Another young feminist, Florence,
Held all the male sex in abhorrence.
She'd take men to bed
And screw them till dead,
And then she'd collect the insurance.
--- Isaac Asimov P8112

Farewell to old grandfather Bob.
While her grandfather played with his knob
She said, "Gramps, will you screw me?"
He did, although rheumy,
And snuffed it while still on the job.
--- Peter Wilkins

She tugged and she heaved to release
His enormous great knob from her crease,
But it wasn't to be;
Rigor mortis, you see,
Had already re-stiffened his piece.
--- Peter Wilkins

His soul flew to heaven where God
Told him, "Bob? You're a dirty old sod."
"Why, you asshole!" cried Bob,
"Couldn't I finish the job?
I was this far from shooting my wad."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Tough titty!" said God with a grin,
"But your dried-up old wife is herein.
Though she's starting to smell,
She looks awfully well,
Though admittedly ugly as sin."
--- Peter Wilkins

"She's waited here months for you, son,"
Chuckled God, quite enjoying the fun.
"Now there's no need to cry;
Praise the Lord! Yes, 'tis I;
For eternity's barely begun."
--- Peter Wilkins

"And here it's all light and manana,
A beautiful sexless Nirvana.
No Bob, I'm afraid
There's no chance to get laid.
Now you don't have an earthly banana."
--- Peter Wilkins

"But look," giggled God, "Aren't you proud
To be one of the heavenly crowd?"
"No, I'm fucking pissed!" "Bob!
Shut your cakehole, you slob,
And come sit on this cumulus cloud."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Now Bob dear; there's no need to carp,
For at teatime and three o'clock sharp,
You'll get lessons in tying
Your halo and flying;
Then later, you'll practice the harp."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Okay? Now I'll leave you with Peter.
Your wife -- what a sweet senorita.
A spare set of wings
And some harps that need strings,
While I knobble your granddaughter, Zeta."
--- Peter Wilkins

Big Bertha threw her man on the bed,
And proceeded to suck on the head.
She blew him so hard,
That poor old Bernard
Hit the ceiling, ricocheted, and was dead.
--- Roger Morris

"So Joe, you are ninety", she said
As she humped the poor bugger in bed.
And when he went limper
With never a whimper,
She merely assumed he was dead.
--- Anon

The girl in the white gym attire
Could set young men's passions afire.
If like me, an old geezer,
I'd once try to please her,
The exertion would make me expire.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505

A Bavarian dame named Brunhilde,
Went to bed with a jerry-built builder.
The end of his john
Was so badly put on,
That it snapped in her bladder and killed her.
--- L1140

Devoted to sex was old Reese;
He constantly screwed without cease;
Let me put it with tact.
He succumbed in the act -
Let's pray he may lay down in deep peace.
--- Armand Singer P0001

An addled old fellow named Heath
Once bought from the chemist a sheath,
Then attepted to screw
A stripper named Sue--
So who wants to lay the next wreath?
--- Michael Horgan

Bill looked at his wife with affection,
Which triggered a penile erection;
He started to fuck her
When tragedy struck her:
She died from a lethal injection.
--- Armand E Singer 563

There was an old fellow from Kent,
Who on pleasure, was always hell-bent.
He fucked far and wide
Till of V.D. he died,
But he claimed that his life was well spent.
--- G0628

There once was a fellow named Morris,
Who died while servicing Doris.
She decided to stay
To finish the lay;
She so much enjoyed rigor mortis.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

All young men should take note of the case
Where the guy necked his gal at its base.
No, the gal did not choke,
But her vertebra broke,
And that was their final embrace.
--- M B Thornton

Nymphomaniac Mrs. Chalmer
Needed sex from two men just to calm her.
The men, a bit younger,
Oh, how they plunged her,
Then called in a licensed embalmer.
--- Tom Patton P9603

Shed a tear for those two poor young fuckers,
Attacked by automatic corn shuckers.
Going at it with zeal,
They were ground to cornmeal,
And became a new flavor for Smuckers.
--- Michael Weinstsin P9402a

