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Could anything be much absurder? A poverty worker named West I once knew a sailor named Jim -- There once was a sailor named Dave Now that I have become an adult A very sick man from Bled The ghouls here all relish the fate I'd put down my dog, as I oughter-- We Aussies watch Terri grow lean; There were Philadelphians nine First his chest felt a terrible tightness; A girl soon to cash in life's chips, There was a young fellow named Clive When I die, I just hope my main squeeze Ah, sweet Death, the calm prospect sublime, A sexy young widow named Fay I don't wish to cause one to shout, Pediatrics: your role is a storky 'un. I refuse to believe I'm passe, There once was a doc who was willing Like babies we start to become, Now that may sound drastic, it's true, Dear Rose, I must tell you that I, I work in "The Home" and I see We all do not age the same way; Dignity and pride I must keep. So please don't think poorly of me. This year, our boy Jack can lay claim Kevorkian should be treated as hero, Does Jack Kevorkian faze ya? For all of the hell he has raised, A pain-ridden patient named Brett It's either Kevorkian get Whenever excessive the pain, The wife of Kevorkian said, Then up spoke Kevorkian's Ma, Then up spoke Kevorkian's spouse, Then up spoke Kevorkian's Dad, Bibs, diapers, and soft food, so bland; My doctor said to take PhenFen. The author's official position A life of profane deglutition While solving the ills of the world, 'Twas Eve caused the sin of old Adam; Then having three sons and no girls, ...Of history recoded since then This season of goodwill on Earth Thus solving the problem we're cursed Why Archie, of course it is yours! Though you and I seldom agree, But it's clearly an Englishman's slog. Belligerent jailbird Ms Sachs There once was a fellow named Bartz That murderous cad, Uncle Andrew, I thought mysteries'd be a nice change, A man with fear ran with great stride, There once was a fellow named Phil It's all over todays newspaper; When life on the themes down at Goring Her folks suffered more than a year In Red Lake we have reservation A baker who gambled, named Joe, (in Ellery Queen magazine)
The chef of an old Spanish galleon Of a love-contest, now just archival, There once was a young boy named Nate, There once was a lass way outback,
She was charged with intention to murder.
For she had told Bill
He was dressed to kill,
And some silly fool overheard her.
--- Laurence Perrine P8903
Cleared pockets of social unrest.
His methods ensured
A most permanent cure;
He remarked that a shotgun worked best.
--- Albin Chaplin
I wonder what happened to him.
He set sail one day;
A storm on the way;
His odds of survival were slim.
--- Monique de Plume
Who was standing beside a friend's grave.
"How would you wish to die?"
He was asked. His reply:
"Be sucked under the dock by a wave."
--- Don Moore P9103a
I've joined up with a suicide cult.
Being on the right track,
We know when we come back,
This will not be a wor1d in tumult.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102
Arose every dawn from his bed.
He worked twelve hours a day
Without food, without pay.
Surprise! Surprise! -- he's dead!
--- Spike Milligan
Of the person we're starving, but wait--
"The right medication
Will ease agitation."
It's just an abortion--real late!
--- Anon
I'd do just as much for my daughter,
If it became plain
That would end endless pain.
But not by withholding their water!
--- Anon
To die in this way is obscene.
"She seems to be dead...
Vegetative," Doc said.
So why are they are giving morphine?
--- David Miller
Trapped three days in a dark flooded mine.
But the death toll was nil,
'Cause of rescuers skill.
Philadelphians nine emerged fine!
--- Anon
Then his head an exceptional lightness.
Then his spirit broke free
And proceeded to flee
Down the tunnel that led to the brightness.
--- Rory Ewins
Was taking many men 'tween her lips.
She stated, "I'm dying,
And am everything trying.
Did anyone think to bring whips?"
--- Straydog
Who said, "I will stubbornly strive
To screw every night
From dark to dawn's light --
For the two weeks that I'll stay alive."
--- Isaac Asimov
Stores my body in very deep freeze.
Then when I thaw out,
The nurses will shout,
And it'll astound the MD's.
--- Al Willis
Ends all evil, dissension, and crime.
But if you are not sentient,
Although you've the penchant,
Why will you give a damn at the time?
--- Ward Hardman
Entertained an old man the whole day.
This was truly quite low,
For the fool did not know,
She'd become a young widow that way.
--- David A Brooks Q
Or give one a reason to pout,
But I feel I should say,
The Kevorkian way,
Seems to me, to be coward's way out.
--- Rose
Psychiatrics: you deal with the corky 'un.
Geriatrics: to rob
From the grave is your job.
Euthanasics: you name is Kevorkian.
--- Prof M-G
I'll just keep on plugging away.
Kevorkian? NO!
I'll just go with the flow
And just let the good lord have his way.
--- Rose
To assist in a merciful killing.
Though it was all quite discreet,
He'd gotten cold feet
When it came time to handle the billing.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
With the years a bit crueler to some!
No diaper for me;
I've made plans, you see.
The Kevorkian song I will hum!
--- Maggie
But let me explain it to you!
When I hum that tune,
It won't be too soon.
I plan to stay dry, like you do.
--- Maggie
Am a nurse and I really do try
To keep up the chin
And help aged win.
Believe me, I don't want to die!
--- Maggie
What just might happen to me.
Alzheimers so sad,
It makes families mad!
We're fortunate gals, you and me!
--- Maggie
Some at 100 will play!
If you came with me
Then you would see
Quality of life may not stay!
--- Maggie
And never cause offspring to weep.
A burden? Not me!
My choice it will be!
