Said a hunter of deer name of Tennyson, Regarding the nympho type mania, Pity Bottom raised out of his class, Dear Bottom, the weaver, alas! Oh, Shakespeare's love life, 'twould seem, Midsummer's Night Dream's like a fever, Fair Thisbe's condition is worse. See, 'Tis impossible for me to let Once Shakespeare awoke with a scream, 'Twas Bacon who actually wet Said William Shakespeare, so sincere, Richard, worst of old England's maxi- King Dickie was steedless, of course, At Epsom Downs at every loss, When varlets called King Richard "Dick," In this tale of mystery and death, The suspects are much more than two; Juliet was both rich and a bitch, Time of death, in the midst of mealtime, Alibis that turn out airtight; With the end of this poem drawing near, Shakespeare's plays are quite lewd; In plays that are truly Shakespearean, (empyrean - highest level of heaven)
"Though amusing, the Shrew is a gaff "To avoid matrimonial disaster The works of "The Bard" are all great, Gentle Kate was the last one he wanted Sweet Kate was a number-one shrew, "Kiss me!" I cried to dear Kate. In the Bard's "The Taming of the Shrew", The pig-nuts that Caliban dug The pitiful Caliban cried, By the very oddest of flukes,
This is file ael
King John had a troublesome reign. A gourmet with doubts was beset, There was a young lady of Lee, (Published 1870)
There was a young girl from Manatch A lesbian woman named Carrie, The snatch of the Countess Dumore I hear that the girls in St. Louie I don't want to cause any strife; But with her there is no ACHOOIE, A woman without any fur, I date a young gal, Antoinette Licking Shaved girls is my favorite vice; There was a young lady of Tring, When I did it, I was about twelve. Melissa has shaved off the fringe To a whore a young fellow named Pitt A pubescent young lady from Murray, (I'm going to get fucked in a hurry!"
I thought I might post here a lim Depends on how rough is the stuff, A hirsute young lass from Saskatchewan, There once was a girl from Shoalhaven An obliging young trollop from Surrey I'll bet that you guys are appalled A gal with a plucked mound of love An astute obstetrician named Baugh Charlotte's henna-hued merkin was rare; Old Nader one time was appalled If you want to be my sex slave, There was a young female named Ware, An overworked harlot was Lizzie, You may think me perverted and crude, A perverted boss-whore in North Durham There once was a fellow named Herby,
"In my time I have slaughtered right many, son.
Then I butcher the meat
Which I sell as a treat.
I am known as the Merchant of Venison."
--- Al Chaplin P9702
In Shakespeare (no author germane-ier
On sex--the off beat),
In Midsummer's... meet
The Queen of the Fairies, Titania.
--- Irving Superior P9603
With an ass's head on him, alas!
Though beloved by a Queen
For a brief summer's scene,
He later was put out to grass.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
You've been given the head of an ass.
Long ears, you have got 'em,
But bear in mind, Bottom,
At bottom, you're no horse's ass.
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
Was something not quite on the beam.
Too lazy to fuck,
Not wanting to suck,
He preferred A Midsummer Night's Dream.
--- Anon
When good old Bottom the weaver,
Slipped his huge member out
And up the Queen's spout
Without her knowing. Who would believe her.
--- Stephen Cordwell
She's producing a note from her purse; "He
Said, 'Meet me!' I fear a mis-
take's made! My Pyramus
's lost in the wilds of New Jersey."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401
The Immortal Bard seem like a get;
Our dear friend, Dr. Deex
Misquotes Will when he speaks --
M. N. D. wasn't hard, it was wet!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401
His underclothes dripping with cream.
'Twas just a commission
Of nocturnal emission
Which he dubbed, "A mid-slumber Night Stream".
--- Anon
His drawers while he peacefully slept.
Thought the jury's still out,
There is not a doubt
That it helped Franky to deal with his fret.
--- Anon
"God's wounds! These all are fakes, dear!
They're none of them mine,
Except Cymbeline,
And why isn't "Rumps, Romps, and Rapes" here?