My old Uncle Richard got sick,
And died with my Aunt on his prick;
Though she's now on the mend,
Aunt Sylvia will spend
The rest of her life without Dick.
--- David Miller

Used Viagra to give him a hand.
Results weren't quite what he planned.
Was hot to trot,
But experienced not
Le petit mort but la grand.
--- Irish a

At ninety, my Great Uncle Fred
Took a sexy young stripper to bed.
I'm afraid I can't say
If he had it away,
'Cause it's wrong to speak ill of the dead.
--- Michael Horgan

There was an old fellow named Hewing,
Whose heart stopped while he was screwing.
He gasped, "Really Miss,
Don't feel bad about this.
There's nothing I'd rather die doing."
--- Anon G0091

A gold-digging doxy from Darien
Laughed at Seth, the old coot she was marryin'.
On their wedding night Seth
Screwed the poor girl to death--
Quite a feat for an octogenarian.
--- G0558

I once had a woman so horning,
She'd fuck me all night until morning.
But now she is dead;
I blew out her head
And I can't find one now for suborning.
--- Anon

An old army man name of Major
Bethought himself quite a fine stager.
So he bet a months pay
He'd screw on chick a day:
It killed him and cost him his wager.
--- Armand E Singer 416

There was a romantic Italian
Who conducted himself like a stallion.
Too much horsing around
Put him under the ground,
And his tomb is a phallic medallion.
--- G2028

There was a young varlet named Farlet,
Who laughed as he raped harlot Scarlet.
But his efforts lacked lustre
And he died in a fluster,
With the laugh on the face of the harlot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1508

Young Peter and Pamela Rex
Enjoyed the most peculiar sex.
One day in the crypt,
A sarcophagus slipped,
And they ended up breaking their necks.
--- Peter Wilkins

Here's to Jeanie! Come all, slake your thirst!
Drink up, though in grief you're immersed.
Too late for the doc,
She died of the shock
The night her husband let her come first!
--- Jeanie

This is file abm

To Tessie, the touch of a male meant
An emotional cardiac ailment.
An acuteness of breath
Caused her ultimate death,
In the course of erotic impalement.
--- Larry Wilde Lim BookP0112

There was a young lady called Joan
Who was killed by her boyfriend's odd bone.
His peculiar organ
Was shaped like a Gorgon,
So a single glans turned her to stone.
--- Steve Pridgeon

A horny young fellow named Jake
Died screwing six sluts by the lake.
"Oh dear sainted Jesus,
He did it to please us,"
Sighed those who attended his wake.
--- Armand E Singer 199

A woman whose spouse was untrue
Came home long before she was due.
Lingerie on the rug,
Which for her was too snug
For herself, finally gave her a clue.

(in Ellery Queen magazine)
--- Jan Gleiter P9108a

Now this was too much to ignore,
But she knew how to even the score.
She bashed in his head,
Then truthfully said
That he died from a slip on the floor.

(in Ellery Queen magazine)
--- Jan Gleiter P9108a

Well at least you did try for awhile
To make love in a quality style,
You need not feel guilty,
And do not think it filthy,
Your darling lies dead with a smile.
--- Anon

Happy Birthday to John! Hope his thirst
For some sex over 80's not cursed;
But his sad demise
Between a slut's thighs...
He should have stopped the car first
--- David Miller

Zeb and most fertile Aggie Lee Swim
Had ten kids, all conceived on a whim.
Born thirteen months apart,
All thrived well from the start.
Ag lived long but it early killed him.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312

A hapless old cockster named Dutch
Slipped both of his gears in the clutch;
His heart, overloaded,
Quite simply exploded;
Ten times in one night proved too much.
--- Armand Singer

As they laid the young man in his coffin,
"There's really no way you can soften
The blow", said his wife,
"'Cause poor John lost his life,
Through fucking too hard and too often."
--- CeeJay

Old Tom was the talk of Nantucket;
If anything moved he would fuck it.
He was up a girl guide
On the night that he died--
A fine way of kicking the bucket!
--- Michael Horgan