A peaceful and beautiful sleep.
--- Maggie
And I'll not judge or chastise thee.
One day at a time
An hope every rhyme,
Lighter than this it might be!
--- Maggie
To a certain, well...undying fame.
This guy, I say here
Should be Man of the Year
(Though most people misspell his name).
--- John Miller
Instead of being less than zero.
Offering death's dignity
To both you and me,
I say, give him one big cheer-o!
--- John Miller
His machinations amaze ya?
He's going to jail,
So that'll curtail
His injecting youth in Asia.
--- Anon
He's been vilified and been praised.
What ever you think
He's off to the clink
And does not appear to be fazed.
--- Anon
Kept begging, "Kevorkian get."
His dear wife said, "No.
That's no way to go,
Until we've tried Russian Roulette."
--- Irving Superior P9902a
Or else it is Russian Roulette.
One reason to linger --
You can't raise a finger.
Arthritis has too deeply set.
--- Irving Superior P9902
This is file aim
Two options will always remain.
However you'll say
There's only one way --
Kevorkian beats Novocain.
--- Irving Superior P9902
"Whenever I'm sleeping in bed,
If slow is my breath,
I'm that close to death.
So I let him sleep first instead.
--- Irving Superior P9902
"He blocked the exhaust of my car.
The kid was a brat.
Played darts with the cat,
Put needles in the jock strap of Pa."
--- Irving Superior P9902
"...And then he un-buttoned my blouse;
The telephone rings;
He grabs up his things;
And then he King Kongs out the house."
--- Irving Superior P9902
"An otherwise normal type lad.
Then, PUBLICITY!
Them, half blaming me!
A condom, I wish I had had."
--- Irving Superior P9902
For some who can't speak, hear, or stand.
The Kevorkian way
I may use some day;
A double on the rocks, in each hand!
--- Maggie
You know you can never be too thin.
But I am suspicious.
It might be malicious.
My doctor's name is Kevorkian.
--- Les Stewart
Is not in the field of nutrition.
It wasn't his "dish"
When at Ann Arbor, Mich.,
He became a postmortem physician.
--- Jack Kevorkian
Can end in a real grave condition:
How the masses consumed
Can be fitly entombed,
Will weigh heavy upon the mortician.
--- Jack Kevorkian
I found the problem quite knurled.
Our greatest desire
Is what fans the fire;
It's best if the world was degirled!
--- Archie
(The only two balls, and he had 'em.)
When she had her way,
And a bloody good lay,
She chose to become the first madam.
--- Archie
Forced Abel to grow golden curls.
By smiling at Seth
As though he were Beth,
He caused Cain to kill him. The swirls...
--- Archie
From Troy to the Anglian fen
Shows jealousy causes
Most all of the warses,
And killing off all rival men.
--- Archie
And all of its subsequent mirth
Would never be lost
At quite a small cost;
And that is that men could give birth.
--- Archie
With, hunting for gluttons of wurst.
Complete femicide,
On the distaffy side,
Is the step we should take if we durst.
--- Archie
Your viewpoint on women and wars
Is deliciously quaint
And carries the taint
Of suspicion all women are whores.
--- John Miller
Your thoughts are not always PC.
What I have a hunch, is
Your pulling your punches
Deprives our lim community.
--- John Miller
And written while quaffing some grog;
The themes are immoral
So no one would quarrel
With thinking the author was Ogg.
--- Hugh Clary
Explained why they gave her the max:
"My folks named me Fulva,
To rhyme with my vulva.
I chopped off their heads with an axe."
--- Armand Singer
Whose body was chopped into parts;
They were strewn all about
By a villainous lout,
And used as a target for darts.
--- Cap'n Bean P0311
Achieved even more than he'd planned to:
His bomb killed some dozens
Of peevish young cousins,
And picked off a visiting aunt, too.
--- Paul M Hoffman
But my mind they began to derange.
The corpse was my boss;
'Twas not a great loss,
Till people looked at me strange.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Seeking for some place to hide.
But he was too slow
And was shot with a bow.
Now he's a victim of homicide.
--- Rory Ewins
Who got buried alive on a hill;
The killer confessed:
He was feeling possessed,
And he'd murdered him just for the thrill.
--- Cap'n Bean P0311
Joy's gone, they suspect a mad raper!
Last seen in a car
By a lake not far,
And petting. It is a strange caper!
--- Archie about Joy Clare
Can get just a little bit boring,
Then sweet Auntie Gerda
Indulges in murder,
And dear Auntie Gert does the scoring.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And it wrecked Gary Condit's career;
If D.C.'s inept
Cops had just stepped
Off the path, all that waste disappears.
--- Dr Limerick 05-22-02
As to whence came this sad abberation.
The pox of our age --
The white man's dark rage,
Has infected the Chippewa nation.
--- Scott Lyons
Had a difficult time with cash flow--
Couldn't pay for his losses,
Was killed by crime bosses--
His problem was raising the dough.
--- Mary A. Brooks P9108
Cooked a stew made with meat from a stallion.
The crew hung the poor Spaniard
By the neck from the lanyard,
For adding way too much chopped scallion.
--- Anon
I fear there will be no revival.
Two guys wrestled and choked
Till the upper one croaked--
And was then declared dead on a rival.
--- Norm Storer P9206
Who was daringly trying to skate.
When his sister said "Boo!'
Putting Nate in a stew,
So his sister he'll defenestrate.
--- Anon
Who love for her child did lack.
She said that just maybe
Dingoes ate her baby,
But the Aussie courts gave her a smack.
--- Anon
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