--- Jarmo
mum bad guys, a humpty-back Rex -- he
Was losing the battle,
So he yelled, "Fiddle-faddle!
Forget the horse! Call me a taxi!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
And searched through his pockets with force,
For trade goods. Bill states: (Shakespeare)
He found only Mates; (brand of condoms)
"My condom," he cried, "for a horse."
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'll William Shakespeare come across.
"Alas and woe" is heard
But mostly Richard Third,
Act V -- "My kingdom for a horse."
--- Irving Superior P8401
The synonyms made Richard sick.
To them he was hard on!
Not one would he pardon!
With poison their skin he would prick.
--- Irving Superior P8401
Romeo lusts for Lady MacBeth;
Juliet's murder foul,
The police on the prowl,
To discover who's taken her breath.
--- Joel D Ash
Much ado about who, but no clue.
Hamlet may be involved,
And before this is solved,
You must add even old Montague.
--- Joel D Ash
With an itch for a frequent beau switch;
Hecate hated her guts,
She drove all witches nuts.
Did they kill her? -- Who knows? -- And which witch?
--- Joel D Ash
After drinking a lemon and lime;
Poison clearly was used,
But the glass when perused,
Showed no fingerprints solving the crime.
--- Joel D Ash
Romeo out of town for the night;
Witches all avouched,
Hamlet safely couched,
Denoument is not within sight.
--- Joel D Ash
Who and why still remain most unclear.
Shakespeare shaking his head,
As he heads back to bed.
On the morrow he fingers King Lear.
--- Joel D Ash
To life in the raw they allude.
Merry wives are a pleasure,
Measure for measure,
And shrews that are tamed...they get screwed!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With plots that are tragic or cheery, an
Emotion arises
Mid pleasant surprises
And visions of summits empyrean.
--- R J Winkler P8401
Against women, too sexist by half.
Do you still want to see it?"
"Yes, if we agree it
Is quite understood we won't laugh."
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
And let marriage ties hold a lot faster,"
Said Kate to her sister
Bianca, and kissed her,
"Just acknowledge that MISTER means MASTER."
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
But "Taming of Shrew" opened late.
The casting was done
All there, except one;
No actor was found to placate.
--- Gary Hallock
Though her dowry was most highly vaunted.
When she'd rant, rage and rail,
Lesser suitors would quail.
Brave Petruchio, though, was undaunted.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203
But Petruchio knew what to do;
He whetted his tongue
On a spot near her bung;
After that, he'd say "Blow!" and she blew.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
"Let us each other not bait!"
"Too late for that now.
You dissed me and how!
Petruchio! With you I'll not mate!"
--- Tutta Gioia
When Petruchio asked, Kate said, "Screw
You and don't annoy
Me. Go find a young boy
Because that's what I'm most prone to do."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9711
Had a crazy effect on his mug.
His teeth got much longer,
His breath became stronger,
And his seizeable nose became pug.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401
Since Miranda would not be his bride;
He wailed, "I'll turn fairy; I'll
Take up with Ariel!"
So he did, and got AIDS, and then died.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8401
The shipwrecked 'mid voices and spooks,
Were on the same isle
With the royal exile.
Said Prospero, "Put up your dukes!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
His lands stretched from Ireland to Spain.
But during this play
Half was given away,
And England's invaded again!
--- James Muirden P0511Q
When he climbed into bed with Annette.
As he viewed her crotch bare,
He exclaimed in despair,
"I'm afraid that this pussy's been et."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1759
Who scrambled up into a tree,
When she got there,
Her asshole was bare,
And so was her C U N T.
--- L0058
Who liked to jerk off with a match;
But she got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burnt all the hairs off her snatch!
--- Carl Bleisch
Hooked up with a dyke they call Mary.
Seems these gals misbehaved,
Had their pussies clean shaved,
Now Carrie and Mary aren't hairy.
--- Bob Birch P0107
Was bald as the knob on the door.