At the age of one hundred and four,
My Pa died in bed with a whore,
Who said, 'It's a shame
That he went when he came,
But he went with a bang, that's for sure!"
--- Michael Horgan P0409

There once was a maid named Matilda
Whose one love in life was a dilda.
No batteries in her pocket,
She plugged into a socket;
Though she had a big smile, the thing killed her!
--- The Otter

To death jumped a harlot of Thrace;
Ten stories she jumped into space.
She fell square with her hole
On a telephone pole,
And she died with a smile on her face.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1910

The P.I. thought she caught a big whiff (Private
Of something that caused her to sniff. investigator)
In the air a strange smell
Was a mystery as well,
Until she woke up on some stiff.
--- Anon

A feeble old gambler named Phipps
Was sure he could take pleasure trips.
So he bet an old whore
He could fuck her once more,
And he won, but he cashed in his chips.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0294

A negro lay dead in streets mean,
With stabs in his back, seventeen.
Red-necked sherrif, Bob Hearst,
Said, "Boy, this is the worst
Case of suicide I've ever seen."
--- Anon

There once was a plane in Nantucket
Whose passengers all kicked the bucket.
The pilot they say
He went the same way --
After takeoff he just thought "Ah, fuck it"
--- Anon

There once was a dreamy old boffin
Who felt a bad cold in the offin'.
So he took a stiff drink
Of arsenic and ink,
And now he's not sneezin' but coffin.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Alone in his basement he puttered,
With the windows all curtained and shuttered;
Depressed with his life
And the wrath of his wife,
"I wish I'd stayed single", he muttered.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507

Tied the rope 'round my neck with due care;
Wrote the note: "Life is not fair."
The last thing in my life
Was the voice of my wife:
"Please take your feet off my chair!"
--- Herkin

The crypt of Elizabeth Bains
Is spattered with dark, scarlet stains;
They cascade down her tomb
Like they did in her room,
On the night she blew out her brains.
--- Cap'n bean P0201

A South African farmer named Ted
Attacked a brick wall with his head.
The blow could be felt
All over the veldt,
And in less than an hour he was dead.
--- Michael Palin

A horse-racing man in Kentucky
Backed a novice to win, which was plucky.
It lost by a head
So he shot himself dead.
Oh well! You can't always be lucky.
--- John Dole P9705

Suicide's fun to the grain!
Clears your head when your going insane!
There's only one trouble
(Not to burst your bubble)
You cannot commit it again.
--- Anon

My life I so horribly dread,
I'm waving a gun at my head;
I've left you this note,
Now I'll aim at my throat;
Tomorrow you'll find me here dead.
--- Cap'n Bean P0010

Well, you'd lift our spirits old son,
By aiming the point of a gun,
An inch from your ear.
You'd not hear the cheer
But all of us here would have fun.
--- Anon

There once was a man named McBride
Who jumped down a manhole and died.
And he never was found
In the pipes underground.
His end was proclaimed: sewer-cide
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There once was a fellow named Scott
Who was not your everyday sot.
He drank gasoline
Mixed with pure kerosene
And he's dead now, believe it or not.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8404

There was a young man from Newcastle,
Who decided that life was a hassle.
He drove off a cliff
While smoking a spiff;
He landed right on me, the asshole!
--- Anon

You asshole, you ain't got no friend;
Go stick your dumb head 'round the bend
Of that clever device
In your bathroom; be nice
And make of yourself a quick end.
--- Anon

Upset from the loss of his gal,
A sailor from Texas, named Al,
He jumped from the deck
Of the USS Peck,
And he drowned in the Erie Canal.
--- Cap'n Bean P0504

Down the drug path for years he had trod,
On a spacey perpetual nod.
He pumped stuff in a vein,
And he'd never complain,
But he's now a real "son of the sod."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308

Men, beware of the fate of poor Ted,
Whose best work was all done in bed.
Though he never complained,
His heart became strained,
And now he's exceedingly dead.
--- Prob Henry Miller P0309