- G0203
Who was known for her terrible rage.
She blew her top one May day;
The police took her away,
To spend a very long time in a cage.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who suddenly went quite insane.
She made several cracks
In her head with an axe.
And proceeded to scoop out her brain.
--- Anon
She was the pride, and the joy, of her parents;
'Til the day she went "mad"
And they found that she had
Raised up a "fine bunch of carrots."
--- Anon
Of madness in the family line.
Gran went mad the morn
Of the day I was born,
But so far I think that I'm fine.
--- Anon
Who had spastic fits, so it seems.
In the midst of a fit
His britches he'd shit,
But sometimes to alter, he creams.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Would lie with her feet in the air
And steadily beat
On her head with her feet;
Which practice, I daresay, is rare.
--- Alsops Foibles
From the stresses descended on me,
It comes quickly to naught
I remain tense and taut,
Ruminating retrospectively.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0201
Suffers badly from insanity?
He thought for a while,
Then said with a smile,
"Oh no, I enjoy it, tee-hee!"
--- Gunjan
Baby lookit! My ego just grew!
I'm the resident whiz;
That's the way that it is;
So bend over, I'll innovate you!
--- Allen Wolverton
I dream in rhythmic glop.
If not over soon,
I'll become a loon,
Finally pushed over the top
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a keyboard just within reach,
While looking for fights
Over Canada Charter Rights.
(Perhaps too much sun on the beach?)
--- VOL 6
Who howled a lot at the moon.
He gambols and frolics
With mad alcoholics,
And looks like a pregnant baboon.
--- Anon
She often walked nude in the rain,
And her husband named Todd,
Who was equally odd,
Didn't care, and would never complain.
--- Cap'n Bean P9912
But what they are saying's not right.
"C'mon just go along!"
"No, I won't cause it's wrong!"
"If I call for a vote?" "Then I might."
--- Anon
or." Now, will you guys all behave?"
"Screw you! Let me free!"
"I'm with him!" "Same with me."
"C'mon folks, lets go dig up a grave!"
--- Anon
The voices have all gotten free.
They're controlling my limbs.
Pursuing their whims.
It's a full blown-out brain mutiny.
--- Anon
Who had an irrational feeling
That she was a fly;
So she felt she should try
To walk upside down on the ceiling.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Tiresias fancies a peep --
A typist is laid,
A record is played --
Wei la la. After this it gets deep.
--- Wendy Cope
Then thunder, a shower of quotes
From the Sanskrit and Dante.
Da. Damyata. Shantih.
I hope you'll make sense of the notes.
--- Wendy Cope
His head was always filled with pain.
"I wonder what's in it?"
He thought for a minute.
Now the man is insane!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Are all bald, and covered in sores;
Their large anal warts
Hang out of their shorts.
They're all drunks, pimps, assholes and whores.
--- David Miller
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do!
Wrapped my head in foil
In hopes it would spoil
Reception by CIA's crew.
--- Anon
Just sniff the air - catch that smell?
Their transistors burn
'Cause they hope to learn
My personal password to Hell.
--- Anon
Was to piss from his boat off the prow.
He'd view his wet slicker,
And say with a snicker,
"It's all coming back to me now."
--- Bob Giandomenico
Was told he had cancer, but hey,
"You won't regret it,
For you will forget it.
You also have Alzheimers, I'd say."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When they're done hiding bright eggs away.
After they're finished
With brains so diminished,
Listen for the bells in Santa's sleigh.
--- Tom Patton P9811
Wilbur basks in profuse veneration.
As his natal day nears
For his first hundred years,
He has planned a surprise celebration.
--- William Nesbit P9811
Said, "Don't mind my hand, if you please.
It helps me remember
My masculine gender,
If I can reach down for a squeeze.
--- Macsam
Or maybe in early December,
The Alzheimer's Center
Had a party, pre-winter,
That was billed An Affair to Remember.
--- Hugh Clary
"I know who. I know where. I know when.
I know what I'm about.
And without a damn doubt.
I know...what was the question again?"
--- Michael Weinstein P9607B
'Though I unlikely to bet.
I know I recall,
Activities all,
Except for the few I forget.
--- Chris Papa
What's known as an elder old timer,
Whose old faculties
May slowly decrease.
Respectfully yours, Signed Al Zheimer.
--- Irving Superior
These lapses grow more and more droll.
"Dear Reverend," I write,
"You convinced me last night
That sodomy's good for the soul... "
--- Anon
MORE