Said the Duke, in surprise,
As he parted her thighs,
"No doubt it's because of the war."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0120
Have twats that are really quite gooey;
Filled with big wads of come,
And their paramours gum,
'Cause pubic hairs cause them to ACHOOIE.
--- Anon
I won't flame you, or cut with my knife,
But, Scott, cease your telling.
You cause me head swelling!
One St. Looie gal is my wife!
--- Anon
No reason to ever PATOOIE!
Not one little hair
Will you find down there;
She shaves it off so it's more chewy.
--- Anon
You won't catch me stroking, no sir.
Them deserts are hell
So I might as well
Just bury my tool in a cur.
--- Anon
Who shaves herself, using Gillette.
Then she rubs on some cream
Till her pussy's a-gleam,
And ends with a douche vinaigrette.
--- Tutta Gioia
So much so, I posted it thrice.
It wasn't on purpose;
I just love to service
A freshly shaved pussy on ice.
--- Anon
Who sat by the fire to sing.
A hot piece of charcoal
Flew right up her arsehole,
And burnt all the hair off her thing.
--- L1227
I wanted to look like an elf.
No lover around
To simply astound;
Just did it to amuse myself.
--- Anon
Of small curls that surrounded her minge.
But it's far from delightful
And looks pretty frightful;
Not somewhere I'd put my syringe.
--- Anon
Complained that her crotch was not fit,
For her cunt had no wool;
Said the whore, affable,
"Did you come her to fuck or to knit?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1631a
Sighed, "I sure wish my cunt would get furry.
Each day with great care (I'll not wait till I marry)
I count every hair, (To get rid of my cherry--)
But, darn it! The fur just won't hurry!"
--- G0408
Writ in praise of the hairier quim.
But I won't -- I prefer
Them denuded of fur.
If they ain't, then I give them a trim.
--- Peter Wilkins
Or the carpet of fluff 'round the muff.
But I've scissors and shears,
Even mowers with gears
Which I use if the shag-pile is tough.
--- Peter Wilkins
Shaved her snatch until her whole thatch was gone.
But the winters were cold;
Her lips chapped, I am told;
So she glued on some hair just to patch it on.
--- Stephen Ross
Whose cunt was totally shaven.
The length of the groove
Was all slippery and smooth,
For a man's cock, a heavenly haven.
--- Andrew Sidney
Whose sex area's bare, though once furry.
Explained, "I don't mind it,
For it helps clients find it,
When one them gets in a hurry.
--- Grand Prix Lim 49
Or dismayed or whatever it's called.
While Lear might approve
As a brilliant smooth move,
For a groove that is both bald and balled.
--- John Miller
Said to the guy hovering above,
"I have an addiction
To avoiding all friction,
For it makes for a lovelier shove..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 702
Shaved the crotch of his mother-in-law.
Since it wasn't as firm as
His own epidermis,
He asked her to make it go "Nyawww!"
--- G2252
It was made of her natural hair.
It covered her quiff
From ass to midriff,
And was parted in the middle for air!
--- Stan
On finding his harlot was bald.
Said old Nader, "I think
I will raise a big stink."
And the whores who were bald were recalled.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1430a
And do naughty things that I crave,
I'll say this real nice,
Only once, not twice,
Please go have yourself a clean shave.
--- Anon
Who cut off her pubical hair.
Then to save the men trouble,
She razored the stubble,
But none of the men seemed to care.
--- L1556
Who left a young man in a tizzy;
For her pussy was bare
And her answer was, "There
Is no grass on a street that is busy."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0521
But I love pussy shaven and smooth.
'Cause I love to eat
Lots of pink meat,
And who want that hair in his food?
--- Possum TP9802
Said, "Hiring new whores, I de-fur 'em.
A closely-shaved twat
Get the men twice as hot,
And our aim is to sexually stir 'em."
--- G1843
Whose girl wore a bowtie and derby.
And like it or not,
She'd a clean-shaven twat.
So I guess old Herby has no furby.
--- Eddie